Author's Note: Coffeefilterart guessed the movie mentioned in the last chapter was There's Something About Mary. Absolutely correct! Lol! That scene has always stuck with me. Someone had asked if the Ozarks meant Arkansas and yes it does! Sometimes they like to go far away for a few days and help areas experiencing overpopulation, so why not have one last big trip before the wedding? And no worries everyone, last chapter was definitely not the end of Home. I have the end planned out, but it's not in sight yet. You haven't heard the last of this Edward & Bella. I'm rather attached to them.

"Wellllll?" Emmett asked with a teasing grin. "How did you two lovebirds like your cabin?"

Bella looked down at her feet, blushing and trying to hide her smile. Edward glared at his brother.

"Did you two have fun?" he asked, realizing she was blushing for a reason, even if he didn't know exactly what it was.

"Emmett! Don't tease Bella." Edward said.

"Oh, it's not her I'm teasing, it's you. I know she wants to tell me all about it. She's trying to spare your feelings."

Bella looked back up at Emmett then. "We had a great night." she said with a smile that he returned, chuckling quietly.

"Oh yeah! That's better. Good for you two. About time. Rosie and I have destroyed a few cabins in our day-"

"That's enough on that topic, Emmett. It wasn't what you're thinking." Edward insisted.

"That's too bad. I'll tell you all about the cabins I've destroyed after your change!" he stage-whispered, leaving the room and laughing to himself. Edward led Bella upstairs to where Jasper was expecting them.

"You guys are happy." he said when they sat down. Edward wouldn't make eye contact with him and Bella was still flushed. It didn't take an empath to figure things out. "I'm not going to press you for details. I promise. That's none of my business. You both seem more comfortable and more relaxed with each other though than even the improvements I noted in our last few sessions. That's definitely a positive."

"I can almost always hear her thoughts now." Edward said proudly. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced."

"I don't worry about much around Edward anymore, especially now that he can hear my mind and still loves me. It's easy to feel safe and loved with him."

"That's great." Jasper agreed. "Alice told me when she bought you the locket that touch seems to help ground you. I want to talk about touch today." Edward looked away embarrassed, but Jasper just laughed silently in his thoughts and continued talking. His guesses of what had taken place weren't far from the truth but as promised, he didn't pry. "Are you familiar with the concept of mindfulness, Bella?"

"No, not really."

"That's where I'd like to start this session." he said, easing both of them into conversation. They settled in as they realized no one was going to make them talk about their night together beyond Emmett's usual teasing, even though it was hard to hide what had happened in their facial expressions. "Mindfulness is about being present in the current moment. It's difficult, even for me. It's the practice of finding something that can help you not worry about the future or dwell on the past but enjoy things as they happen. Sometimes it happens on its own, other times it takes intent and practice. It doesn't have to be paired with an activity because it's a state of mind but there are activities that make it easier for some people.

Edward responds really well to playing piano when he's in the mood for it. Especially when he's composing. Bella, for you it seems to be physical touch, not just his, but you enjoy things with texture too, like running your finger over the ridges of your pencil in class or playing with the slight wave in your hair."

"You've noticed my nervous fidgeting."

"Yes, and how you almost instantly relax when he squeezes your hand or touches your face. Edward is a part of what's helping too, but physical touch seems helpful for you. Remember that when you need to calm down or feel your mind racing too much."

"I like to run my fingers over the little diamonds in my locket sometimes too."

"Exactly." Jasper agreed.

"She has much the same effect on me when I'm not worrying about a thousand nearly impossible scenarios of ways she could be harmed."

"That's important." Jasper said. "I noticed you seem less anxious than normal today." I've been telling you for years, brother. All it took was one good evening with a woman you love. he teased in his thoughts.

"I am." he confessed, adding too quietly for Bella to hear "But we didn't do what you think."

A damn shame. Just wait until you do. You'll be like – he teased his brother, thinking of mental images of fireworks and explosions. He spoke aloud for Bella's benefit. "Are you less worried about things in general?"

"Much less." Edward answered, looking at his feet, embarrassed.

"I'm glad to hear it. Did anything change in your perspective recently?"

"Everything." he said with a contented sigh and a smile in Bella's direction. "I heard her thoughts as she slept last night. I saw her dreams and nightmares. The way she thinks even when unconscious. How she smiles or calms down when I touch or talk to her. I never truly understood the meaning of having a mate before experiencing how tightly our souls are bonded together last night."

"Souls?" Jasper asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Why not?" Edward shrugged. "There's no proof we have them. There's also no proof we don't."

Jasper laughed. "I'm really glad to hear that. It took you long enough to reach such a conclusion, brother. What changed?"

Edward was speechless for a minute, finally giving Jasper a smile and a simple answer. "Her."

"We set a date for the wedding." Bella said happily after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"I'm going to change her a few weeks after." he agreed.

Jasper smiled sincerely at both of them, reflecting on what a long way they'd come so far, what with souls and wedding dates in the day's discussion. "Are you worried about her change?"

"Only that I have to be the one to cause her pain to do it. I won't let her harm anyone. I will do everything in my power to see that she is happy and never regrets it."

"I won't." she promised him, squeezing his hand.

"You two have made some amazing progress together. You should celebrate it. Let's also focus on mindfulness this week. Try to pay attention to things you sincerely enjoy doing. The ones that make you focus and truly relax no matter what's going on. Mindfulness is also something you can do intentionally. You can focus on your breathing or on a particular sound, texture, or smell. You can try reciting poetry or whatever it is that makes you happy."

"What do you do, Jasper?" Bella asked curiously.

"I like to read history books. The book itself holds my attention if it's well written, but afterwards I can focus better in the present by taking time to reflect on my past and put things in perspective if that makes sense?"

"It does."

"It gives me the perspective to understand why I'm lucky to have each day, or to better understand things I've lived through."

"Perhaps that's why I like classic romance books so much." He raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue talking. "The historical aspect is nice because it makes me think about how much nicer things are now. It's cool learning about how things were done in the past but it makes me grateful too that I don't have to do things like spend an hour tying skirts in the morning. It makes me more aware of modern things I enjoy.

The romance parts are the way I could think about love and daydream about what was missing from my life. They gave me more courage and strength in the present because I could always slip away into a daydream or use some of the characters as reassurances that not everyone and everything was always bad. When my mom was yelling at me or berating me, I could focus my thoughts on remembering that I could grow up to be a better person, rather than letting her get to me as much. It allowed me to function and handle the present better if that makes sense?" Jasper nodded.

Edward realized that Bella, while she knew her mother loved her, never felt safe or secure in that love. Though she had somewhat mentioned it before, putting everything together was a huge revelation for her and his love had reached it all on her own. He was proud.

"That's a great point. A lot of times people with C-PTSD enjoy daydreaming and especially reading or watching TV because they know that they don't want to be like their abuser, but where else would they look for examples of what love really is and how to be a good person?" Jasper asked.

"Exactly." she agreed.

"Although it might seem like escapism, escapism can be a good thing because it lets you relax. Familiar characters and settings brought you comfort and helped you take care of yourself. It also helped you better understand things in the present by considering different character's perspectives."

"Yeah."

"And when there wasn't a safe way to practice physical mindfulness in the present by listening to music or enjoying something textured, you practiced by self-reflection and thinking logically about what was happening."

"Sometimes. Sometimes, I just shut down too."

"It happens to the best of us." he said. "You have been a lot stronger than you realize all these years."

"I'll never underestimate her again." Edward agreed.

For more reasons than one, I imagine. Jasper smiled, happy to see his brother's anxieties reducing, no matter what the cause. "Just remember that your body has stored up a lot of that past trauma. It's going to take time to release it and work through everything. You both are doing fantastic. Is there anything you two would like to talk about today?"

"Intrusive thoughts." Edward said. "What should I do to stop them?"

"Like what?"

"Feeling like I'm not good enough for Bella, even though I know without a doubt now she's chosen me. Jealousy over human boys and what they could offer her that I can't. The random thoughts that like to pop up and remind me I'm a murderer." he said, watching her hesitantly for any signs of a bad reaction to what he said without thinking. He still feared scaring her or disappointing her that he wasn't totally cured yet.

She rested her head against his shoulder, focusing on the feeling of him against her and relaxed her mind to him. You know I love you no matter what. she promised. He kissed her head as Jasper watched them, fascinated by the rapid change in his emotions from nervous to near euphoric when he heard her thoughts. It was obvious what was happening to him just from Edward's expressions alone.

She's so good for him. Jasper thought to himself. "Bad thoughts happen to the best of us. Having the thoughts isn't the issue. Even the strongest people struggle. You should know that from your mind-reading. The real challenge is what you do with those thoughts when they happen. The next time you feel like you aren't good enough for her, remind yourself that she loves and chooses you anyways and that you are exactly what she wants. When you think you're a murderer, think about all the lives you've spared by decades of drinking only from animals. It's hard. I suffer with it too. But you're going to have those thoughts on occasion no matter what you do. It's what you do with them that counts."

"I'll try." Edward promised.

"One more concept for today. Are you all familiar with the term inner critic?"

"No." Bella answered. Edward agreed.

"The inner critic is the little voice inside your head that tells you that you aren't good enough, that you can't possibly do what you're thinking of or that you're a failure. A slight degree of self-criticism is normal but in trauma survivors, the voice or the tone of your thoughts can become antagonistic and even demeaning. A lot of times, when children have grown up in an abusive household or had parents with a lot of self-doubt, they internalize that from a young age and it becomes a part of their perception of themself, even if it's inaccurate. A lot of people don't even realize that it's there until it's pointed out to them." I would never hurt his feelings by saying this aloud, Edward, but is it possible that you've inherited part of your beliefs about souls and damnation from Carlisle's centuries of fearing the same and you hearing his thoughts? Perhaps something he inherited from his father's religious beliefs and doesn't even realize? Your thoughts of not being good enough for her – are they even your own?

"Could be you're right." Edward agreed quietly, reflecting on just how much of his own opinions and past beliefs were actually instilled on him by others. His mother, Carlisle, and the minds he had read, the beliefs he had held about souls at least were definitely due to his upbringing, both human and vampire.

"What does yours sound like, Bella?"

"It tells me that I'm plain and boring, just like my mom used to. That I'm not doing all I can to be good enough to deserve Edward, like putting more effort into my appearance and into doing things for him. That even though everything is amazing right now, bad things always happen and I should anticipate the worst." she finished sadly, looking at her lap. "But then I feel guilty for thinking of those things, especially the last one because of the amazing night we had together last night and how much better we have both been doing. I don't feel bad today. I know he loves me. I shouldn't have these sorts of fears, even for a second."

"It's only natural after all you've been through." Jasper promised as Edward wrapped both of his arms around her from where he sat beside her. "What matters is what you do with those thoughts now that you know how to recognize them."

"You're perfect." Edward whispered in her ear, reminding her of how he had called her gorgeous the night before. She blushed and leaned into him. "Let me take you out for lunch when we're done. We should properly celebrate our engagement."

"Alright." she agreed. Jasper and Edward shared a smile that she didn't protest or seem uncomfortable with the offer.

"Reflect on what we talked about. If you need to talk more before next time, you know where to find me."

"Thank you, Jasper." Bella said. "For everything."

"It's my pleasure." he said as Edward helped Bella up and they left for their date.

"I want to stop by the bookstore for something after you eat." Edward said as he helped her into his car.

"You wanting to get a head start on Bitten?"

"Lord no." he said, making her laugh loudly. "There's something I want to try though. I'll show you if they have one."

"Not a dirty book already, I hope? Because we have to actually do it first…"

"What is it with you and the family calling sex it? It already has a word, you know. Sex."

Bella blushed and giggled, looking out the window. It was funny to hear him say it and talk so openly about it in front of her for a change. "Well, it was appropriate there because I wouldn't say do sex."

He growled quietly and started the car. "You're going to be the death of me with that blush."

"And my constant hormones?"

"That too." he agreed.

"You love it."

"Wouldn't trade it for the world."

"So now I'm an it?"

"I never said that." he said, embarrassed until he realized she was joking and kissed her hand with a grin. "Do you enjoy almost giving me a heart attack?"

"Your heart doesn't beat. It can't attack you."

"You sure try to make it attack me sometimes."

"You mean when I offend your delicate sensibilities?"

"My sensibilities are becoming a lot less delicate." he said, grinning teasingly at her. "It physically pained me to see you cover your lovely body in clothes this morning."

"I could take them off, if you like."

He growled again, a playful yet frustrated growl. "Don't tempt me."

"But I like tempting you."

"I'd like to feed my human. I'm trying to take you out for lunch."

"I ate breakfast."

He laughed then, focusing on the road more than she had ever seen him do. He was trying to will away the problem growing in his pants. "Now I'm the one feeling like a hormonal teenager."

"It's about time." she said with a giggle.

"I would very much like to take you out to celebrate our engagement, but don't think I won't get you back for teasing me like that."

"You started it."

"I did not!" he insisted, looking at her in amazement.

"Yes, you did."

"You're the one that brought up a dirty book."

"You're the one that walks around looking like that."

"You're one to talk." he said with a laugh, shaking his head just slightly as he focused on the road ahead of them. "Where would you like me to take you for lunch?"

"Can we go to the large bookstore that has a café in it?"

He smiled, his thoughts returning to normal as he enjoyed the fact that she chose a restaurant without hesitation. She wasn't protesting his spending money on her. "Of course, we can."

She smiled and sat back then, listening to the radio as he drove the rest of the way. She opened her mind to him and let him hear that she was perfectly relaxed, content and thinking of what she wanted to order for lunch. He smiled in return as he drove, softly humming along with the music.

"You've almost got me craving a croissant and I don't even eat." he laughed.

"You should try one. They're amazing."

"Human food tastes like dirt to us. Like that bite of your pizza I tried."

"That was school pizza. It was basically dirt." she said with a grin.

"Is it really that bad to you too?"

"It's not much better."

"I'm sure Esme would be happy to make you lunch every day you know. And before you say no, think of how many groceries she has to toss each week that can't be donated because they're perishable. It would be a bit odd if the doctor's wife is never seen buying fruits and vegetables. And you know how much she enjoys cooking and baking as well."

"Wouldn't it be odd if I was eating a homemade meal and not the rest of you?"

"We usually pretend to bring fruit and such from home too."

"True." she agreed. "I hate to feel like I'm bothering Esme though."

"Trust me, she would be delighted. Cooking is one of her human hobbies that she misses. All human food tastes bad to us. One time, shortly after her change, she insisted that Carlisle and I just had to try her chocolate cake recipe. She still remembered it and said she couldn't possibly believe it would ever taste bad. She was so insistent on proving us wrong. There was no changing her mind."

"Oh no." Bella said.

"Oh yes. She made Carlisle and I try a bite together. I was having a hard time maintaining my composure because he was trying to smile while his thoughts were thinking of how disgusting it was and wondering how to politely spit it out. I ended up spitting mine out in laughter. Esme wasn't amused but then she took a bite-" Edward smiled. "She hasn't tried to cook for us anymore."

"Poor Esme."

"She's also wonderful at home improvement projects and building things. She loves following instructions and doing the types of hobbies that show a productive result."

"Like our cabin."

"That was very much a work of love on her part, although she enlisted my brothers some too."

"You knew about it."

"I thought it was to be our wedding present. I didn't want to spoil the surprise for you."

"It was really sweet of them to do that for us and to give it to us early."

"It was. They thought we might like a little more privacy."

"It feels weird to go back home to Charlie after the wonderful time we had there last night."

"Soon, my love. You will be all mine and it will be our true home." He smiled and squeezed her hand gently, remembering every detail of her warmth against him, her open mind and how relaxed both of them had been. He had never felt so happy.

"Edward, what are we going to tell Charlie about my change?"

He hesitated, "I've had some thoughts and ideas but I really don't know."

"Maybe we can just talk to him."

"We can't. You remember me telling you about the Volturi?"

"I know we can't tell him the full truth. But perhaps we can prepare him in some way or tell him something."

"I promise to think on it. I can't promise if we'll get to stay in Forks or not after your change."

"Why not?" she insisted.

"There's an old treaty that only allows us to stay here peacefully if we don't bite any humans."

"So?"

"I have to bite you to change you."

"There's no other way?"

"No." he answered. "Well, maybe. A technicality really. I'm afraid however I do it though, they will notice your disappearance."

"Who is they?"

"The tribal elders. They know what we are. That's why we can't go on the reservation."

"Oh." she said. "But I'm not going to disappear. I'll just look different."

"You may not be able to be around humans for the first few months, maybe even a few years."

"Right." she agreed. "It sounds like going away go to college is the best choice then. At least at first. Though I'll miss our cabin."

"No one says we can't pretend to leave and stay in the cabin for a while. We just can't be seen in town. Rosalie and Emmett pretend to go away to college every decade or so and stay with us. We would have to use the vehicles with tinted windows for travel and do any shopping at least a few hours away, though occasionally being seen for a visit is alright as long as we aren't near the Quileutes for them to notice you've changed. And you will have to wear contacts around humans at first."

"I like the idea of staying."

"Me too. Are you sure you won't regret this so soon? There are so many things to consider."

She showed him her thoughts again then and he was overwhelmed with their beauty. I won't regret it. I want you. I will never regret you. I don't want you to have to hide anything from me or hold back anymore. I don't want to miss you when you hunt or when I sleep. There's nothing I want more than forever with you.

"The list of reasons I shouldn't run away with you to Vegas right now is getting shorter and shorter." he teased.

She smiled and watched the scenery pass by as they finished their drive, leaving her thoughts open to him. If he thought she alone was like his own personal brand of heroin, that was nothing compared to the love and beauty in her mind to complete the picture. He had at times considered hearing the thoughts of others a curse, but this, this was his greatest blessing. She was beautiful. She brought him to peace with himself and a stillness he had never experienced before. The thoughts of others grew quieter and quieter when he could wrap himself up in her mind instead. Though she thought herself boring, she couldn't be farther from it.

Edward bought her lunch, happily watching her eat. She made adorable noises of satisfaction, particularly with the croissant she had been craving on the drive over. She blushed lightly when she saw him looking at her, admiring her.

I can't stop thinking about last night. she thought when she caught his eye.

"Me neither."

She showed him a memory of how it felt to have him touch her so lovingly and carefully, yet in a way that made her skin flush with desire and warmth. How it felt to hold him intimately in her hand, to watch his expressions as he felt new sensations with her. He growled quietly, mindful of where they were. She admired him and felt happy that he was hers.

"Not here, please." he said quietly. "I'm completely, irrevocably yours."

She giggled. "I hope we don't have too much shopping to do before you take me home."

"If by home you mean our cabin, no, not much at all." he agreed, loving the idea of more alone time with her before he would have to take her back to her home, for now. He couldn't wait for her to be fully his every day for the rest of their lives either.

"What are we getting anyways?" she asked, pulling him out of his fantasizing.

"A map."

"A map?"

"For you. Come on, I'll show you." he said, noticing she was done eating and picking up the trash to throw away for her.

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him more easily on the cheek. "Thank you for buying me lunch."

"Any time, my love." he smiled. "I've been thinking about how you like texture and touch to focus on." He led her towards the section with maps and almanacs and grabbed a book of American landscapes with textured map inserts, including a bumpy texture for mountains. "I thought it might help you while I'm gone with my brothers and Carlisle next week if you could see and feel where I will be."

"That's a great idea." she agreed, running her finger over the textured book.

He smiled and waited for her to hand it back to him so she could shop. "Let's look around. I'm sure you can find us something better to discuss this week than Bitten." he made a gagging sound and she laughed, immediately steering him towards the romance section. "I know you're joking. I still hear you."

She laughed again and he decided she could pull his leg all day if that's what he would get to hear in return, even if he had to play along and pretend to not hear her thoughts. But then, some cover art caught her eye. Though she didn't outwardly say a thing, her mind showed him the memories. She used to love to draw and quit because her mother always made fun of her drawings or would make jokes about what they looked like instead of enjoying her attempts. She knew she wasn't any good at it but wanted to try it again. Deciding it wasn't a good use of her time, she kept walking. Edward grabbed the drawing guide and a few sketchbooks and silently added them to the stack in his arm, putting them under the map book so she wouldn't see what they were until they were home.

Then, she saw a series of crime mystery novels based on a show she liked. She talked excitedly about it for several minutes, the most Edward had ever seen her talk about any subject that wasn't him. He was overjoyed. She wasn't being afraid of judgement or being told to be quiet as her mother had often done. She was just being herself. Truly, freely herself. He couldn't contain his smile. "The show is called Bones. Have you ever seen it?"

"I haven't."

"I really enjoy it. It's only been out a few years. I think I might be a season or two behind though."

"It's not morbid for you?"

"No, because it isn't about the bodies. It's about the mystery and bringing the killer to justice. About the relationships and people who made friends who never thought they would have them. It's…a lot of fun, actually." she grinned, tucking her hair behind her ear. When she excused herself for a human minute a while later, he ordered the full set of novels shipped to her house, to be delivered while he was hunting along with a love note to surprise her with.

He bought one for her to enjoy that evening and a few books for himself as well so she would be less likely to protest and was waiting for her with the bags in hand when she finished. "I figured you would have read everything there was to read by now." she joked when she saw the bags. "Except Bitten."

"Except Bitten." he agreed. "No thanks."

"What did you buy?"

"Some history memoirs for Jasper. A cookbook for Esme. Philosophy books for me. And a few surprises for you."

"You know I don't like surprises."

"You loved our cabin." he said. She was silent then and he smiled at her defeat. "Exactly. Let me do things for you. It makes me happy."

"Well, when you put it that way…" she said, kissing him softly on the lips once they were in the car. He kissed her in return, grateful that she was letting him spoil her if only a little. A few hundred dollars on books and lunch was nothing compared to the things he wanted to do, yet it was a great start. "Thank you."

"You're most welcome." he responded, handing her the book he bought her in the store and starting the car to take her home. She smiled in happy surprise and read the back of it.

"Edward?" she asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really happy with how far we've both come."

"Me too." he agreed. "We still have another hour or two before I need to have you home. Would you like to spend it in our cabin?"

"You never have to ask." she said with a laugh, her thoughts looking forward to new sensations and alone time with Edward.

"I was going to say that we don't have to do…that…" he started nervously. "You know I love you for you. I just want to be with you no matter what that means. And if you ever don't want to-"

"I promise I would tell you. You can read my mind now. I probably think about you naked way more than anyone should."

"As long as it's only you thinking that, I'm very happy about it." he said, grabbing her hand and kissing it before giving it back, trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"I was a little afraid you would wake up and regret last night."

"I know. I'm sorry for how I've treated you in the past to make you feel that way."

"I meant your morals."

"That too." he agreed. "I have no regrets at all about last night. It was one of the most perfect nights of my existence."

"Mine too."

"As you were sleeping, I had an epiphany that nothing done out of love with you could ever make me unhappy or fill me with regret. Besides, we're engaged and you're to become my immortal mate. I would say that's a pretty permanent relationship."

"I hope so." she said with a smile. "If you try to run away again, I'm going to hook up with Alice instead."

She blocked her thoughts from him then and his face went pale, even for a vampire. He took his eyes off the road to stare at her incredulously, clenching the steering wheel tightly and trying to decide how he should feel about it before she burst out laughing at his expression.

"What am I ever going to do with you?" he asked, shaking his head.

"I can give you some ideas." she replied, again opening her mind to him for the rest of the drive home. She had plenty of ideas.

He was so happy, not just that she was teasing him like that, but that she was freely joking with him and hiding no part of herself. He strived to do the same with her from now on.