Author's Note: I try to update Home every Tuesday but last week was a mess! Sorry about that. Just a lot going on last week. Your reviews, as always, fill me with so much happiness. I'm grateful that many of you are finding Home helpful in your own lives.

Here's a new update for you. With love! The book loosely referred to in this chapter is a great read called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.

"Why do you always read that same book over and over? I know your memory isn't that bad, even for a human."

"I enjoy it."

"You aren't bored knowing what's going to happen?"

"No, it's very relaxing. I pick up on new little details each time I read it." she said, placing a bookmark and closing her worn copy of Wuthering Heights.

"I've never understood why you like that particular book so much. I find it insufferable."

"Yeah? Well, what are you reading?" she asked with a teasing expression, grabbing his book to look at the cover. "A History of the British Empire. Thrilling!"

"It is, thank you very much. It's fascinating reading how many rogue vampires were attributed to human wars."

"Do you never read just for fun?"

"This is fun." he said, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "You can't possibly believe that the book was holding all of my attention."

"I know better."

"Oh yeah? What am I really paying attention to then?"

"You're probably doing like calculations in your head. How many minutes to sunset or something."

"What am I, a sundial?" he joked, running his fingers across her cheek. "I would much rather admire you than think about such insignificant things."

"You were probably counting my heart rate then."

"Seventy-nine beats per minute."

"Weirdo."

"I won't deny it. But why do you read that book over and over?"

"It's relaxing sometimes, knowing exactly what's going to happen." she answered. "I know the characters are flawed. They aren't the best. But they feel like family. And when I read it over and over it means that I can escape reality for a while to a place that always feels comfortable and welcoming."

"Why did you stop reading while I was gone?"

"Even a book wasn't enough to distract my thoughts from how miserable I was thinking I'd never see you again."

"There was no distraction for me either." he agreed. "Having you. Being here. This is my most perfect dream come true." he said, sitting both of their books aside and wrapping his arms around her as they admired their meadow. Winter was almost over and some days were again showing the warm, comfortable temperatures of spring. It was sunny out and his skin was sparkling in the sun. She raised a hand to his face, the sunlight catching her heart shaped diamond bracelet and casting rainbows on him, which made her admire him even more. "Especially when you look at me like that."

"You're beautiful."

"Isn't there a more manly term you could use?"

"You're a beautiful man, then."

"I suppose that's a tiny bit better." he agreed, dazzling her with just a look before leaning in to kiss her. "But no one compares to you." he said just before their lips met and they gave themselves over to each other for a few quiet moments.

"We're going to be late for Jasper." she giggled, reluctantly pulling her face back only an inch or two.

"His mate is a fortune teller. He'll know when to expect us."

"That doesn't make it any less rude to be late."

"So?" Edward asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't want to leave here either. I never do. But we should go talk to him."

He sighed and then agreed, standing up and offering his hand to help Bella to her feet. He put their books in her bookbag, grabbed it in his hand and tossed her on his back, taking off at full speed through the woods.

She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his neck to avoid motion sickness. "I thought I might get used to this eventually."

"My fragile little human. I'll miss not needing to carry you anymore."

"But then I won't be so fragile."

"That's true." he laughed, imagining just how much fun they would have when he didn't have to worry about breaking her, though he would miss caring for her in this manner. He loved having someone entirely his to love and protect from even the small things like bugs and sunburn. She kissed his neck and he shivered with pleasure. He would miss her warmth and softness, yet he was sure he would never stress about anything again knowing that he would have an eternity with her.

"I love you." she said against his ear as if she could read his mind, her warm breath tickling him and making his smile even bigger.

"And I love you."

"I had a nice morning."

"Me too." he smiled. Every morning with her was perfect, but hours spent in their meadow reading, or at least pretending to in his case, was a special kind of relaxing.

"I don't know what to talk to Jasper about today."

"I think he has something prepared for us."

"That, I do." Jasper said, not surprising Edward but making Bella jump as he appeared running alongside them in the woods. "Just getting in from a hunt." he added. "Can never be too careful with the family's favorite human."

"Am I like some kind of pet now?"

"A very well loved one that's allowed to sit on the furniture and only eats the best food Esme can make." he laughed. Bella smiled.

"I'm not sure I want to even ask what you think of me." Edward said.

"You don't have to ask. Unless you forgot you can read minds?"

"Trust me, I could never forget that." he answered, remembering all too well the thousands of things he never wanted to hear. His mind, despite the amazing day so far, immediately went to remembering how James wanted to torture his Bella. His face fell. Jasper calmed him with his gift before Bella could notice. They slowed to a human walk and Edward carried her into the house, sitting her on her favorite spot in the attic room Esme had so lovingly assembled for them.

"I don't even get to say hi to everyone?" she laughed.

"We're here alone." Jasper said. "Everyone else is hunting."

"I didn't mean to make you come back early just to meet with us. We could have rescheduled."

"You didn't make me come back. I wasn't up to Emmett's extended bear tracking expedition. He's too wild."

"Oh." she said, understanding without further question. "What's on the agenda?"

"Have you ever heard of the concept of emotionally mature?" Jasper asked, happily taking her bait to start talking as he sat down in front of them.

"I've always been described that way."

"You are." he agreed. "I hear you wanted to talk to your mom tonight."

"How did you – Alice." she answered her own question before finishing it. "Was it going to go that badly?"

"It still might, but that shouldn't stop you from doing what you feel is right. Alice and I want to give you all the tools we can to make it easier on you. She saw it not going so well and you were going to blame yourself. It isn't your fault. And it won't be your fault if she doesn't take it well either."

"Maybe I shouldn't bring it up."

"It's not my place to say. But let's talk about her a little bit more."

"I feel bad spending most of our time on me. And on the topic of my mom."

"Don't." Edward said softly.

"Edward and I can always talk while you're asleep if we need to. Based on his emotions, he learns just as much by listening as he does by talking."

"I do." he agreed.

"Alright. What about her?" Bella asked.

"Do you remember any times of her resisting reality and refusing to believe the truth about something, especially to fit her own agenda?"

"All the time."

"Any specific example?" Jasper asked.

"I had to stop telling her when there was any trouble at school because she would always go there and refuse to listen and handle things that I didn't need her involved in and then feel like she was this superhero mom, when really she made things worse."

"Like what?"

"When I was in third grade, these kids were bullying me because I wasn't interested in watching cartoons with them when we were given a little bit of free time. I wanted to read my book and they said I was boring and kept taunting me the whole lunch and then recess period so I couldn't read. Then I got in trouble for reading instead of paying attention in science class. Mom went to see the teacher the next day but instead of asking the teacher to help with the kids annoying me, she went off on the teacher. It was so embarrassing. She was loud too. Everyone heard about it. But she was so proud of herself for talking to the teacher that way. Even then, I knew it was wrong. I've been uncomfortable with that memory ever since."

"Because the kids kept bothering you?"

"They got bored with me a day or two later. But every time I saw that teacher for the rest of the year, I remembered how badly my mom had treated her. I was embarrassed by my mother."

"Were there any other times you can remember like that?"

"Plenty. Like when Edward left, Charlie tried to convince me to go back to Jacksonville but I didn't want to. Mom convinced herself that my depression was really over having to live in Forks no matter how many times I told her it wasn't. Um, a few times when she didn't pay the bills before I took over, she insisted that the check must have been lost in the mail or that it was some sort of issue with the electric company. She was like that a lot, actually. Blaming everyone but herself for things or distorting situations to fit her beliefs."

"You had to grow up rather quickly."

"Yeah."

"Was it because you realized you had to take care of yourself because your mom wouldn't do it for you?"

"Pretty much. I think she tried though."

"I'm sure she did. Did you ever feel guilty asking for things, like let's say clothes for school?"

"Always."

"Did you feel bad for feeling bad about your mom?"

"I still do." Bella confessed, feeling completely at ease with Jasper. She knew he only wanted to help.

"And you still feel disbelief that Edward wants to be with you and that anyone, perhaps other than your mom and Charlie, really loves you for you?"

"I do. Don't tell me your gift is that detailed."

"No." Jasper laughed. "It's one of the signs of growing up with a parent who is considered emotionally immature. People who lack the emotional attention and bonds they need in childhood often feel alone and like no one will ever want that closeness with them because they've never really felt that before. It's overwhelming sometimes, isn't it?"

"In a good way."

"But you still have doubts?"

"Sometimes." she answered. It made Edward sad. Even in his loneliest times, he didn't doubt the love of his family, though perhaps a lot of that was due to his ability to hear their every thought. He hated that this angel could doubt how much she deserved his love even for a second, but he understood it too. He had his moments of doubt that she could really love him for him as well, but despite all of that, she did.

Jasper continued speaking "When you tried to talk to your mom about these things, like if you ever mentioned not having close friends, did she really listen or did she just say that you were wrong or that you weren't trying hard enough?"

"Both."

"And did you eventually just stop bringing these things up to her?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because she wasn't helping. It just made me feel worse talking to her. Like I was the problem."

"Do you think your mom is aware of how she treated you?"

"If she is, I bet she doesn't believe it or think about it for more than a few seconds."

"Does she ever linger on her problems or emotions for long or does she just react?" Jasper asked.

"She reacts. And then changes the subject."

"And blames others too you said."

"Yes."

"When she talks, is it usually about how others made her feel and the emotions or about the actual facts of the situation?"

"Her emotions." Bella answered, fidgeting nervously with one of the small toys placed in the room for her, a squishy foam ball.

"And when you try to talk to her about your feelings and your situations, does she turn it back on her own trauma and problems?"

"Almost always."

"Alright, let's reflect on all of the questions I just asked you. I know it was a lot. And I know you love your mother, so please don't feel bad for telling me the truth. It's to help you."

"You were saying she's emotionally immature?"

"What do you think?"

"Very." she agreed. "But what does that really mean?"

"Give us your thoughts on it."

"It means that if I do try to talk to her about everything, she will either not listen or just pretend to, and then she'll either turn it back around on me or ignore it completely to tell me about her own experiences or how it could have been worse. Is that what Alice saw?"

"She saw you hanging up with her crying and then having nightmares all night. I'm not sure that we can spare you from things like that, but we'd like to try where we can."

Bella nodded and Edward rubbed her hand reassuringly with his thumb. "We aren't saying not to talk to her if it would make you feel better or if you want to. You know I'm here for you no matter what." he said, kissing her hair.

"I know. On the one hand, I'd like to ask her about some of the things that happened, but I really don't feel like it's going to make a difference."

"Would it make a difference for you?" Edward asked. "To know what she was thinking or why she acted a certain way?"

"I don't know."

"There's no rush." Jasper said. "These things take time. Perhaps it's a conversation better reserved for in person. Do you still have those tickets Carlisle and Esme gave you for your birthday?"

"I do."

"Then that remains an option as well, if you wanted."

"Maybe." she said, thinking of sunny beaches and perhaps finally being able to talk to her mom in a way that would make her understand her. But then, a sad thought. "Edward can't come with me to Florida. I don't want to go anywhere without him."

"Who says I can't go to Florida?" he asked.

"Don't you usually try to avoid attention? I can't imagine you walking on the beach not attracting a small crowd even without the sparkling."

Jasper laughed at her admiration of Edward, showing not just with her words but also her emotions and the flush of her cheeks. "We go to the beach on occasion."

Edward was smiling at her, "I'm sure we can think of something."

"Pretend you fell in a vat of glitter?"

"I can pretend to be afraid of sunburn. Or really shy. I can wear a long-sleeved swimsuit and a hat."

She laughed at the mental image of him walking around in a long-sleeved surfing suit with a floppy hat and maybe even flippers on his feet. "You would do that for me?"

"Anything for you. You know that."

"And when we go out to dinner?"

"Severe food allergies?"

"They would try to find something you could eat."

"Fasting?" he asked.

"No one would believe that."

"I would sneak as much as possible onto your plate and choke up the rest later, I suppose."

"Does the 'anything for you' statement still stand now?" she giggled at his face as he imagined eating human food again.

"Of course, it does."

"We'll consider a visit then, but I don't think I'm ready just yet. Thanks for saving me some nightmares, Jasper."

"Any time."

"And thank Alice too."

"I will."

"There's something else I wanted to ask you."

"Go for it." he said, smiling at her kindly.

"What got you interested into all of this stuff? Psychology?"

Edward hesitated, reading the answer in his brother's thoughts, and worrying that it would upset Bella.

"Give her more credit. She's stronger than you think." Jasper said, feeling his emotional shift. "And we both know that you have absolutely no success at trying to read or even usually guess her thoughts. The truth, Bella, is that I wanted to find some way to help when I saw how much you were suffering. I was guilty for snapping at you at your party and I wanted to do anything I could to make that up to you and the family. I started reading. And the more I read, the more I realized Edward fit the bill as well. Then, it was Rosalie. Then, even to a small degree, Esme. Carlisle. And finally, me. It was fascinating. It felt like finally understanding myself and our family in a brand-new way after all these years."

"You didn't mention Emmett or Alice. Are they- are they normal?"

"Normal." Jasper laughed and Edward laughed as well. "Mentally healthy, yes. Normal? Hell no."

She laughed too. "Don't ever tell Emmett I said he was normal."

"He'll let that get to his head for sure, although I think he may have heard me bring it up once before."

"Do they have a lot of the same symptoms?"

"To some degree. Esme and Carlisle both have traumatic pasts, but they are doing very well. They occasionally have intrusive thoughts or flashbacks, especially Carlisle to his change and Esme to the few memories she has of her abusive ex-husband. But overall, they are happy and well adjusted. They have a loving family; Carlisle has his career. Not much bothers them as long as the family is safe and happy. When they do have a strong memory, they have strategies in place to minimize it, and they have each other."

"I shouldn't pry." Bella said, realizing exactly what she had asked.

"It's alright. They want you to know. I'm sure everyone would be more than happy to answer questions."

"What about you?" she asked Jasper.

"My past. I don't remember my human years much, but the few memories I do have are mostly the war. It was brutal. And then the newborn wars as a vampire. I also live with regrets about my past. People I've killed. And vampires. It feels like I'm always fighting on the wrong side, at least until now. I've often wondered if something was wrong with me. I thought I deserved the strong memories of the kills and the battles as punishment for the people I harmed with my decisions."

"What kinds of decisions?"

"I suppose it's time to tell you about my past." Jasper started. Edward wrapped his arms around her protectively, as if he could shield her from the negative emotions of his brother's story. "I was born in 1844 in Houston, Texas. I was a major in the Confederate Army, something I was proud of at the time. I was changed in 1863 when I stopped to help a group of women who appeared to have run into trouble on their travels. But there was no trouble. They were vampires and they wanted me for their newborn Army. America was a rough place back then. There were human wars, vampire wars, wars it felt like just for the sake of it. I rose through their ranks too, eventually becoming Maria, the woman in charge's right-hand man. I trained, served discipline, even killed if needed. Eventually, I grew tired of that life. That's when the memories and the intrusive thoughts set in. Every murder. And the regrets of what I had been while I was human too. I wandered, miserable, for years before I ran into Alice. That sweet little pixie had all the answers. Of course, she saw me comin' too. She was sitting in a human diner as I went in scoping out a meal, waiting for me with an all-knowing smile. It was bright enough to power the state of Texas for a few years." he smiled crookedly, his grin of remembrance making Bella happy too. "We went away together to find the Cullens and the rest is history."

"Even after over a hundred years, these things still haunt you?"

"Yes, they do. When the family introduces me as the newest vegetarian, it's not just because human blood smells and tastes so much better. It's because I often slip into these thoughts of 'What if I am just a killer' and 'People can't change' and I struggle with convincing myself that I am a good person now. That I don't hurt people anymore. I regret so much that you were almost a victim of that. I like to think that I was caught off guard, and I was-" Edward growled softly, but Jasper kept talking "But I had been thinking about just changing you for Edward so that he would finally be happy for a long time. Several of us had. When I actually smelled your blood, it was instinctual to just act on it, though I am so, very glad I didn't succeed. I promise it won't happen again."

Bella was still unbothered. "How are you really, Jasper? I hope you don't still feel guilty over that. It was only natural for you."

Jasper smiled and shook his head. "I'm not the patient here."

"Maybe you should be." she said. He raised an eyebrow and she laughed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that!"

Edward was laughing hard now at her embarrassment and her statement towards his brother. "You should have meant it like that. You weren't wrong."

"Hey now! He's been helping you too." she said.

"True, but still, you're right. Why aren't you the patient, Jasper?"

"I've been applying many of the things I read towards myself as well. And Rosalie and I have been talking almost every day."

"Still, maybe we should do more things as a family. That is, if you all would like. It seems like most of us have the same types of thoughts."

"It's true." Edward agreed. "It's another reason why I thought my struggles were just a normal part of being a vampire."

"Group therapy?" Jasper asked, mostly teasing.

"Well, we can't exactly all have dinner together or anything."

"Suppose not." he laughed.

"Thanks for giving me some things to think about, Jasper."

"Always a pleasure." he said, getting up and leaving the two of them with their privacy.

"I don't have to have you home for a few more hours since it's the weekend. Would you like to listen to music in my room?"

"Sounds nice. I was so surprised by your gift last time that I didn't even ask when you bought a bed."

"I thought my favorite human might like to sleep over sometime."

"You think my dad would allow that?"

"I'm sure Alice could talk him into it." he grinned at her, taking her hand, and leading her to his room.

"So the whole house could hear me snore? I'm sure they'd love that."

"They would. They think you're very amusing." he said with a chuckle. "As do I."

"I love you but I feel like I would be so bored watching you sleep. Why do you like it so much?"

"Because you're a miracle and I live in amazement of you. Every breath and beat of your heart. And you talk in your sleep a little too. You say my name a lot."

"Talk about embarrassing."

"No. Each time I hear it, it sends a small, loving shock right to my frozen heart. It's one of the most beautiful sounds in the world."

"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer someone who isn't a mental patient?" she teased.

"Takes one to know one." he returned. "I wouldn't trade you for anyone or anything. I waited an eternity for you."

She sat on the bed while he selected a CD to play, admiring him. The way he smiled as she joked with him, his lips turning up just a little bit more when he found what he wanted to listen to. The way his strong hands delicately danced over the shelves, not disturbing anything though he could pulverize the whole wall should he want to.

"I don't understand why you look at me like that."

"You mean the way you look at me?"

"True." he agreed, sitting down beside her. "There are perks to having this bed."

"Such as?"

"This." he said, scooping her in his arms and laying back, pulling her with him so that her head was resting comfortably on his chest, his thick t-shirt and sweater making it a soft and comfortable position for snuggling. Soft rock music played through his speakers quietly, just loud enough for her to hear but not enough to stop their conversation.

"Well, when you put it that way." she agreed, grinning at him.

"Your expression. There's so much love. I find it difficult to imagine that you could possibly feel even a small amount comparable to the way I feel for you."

"I feel the same way about your feelings for me."

"You should never doubt that." he said. "You had my heart from the very second I saw you with my own eyes, even if I refused to believe it at first. Not just the part of me that wanted your blood, but to get to know you, a human, for the first time I could ever remember. The more time I spent with you, observing you, hearing you speak, the more hopelessly in love I became. Now, I can't live without you. I can barely breathe without you."

"Good thing you don't have to breathe." she smiled, tracing his jaw with her hand. "I feel the same way about you. I couldn't stop thinking about you even when I knew there was no chance in Hell that you would possibly be interested in me. Now, I want to be with you every minute of every day. It sucks when we aren't together."

"But I told you from the beginning, I'm not good for you. I may not be a monster as I once believed, but I'm still not what you deserve. You are worthy of so much more."

"Alright then Mr. Mind Reader. Have you ever met anyone who you would deem worthy of me? Anyone pure of thought?"

"No."

"Then you're stuck with me."

"I want nothing more."

"Forever. You aren't allowed to go anywhere."

"I promise." he agreed, leaning in for a kiss which she gladly returned. Gentle kisses always turned quickly to fiery passion when they were alone. One of his hands found its way into her hair and one of hers lifted his sweater and t-shirt to lightly rub his abs, making him shiver again with pleasure. "You have no idea what that does to me."

"I have a few guesses." she giggled, removing her hand from under his shirt and sitting up.

"And yet you always stop right when I'm having the most fun." he grinned. She blushed.

"You're being playful."

"And?"

"I love it."

"I'll keep that in mind, then." he said, pulling her back down to lay on his chest. "You bring out parts of me I often thought were lost. I never in my hundred odd years felt happiness until the day you knew what I was, yet still accepted me."

"We all have our problems."

"Problems?" he laughed. "I tell you I could eat your classmates for breakfast and you just call that a problem?"

"Hey, they're your classmates too."

He laughed harder then, unable to control it. "So much sass in such a tiny body. I can't wait to see you after you've changed. You're going to be a fierce miniature lioness."

"And you're going to be the first victim." she said, raising up to look into his eyes as she ran a hand from his knee up to his hip, making him very aware of long dormant human instincts. He kissed her then as a distraction for them both before things went too far. She happily relaxed into his touch as he held her face, admired her silky hair and then rubbed her back. Both of their bodies were humming with complete contentment as they pulled away to breathe, relaxing again together. "I never knew it was really possible to want anyone this much."

"I never imagined I would feel it for myself." he agreed.

"Is that really why you bought the bed?"

"No!" he insisted, laughing when he saw her mischievous grin and that she wasn't serious. "I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable. I would never-"

"I know. Just saying, it could be fun though."

"Fun? Fun?! It would be more than fun. Fun is definitely not a word I would use. Not even near the top of the list."

"So why can't we?"

"I would kill you."

"You said that about kissing me at first too."

"True." he agreed, giving it a little thought. "I still hold some of my virtues though, however outdated. I want you to be my wife first."

"What you're saying is that if I marry you, in exchange I get you. All of you."

"Perhaps. But I'm not asking yet, now am I?" he said, thrilled that she seemed to be actually considering his unasked question. "I told you that I would make you want me to ask you. I'm not asking until I'm positive you'll say yes, even if it takes a hundred years."

"A hundred years is an awful long time to wait."

"You have no idea." he agreed, holding her to him as they both lay there listening to the soft music. He savored every second until he had to take her home for the evening.