Well, it already has a long enough intro. Keep in mind I wrote this intro June 2006, the second intro June 2005, and the actual material November 2002. Weird, huh?

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So, as we begin the third chapter of this ever continuing saga, I must say I'm surprised at how many hits this thing gets. Sixty eight, wow, that's quite a few. Unfortunately, only two reviews. I actually found someone mentioning my fic on some MSN group, which I thought was cool. In other news, sorry for the delay. My summer's is suddenly busy, because I've gone from a previous amount of zero to now the grand total of two (somewhat sporadic) jobs. Not that I've really got an excuse, since I'm just reposting stuff. In fact, I forgot to do the find-and-replace sorcery but it'll resume after this chapter.

Finally, some gave me the new Harry Potter book and despite the fact that I now despise Harry Potter, you don't read four of the books to stop. And I just thought of apple-picking for some reason. Obviously, I'm bored, which means there might be some new material soon. Fun fun!

Not-So-Real World Productions Presents:
The Parody of the Ring: SEASON ONE

Part 2, And It's just Getting' Started

Day, 4 Scene 20, Take 1 (Beep!) Bag End

(Frodo walks in--finds place in a mess)

Frodo: Damn! Sam must've come for a "just a cup of sugar, Mister!" again!

Sam: (outside window) Nope, just taters this time!

Scene 21, Take 1 (Beep!)

Gandalf: What does it say?

Frodo: Nothing…Wait…There are markings…But it's all Greek to me…

Gandalf: Try Elvish, dimwit.

Scene 22, Take 1 (Beep!)

Gandalf: This is the One Ring of Power.

Frodo: Cool! Is there a reward?

Gandalf: For finding it? Of course; thirty bucks! Let's go!

Scene 22, Take 2 (Beep!)

Gandalf: I searched everywhere for the creature Gollum…What they did to him until he told them what they wanted, I do not know…

(Cut to: Tortures chambers of Barad-dur)

Gollum: Shire! Baggins!

Orc: (halting the torture contraptions) That's not what we want! The cable router at Lorhlorien is broken--The Dark Lord wants to know when it'll be fixed! …You are the cable guy, right?

Scene 23, Take 1 (Beep!)

Sam: Don't turn me into anything… unnatural!

Gandalf: "Unnatural", eh? Now that you mention it…Frodo could use a pony to ride…

Day 6, Scene 26, Take 1 (Beep!) Isengard

Saruman: Smoke rises from the East, and the cable guy--

Gandalf: (riding up to door) I'm no cable guy!

Saruman: What? Damn! The router at Lorien's been busted for the past 65 years…I thought you'd come and fix it…

Scene 26, Take 2 (Beep!) Orthanc Gardens

Saruman: Your love for the halfling's leaf has obviously slowed your mind.

Gandalf: Well…Their drugs 'n' beer take their toll too…(becomes glassy-eyed) Just call me…the Big G! (faints)

Scene 26, Take 3 (Beep!)

Saruman: Time? What time do we have?

Gandalf: Hmm, well, my watch says 3:25 in the afternoon…

PJ: Stop it, Gandalf. I'll take that watch away, you know I will.

Scene 26, Take 4 (Beep!) Inside Orthanc

Saruman: His gaze pieces earth, mind, and flesh…

Gandalf: I always knew that Sauron had problems. Weirdo. Staring at people like that…

Scene 27, Take 1 (Beep!)

Gandalf: Saruman, a palantíri is a dangerous object!

Saruman: Why not? Why can't we use it, if we know how?

Gandalf: We do not know who else may be watching! (covers Stone--Eye flashes)

Gandalf: Ooh, pretty!

(Gandalf covers and uncovers the Stone)

Scene 27, Take 1 (Beep!)

Gandalf: Don't ya have anything better to do?

Saruman: Well, y'know, the cable's out, and Ernie the Balrog keeps sending me his stupid joke e-mails…What can I do?

Scene 27, Take 3 (Beep!) That big Tower place

Saruman: They will find it…And kill the one who carries it.

Gandalf: Cool, ya think I'll get Frodo's stuff?

Scene 27, Take 4 (Beep!)

(Gandalf and Saruman fight)

Saruman: I gave you the choice of power…But you…have elected…the way of…PAIN!

(Gandalf shoots up)

Gandalf: RAISE THE ROOF! RAISE THE ROOF OF ORTHANC!

Scene 27, Take 5 (Beep!)

(Gandalf spins as he rises)

Gandalf: I'M…GETTING…DIZZY!

Saruman: Need a barf bag? BWAHAHAHA!

Day 6 Diary

PJ: Well, our budget is dying, so we're gonna mash some scenes together (in shooting, of course: Don't wanna be attacked by purists!) Scenes 28, 29, 30, and 31, will be shot together, and edited into different sections of the movie (like a normal film). We should shoot it in real-time, but this is just enough cheapness to scrape by.

Scene 28, Take 1 (Beep!) Outside Orthanc

Saruman: Cut them down! Cut all the trees down!

Orc: The roots are strong, m'lord…

Saruman: All right, leave that tree up…I'll put a tire swing on it…Always wanted a tire swing…

PJ: Saruman, can we talk about your troubled childhood later? Huh?

Saruman: Okay…

(Cut to: PJ Saruman on couch and PJ in psychiatrist's chair)

(PJ sighs)

Day 7, Scene 29, Take 1 (Beep!) Roof of Orthanc

(Moth floats up over Isengard to roof of Orthanc)

Gandalf: Ew! A bug! (swats at it)

Scene 29, Take 2 (Beep!)

(Camera turns away from moth and Gandalf)

(Camera glides downside of Orthanc)

(Camera hits an outcropping)

Cameraman: AAAAAAAAAHHH!

(Camera swivels as it falls)

(Thud)

(Snow on screen…fuzzy)

Scene 29, Take 3 (Beep!)

Saruman: Mmm. An Uruk-Hai birthing.

(Uruk-hai comes out of mud)

Small Orc: Congrats! It's an…it!

Uruk-Hai: ROOOAAR! Feed me, mommy!

Saruman: Look, the deranged production of my deranged imagination called me mommy…Cute…

Day 8, Scene 30, Take 1 (Beep!)

Gandalf: (to Saruman) There is only one Lord of the Ring, Saruman…Only one. And he does not share power, the selfish bleeper!

Scene 29, Take 2 (Beep!)

Gandalf: And he does not share…power!

(Gandalf runs to the edge of roof and jumps toward the Eagle, Gwahir)

Gandalf: (misses Gwahir's back) AIEEEEE!

Saruman: So you have chosen…death. But I didn't think it'd be that quick!

Day 5 Diary

PJ: We shot this diary on Day 5…Before I left for Isengard with Gandalf. However, I'm sending a camera crew with the Hobbits to shoot everything (it is REAL time!)

Day 5, Scene 32, Take 1 (Beep!) Shire-Field

Sam: This is it…

Frodo: What's it, Sam?

Sam: This is the spot where I first ate taters…Oh, the memories…

Day 6, Scene 33, Take 1 (Beep!) Maggot's Farm

Frodo: We're still in the Shire, Sam…What could possibly happen?

(Merry and Pippin pop out of the grass on their side and land on Sam and Frodo)

Pippin: Look, Merry! It's Frodo Baggins! And Sam!

Sam: Get offa me! (shoves Merry off--gasps) You've been stealing from banks!

Pippin: Only a couple of bags of cash…

Scene 34, Take 1 (Beep!) Shire-Road

Sam: A shortcut to what?

Pippin: Mushrooms!

Merry: No, marijuana; let's get it!

PJ: Merry, I think we need to talk…

Scene 34, Take 4 (Beep!)

Frodo: I think we should get off the road! Now!

Merry: (glassy-eyed) Hey, I'm tryin' to take a puff here…