"I haven't forgotten what you said about wanting a job." Edward said, making Bella look up from her homework in shock. "Is that still the case?"
"Yes, though I hate to give up time with you."
"I had an idea, then."
"Go on." she said, curious but fully prepared to say no to whatever scheme he was coming up with that she knew would involve using his money.
"Here." he said, handing her a magazine from his bookbag. "The page I folded."
She read aloud. "Book reviewers wanted. Students alright. All work done by email and blog. Set your own hours. Paid by the review."
"I checked out the company and it's legitimate. I thought we could read the books together and then you could write the reviews. You said you just wanted a little bit of spending money, right?"
"Yes, it sounds great. Although I really should be saving for college too."
"You don't have to. I'll gladly pay for you to go anywhere you like."
"I feel like that's cheating."
"How?" he asked.
"Not everyone has a rich boyfriend who pays for everything."
"So? You do."
"It doesn't feel right."
"Why not?"
"It's a rather large gift for someone who doesn't like gifts, don't you think?"
"Would you accept a scholarship if you won one?"
"Yes, but that's much different." she insisted. Spending his money still made her uncomfortable, but especially that much. A scholarship wasn't the same at all.
"How so?"
"I would have to earn a scholarship. Essay writing or something."
"How much do you think my family is worth?"
"I don't know."
"Guess."
"You're priceless." she joked.
"Not far from it." he said seriously.
"A million dollars?"
"More."
"Five million."
"Nope."
"Ten million."
"Not even close."
"A hundred million?" she asked.
He raised his eyebrow. "Let's just say any college of your choice is just a drop in the bucket."
"There are people who deserve it more than me." she said, trying a new tactic to avoid him spending too much money on her.
"How about a deal?"
"What kind of deal?"
"You take my money for college and we'll start a scholarship fund so more people can afford to go. You can help me set up the requirements if you'd like."
Bella thought about it for a moment, not wanting to use his money, but liking his idea of helping others. "Don't name it after me."
"You know me very well. So, it's a yes?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe?" he asked, looking at her with a question in his eyes. He wanted her to say yes so much. There were so many things he couldn't give her, but this was one he could.
"You aren't just doing this for me?"
"And if I was?"
She smiled. "It's a sweet idea. A lot of scholarships are based on grades or sports activities, but I think that's really unfair to kids who have had a rough start in life or who maybe can't do those things."
"I agree." he said, hoping that she would continue.
"Maybe a writing contest, but for content and how the essays make the reader feel, not necessarily caring about spelling and grammar. Everyone deserves a fair chance even if they aren't the best writers."
"Alright."
"What about for people who have overcome adversity or some type of trauma?"
"What would we call it?" he asked, happy she was going along with it.
"The Phoenix Fund Scholarship?"
"Because of how much you miss Phoenix?"
"No, like the bird, silly. They rise from the ashes and reinvent themselves."
"I love it."
"How many scholarships will there be?"
"Carlisle and Jasper handle the family finances. I see no reason why we can't do at least 100 a year."
"One…hundred?" she asked in disbelief.
"I told you paying your tuition wouldn't bother us any." he laughed. "Alice is excellent at the stock market. Honestly, we would hardly notice one hundred students a year but I think anymore than that would raise suspicions of who exactly is funding it."
"How much would each student get?"
"A payment in full to the school of their choosing, plus an allowance for books."
"And you would do this just because I thought it was a good idea?"
"Of course."
"Won't the others be upset?"
"Not a bit. They will be thrilled." Edward said, knowing how happy they would all be to have found a hands-off way to help some of the humans. They had always donated food and clothing to food banks and shelters nearby as well as money to the local hospitals where they had lived, but still never felt as if they were doing enough. This was one more way to help, even better if it got Bella to accept his money and not worry as much.
"Can we talk about it with all of them first?"
"Sure. You're coming home with me after school tomorrow. We can ask them then."
"I think I will apply for that job." she said. "That sounds perfect."
"I believe so too. You won't have to spend time away from me." he said, playfully growling at her before snatching her from her seat on the couch and into his arms, sending her textbook into the floor with a loud thump. She looked into his light, caramel-colored eyes and forgot all about homework, money and even the time of day. He grinned. "But what kind of awful books are you going to subject me to?"
"Books?" she asked, confused.
He laughed. "Do I dazzle you?"
"You know it."
"You don't even remember what we were talking about."
"Not really."
"That can't be healthy."
"I don't care." she insisted, leaning her face in towards his. He smiled sincerely before kissing her, her warm lips practically making him forget what they had been talking about too.
"I almost forgot. I brought you a present." he said, again reaching into his bookbag.
She was prepared to protest but cracked up laughing when she saw the bright orange VHS in his hands. "Aren't you a few years behind the times? We use this new thing called DVDs now." she teased.
He winked at her. "This is what you get for dating such an old man. Your dad has a VCR, doesn't he?"
"He does."
"Then let's watch cartoons. This isn't out on DVD." he said, sitting her back in her seat and sticking his tongue out at her in a move that was very unlike his usual self. She smiled and laughed, any complaints about his gift forgotten.
He pressed play and Aaahh! Real Monsters started. "You remembered!" she exclaimed, excited.
His heart swelled with happiness and love for her. "Of course, I remembered."
He sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her. She happily snuggled up to him and watched TV with a big smile still on her face. She tried to be subtle in wiping away a tear from one of her eyes, but he saw. She never expected anyone to take such an interest in even the small parts of her life, and although she knew Edward loved her, him doing something so sweet still caught her off guard. He kissed her head and held her against him as they watched.
"That sounds like Michael Dorn."
"I think it is." she agreed.
"You watch Star Trek too?"
"My mom would always change the channel to some romance movie or something, but I like what I've seen, especially Star Trek: The Next Generation."
"Me too. It's a little corny sometimes but very imaginative. We'll have to watch it all together sometime."
"I'd like that." she said, quietly snuggling as they watched the rest of the first episode, then the next, and finally a third before the tape ended.
"Edward…" she said as the VCR clicked and turned off the video. "This was really sweet."
"Did you like it?"
"I did."
"You didn't think I would forget, did you?"
"I knew you wouldn't. But the effort you put in to do this for me."
"I found an old tape on eBay."
"You actively took an interest in my interests. People don't usually do that for me. My dad will buy me a new book or something on occasion, but that's about it. I know he tries. Most people think I'm boring."
"I could never find you boring."
"I know. But thank you for this."
"You're very welcome." he said, kissing her head. "I enjoyed it too."
"Is this one of those things that we don't tell the family? That you like cartoons." she smiled.
"I'll think about it. I'm working on being more spontaneous and like myself around them."
"I'm glad. And I'm sure they are too. They have worried about you so much."
"I know. I always thought it was my role to look after them and help guide them through their lives as immortals. I didn't want to be looked down on or seen as childish. I already am in so many ways."
"What do you mean?"
"One of the drawbacks of being frozen at seventeen is that I always look seventeen. I can dress a little older and try to go for maybe twenty or so, but I'm still seen as young. I don't deal with humans much but having to attend high school over and over and having to pose as a child. And with vampires, I'm considered young both in physical appearance and still age too. Many are as old as Carlisle or more."
"But they're your family." she said, knowing they would love him no matter what. They only wanted his happiness.
"That's true."
"And mentally you're frozen at seventeen as well, right?"
"Unfortunately."
"Is that one of the reasons you were hesitant to talk about changing me?"
"It is. You're missing out on a lot by choosing me."
"But I'm not."
"You are."
"Like what?" she asked. "Grey hair? Wrinkles? Legal drinking age?"
"The full development of your brain and body."
"I would gladly trade that for eternity with you. I want to be the same age as you."
"You're already older."
"You know what I mean." she insisted.
"I do. I'll consider telling the family that I like cartoons." he said with a grin, unwilling to argue her change. If she decided to wait, he would be thrilled, but he wasn't going to pressure her for anything anymore. She had so few choices her entire life. This was one choice he could allow her to have and do everything possible to try to see that she didn't regret it. He knew that he wouldn't regret keeping her by his side forever.
Charlie came home then and greeted them both with a smile.
"Long day?" Bella asked.
"Very."
"Go get comfortable. I'll make us some dinner."
"You don't have to do everything all the time, you know."
"I'll help her." Edward said, knowing that she enjoyed cooking and not wanting her father to feel guilty about it. He could make out the general idea of his thoughts. It had been a stressful day of work. And helping with dinner meant more time with Bella before he had to go home for a few hours. He would gladly do that.
"Alright then." Charlie said, going upstairs to shower and change out of his work clothes.
"You don't know how to cook." Bella said with a slight laugh.
"Don't I?"
"You probably haven't ever had to."
"How hard can it be? I've watched tons of people do it in their thoughts and on TV." he said. She smiled and took his hand, leading him into the kitchen. He added in his thoughts 'And I've watched dozens of hours of Food Network. Read hundreds of cookbooks and studied recipes for all of your favorite foods online. All for you, my love.'
"You can chop some mushrooms."
"I can do that." he said, taking the knife she offered and starting to work. It took very little effort. Most of his attention was on her, watching her as she danced around the kitchen gracefully, admiring how she was smiling as things went how she wanted them to, the sear of the meat, the exact smell of the herbs mingling with the aromatics. It smelled awful to him. But she was pleased, and thus so was he.
"What kinds of books do you think we'll have to read?" she asked. "I'm going to do my application for that job after dinner."
"I don't know. That magazine specializes in fiction."
"So no, History of the British Empire?" she teased.
"No." he said, grinning her favorite crooked grin as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her small waist. "And no Wuthering Heights either."
"Aw, I'll write an essay on that one for your eyes only then."
"You wouldn't dare."
"I would too." she said.
"I suppose I can think of worse things." he said, playfully rolling his eyes and kissing her cheek. "I'm going to head home for a few hours. Will you be alright?"
"I'm fine." she said, jokingly offering him a bite of the spinach leaves she was about to toss in the skillet.
"There's something much more appetizing in this room." He kissed her cheek again and then her jaw and down her neck, licking the spot on her neck where her smell was the most concentrated. "Such trust."
"You wouldn't hurt me."
"But what if I get hungry?"
"Be my guest." she said, laying her head to one side to give him better access.
"So eager to die."
"So eager to be yours for eternity." she corrected. He smiled, his eyes twinkling with elated mischief as he kissed her lips, nuzzled his nose with hers and then went on his way home already counting the minutes until he could return through her window for the evening.
"Smells amazing!" Charlie said, coming downstairs in his lounging clothes.
"I know how to cook."
"Did Edward leave already?"
"Yeah."
"I was hoping he might stay for dinner."
"Since when do you like him that well?" she asked with a surprised smile.
"I've decided he's alright." Charlie returned her grin.
"Just alright?"
"Yeah. Hey, take what you can get. That's high praise for any boy after my daughter."
"Alright, fair." she agreed, starting to assemble their plates. "I'm going to apply for a part-time job tonight. Edward helped me find one that looks really cool."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, writing book reviews for a magazine."
"That sounds right up your alley."
"I think so too."
"You don't have to work, you know. You've spent a lot of your life with part-time jobs already. You should be out having fun at your age."
"I think I'll enjoy this one. It will only be a few hours a week." she said. "For spending money."
"OK. But if it gets to be too much promise me you'll quit? We'll make things work."
"I will." she said, her heart filled with love that he was making such an effort to care about her. She sat his plate in front of him and he happily dug in with a smile.
"How in the world did you ever learn to cook like this growing up with your mother?"
"It was either learn to cook or be subjected to her experiments. Did she ever make her famous chicken casserole for you?"
Charlie nearly gagged at the memory. "That is not appropriate dinner time conversation young lady. I should ground you just for reminding me of it."
She laughed and ate her dinner as well. When they were done, he helped her dry the dishes. "Dad? There's something I wanted to talk to you about but I'm not sure how to do it. I don't want to make you feel bad."
"You can always talk to me about anything. I can't promise not to be uncomfortable, but I'll try to listen. Shoot."
"Why didn't you come to visit me more when I lived with mom? I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I've been wondering."
"It's alright. That's a fair question. There were a few reasons, cost, distance, not wanting to see your mom. I wish now that I would have checked in on you more in person. I realize there's only so much you can say over the phone or in letters. I really had no idea things were so bad there."
"They weren't terrible."
"Perhaps not. I know you love your mother. But it also wasn't the way you should have been treated. You deserve so much better. It's a major failure on my part for not seeing that you were taken care of beyond sending money or calling you a few times a week."
"We spent part of the summers together."
"Yes, but that isn't near enough. I wish I could take it all back and do better."
"I wouldn't ask that of you."
"I wish I could though." he said softly, putting his arm around her in a rare display of affection for them. "I love you, kiddo. More than anything. There's nothing I can do to make up for your past, but I will gladly do anything I can to help you in your future."
"I know that. I love you too."
"Hell, I'm even starting to love Edward. He's a good kid. Troubled, but good."
"I would love to see his face if you tell him that."
"Never." Charlie grinned, putting his hands back at his side and getting into the freezer. "Have some ice cream and watch Jeopardy with your old man?"
"Sounds fun." she agreed.
Edward was sitting in the living room at the Cullen home, discussing some new medical journals with Carlisle when Alice had a vision. Bella, golden-eyed, was staring up at Edward admiring his face sparkling in the sunlight as he admired hers. "Happy anniversary." he whispered, leaning in to kiss her.
"How has it been ten years already?" she asked, throwing her arms around his neck, and kissing him with a huge smile on her face. The vision ended as quickly as it had started.
"How certain are you?" Edward asked.
"There is no other possibility." Alice answered, showing him that all of the strings that normally made up her visions agreed perfectly on this intersection.
He was beaming, a faraway look in his eyes and the happiest expression his family had ever seen on him. "She won't regret it."
"No." Alice agreed. "She won't. Did you catch what she said?"
"Happy anniversary."
"And anniversary usually means…?"
"Your vision was prompted because she's decided she'll say yes!"
"Yes." Alice agreed again. "She will."
"Have you seen it? Should I ask her yet? Will she be happy or will I upset her by asking?"
"Chill." she laughed. "I don't know when you should ask her. That's up to you. I don't know when she'll say yes, but at some point, she will. And she will be happy with you, always."
"Oh, Alice!" Edward exclaimed, picking her up and spinning her around. "What would I ever do without you?"
"You'd probably be dead by now." she teased.
"More than likely." he agreed.
"Do I get to help you shop for a ring?"
"No." he said, still wearing a huge grin. Another vision immediately took her attention. Edward getting his mother's ring out of the small jewelry box in his closet and putting it in his pocket.
"Perfect." she said. "When?"
"As soon as I think she's ready. I have to know she'll agree first. I can't bear it if she says no."
"You know she can never say no to you for long."
"Nor I to her." he said, giving his goodnights to the family before running to her window and hopping in. He could hear her in the bathroom brushing her teeth, so he settled himself in her bed waiting for her to come to relax in his arms. Nights with her were his favorite.
The next day after school, all of the Cullens were waiting at their house for Bella and Edward, though they were pretending to watch TV so she wouldn't feel pressured when they walked in.
"Hi everyone." she said, blushing as they all watched her walk in.
"Hi, Bella." Jasper said, greeting her and Edward along with everyone else and offering them both a seat near him. "How was school?"
"Boring, as usual."
"Now imagine doing that over and over." Emmett said.
"You know, homeschooling is getting a lot more popular these days." she said with a shy smile at Carlisle.
"I won't subject you to repeating high school if you don't want to, Bella." he agreed with a wink.
"Woah! No fair!" Emmett shouted.
"Yeah, we don't want to keep doing it either!" Jasper added.
Rosalie grinned. "It helps when you're one of Carlisle's favorites. You can still go every day Emmett and keep us filled in."
"Oh hell no." he said, grinning at Carlisle with his best, sweetest expression. "Please papa I don't want to go to school anymore. The children make fun of me and I hate it."
"You jest." Carlisle said, rolling his eyes. "But Bella has a point. I've been considering it for a few years now and honestly, I think we could get away with homeschooling you all as long as you are willing to still be seen in public, like visits to the mall and library, so we can still blend in. After this year though."
Everyone was happy then, settling back into their seats with big smiles. "Don't tell me you made us go all this time so Edward could scope out the girls his age." Emmett said, making everyone crack up laughing.
"You scoped me out?" Bella asked Edward with a raised eyebrow.
"You came into my life like a meteor, alighting the sky with brilliancy and beauty with a sudden burst of light that blinded me completely. I didn't expect you. I was terrified of you yet awed as soon as I took a closer look. Scoping has never been my style." he grinned, wrapping his arm around her, and pulling her a little closer. Emmett made pretend gagging noises across the room.
"Alrighty then." Jasper said, shaking his head. "Let's get started. The reason I've gathered you all here today-"
"So formal!" Emmett said.
"Behave." Jasper answered, pointing a finger at him. "is because the more I've studied and the more we've all talked, I realize that most of us have past traumas and things we're dealing with. It was Bella's idea that we talk some as a family and help each other with it. Perhaps sharing some of our own difficulties can help us not feel so alone when things happen and might assist in understanding each other better as well. Would anyone like to start?"
"I will." Carlisle answered, surprising everyone except for Esme and Edward, who knew him best. "You all know how I became immortal. I have flashbacks often to hiding in that root cellar, fearing for my life as vampire hunts happened nearby. I thought I was becoming a monster and kept waiting for my soul to leave my body. When I realized that I had been mistaken and that I was still myself, I wept for the many people my father and his hunters had killed in their mistaken crusades. It's been centuries and I still think about them often.
I often wonder if there isn't more I could do to bring others to our way of life and prevent the senseless deaths of many humans. I live with a lot of guilt and regrets. I'm the happiest I have ever been with my family and my work, but it still feels like I should do more. I often find myself with flashbacks or intense memories, intrusive thoughts that don't want to go away, and doubts about myself and if I'm really being the best person I can be. I have also suffered many years with the guilt of turning some of you, knowing that you didn't have a choice since we're being honest."
Esme held his hand confidently in hers. "I've never once regretted you changing me. It was hell in the years before you. You gave me love and happiness."
Carlisle kissed her hand and looked into the eyes of his family, silently contemplating that there was more to their leader than they ever realized.
"I take back any regrets I ever had and apologize sincerely for the many times I was harsh and critical of you over the years." Edward said. "You saved my life. You brought me to more happiness than I ever dreamed possible, even while I was human."
"I've never been upset with being changed. You saved my life too. I worried about my family that I left behind, but you helped me see that they were taken care of. Look what I got in return." Emmett said, gesturing at Rosalie.
"I still live with regrets at being changed." Rosalie said sadly. "There are so many things I never got out of life. But the more I talk to Jasper, the more I realize that I was dying anyhow. It isn't you I should be upset with, but those vile men who took what I really wanted from me. My family. I'm sorry, Carlisle. I've been so ungrateful and rude to you over the years. Jasper has helped me see that you were just an easy target. There were times when I thought I would really prefer to die than to be stuck in this limbo without what I wanted most – a husband and children. But then, I look at Emmett and suddenly I'm not so sure. I am happy, it just isn't the life I wanted for myself."
Carlisle nodded and Emmett made faces at her to cheer her up. She laughed quietly and Bella smiled at them.
"I don't remember my human life." Alice said. "You all know that I'm perfectly content as an immortal, though I do struggle sometimes with the burden of my visions, things I've missed, and times I've been wrong and caused other's harm."
"I don't regret being changed because of the wonderful life it's given me." Jasper started, "But I do regret how I was changed and the many lives I've taken, both human and immortal. I also regret being on the wrong side of history during the war. Then there's also what I did to Bella and Edward at her birthday party. I know you were intending to leave anyhow, Edward, but I hate that I was the catalyst that caused you both such pain."
"Thank you all for your kind words and honesty." Carlisle said. "I know we all struggle each day in our own ways. The question is – how do we use this information to help ourselves, and each other, as well as society as a whole?"
"Bella and I have an idea for society as a whole that we haven't mentioned to you all yet." Edward said.
"Do tell." Carlisle encouraged.
Edward gestured at Bella, wanting her to explain. She cleared her throat nervously. "Edward insists on paying for me to go to college. I feel bad spending his money. We agreed on a compromise that he could pay for mine if he would also start a scholarship fund for people who can't afford to go on their own. We thought about calling it The Phoenix Fund, like the bird, and making it an essay contest for people with past trauma or who have overcome adversity and want a chance to go to college. It won't look at GPA or spelling and grammar in the essays, but how they make us feel when we read them. Their passion."
"What would it cost?" Carlisle asked. Edward answered him too quietly for Bella to hear, but that was perfectly alright with her. "Consider it done. It's a fantastic start on how to help others, you two. We honestly hoard too much money. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day life of work, research, chores, and we often forget the true struggles of our fellow man. I'm pleased with that."
"Me too." Rosalie agreed, followed by everyone else in turn.
"How do we help each other when we're having flashbacks?" Esme asked.
Jasper answered, "There are two main types of flashbacks. Some are all-consuming, usually with visuals or sounds. Others are emotional. I'm pretty sure we all suffer from emotional ones, although sometimes we'll have strong visual or sound memories, like hearing screams. How to help differs by person. Some people prefer to talk them out, like Edward and Bella. Others like physical touch, like Emmett and Rosalie. Some, like Carlisle, prefer solitude and time to reflect. It's a matter of learning what each person prefers. And sometimes, people are a mixture or it might even vary by experience."
"And intrusive thoughts?" Esme asked.
"Those are more individual. It's up to each person to try to acknowledge them and then send them away. It isn't easy. But, if anyone is open to talking about what some of those are, maybe we can address them together."
"I had intrusive thoughts that I was no good for Bella. That I was killing her by existing around her. I still do sometimes, but not nearly as often since we've started talking more."
"That's a great example." Jasper agreed.
"I remember the son I lost a lot." Esme said quietly. "Sometimes, I just can't stop thinking about his sweet little face and wishing I had done more to save him. I often wonder if the abuse while I was pregnant was the cause of his death."
Carlisle wrapped his arms around his wife then. "You tried to run away." he reminded her. "I wish I would have known."
"Me too. But you mustn't blame yourself. You were hundreds of miles away then and I was just a patient you had seen a time or two."
"You were so much more than that." he said, but I didn't want to take your life, so I moved away.
"You saved me." she reminded him. He kissed her forehead. "And gave me all of our children now."
"You can change my diapers if you want, mom." Emmett teased, trying to help her feel better.
"That's Rosalie's job." Esme said with a small smile. "I am happy, but I think about him often."
"There's nothing wrong with that." Jasper said. Everyone agreed. "How can we help you with those thoughts when you have them?"
"It's mostly something I have to talk myself out of. I have to remind myself that I loved him very much and did the best I could for him. It wasn't easy being a woman in those times. I did try to run. I tried to fight for his life. And when he died, I attempted to follow. I was the most loyal mother I could have been under the circumstances."
"What if we add on to that scholarship fund idea?" Carlisle asked her quietly. "I'm sure Jasper's friend Jenks can arrange it so it all goes through a lawyer or a trust and won't be linked back to us. We can fund housing and scholarships for pregnant women or women with children escaping abuse that want to go to college? I know it won't totally eliminate those thoughts and memories, nor is that the goal, but it would help other women in that situation."
"Please." Esme said, caressing her husband's cheek. "That would be lovely."
"Don't worry about the funding." Alice said. "I will make a few more great investments in the stock market."
Jasper added "And I will see that Jenks puts the fund in an account that will sustain itself with interest and dividends for a very long time."
Esme smiled at them and especially Carlisle, admiring his golden eyes. "I really am very privileged with this life. I couldn't dream of a better family. And soon, it will be complete." she said, turning her loving attention to Bella and Edward. "It feels like we waited an eternity for you."
"I'm nothing special." Bella said, blushing.
"Nonsense." Esme replied. "You've made all of us so happy, but just look at dear, sweet Edward. He's smiled more just this week than he had in the century prior. And look at the new perspective you bring to us. The light into our lives. Your curiosity and joy. Your selfless love and courage. We are honored to have you."
"Thank you." she whispered, hiding her flushed face against Edward's cool shoulder.
"Bella." Rosalie said, addressing her. "I want to apologize for the way I've always treated you. Your choice isn't one I was given, and I resent that. You are giving up so much to be with us, but now that I understand you better, I know you've made the right decision. This really is what you want for yourself. I can't force the life I wanted for me on you, because your life is your own. I look forward to having you as a true sister."
Bella smiled at her, uncomfortable with the attention, but grateful for her kind words. "That means a lot to me. Thank you."
"I have a confession to make." Edward said nervously. "Bella and I watched cartoons last night. And I enjoyed them." Carlisle and Esme laughed, caught off guard by his innocent admission. They were expecting him to own up to thinking impure thoughts or being rude to someone, but not that. Edward smiled at their happiness. "I've always tried to be serious and mature. I wanted respect, not to be seen of as childish. Bella helped me realize that you all love me no matter what and that it's past time that I just be myself. I enjoy cartoons."
"What about rap music?" Emmett asked hopefully.
"Still no."
"Damn. You still have an old man's taste in music, I see."
"I am an old man." Edward said.
"You look like a kid to me."
"That's the issue. Everyone assumes that I am based on appearance. I may have the emotional instability and the body of a teenager, but I'm very much an adult with a century of knowledge."
Jasper felt Bella's hesitancy in her emotions and looked at her questioningly. "I worry often about not being enough for him." she confessed. "About holding his attention. Being able to keep up with him. I worry that he'll get bored when I don't have as much life experience or knowledge. I know none of it is true, but those are my intrusive thoughts sometimes."
Edward kissed her head. "Everything I have, I enjoy sharing with you, including experiences and things that are new to you. You bring a fresh light to everything. You have always held all of my attention from the moment I first smelled you."
"Smelled? Not saw?" Emmett asked. "Gross."
"You know I mean her blood."
"I sure hope you don't mean her farts."
"Emmett!" Esme shouted. Rosalie smacked him. Bella giggled.
Rosalie decided to help change the subject back. "I love this big goofball, but my intrusive thoughts are how could anyone love me? I'm broken. I wasn't pure. Not being a virgin for marriage was a very big deal in my time. I know I'm a bitch sometimes. I often wonder how anyone could love me, yet they do. I feel so undeserving. And these thoughts pop up at random, refusing to go away sometimes even on the best of days."
Emmett whispered sweetly in her ear.
"How can we help you when this happens?" Jasper asked.
"Emmett always finds a way to redirect my thoughts. Usually not so…appropriate…to talk about in front of everyone." she laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows. "As for everyone else, being understanding helps. Knowing that I'm not being a bitch on purpose. I promise."
"I've always known that." Edward said.
"Sweet Edward," Esme started. "You have had to carry all of this with you every day of your immortal life. Our fears. Our thoughts. The memories. The flashbacks. No wonder you've been so miserable."
"It wasn't you all making me miserable."
"Perhaps not entirely, but still, what a heavy burden to carry. And all this time you were worried what we would think of you and dealing with your own trauma and doubts. Not only that, but all alone. The rest of us had mates to seek comfort in." she looked as if she might cry, were it possible for vampires to do so.
"I have a theory about mates." Carlisle said. "The more I hear from each of you, the more I become convinced that vampire mates connect on an emotional level and not just physical attraction and perhaps a few shared interests. This is why we don't separate for any reason after a true mate bond is formed. We help each other in more ways than we realize. In more intense ways than most humans can comprehend."
"That's true." Emmett agreed. "I'd consider myself the weirdest of all of you but Jasper says mentally I'm pretty normal. I always felt just average though until Rosie. I never really bothered with feelings or anything but working to take care of my family and happily playing with my little siblings. She helped me see that there is so much more to living."
"You've helped me with that as well." she agreed.
"Alice helps me with my guilt and ways to atone." Jasper said.
"Jasper helps me understand my emotions and those of others. He keeps me grounded."
"Carlisle taught me how to love."
"Esme taught me that true love is possible for everyone and that there is beauty in the world."
"Bella brought light to my darkness."
"Edward gave me a reason to wake up every morning."
"None of us were truly happy without our mates." Carlisle said. Everyone agreed. "My theory exactly. We gravitate towards the one who will complete us emotionally, though physical attraction doesn't hurt. We may not even understand why at first, but it nearly knocks us off our feet when we see them, doesn't it?"
"I couldn't stop thinking about you after you treated me as a teenager." Esme confessed to Carlisle. "I thought about you often and wondered how you were. I never dreamed I would have a chance with you."
"I regret not keeping you with me then, but you had your whole life ahead of you."
"I know. I'm glad I had a chance to try to live normally, but even more glad that I ended up with you."
"I couldn't stop thinking about Edward from the second I saw him. I had never felt that way about anyone before. I wanted to know everything about him. I knew I didn't have a chance in Hell but he was in every thought I had. Has been ever since."
"I was curious about you at first." he started, "But I thought you were a demon sent to ruin my decades of vegetarianism. I thought if I could perhaps get to know you, that I might build up an immunity towards your scent, but instead, I fell completely in love with you. At first, I thought my obsession was because you were trying to wreck my diet, but I realize now that it was actually a strong desire to be near you, though it was unfortunate at first that you're my singer."
"Well, how else was I going to get your attention?" she quipped.
"Not having any thoughts I can read is good, for starters."
"Just for starters though. The singer thing didn't hurt."
"No." he agreed with a laugh. "I suppose not."
"Good session today, everyone." Jasper said. "Let's do this again?" Everyone nodded. "For tonight, let's focus on what we've learned about each other and allow that knowledge to help us understand our family better. And let's all agree that we'll ask for help without judgement if any of us should need it, including you, Bella?"
Everyone agreed and Edward led Bella upstairs to his room. "I love you." he whispered in her ear as he sat her down on the bed.
"I love you too."
"You have no idea how much you've changed us all for the better, especially me."
She smiled at him and rested a hand on his face, finding words unnecessary when she could kiss him instead. They kissed and lounged together, enjoying the other's presence, and feeling totally at peace. They both had a lot to think about, none of it unpleasant for the evening.