Author's Note: Feel free to skip this chapter if you don't want to read smut. The story won't be overly sexual and it won't be every chapter or even every other, but I wanted to include this because I felt like it's such an important part of their healing. In the original series, sex was shameful for Edward and more so once Bella got pregnant (which won't be happening in Home), until after her change when he finally realized that everything was alright. Here, sex is symbolic of Edward's accepting himself enough to realize he isn't the monster he thought he was. I hope this does the characters well and isn't smut just for smut sake.

In my own journey, I grew up believing that sex was something a woman shouldn't enjoy even with a loving partner. It was shameful or dirty if she did, at least in the local religion and culture. That just isn't the case. And it's something that more women should talk about and be open to. I felt it would also be untrue to my own journey to not include it here where it felt right to Edward & Bella as well.

Your reviews and messages made me smile, as always. Sorry this week is late; I started a new job and it's been a bit crazy. This chapter is also a little shorter than others but we'll make up for it in the next one!

Edward carried Bella through the threshold of their cabin home, both of them giggling from flirting the entire way there and elated but nervous. He heard it in her thoughts and his own were much the same.

"There's nothing to be nervous about, love. I've got you." Yet, saying it aloud was a feeble attempt to hide his own nerves as well, not just the fear of accidentally hurting her, but the fear of the unknown. Would she enjoy herself? He would try his best to see that she would. What if he didn't know what to do? Almost a century of reading both minds and books suddenly left him and he was just Edward…just clueless, virgin Edward.

She smiled up at him, love radiating from her. She was too happy to think of any words to say. Her thoughts were focused completely on Edward.

"I can't get enough of that lovely mind of yours." he said, kissing her cheek as he walked carefully through the cabin with her.

Her thoughts said what she was too nervous to speak aloud. This is going to change everything for us. There's no going back from it.

"We don't have to do this if you aren't ready."

I am. I want to. More than anything. It's just a big moment. You know?

"Trust me." he chuckled quietly. "I know. I've been waiting an eternity for you."

His eyes were as black as coal, his breathing shallow despite it being unnecessary. Her heart was thumping in her chest and she could feel the heat radiating from her body.

He smiled sheepishly. "I've been imagining this moment more than I care to admit."

"Me too." she agreed.

"I always rolled my eyes when people said that sex would change everything. I thought they were exaggerating but I think I get it now. It can change everything if it's with someone you love. Because it's about totally giving over control to each other. Trust."

"And love."

"And love." he agreed.

"And fun." she giggled as he sat her on their bed. His dark eyes were sparkling with mischief as he kneeled down to her eye level in the floor in front of her.

"And fun? No one told me I was supposed to make this fun. Should I have bought silly string or something?"

She laughed hard then, snorting, which made him laugh at her even harder. "What in the world are you doing down there in the floor?"

"Well, I didn't exactly ask properly the first time – did I? The whole down on one knee thing?" he asked, adjusting to a proper kneel.

"The first time?!" she asked, still giggling but wondering how many times he intended to do this.

"Well, I just want to make sure before I give away my precious virtue." he smiled crookedly, her heart fluttering and tears of laughter falling from her eyes. "Isabella Marie Swan, I love you more than anything in this entire world. I promise I will never hurt you. I'll do everything you ask of me from now on. Will you marry me?"

"I will." she answered. "Like I told you the first time." She giggled again and he smiled at her teasing. "Now get up here."

"Just had to make sure." he said as he sat on the bed too, immediately ensnaring her lips in a kiss so intense that her thoughts were completely blank of everything but their love. He gently ran fingers over her back, every touch making her relax more against him. He slowly lifted her shirt and they broke apart just long enough to toss it in the floor. As he unfastened the hooks of her bra, she slid her hands under his shirt, gently rubbing his abs. Her warm hands felt incredible, as always, against him. She was so soft and delicate. He had to remember that.

He leaned back a little to slide the bra from her arms and she leaned towards him, not wanting any unnecessary space between them. He smiled and lifted his shirt to remove it, lips leaving hers for only a second. To have her want him like this was indescribable. He was feeling things he wasn't sure that could be put into words.

He caressed her breasts, making the nipples harden into peaks with only a soft touch. She slid her hand down his abs and rested it on his crotch. He jerked a little involuntarily.

"I'm sorry. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Did I scare you?"

"No. Just surprised me. I'm very…excited." he said, not wanting to offend her with crass words. And high strung. Nervous as hell. he added only in his thoughts.

"Me too. Let's not make each other wait too long."

"We have waited rather long enough, haven't we?" he asked, caressing her blushed cheek with his cold hand. She leaned into the touch. He felt wonderful on her overheated skin. "Lie back against the pillows." She did as requested and he removed the remainder of her clothing, then his own. "I will never get over how beautiful you are. How perfect." he said, slowly kissing a trail starting from one of her ankles all the way to her face, making her giggle yet again and squirm beneath him.

"Don't make me wait much longer."

"Not long at all." he said, his cool breath washing over her face and dazzling her senseless. "You must know how loved you are. Once I'm fully satisfied that you do, well, then I'll show you all over again in this entirely new way."

Her big, excited eyes met his dark ones. She both lost and found herself in them. He was everything. He was love. Desire. Passion. She took a deep breath and felt her body relax in places she hadn't realized had been holding tension. He kissed her softly as one of his hands traveled from her face, pausing at her breast, then down her stomach. He was smiling at her as he teased her by refusing to move his hands any lower. Edward wanted to be sure she was completely at ease first, or at least as much as possible. He couldn't bear it if he hurt her.

"The longer you make me wait, the longer you make you wait." she said with a grin.

"Let's see….it's been a few decades…what more is a few more minutes? Besides, you're so cute when you're excited. And your scent…" Truthfully, he wanted to savor this moment. Their first time would only happen once. It was everything he dreamed of.

"Most women would be disturbed by you talking about their scent right now."

"Well, you aren't most women. Are you?"

"Definitely not."

"Definitely not." he agreed, kissing her softly and bringing both of his hands once again to caress her flaming cheeks. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"Show me your thoughts."

"I'm trying. You keep distracting me."

"Perhaps I should try harder to distract you."

"Perhaps you should." she agreed. He chuckled and moved his hand slowly from her cheek, down her neck, her collar, a breast, her hips, and stomach, finally gently caressing the soft spot between her legs. The one that made her squirm with pleasure.

"I'll never tire of your reaction to this."

"It's embarrassing."

"How so?"

"I can't hold still."

"Or be quiet." he said with a grin. "You should never feel embarrassed around me. Particularly not about something like this." He moved his fingers a little faster and she moaned. He kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear. "Exactly."

"I can't reach you."

"That's alright."

"It's not fair to you."

"I'm enjoying myself perfectly well." he grinned. He moved his hand down, sliding a finger inside of her. "Besides, I believe you're ready for the…what did you call it? The fun part?" he laughed. She blushed harder.

"I've been ready since the minute I saw you."

He laughed then, unable to keep the grin off his face. "I wish I could say the feeling was mutual, but there was that little obstacle of me really, really wanting to kill you first."

"Just one little obstacle." she agreed. He looked deeply into her eyes. His were the blackest she had ever seen. He stroked her cheek with one hand and was still caressing her just above her entrance with the other. They gazed at each other for a long moment. Words weren't necessary. Their feelings were understood. They wanted each other more than anything.

He lined himself up at the right place above her, still not breaking eye contact. "If I hurt you…"

"I'll tell you. I promise. But you won't."

"You have so much faith in me."

"I always have." she said, her eyes wide and her heart racing.

He nodded, more to reassure himself than Bella and slid gently inside of her, a moan escaping his lips. She was incredibly warm and soft. Not just that, but it felt like they fit perfectly together. It was as if a part of him that had been missing forever was suddenly snapped in place.

Edward held still, admiring her face. "Show me." he whispered.

She opened her mind to him, with some difficulty, and showed that their feelings were one and the same. It was a little uncomfortable, but that was nothing compared to the joy and wholeness taking place inside of her.

He slid halfway out and back in and they both moaned this time. "My God…" he whispered again, more to himself than on purpose.

She wrapped her legs around him, encouraging him now that the discomfort had mostly gone away. "Edward."

"Bella."

They were perfectly in tune with each other, moving as one, climbing towards a pleasure unlike any other. That of their mate. Of being together. Feeling more connected than ever before.

She tightened around him and forgot everything but sensation for a few seconds, bringing him to the edge with her as they came within seconds of each other. He, still inside her, collapsed down to the bed, warm meeting cool everywhere their skin touched. Edward was still careful not to crush her with his weight.

It took several minutes before either of them caught their breath, even though he didn't need to breathe. She was running her fingers through his hair, holding him close.

Edward came to his senses first, kissing the side of her face and slowly sliding out of her, careful still not to harm her.

"I wanted you to stay there." she pouted.

"I wanted to stay there too." he agreed, laying properly beside her with a huge smile.

Bella giggled then. "We're OK. Nothing bad happened."

"The exact opposite of bad." he agreed. "Was it alright?"

"Alright?" she asked, incredulously before having a fresh fit of giggles. "Alright? I've never felt so amazing."

"Me neither." he agreed, brushing some hair out of her face. "I love you, my mate."

"I love you too, my mate."

They snuggled contentedly for a while, absorbed in their own thoughts and the glow of their lovemaking. It was Bella who spoke first. "Does it feel like this for everyone?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…our first time…I've always heard it was supposed to be awkward, some people say they didn't really feel much of anything. A lot of people say it's fun but there's not any emotion behind it. But for us…it was so much more."

"It was." he agreed. "I would say there are a few reasons why our first time was especially meaningful for us, perhaps because of all we've overcome to get here together? Or maybe because of the strength of our bond? The emotional maturity we both have, knowing that it wasn't a decision to be made lightly?"

"Speak for yourself." she laughed. "It was an easy choice for me when you're involved."

"I suppose so." he smiled, caressing her cheek again. "Believe me, once I was past the wanting to kill you part I felt very much the same." He was quiet for a moment, reflecting. "A lot of humans rush into it. It's seen as a right of passage. To some people, it's meaningless physical pleasure. And that's alright if it makes them happy. But to us, with all we've been through, it's about connecting and loving each other."

"I'd say we connected rather well." she teased.

"Definitely." he laughed. "It's going to be so much harder to resist you now."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"We will have to be out in public sometimes, you know."

"Eloping suddenly doesn't sound so bad…"

"Don't tempt me." he growled. "I can't wait to never have to share you with the world again, unless we choose to go out of course."

"Do you think we'll always feel…like this?"

"If the other vampire couples I know are any indication, yes. We feel things so much more strongly. And most of us have been through Hell to get to where we are now. We hold the things we love closely. They are much more meaningful to us. You in particular, you have no idea just how truly loved you are."

"I have some idea. You gave up your virtue for me."

He laughed softly again. "As did you."

"I don't regret it."

"Nor do I."

"Edward?"

"So many questions." he grinned, encouraging her to continue.

"Should we put our clothes on before the family comes by and finds us naked?"

"They know better than to come within a mile's radius of this cabin without warning us. Rosalie and Emmett must have destroyed at least ten cabins over the years."

"Destroyed?"

"I warned you about vampire strength. It's why I had to be so careful with you, my precious human. One misstep on my part and you would have been gravely injured."

"I don't even feel bruised."

"You aren't. At least not anywhere I can see. I've already checked."

"Bruises don't form that fast."

"To vampire eyes they do."

"That was amazing."

"Indeed, it was." he agreed. "To feel you surrounding me like that…it's incredible. I never even wanted this with anyone before I met you. For a while, it was almost all I could think about but then I would feel miserable and guilty knowing it would never be possible without either hurting you or changing you…sentencing you to death in my mind how I felt then."

"I'm glad we're doing better."

"Me too." he agreed. "You've changed everything for me." Words weren't enough to explain to Bella the love he always felt now. The completeness at knowing that he wasn't alone. The constant feeling of being understood. His purpose, finally found, was to love and protect her. For years he had been just a shell of a man, wandering around and finding small joys, but nothing like her. Nothing at all close to Bella. "I won't lie and say I still don't struggle sometimes. I have rough nights, especially when you're deeply asleep and I don't want to wake you when my thoughts betray me. But overall, I have never been so fulfilled."

"I'm so happy."

"Me too. We still have the entire evening ahead of us. Let me take you somewhere?"

She started to answer how much nicer it sounded to enjoy their cabin, neither of them ever getting dressed again, but at his excited expression, she lost the will to protest. "Alright."

"It doesn't have to be right away." he agreed, reading her thoughts. "In fact, if you're truly up for it…if you aren't sore…"

She scooted closer to him and grabbed his lips with hers in a passionate kiss. There was no need to finish the sentence. "I'm always up for it with you." she said quietly when they parted to breathe.

"I'll keep that in mind."

A few hours later, Bella was dressed up courtesy of the closet Alice had prepared for her in a long blue sundress that showed off her locket nicely. Her hair was neatly gathered in a ponytail. She couldn't stop smiling at her engagement ring, still not entirely used to the joy she found from knowing she was fully his. Especially now.

He dressed quickly in black pants and a blue button up just a few shades different from her dress. "May I take you to dinner?"

"Sounds nice." she agreed, placing her hand in the arm he held out for her as he walked her outside of the cabin and into the bright, early evening sun, rare for Forks. She had to look down at her feet due to the glare. He continued to lead her into the woods, walking slowly and carefully for her sake and making sure she didn't trip over anything. "Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere special."

"I don't believe there are restaurants farther into the woods. At least, not for humans."

"Who said it was a restaurant?" he asked, smiling as he admired her. "You were so dazzled by my very presence that you didn't notice me making you a gourmet meal and packing it in the bag I'm carrying?"

"You're carrying a-oh!" she said, spotting a black tote in his other arm in mid-sentence. "No, I didn't."

"I suppose I did have you rather well distracted."

"You were walking around the house naked."

"And?"

"Of course, I was distracted!"

He laughed. "I hope I did alright. I wanted to bring you somewhere beautiful to spend a few hours in the rare sunshine with me."

"Sounds amazing."

They walked a few more minutes before a thought occurred to her. "Why is there a path this far in the woods?"

"Because I had it made for you."

"You had it made?"

"The family was happy to help, especially since it allowed Emmett to uproot a few trees. I thought it would lessen your chances of tripping. Especially if this is somewhere we want to come often."

"Where is this?"

"We're almost there."

She could hear the gentle babbling of a stream as they walked down a small hill. Then, she saw it. A small clearing around the water with a clear view of the sky and plenty of overturned trees that appeared to have been carved for sitting or lounging on. A few were arranged in the shape of a crude picnic table with benches.

"It was the nearest thing I could make to a beach so close to home."

"It's lovely."

"Emmett and Jasper enjoyed smashing the wood into the proper shapes."

"Smashing?"

"No tools necessary." he said, laughing as he led her to the table and sat a variety of dishes still warm in front of her.

"You and I could both eat dinner here."

"I suppose we could." he smiled, realizing that she wasn't serious and not panicking as he once would have at the mention of hunting so close to her. "I'm rather well fed though. And sated in other ways as well."

Edward enjoyed watching Bella blush and pretend to be very interested in her roasted vegetables.

"You're so beautiful."

"You should see yourself."

"I think we should talk to your dad tomorrow." She looked up at him, instantly panicked. Edward heard her heart racing. "Not about that! I don't have a death wish anymore." he smiled. "And trust me, I think he would find a way to kill me if he knew."

"Perhaps." she agreed.

"Or at least destroy a few good guns trying. No, silly girl, I meant about our future. Our plans. Your change. We can't give him all of the details, but we can go ahead and start getting him used to the idea so it won't be as shocking if or when we have to move away. We'll let him know he'll still be able to visit once we're settled, though it might take a year or two."

"That would be a good idea. I'm nervous about how he's going to take it though."

"Me too."

"We did a lot of talking this weekend. I think he might want to talk to Carlisle or Jasper a time or two as well. He's…been going through some stuff too. I had no idea."

"You would be surprised how many people are walking around out there carrying the weight of past guilts and regrets. If you factor trauma into that, almost everyone has something that really bothers them and affects them every day."

"I guess you would know, having seen that in everyone's thoughts and memories for so long?" Bella felt sad for Edward at the years he had endured of not only his own internal suffering but everyone else's as well.

"Sadly." he said. "I still think about it a lot sometimes. I can't get some of their thoughts or remembrances out of my head. It gives one a rather bleak outlook on life, seeing things like that for so long. And then having a lot of the negative thoughts echoed in my own head about myself. It's been such a dark place for so long."

"But now?"

"It's getting better, slowly but surely. Today though…today has been incredible beyond my wildest dreams."

"Mine too."

"I believe we can do anything together."

"Me too."

"We may not be able to escape the thoughts of others and wishes we could do more, but I do really feel that we are going to spend the rest of forever taking care of each other. Being happy. And helping each other with everything that bothers us. You…you have changed everything in my entire world."

"And I'm only eighteen."

"I know. We have so much to learn and do…together."

"Together." she agreed. "I know you're still a little hesitant to change me. I'm willing to wait a while longer if that's easier for you."

"It's up to you, my love. I admit, there's a part of me that still very much would like you to stay human and enjoy a normal life, yet there's another part of me that can't wait until you're unbreakable and I never have to fear something as trivial as a car wreck or lightning striking your room as you sleep."

"If it's up to me, I want to be changed. I want you."

"Very soon then." he promised.

"Dinner was delicious. Thank you."

"My pleasure. What do you think about sunbathing with me until it's dark?"

"Sounds amazing, but then what?"

"Whatever you'd like." he promised, taking her hand, and leading her to a spot where the sun was shining the brightest. "I will always do anything for you."