Haha! It happened again!
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New one. Now LotR: The Sitcom has disappeared and I've got to retype the first episode, until then no new sitcom. Don't worry, all my job applications have been rejected so far, so I got plenty of time…
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Aha! The third installment! And it continues! Ha ha! Ha ha!
And for those of you who have already read Season One, alas, the new Season Two bits will not be up on until all the Season One parts are up again. Alas. I lied. Again.
What else is new.
Let the weirdness…begin!
Not-So-Real-World Productions Presents:
The Parody of the Ring:
Part 3 of this really, really, really long thing
Scene 34, Take 3 (Beep!)
(Rider comes down the Road)
(Hobbits sit around smoking)
(Rider picks up Frodo, begins to ride away)
Frodo: AAAAAAAHH! GUYS, HELP!
(Rider rides away)
(Hobbits continue smoking)
Pippin: You say somethin', Frodo? …Frodo?
Scene 35, Take 1 (Beep!) Roadside, Shire
(Rider appears--sniffs air several times)
Rider: Man! Some Hobbit here sure does STANK!
Scene 36, Take 1 (Beep!) Woods, Shire
(Hobbits scurry down hill)
Merry: What was that?
Frodo: I…don't…know.
Sam: Ooh…Twilight Zone…doo-dee-doo-dee…
Scene 37, Take 1 (Beep!)
Merry: That Rider looked like it was looking for something…Or someone…
Frodo: (pulling out bag of white powder) Yeah, I still haven't paid for my last few "dips" of grass…heh. The Rider wants his money.
Pippin: Dude, we still have some from those "mushrooms"…
PJ: All right, I got half a mind to call the police, and the other half says get you to rehab.
Scene 39, Take 1 (Beep!)
(Rider appears and Hobbits flee)
Sam: This way, Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Hey, I used to play High School football!
(Frodo attempts to "juke" Rider)
(Rider knocks Frodo over with sword)
Scene 39, Take 2 (Beep!)
(Pippin and Merry run ahead)
Pippin: (tries to leap fence) ACK! (trips)
Merry: Ha-ha! (points and laughs)
(Both trampled by passing Riders)
Scene 40, Take 1 (Beep!) Buckleberry Ferry
(Frodo runs down docks, pursued by Rider)
Sam: C'mon, Mr. Frodo!
(Frodo tries to jump to Ferry--misses)
Merry: I'm outta here. (steers boat away)
Frodo: Hey! (swims after)
PJ: MERRY, YOU COME BACK HERE WITH THAT BOAT! MERRY!
Day 7, Scene 41, Take 1 (Beep!) Bree-Gate
(Hobbits scurry across Road in the rain)
Gatekeeper: (opening window) Who are you?
Frodo: Big celebs, want our autograph?
Gatekeeper: Dude! I already got Tom Cruise in my book!
Merry: I've signed your book already? Really?
Scene 41, Take 2 (Beep!)
Gatekeeper: What are you doing here?
Frodo: Our business is our own!
Pippin: Yeah, keep your BIG butt-face out of OUR beeswax!
(Cut to: PJ washing Pip's mouth with soap)
Scene 43, Take 1 (Beep!) Prancing Pony
Butterbur: I've got some nice Hobbit-sized rooms on the North side…But you, the fat Hobbit, you'll have to sleep on a man-bed; you'll break the Hobbit ones…
Sam: Hey, I'M DIETING!
Scene 43, Take 1 (Beep!)
Butterbur: What'd you say your name was?
Frodo: Underhill…or was it Bon Jovi?
Butterbur: Both sound dumb, Underhill, Bon Jovi, ha!
Scene 44, Take 1 (Beep!) Common-Room
Merry: This, friends, is a pint!
Pippin: They come in pints? I'm getting one!
Sam: No way, Pip, only water for you, you're our designated driver!
Pippin: Screw that shit! I'm getting my damn beer!
(Cut to: PJ angrily washing Pip's mouth with soap)
Scene 45, Take 1 (Beep!) Common Room
Sam: I tell ya, Mr. Frodo, that one over there's been doin' nothin' but starin' at ya the whole time!
Frodo: Well…(rubs chin) I'm hot!
Scene 46, Take 1 (Beep!) Common Room
(Frodo falls and disappears)
Merry: Where'd Frodo go I mean, I knew he was small and getting thin, but…
Scene 47, Take 1 (Beep!)
Aragorn: I can make myself unseen if I wish--
Frodo: Probably 'cuz you're so damn ugly!
Scene 47, Take 2 (Beep!) Inn--Hobbit's Room
Aragorn: Are you scared?
Frodo: Yes…
Aragorn: Well, you'll be pissin' in your pants when I'm done with you.
(Cut to: PJ furiously washing Aragorn's mouth with soap)
Scene 48, Take 1 (Beep!) Hobbit's Room
(Riders come in and rip sheets to shreds with swords)
Rider 1: Hey, guys, why are we ruining some damn good linens?
R2: Good point…I haven't slept on a bed with sheets for so long..
R3: We could use 'em!
R4: Or sell them on eBay!
PJ: ARGH! I HATE THEM!
Scene 50, Take 1 (Beep!) Man-Room
Aragorn: They are the Nazgul, the Ringwraiths…
(Hobbits sit on bed listening--all save Merry)
Merry: (rummaging through bag) He, look! Aragorn's DIARY! Let's see what it says…"I miss Arwen so much…" Ooh, Aragorn! Anyway…"Today I have made my pants fall down by pulling my sword out too fast only TWICE (Yay!)…
Aragorn: Hey, this sounds vaguely familiar…Wait a moment…It's my diary!
Merry: You're quick one--AAAAH!
Aragorn: (picks Merry up, chucks him out window to Ringwraiths) You can KEEP him!
PJ: UGH! ARAGORN! (chases Ringwraiths down streets) COME BACK WITH MERRY!
Day 8, Scene 51, Take 1 (Beep!) The "Wild"
Aragorn: I am taking you, Master Gamgee, into the Wild…
Pippin: No Vegas? Damn!
Scene 52, Take 1 (Beep!)
Pippin: What about second breakfast? Elevenseies?
Aragorn: There are some of Arwen's magical cookies she baked for me…
Merry: Give it up, Aragorn! Sheesh!
Day 9, Scene 54, Take 1 (Beep!) Weathertop
Frodo: (waking up) What are you doing? No!
Merry: Just making some yummy bacon and sausages!
Pippin: And eggs!
Merry: And some soy burgers for Sam.
Sam: HEY! I like soy burgers, OKAY!
Scene 54, Take 1 (Beep!)
Frodo: (stamping out fire) Oh, crap! Darn! My Gucci boots are ruined!
Scene 56, Take 1 (Beep!) Top of Weather
(Riders appear and come forward from lip of dell)
R1: (trips and falls on R2--slashes through R2's cloak by accident) Oops! Um…heh…
(R2 yells at R1; then swings sword as R3 bumps R4)
Rider-Captain: Fools! (attacks them all)
Sam: Sweet, we killed 'em.
Scene 56, Take 1 (Beep!)
(Frodo puts on Ring--disappears)
PJ: oh, shoot! Frodo, where are you? He's unconscious, how can we find him?
Day 8 Diary
PJ: We appear to have lost Frodo.
Pippin: (waves stick) Wait…I got somethin'!
Frodo: (groans "Eye…hurts") Ow! Pip, you doof!