Edward and Bella couldn't wait to tell everyone about their engagement once the sun set and an evening chill started setting in.
"Close your eyes, my fiancée." he whispered with a grin as she got settled on his back. "Wouldn't want you getting sick."
"It's just so big." she said quietly, making him chuckle for more than one reason.
"I hope you mean the cliff."
"Edward Cullen are you being a pervert?" she asked in his ear with a small smile despite her newly discovered fear of heights.
"I was joking about your ring." he said, though she was way closer to the truth than he cared to admit.
"Suuure you were."
"You've been hanging around Emmett too long."
"Alice says Emmett and I are going to get into all sorts of mischief together once I'm changed."
"I don't doubt it." he agreed, making sure she was settled and leaping into the air gracefully, causing her to wrap her arms and legs around him more tightly. What had he gotten himself into? The truth is, he was thrilled about it. He looked forward to seeing what trouble they would cause. She would be so happy and loved, not just with her future husband, but her brothers, sisters, and parents as well. He spent the entire run back to his car fantasizing about their wedding. He couldn't wait to pick Alice's mind for details, though he was positive she would find a way to hide them from him.
He opened the car door and sat her down in her seat, kissing her forehead before he shut her door as she fastened her seatbelt. He got in beside her and she was smiling, admiring him.
He kissed the hand wearing her engagement ring and she smiled back at him, kissing him on the lips. Her face quickly fell when he started the engine.
"What's troubling you?"
"Telling my parents."
"You don't want them to know?"
"I don't think they will be happy."
"We'll start with mine. We know they'll be thrilled."
"I hope Alice isn't planning a party." she said sadly.
"She knows better now, I believe. And if she is, I'm certain there won't be any sharp paper." Bella pretended to admire her ring on the hand she rested in her lap but Edward knew better. "You know I'm not going anywhere, right?" he asked softly.
"I do. I feel so bad for even thinking or remembering that. It's been such a beautiful evening. I hate to ruin it."
"You could never ruin it." he promised. "Please don't ever be ashamed of your feelings."
"It just hurt so much being without you. It was awful. I wish it had never happened. At the same time, that experience made me know without any hesitation that this is the right choice. I'm confident. I don't have any doubts."
"I'm so happy to hear that. I've dreamed of this for a very long time."
"I bet after a while you gave up hope of ever finding a wife."
"I did almost immediately after my change. I liked to daydream despite knowing it would never be possible. Over time, even the daydreams faded. Especially when no women ever caught my attention. At least until I started getting to know you."
"You fantasized about me?"
He hesitated but wanted to tell her the truth. "I still do."
"What about?"
"Asking you to be my wife. You saying yes. Our wedding. You waking up from your change strong and indestructible so I know I never have to fear hurting you again."
"I've thought of all of those things too. Today was perfect. Are your thoughts self-controlled too?" she asked with a blush. He could feel her warmth and smell the blood rising in her cheeks.
"What on Earth do you mean?"
"Do you ever think about other…things?"
"With you?"
"Yeah."
"All the time, though I try to not be improper. My mind gets away from me sometimes."
"Improper. Edward, you're seventeen. And we're engaged now. I think you're allowed to be improper."
"I would never offend your honor on purpose."
"My honor." she rolled her eyes. "Have you met anyone our age concerned with that in the last….I don't know….two or three decades?"
"A few." he said with a grin. "Just in case some of the rules do still matter, I'd like to leave a few of them unbroken."
"You're allowed to have your own thoughts."
"True, but it's frustrating to have them if I can't act on them."
She froze and he feared that he had scared her or pushed her too far. Then, she burst out laughing and started wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
"What's so funny about my frustration?"
"That it's self-imposed!" she said, still laughing.
"Trust me, I know."
"Then why do you keep your rules? I'm clearly not worried. Besides, we're engaged now."
He was still questioning that himself. "I'm still dangerous to you. You're human."
"Bull."
"You aren't human?"
"You know I am." she agreed. "You aren't dangerous to me."
"I'm venomous."
"Which parts of you?" she asked.
If blushing were possible, he would have. Instead, he chuckled. "Let's focus on telling the family about our engagement first."
Edward's phone rang then and he answered it without looking to see who was calling. Only his family, Bella and Charlie had the number. He spoke to the other party for a few minutes. It was the excited squeal, so loud that even Bella could hear it, as he hung up that told her it had been Alice.
"They already know?" she asked.
"Just Alice. She promised not to tell. She's so giddy I'm sure they can guess."
"Is everything alright?"
"It is, but she said we should go tell your father first."
"Why?"
"He's going to insist that you call and tell your mother and if we tell my family first, they will want to celebrate and I'll be getting you home too late to call her."
"I'd consider that a good thing." she said, pouting.
"Alice said your dad will agree if I ask if you can spend the night with us. I'm going to say that it's already late and we want to tell them too."
She still pouted. He continued, "It means we don't have to worry about anyone caring what they overhear…" His voice became a bit lower and more seductive. "I have that nice big bed now. A kitchen full of snacks and all your favorites. Tons of music and movies."
"You would make me snacks and let me eat them in bed?"
"If you wanted." he laughed, loving that being the part she picked up on.
"Tempting. But it's not enough to be worth calling my mother with this sort of news. She's going to freak."
"I'm not above bribery."
"Of what kind?" she asked immediately, making him laugh.
"Well, let's see. I've already given you diamonds. I offered chocolate. What else do women like these days? Flowers? Designer clothes? Cars? Sports teams?"
"You."
"I'm sure we can arrange a compromise." he purred, immediately making her look up at him in shock. Her eyes were clouded with desire. He swallowed hard and forced himself to look at the road. She smiled and imagined the possibilities. He wondered how he was ever going to say no to anything this angel wanted, and why he bothered. Especially not when it was so simple and pure despite the nature of it. It was love.
He pulled into Charlie's driveway then and walked around to her side to help her out of the car.
"Did Alice happen to tell you how this is going to go?"
"No." he said, "But I think I have a pretty good idea. Maybe I should have asked him first though. The times have changed so much."
She could see that he was starting to panic and held his hand, leading him into the house and trying to calm him with the touch.
"Bella, your face is a little red." Charlie said curiously as they walked in.
"Sunburn." she answered quickly, perhaps a little too quickly.
"In Forks?"
"We went to the beach after school. The sun came out for a few hours."
"Ah. I was stuck inside doing paperwork. Hi Edward."
"Hi Chief."
Charlie looked at them for a long moment, neither of them talking. Something was different. He just had to figure out what. "I'm pretty sure that sunburn is at least half blush. And why do you both look nervous? You aren't rushing to go sit down and play Nintendo or to Bella's room. Edward doesn't seem to be in a hurry to leave to get back to his family after dropping you off. Is there something you're hesitating to tell me?"
"Since when have you been so good at reading people?"
"I'm a cop." he reminded her, making her giggle at the unexpected truthful answer. She was holding Edward's hand in her right one, so she used her left to push her hair behind her ear, her nervous habit. He froze as he saw the large diamond resting on her finger. "Ah, that. Can't say I'm surprised."
Edward's mind raced with dozens of things he should say, promises to take care of Bella, apologies for not asking him first, but he froze. Charlie's mind was mostly shielded to him, leaving Edward in anxiety and Bella practically holding her breath as she waited to see how her father would react to their news.
"Well," Charlie paused, "As long as you're both sure it's what you want forever and it isn't for some dumb reason like rushing to have sex. A wedding isn't necessary for that. Wish someone would have told me such." He rolled his eyes and smiled kindly at them.
Both of the couple were quiet for a moment before Bella grabbed her father in a hug. "I thought you'd be angry about us being engaged already."
"I could never be angry about something that makes you so happy. I'm always here for you no matter what though, alright? Remember that."
"I promise."
"Congratulations Edward." he said, reaching to shake his hand. "You've chosen well."
"The best." Edward agreed.
"You better be the one to tell your mom." Charlie said to Bella.
"Want me to come with you?" Edward asked.
"No, I'll be alright. Stay here though so we can talk after?"
"I will." he promised. While Edward talked to her father about the ring, the need to still tell his family, an apology for not asking first, and his promise to take care of her, seeing that she would want nothing, Bella's heart was racing as she dialed the familiar number with shaky hands.
"Hello?" her mother asked.
"Hi, mom."
"Bella! How are you?! Do you hate Forks yet?"
"I'm good. Great actually. Forks is…great. I'm really happy here."
"That's the shock of the century. I don't know how after all this time. Especially after having to live with your dad and what that boy did to you. Are you sure you're alright?"
She chose to ignore most of her mother's statement and continue on. "The best I've ever felt. I'm calling because I have news to tell you."
"You aren't pregnant, are you? You better not be!"
"No. Nothing like that."
"Did you make the debate team? The volleyball team? You got all A's? You're applying for colleges?! I knew you'd do well in school!"
"No, none of those."
"You should really start applying for colleges, Bella! They have deadlines you know! And-"
"Mom, let me talk." Bella said firmly. Charlie and Edward, both heard her, though she didn't yell, and halted their conversation.
"Where did this come from? You've never raised your voice at me. I can't believe that you would speak to me that way!"
"I'm sorry. I just have something really important to say and you aren't giving me a chance to say it."
"Well if you would call me more often and let me-"
"I know-"
"No. You don't know." her mother insisted. Edward appeared at Bella's side, wrapping one of his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. "You haven't been the same since you moved. You never call me just to talk anymore. Forks is getting to you. I hate that god awful, good for nothing town."
"Please, stop talking about Forks. That isn't why I called you."
"Why did you call?" she asked flatly.
Tears started to fall down Bella's face. "Because I thought you were my best friend and I wanted to share some happy news with you. I see now this isn't how it's going to go because you have to insist that everything is bad when it isn't."
"I'm not the one taking an attitude."
"No, I suppose not."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked rudely.
"Forget it, mom. Everything is fine. I'll talk to you later."
"Don't you hang up on me!"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"Why did you call?"
Edward nuzzled his face against Bella's neck, reassuring her that he was there. Charlie took a seat at the kitchen table. They had both fought an internal debate between being there for her and giving her privacy. Her tears decided for them that their presence was needed.
"I don't want to tell you like this. Not while I'm upset. I'm sorry. It can wait."
"I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to upset you. What's your news?"
"I can't do this right now. I don't want you to freak out. I don't think I can't take it."
"You act like I have a tendency to freak out."
"You do. I know you don't mean it but…you do." Bella said softly. "And I'm afraid to tell you right now because this isn't going well. I'm sorry."
"What do you mean you can't take it? Are you that fragile? Are you still feeling like you were when he left? You've got to stand up for yourself more."
"Fine…" she said, taking a deep breath and wrapping her free hand around Edward's arm. "I'll start with you. Stop treating me like a child. I'm more of an adult than you have ever been. I called you in a great mood with really awesome news and this is how you treat me. Now, I don't even feel comfortable telling you because I think you'll just blow up at me. You don't respect me. You say you're my best friend and I know that you love me but you have a terrible way of showing it. You won't stop guessing to just let me tell you no matter how much I want to and then when I calmly ask you to let me talk, you get offended. Your mood swings, refusal to do even the bare minimum to take care of me or even yourself, constant mind changing and taking everything out on me has given me all kinds of crap to deal with even in my own psyche and I'm tired of it. I just want to be Bella. And happy. So, stop doing this to me. I love you, mom. This isn't the type of relationship I want to have with you anymore. Can't we just be best friends without all of the drama? Can't I call you when I'm ready to talk to tell you how much I love it here and about the new life I've made without you having to make it about you?"
"I didn't start this. You listen here!-" she screamed so loud that everyone in the room could hear it.
Charlie walked in front of Bella and put his hand over hers that held the phone. "Let me talk to her." he whispered.
Bella's eyes widened in fear. Charlie's face was full of rage, yet his hand on hers was still gentle and comforting. He nodded at her in encouragement. She handed the phone over. Edward used his arm around her to lead her into the living room. He sat on the couch and pulled her into his lap, holding her as she cried and placing small kisses in her hair.
Charlie was silent for several minutes, though Edward heard every word of the yelling taking place on the other side of the phone. She hadn't even realized that it was no longer her daughter holding the earpiece and was letting loose a barrage of insults, then an apology, then playing the victim before she even gave anyone the chance to speak. Bella's mother was insisting that it was her life made hard and that it was everyone else's fault, including Charlie.
"It's nice to speak to you too, Reene." he said, and there was a long silence on the other side. He continued despite her not saying a word. "Yeah, it's me." Edward heard him smile a little in his thoughts at his own snarky introduction. "If this is how you talk to Bella, I have no idea how she put up with it all these years. Forks must suck awfully bad for her to think putting up with that kind of abuse was a better alternative. How could you? All these years I trusted you with the most precious thing in the world to me, and this is how you treat her? I was alright with you stomping all over me and my heart when you left, but not hers too. This is no way for any adult to act, let alone the kid's mother. She was smiling when she came in to tell me what happened today. You ruined that for her. Don't you call back here unless she calls you first. Until you can act like an adult, we're done with you."
Charlie hung up the phone then, saw that Bella was safe in Edward's arms, and gathered the trash can from the kitchen. He walked through the house, throwing away any mementos of Reene that he had kept up in his years of missing her and wishing she were still there. He left only the photos that also contained Bella, unable to destroy those, but put them aside in a drawer.
"I think it's time we both move on from that mess." he said with finality, sitting down beside them on the couch.
Bella pulled back from Edward just enough to reach for her father's hand and hold it a minute. "Thank you." It was all she was able to say, but it was all that needed said.
"Just doing my job." he said, but still he smiled at the rare show of physical affection for them. He loved her so much. "Did Alice know you were going to propose?" he asked Edward., wanting a change of topic for Bella's sake.
"She did. She helped me decide where to ask."
"Then I'm sure there's probably a massive party awaiting the two of you at your place."
Edward smiled, "She insisted that I ask if Bella could spend the night with us."
"Go. Have fun. Forget about this mess."
"You sure you're alright, dad?"
"The best I've ever felt. I wish I had the nerve to do that sooner. I hate that you were stuck with that for so long. I had no idea."
"I know you didn't. It took me a long time to recognize it as abuse. I always felt bad for her."
"Me too. Though truthfully, I guess the warning signs were there, but what did I know? I was sure she wasn't hitting you or starving you or anything."
"She wasn't. You did the best you could."
"No, I don't think I did. But I will now, for whatever time I have left. I promise." he smiled at her. "Starting by redecorating this drab old house. I don't need any trace of her craziness left. Do you think Alice or Esme would help me?"
"They would be delighted." Edward answered. "I'd be surprised if Alice doesn't leave the party to bring you a bunch of sketches the second I tell her."
"Sounds like Alice."
"Maybe leave my room out of the design frenzy? I kind of like it as is."
"Alright." he promised. "You kids go enjoy yourselves. I'll be here if you need me."
"Thanks, dad." Bella said.
Edward sat with Charlie while she went upstairs to quickly pack an overnight bag. "Would you believe I got her to agree to let me pay for her college?"
"No way."
"It wasn't without protest and a little compromise but we struck a deal. She can go anywhere she wants."
"Judging by the size of that diamond, I don't suppose I ever have to worry about money for her."
"No. The diamond was my mother's. My birth mother's. My father was one of the best lawyers in Chicago. He left me a sizable inheritance which Carlisle invested for me. Neither of us will ever have to worry about money."
"There's no shortage of love in your family either."
"There never has been." he agreed. "No one doubts each other. We take care of each other. Carlisle and Esme don't believe in yelling or fighting and neither do I. I'm sure they love her more than they love me already. That isn't a bad thing. I want that for her. She deserves it. You won't ever have to worry about her with us."
"I don't." he said. Edward smiled.
Bella came downstairs then and they said goodnight and returned to his car. Her face was still swollen from crying, though she had tried to wash it while she packed upstairs. He held her hand in his, gently stroking it with his thumb as he drove. "Your dad is really happy for us. Excited, even."
"He didn't try to shoot you."
"No, he didn't." Edward agreed with a small smile. "That was really brave of you standing up to your mother like that."
"I don't feel brave. I didn't even tell her what I called to tell her. I was a coward."
"No, she didn't give you the chance."
"We were so happy earlier. That didn't have to happen. Now, I'm a ball of anxiety when we should be celebrating."
"We'll still celebrate." he promised. "And I'm still incredibly happy. You said yes to me."
"I've always said yes to you."
"I suppose that's true, though I don't believe marriage was something you would have agreed to until here recently."
"It wasn't, but not because I didn't love you. I've always loved you for forever."
"I know. And I love you for forever. Was she always like that?"
"Not always, but often. Some days she would be almost normal other than expecting me to cook dinner or make a few phone calls for her. She would be nice and at least pretend to listen when I told her about school or whatever. She would surprise me sometimes with my favorite ice cream or a new movie to watch. It's hard to remember many good times though for all of the bad. I've spent a lot of my life terrified or saying the wrong thing or not doing exactly as she asked or thinking what she thought I should think. It's been frightening, honestly. It's hard to tell when you'll get normal mom or ranty mom."
"I'm sure it has been frightening."
"I don't think you would have wanted to be with me if you could read my mind at first. Sometimes, I'm still scared to show you everything."
"My love for you is irrevocable and permanent." he promised, adding with a grin "And you're wearing the ring to prove it."
"I guess I am." she smiled slightly at him.
"You still underestimate yourself. Of course, I would have wanted to be with you even if I had heard your thoughts. Despite all you've been through, you're still selfless and loving. Your thoughts are some of the purest and definitely the most beautiful I've ever witnessed. Love, you forget that I've killed people. Nothing in your thoughts or memories is going to scare me away."
She considered what he said for a moment and decided to admit a little secret to him. "Once I felt my mind really relax a time or two, I've learned how to control it a little. I can snap it back in place when I want to, though sometimes it still does it on its own."
"Curious. You're so smart and talented. I'm excited to see how your gift progresses."
"Me too." she agreed. He parked the car in the Cullen's garage and led her inside.
The whole family was gathered in the living room. The only decoration in sight was confetti, homemade from colorful tissue paper that wouldn't cut her skin even if it landed against her at an odd angle, which they threw on the happy couple as they walked through the door making Bella laugh.
"Mission accomplished." Emmett whispered. Edward thanked him just as quietly for cheering up his soon to be bride.
"Congratulations, Edward and Bella." Carlisle said as him and Esme hugged them both. Each couple followed suit, except Emmett, who grabbed Bella after his hug and ran with her in his arms into the back yard.
"Emmett! What-?!"
"Shh little human. Play along."
"Bring back my fiancée, Emmett or I will make you regret it!"
"Isn't it traditional to hide the bride?"
"No! It isn't. Definitely not in America."
"Well, it is now!" he shouted, his booming laughter echoing as he climbed a tall tree with her held in one strong arm. Edward was fast behind him, grabbing at his brother's ankle. Emmett took off, leaping into another tree, down to the ground and running further into the woods with Bella in his arm.
"I think I'm going to be sick." Bella said.
"Throw up in Eddie's direction if you do. Say, want to know how to block a mind reader?"
"I think I've got that mastered."
"I'm faster than you Emmett!" Edward shouted. "You won't be running long!"
"Yet, you still haven't caught me!" Emmett said, laughing. She smiled up at him and he smiled back at the human he held. "You sing dirty song lyrics in your mind. Our little prude doesn't like that." He started singing aloud, both to make her laugh and as a taunt for Edward. "She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what, what, what. Baby, move your butt, butt, butt. Uh, I think I'll sing it again (c'mon). She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what, what, what. All night long. Let me see that thooooooooong!"
"EMMETT!" Edward shouted, inches behind him. Emmett leapt up into the air and ran in a zig zag pattern, making it difficult for Edward to keep up, especially without the mind reading. At least, that's what he thought. Edward could have easily caught him, but Bella was laughing so hard in his arms…he didn't have the heart to end their chase prematurely. He'd pretend to be mad at his brother for the rest of his life to hear her giggle like that. He wasn't sure exactly what Emmett was up to, but he was happy to participate to hear that cute laugh.
"I don't really know any dirty songs." she confessed.
"What on EARTH have you been listening to then? I'll teach you some." he said, grinning down at her and showing all of his teeth. His dimples were cute in an innocent, childlike way. She knew he must have given his mother all kinds of trouble when he was human. She laughed a little at the thought.
"What's so funny?"
"You smile so innocently while you torment your brother."
"Oh yeah. It's one of my favorite things to do! We're here now, though." he said, stopping at the start of a stone walkway surrounded by flowers. She looked at the cottage at the end of it and back up to Emmett, confused as Edward caught up to them. Emmett placed her in her fiancé's arms. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." He laughed loudly. "Just kidding! There's not much I wouldn't do, if ya know what I mean!"
Edward laughed now. "You have such a one-track mind."
"Let me see that thoooong!" Emmett sang, running off into the distance again, this time alone.
Bella looked confusedly at Edward now. He kissed her forehead. "My brother is childish and dramatic, but it appears the family decided to give us one of our wedding presents early. Welcome home, my love."
"Home?"
"Our cottage. It's been on the property for at least a hundred years. Esme has been putting a lot of time into restoring it lately and she told me it would be a wedding present for us when we were ready. For privacy. But it appears they may have finished early."
He carried her inside and she looked around the room in excitement. The floors were all smooth, multicolored stones. The walls were mostly wood with stone accents. There was a large fireplace and lots of colorful décor in tasteful shades. There were books, art, and plenty of throw pillows and blankets for Bella. There was a small, stocked kitchen. A huge closet. A bathroom with an extra thick door for soundproofing, for which she was grateful. There was also a bedroom with a huge bed covered in soft, vintage quilts that Esme had lovingly handmade.
There was a note on the bed, sitting atop a tray of her favorite snacks. In Alice's girly cursive, it said: "Congratulations, you two from all of the Cullens! Enjoy!"
Bella sat on the bed, holding the note and a few tears fell down her face. "This is beautiful."
"They're so happy for us. I think they rushed to finish this today after we left school. Emmett's thoughts as he ran away showed that they wanted us to have somewhere to talk and be together without fear of being overheard."
"Edward." she said, grabbing his arms and pulling him to sit on the bed with her. She immediately grabbed him in a kiss. He brushed her hair from her face as he kissed her, showing her through touches his love and happiness that she had chosen him. He regretfully pulled away when her heart rate sped up.
"This is amazing." she said. He agreed.
"I believe I did promise you snacks in bed."
"Yeah." she smiled. "I've been so excited that I haven't eaten since lunch."
"Get comfortable." he said, lounging back on the bed and sitting her snacks beside him so she could reach them easily when she laid back down. There was a TV across the room and he easily found one of their favorite old movies so they could relax together and she wouldn't be nervous eating with him watching her. "I can make you dinner if you prefer. Esme has made sure we have all of your favorites."
"I could get used to this." she said, laying against several plush pillows and starting to eat.
He smiled, so happy that she was letting them do things for her. "You better. It's our way of showing love."
"And after my change, what will you do? Bring me mountain lions?"
"If you would like." he said, smiling. Deep down, a tiny part of him still hesitated when she mentioned her change but he knew he would never regret it. She had been through so much. He was going to do his best to never again deny her anything she wanted.
She ate and her thoughts drifted between the movie and Edward. He caught her sneaking a glance at the ring on her finger and smiling a few times. It warmed his heart.
"Would it be alright if I took a shower? I'm sure I still have sand in my socks."
"Of course, it would. Relax however you'd like. This is every bit your house as much as mine."
She smiled at him and went into the bathroom, discovering that Alice already had it stocked with all of her favorites. He called the family to thank them and tell them how much they loved the cabin but hung up quickly when his mind filled with happy thoughts that weren't his.
She was enjoying the warmth of a hot shower against her tired muscles and amused by a song stuck in her head. The one Emmett had been singing to her earlier. The only solution was to kill his brother, of that, he was sure. She was so happy, though. Emmett's demise would have to wait. Perhaps a few more centuries.
He saw in her mind as she reached for her body wash and started cleansing her arm. He tried to tune her thoughts out, focusing his eyes as much as possible on every little detail of the TV screen, but it didn't work.
"Bella, love…" he called through the door. "I can hear your thoughts right now."
"Good." she answered.
"No, not good. I'm trying very hard not to look, but I can see what you see as well."
"I know."
He was quiet for a long minute. "Are you trying to kill me?"
"I'm being very careful where I place my eyes, though you can come look for yourself if you'd like." Or even join me.
"You didn't say that you aren't trying to kill me."
"Are you that afraid of a little human girl?"
"Terrified." he admitted. "You have no idea."
She gave him just one further glimpse of her naked leg, elongated as her foot rested on the side of the shower while she washed it, before closing off her thoughts again and finishing her shower. She dressed quickly and stepped out to join him. He was still standing outside the bathroom door with a look of pure shock on his face.
His internal battle was raging on. He wanted to love her in the way she wanted him to. He was afraid of hurting her. He thought of her virtue. Then, he remembered her promise to be his wife. Her virtue was safe with him. He remembered their talk of compromise. He thought of how much she relaxed under his touch. How he could ask to hear her every thought to know how much she was enjoying herself or if she had the slightest doubt or regret. He remembered that tantalizing glimpse of her arm and leg, though of course he had seen her arm before in her tank tops. And he had seen her in shorts. But this was different.
He growled quietly, unsure if it was a growl of desire or frustration with himself. Alice must have seen this. That's why the cabin was rushed instead of his bedroom. His family….they encouraged this whatever this was.
"Edward, stop overthinking it and just come hold me."
He couldn't resist a request like that. He immediately joined her in bed, taking her in his arms. "I love you so much."
"I love you too. I'm not going to pressure you. I promise. I was just teasing. But did you like the view?"
"You have no idea." he growled, admiring this newfound confidence she had gained. "Please, show me your thoughts. All of them. I don't care what they are. I need to see them. To hear you like that…you have no idea."
"To hear me being a pervert?"
"To hear you in my mind, no matter why. Although, I'm going to have to have a talk with Emmett."
"I don't want to talk about Emmett." she smiled. She kissed him once softly to relax and then focused on clearing her mind so he could read her thoughts. She wasn't going to let her mother ruin her evening, especially not after this sweet surprise the family had prepared for her.
First, he felt an overwhelming amount of love. Her love for him grew by the day as well as his for her. Then, he felt her inner peace. She felt treasured and adored by him and his entire family. She was comfortable in her warm pajamas in bed beside him and well fed. Her thoughts were admiring his golden eyes, quickly tinting black with desire, and the way he looked at her as if she had given him the greatest gift as he read her thoughts.
She wanted to touch him because touch grounded her and helped her feel that things were real. It calmed her racing thoughts and self-doubt and let her enjoy the moment with him. When they were touching, there were no regrets, worries or flashbacks. There was only them.
She hated that they had to have boundaries, partially in a sexual way, but mostly not even that. She wanted to rest in the comfort that they were totally and completely each other's. That they didn't need to think or hesitate when they touched and loved each other in the ways that felt best to them. She knew he didn't mean any harm by keeping her away from his sharp teeth and understood that it was necessary. But she wanted to touch his thighs, his butt, his chest. She needed him to not be afraid of accidentally brushing against her breasts or her butt as they snuggled. They shouldn't have any fear or discomfort around each other. It just wasn't in their nature.
It isn't just sex she wants…Edward realized with amazement…It's me. All of me.
She smiled at him as if she read his thoughts, though he knew she couldn't hear them.
"I have never thought of it that way." he said. "I'm still not convinced I won't hurt you. I don't want to rush things. I did, however, agree to a compromise if you're willing to experiment a little."
Her thoughts were completely happy and more than willing.
Author's Note: This is the point at which I will go ahead and change the story's rating. I didn't intend for Home to have detailed lemons or even talk about sex a lot, although it's one of my favorite topics if my other fics are any indication. However, one important part of my healing has been getting comfortable with my own body and seeing sex and pleasure as a normal thing, not something to be ashamed of, as women are often taught to believe. Reading fan fic really helped me get past a lot of my hang ups with it and I feel it would be dishonest to myself and to the character growth to not include it where appropriate. Thanks for reading, as always!