Author's note: long time no update I know, don't hate me ….
Chapter 5.
Kate had wandered aimlessly for a short time when she came across a clearing she recognised. She saw the downed tree she been sat upon that day. The day that Jack came looking for her, the day she foolishly kissed him without warning.
Heavily she sat down on the felled tree and examined her left wrist. Already it was starting to develop a good bruise. There were small, but noticeable, finger marks on the inside of her wrist where she had been gripped. She wondered at the strength of such a small looking girl. Kate supposed that she had had to be strong for survival. Though she would admit that she was hardly at 100 herself. It seemed likely that at any other time she'd have no problem throwing her off. Continuing to examine herself she came across more bruises developing on her arms, that was going to ache later. What was she going to say to jack? A couple of feet down a path she's managed to get herself into another scrape she wondered if she'd be better of locked in the hatch permanently. She wondered about what to do next, would Sun be able to help? Was that what she wanted? She didn't know, in temper she shoved her hand into her jeans pockets intending to make off to the beach to catch up with Jack. What she felt there startled her. Her fingers made out a small plastic packet, as she brought it out into the daylight she saw there were two tablets inside, just two, nothing else. She knew for certain they had not been there before, so there was only one conclusion as to who put them there, she knew then what they were.
Deciding on a course of action she headed toward the beach to head jack off. If what Alex had told her was right, she couldn't risk talking to him in the hatch and there was no way she was not going to tell him about this. She waited, just off the path in the shadows, to catch sight of him. She turned the small plastic packet over and over in her fingers, this small package could represent both the single most significant ray of hope and she'd had and the darkest gift she's ever received. She felt the weight of her decision pressing down on her almost as acutely as the humid air around her, it restricted her every move. She'd felt the same way about knowing Wayne was her father, it contaminated every thought going through her head, every action she took, until she finally took soon action.
Finally, she caught sight of Jack heading he direction, she eased herself out slightly onto the path so he could catch sight of him.
"Kate? What are you doing here?" he took stock of her appearance, "what the hell happened? Are you OK?"
She nodded her reply, "I had an … encounter with someone after you left me, the girl, Alex." She gave him a moment to absorb this information before continuing, "She knows, she says they watch the hatch."
She saw the horror cross his face then continued, "She gave me these, she says I should use them, Jack, and quickly."
She extended the small packet toward him; he took it from her hand to examine it, "Do you know what this is Kate?" It pained him to ask the question, he felt it cut through her, sometime; soon, they were going to make a very firm decision about how to proceed from here.
Kate tilted her head to one side, "I can guess."
He sighed and nodded, placing the packet in his pocket. He took her arm and directed her ahead of him, "Let's walk." He suggested gently.
Kate walked ahead of him comfortably, she felt his presence, could feel him mentally twisting every scenario in his head, she had no great urge to turn and face him. She felt their relationship had been peppered with enough bombshells, enough confrontation, enough emotional minefields; surely they could not include another one? She felt selfish and guilty but the greatest sadness she felt right now was that she knew this situation would sit between them like a rock. No matter what happened from here she knew it would be between them, they would never have a chance to pursue the relationship they had hinted at.
When they came back to the clearing jack placed his hand on her arm and guided her to sit beside him, he kept his voice hushed and low. Kate could not decide if that was to maintain a gentle sympathetic tone, or to prevent and interlopers overhearing.
"We need to discuss this properly, Kate, I know you probably don't want to."
Kate did not meet his eyes, she kept her gaze low, and the leaves which had fallen in front of their feet seemed suddenly enthralling. Jack's hand slid into her line of sight and rested gently on her leg.
Her hand gripped the edge of the examination table as she waited; Tom had left the room, left her to follow the ultrasound tech when they hastily retreated from the room to fetch someone else. She was not sure how long they'd been gone, the silence in the darkened room pounding around her ears, but she knew one thing her baby had not moved for 24 hours, she knew she would not feel that again.
The room was filled again with people and unfamiliar words, 'no foetal activity', 'induction', 'infection?', 'just one of those things'.
That day and the next passed in a whirl of pain, refusal of drugs and reassurances, there was blood and the finally darkness, that was all she longed for, just to be left in the dark.
Yes wasn't life, and death, just one of those things?
"Kate?" Jack was whispering her name, it struck her that it was an interesting tack, to be quieter to get someone's attention. She turned to face him, her expression blank, she felt that all feeling had been knocked out of her, she just felt numb, blank, just waiting for someone to tell her what to do for the first time in her life. "Where were you? You seemed far off?"
Kate turned her head back away from him, "I want to use those." Even as she said it she felt that 'want' was a particularly hollow word, need, have to, yes but want? No.
Jack nodded, "I'll support you, be with you, but you should know, that's not risk free either." He waited for her to respond, when she did not he continued, "You're at risk from excessive bleeding, infection, you should know that if you do get an infection I may not be able to do anything, potentially, you could die, if not you could … become infertile."
She snorted, "Sounds like fun, ironic isn't it?" She extended her hand for the tablets which he held, "Anything else?"
He felt shocked at her lack of feeling but knew she was trying to protect herself from the situation and did not honestly know if it would do her any good to face it, "you have to take them at an interval, the first one-"
"I don't want to know how it works Jack." She shouted abruptly, cutting him off.
"No, of course not, sorry, Kate. I- you take this one first, the other one later, I'll tell you when."
"What will happen? I mean when will it- you know, when ..?"
Jack held her hand as she wrapped her fist around the small plastic packet, "You won't notice anything until after the second tablet, but, you can't change your mind once you've had the first one, you don't have to make this decision now Kate, please give yourself sometime."
She pulled her hand from his and threw the first tablet down her throat without water, he sat shocked at her action, "You see Jack, Alex made it perfectly clear time is something I don't really have right now."