Author's Note: Sorry for the delay between updates! Home is not forgotten. I'm going to continue it through a few more chapters to its intended conclusion. I've been working a lot of hours lately and finding it difficult to find the time to write, but I don't plan to abandon it. I wanted to post a short update for everyone along with this message.
"Vampires don't drink cows! They taste awful! And what's this nonsense about the sun turning us into ash? Wooden stakes? Please! Everyone knows they just splinter against our skin. Is she trying to say that vampires are deathly afraid of pencils?! Oh no, how shall I ever write an essay again?"
Bella giggled loudly, snorting even, while Edward criticized Bitten. He was so busy arguing with it that he had stopped bothering to even read it aloud.
"How am I ever going to do a review if you don't actually read me the book or let me see it to read on my own?"
"This is so inaccurate!"
"Then why don't you contact the author and let her know that?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I might just do that." he scoffed.
She laughed so hard that she had to lay down from where she was sitting in the bed, covering her face with her hands to hide the faces she was making from giggling. "Yes, hello, I'm a vampire and I have so many problems with your book. Would you like to meet me in person so we can discuss it? Perhaps for a drink? I promise I'll bring something better than a cow." she snorted again, hardly able to breathe for laughing.
"What's going on in here?" Charlie asked, coming upstairs, and smiling. He saw the book in Edward's hand and laughed. "Oh, I see. Not going so well, huh? Bad book?"
"You could say that." Edward said.
"Is it too mushy?"
"He's not even gotten that far yet!" Bella said, still laughing louder than Charlie had ever heard. "He can't even get past the first page without criticizing everything she's said!"
"I look forward to your review. You sure they will let you keep your job when you send this in?"
"Thankfully he's not the one writing it. I am." Bella clarified. "If he ever lets me actually read the book."
"You can have it." Edward said, tossing it on the bed beside her.
"I thought you were going to read it to me for a bedtime story."
"I would never."
"OK, now I'm curious." Charlie said, grabbing the paperback and beginning to read aloud. "The vampire's teeth are most sensitive around the time of the full moon-" he paused. "Vampires have sensitive teeth? That can't be right! Besides, why do I care about his teeth? I thought this was a romance novel." He picked the book up again. "Tired of his diet of cows and pigs-" Charlie snorted. "Well buddy, me too. Why not try some fish? Hell, you're a vampire. Why not people?"
Bella covered her face with her pillow trying to stifle loud laughter to the point of tears.
Edward couldn't stop smiling and looking away, trying his best to avoid eye contact with Charlie. "I'd imagine a mountain lion myself if I were a vampire. Maybe some deer. Or a bear."
"Damn right!" Charlie agreed, sending his daughter into a fresh fit of giggles.
"I'm never going to finish the book."
"Not at this rate." Edward agreed. "Perhaps a calmer bedtime story."
"Like what?" she asked. "What am I, five?"
"Eighteen, last I checked."
"Maybe you should check again." she laughed. "I think this is taking a few years off my life."
Charlie was still holding the book in his hands, glancing down at the page occasionally to see what words would stand out to him. "His freshly revealed abs glistened in the sunlight, his sweat throwing prisms- Oh my God. Do women actually read this stuff?!"
"And some men."
"And some men." he agreed, shaking his head. "You kids have fun then. Uh, yeah. Don't stay up too late." He sat the book back down on the bed and left the room, shaking his head in disbelief.
"He sank his teeth into the cow, then retracted them back into his gums like-" Bella laughed so hard that no sound came out before finally she managed to say a curse word or two before covering her face again and sinking back against the pillows. "You think I can write a review without actually finishing it?"
"No one said they had to be good reviews." Edward said.
"No, but I want to be fair. Hmm…The author's unique take on vampires was a refreshing change from-"
"The real thing?" he asked helpfully.
"Can't think of anything better to say." she agreed, closing the book, and sitting it on her nightstand. "Maybe I'll just skip ahead to chapter two tomorrow."
"Perhaps you should skip to chapter thirty."
"Why?"
"It only has twenty-nine." he grinned. "Are you sure you won't let me pay for everything your little heart could possibly desire?"
"I'm sure." she said with a groan. "At least, not yet."
"Not…yet? Are you up to something?"
"No, I mean yes, maybe! I just mean after the wedding. Ugh! You've got me all flustered now. I don't know."
"Sounds to me like you just admitted to plotting something." he said, laying beside her in the bed and leaning in to dazzle her. "Perhaps I should use my special abilities to mind trick you into saying it. Do I dazzle you?" he asked, making what was supposed to be a sexy face, except he couldn't stop trying to fight his crooked grin from showing, doing his best to fight it. She just cracked up laughing again and jumped up, running for the bathroom for a human moment and away from his teasing.
"I'm never going to get to sleep." she said, walking back in the room a few minutes later.
"And why is that?" he asked, still grinning but now lounging back against the pillows.
"Because you're impossible."
"How so?"
"You keep trying to trick me into agreeing to spend your money."
"That's a bad thing?" he asked with a laugh, helping her get settled in bed.
"I'm slowly getting used to it, but for now, yes. It's still a bad thing."
"Fine." he laughed, wrapping her in his arms and kissing her forehead. "Sleep, my love."
"How am I ever going to write that review?"
"Very carefully." he said. "Or we could have some fun with it. Write the publisher and say what real vampires do and don't do."
"Edward!"
"What?" he grinned. "No one would believe us."
"Let's not provoke the Volturi."
"No, suppose not. Sounds like something Emmett would do though."
"Yes, it does. Which is precisely why we shouldn't do it."
"Fine." he agreed. "I can't promise not to leave your copy of this book lying around the house for him to find though."
She groaned and hid her face in his chest, where he held her until she stilled into rest for the evening.
"Hi Chief Swan."
"Hi Jasper, Charlie is fine. I appreciate you coming over." he offered the young man a handshake. "Bella says you've been a great help to her."
"I'm glad." he grinned, following Charlie into the living room to get seated beside Bella.
"Hey Jasper."
"Hi Bella."
"Are you sure you don't want me to pay you for spending time with us? I know you're not finished with school yet, but still you're giving up your free time-"
"Nonsense." Jasper waved his hand dismissably. "Consider it a hobby. Besides, Bella is practically family and about to be family for real, what with the upcoming wedding and everything."
"I thought Edward was coming with you." Bella said nervously.
"He'll come by later. Esme wanted his help with something." he winked at her, who took it to understand he wanted them to have privacy for their session. "Bella said you started writing some things down." he said to Charlie.
"I did. All I can say is wow! I didn't realize how many things still bothered me but the more I wrote the more kept coming to remind me of memories and past experiences and things that still affect me today."
"That can happen sometimes." Jasper chuckled. "It's amazing how much the mind can hold, isn't it? Did you learn anything about yourself?"
"I did. A lot of what I do and the way I think is because of how I was raised. Times are changing all around me and I haven't been keeping up. And I've let myself get entirely too comfortable with the daily routine. There are so many things I'd like to try that I just keep putting off and at my age, there's no sense in that."
Jasper smiled. "Like what?"
"Traveling more. I used to love live music. Dating. I'm starting to think maybe there might be a decent woman out there for me if I take care of myself and my issues first."
"Perhaps." Jasper encouraged. "So, how do we help you with your goals?"
"I believe a lot of it is going to have to come from me. I will have to work through everything and figure out what's me and what isn't and what I want to do with life."
"It usually takes people quite a few sessions to figure that out. Very nice."
"Maybe Bella can help me by teaching me how to do more things for myself. It's kind of embarrassing having to ask your adult daughter to teach you how to cook but-" he shrugged.
"I'd be happy to." she agreed with a smile, proud of her father for being willing to learn.
"Is there anything you learned about yourself that you'd like to share with Bella specifically?" Jasper asked.
"How much you changed my life." he directed towards her. "And gave me something to look forward to and a reason to keep going each day and try to learn."
"What about you, Bella?" Jasper asked. "Is there anything you've learned in the time we've been working together that you'd like to tell Charlie?"
"How glad I am that you didn't judge me for all of my issues. How willing you are to listen."
"Any time, kid." he promised.
"Charlie, you're more of a self-directed learner, and that's OK. I'm going to leave a book with you to read at your own pace and you can find me if you have any questions. You're good at investigating yourself and figuring things out. Everyone is a little different. Some people prefer to be questioned and led down a certain path. And others you practically have to force things out of."
"Like Edward." Bella giggled.
"Like Edward." Jasper agreed.
"Thank you, Jasper." Charlie said.
"My pleasure." he answered.
"Would you care to stay for dinner?"
"I'm afraid I have to go pick little Alice up from cheerleading practice." he smiled, "I wouldn't want to face her wrath if I'm late."
"No, me neither." Charlie agreed with a laugh. "I imagine she can be pretty scary."
"When she wants to." Jasper agreed, wishing them both a good evening and heading home.
"What are you grinning at?" Charlie asked Bella a few minutes later.
"It's interesting how everyone has different personalities and goals when it comes to improving themselves. That's all. I cried on Jasper a lot more. You like to do lists almost."
"Yeah, it's easier if I write things down instead of talking about them."
"It's fascinating." she said.
"You thinking of going into psychology?"
"No." she laughed. "Maybe English literature or something. I don't know yet."
"How is your book review coming?"
"Badly. I cannot read that book with Edward. He can't stop laughing and pointing out all the ways it's wrong."
"Of course, it's wrong, it's a vampire romance." Charlie said.
"He's watched too many movies." Bella said quickly. "Says vampires wouldn't drink cows and all that nonsense."
"Wouldn't they?"
"How should I know?" she asked with a shrug. "Speaking of cows, want me to show you how to make dinner?"
"Sure, that would be great." Charlie agreed, happily following his daughter into the kitchen for the first of many cooking lessons. "Edward coming by later?"
"Yeah, hopefully after I have more of a chance to work on my book reviews without his…help." she laughed.
"Why did you take a job anyways?"
"I want to surprise him. It didn't seem fair to use his own money to get him a gift."
"What with?"
"He's always trying to find things to do for me that I haven't gotten to, so I'd like to take him somewhere. Maybe an amusement park or a baseball game or something special he's not experienced yet. I haven't decided."
"I can probably get you discounted tickets to a lot of stuff through work."
"That would be great. Thanks dad." she said, grateful that she would be able to hopefully save up the money sooner rather than later, at least, if most of the books weren't as bad as Bitten so Edward would actually let her read them without his constant laughing interruptions, not that she minded really.
"OK, lesson one, food safety. What do you know of it?"
"Uh, that I should wash my hands?"
"Good start." she said, pointing him towards the sink to do just that. "I'm proud of you, dad. I know it's not easy to change habits at your age."
"I'm not sure if I should be complimented or assume you just called me old." he said, when she only grinned in response, he chose to flick the water from his freshly washed hands on her shirt instead of drying them with a towel.
She laughed. "I guess I deserved that. OK, food safety, always wash your hands after handling raw meat and make sure to not use the same cutting board for anything else after that until you sanitize it. It's easiest to just cut up your vegetables and stuff first and then the meat so it's the last step."
"Alright."
"You want a sharp knife so you're less likely to hurt yourself."
"The shaper the knife, the easier to stab home intruders?"
"Sure, dad. If that helps you remember." she grinned, shaking her head. "What did I get myself into?"
"I think you were born into it." he teased.
The two of them kept up the banter all throughout their cooking, the only incident being when Charlie accidentally sat a potholder on a stove burner they had just turned off, starting a small fire that he quickly put out by tossing it in the sink full of dishwater.
"This is delicious." Charlie said.
"It turned out really good. I'm glad you didn't set the kitchen on fire."
"Hey, I claim to be the police chief, not the fire chief. I didn't know that would happen!"
"Now you do." she laughed. "So, let's not do that again."
"Deal."