Well, it seems the old intros are gone. So sorry, if you liked reading those.
Not-So-Real-World Productions Presents:
The Parody of the Rings: Season One
Part 5, and blah blah blah
Scene 63, Take 2 (Beep!)
Boromir: Ow…A sword cut!
PJ: Aw…Does widdle Boromir have a boo-boo?
Scene 63, Take 3 (Beep!)
Arwen: Why do you fear the past? You are Isildur's heir, not Isildur himself.
Aragorn: Doesn't matter…The past is full of bad credit, for him, and for me…I gotta stop buying these designer rags…
Scene 64, Take 1 (Beep!) Outside Rivendell
Arwen: You did not bear the troubles you do now. Do you remember what I said?
Aragorn: Er…You said…Er…Something…
Arwen: (slaps him across the face) You don't remember!
Aragorn: Hey, it's not that important…
Scene 64, Take 2 (Beep!)
Arwen: And to that I hold…I choose a mortal life--ah, whoa!
(Arwen screams as she slips, then falls from the tiny bridge)
Aragorn: Ironic how she goes and dies when she became mortal. And I was just starting to like her, too.
(A duck wanders on scene)
Duck: Aflac!
Aragorn: Supplemental insurance? Yeah…Arwen should've gotten it…Hurt on the job like that…Hell, maybe I'd have received some life insurance for her if she got that, too…But, no, I'm immortal, what do I need life insurance for?
PJ: WHO WANTS DUCK SOUP!
Duck: Aflac? AFLAC!
Day 12 Diary
PJ: Well, soon we are to come upon the scene for the Council of Elrond, which is VERY important…But first, before we do so, we must clear up a small problem between Elrond, Arwen, and Aragorn…
Walk with me. Talk with me.
(PJ walks through lot, comes upon trailer)
PJ: (about to knock at trailer door) This is Elrond's trailer--
(Shouts suddenly erupt from trailer)
Voice (Elrond): No, Arwen, how many times do I have to tell you that you cannot go on a date with Aragorn!
Voice 2 (Arwen): When can I, then? When I'm 3000?
Elrond: 3000? Sounds reasonable…No Aragorn by then…
Arwen: Dad, I'm 2777 years old! That's like, 300 years away! Not fair, just 'cuz I'm the youngest! All my friends are dating mortal guys!
PJ: (putting down hand) Why don't we save this for later…(walks away from trailer)
Scene 65, Take 1 (Beep!) Council of Elrond
Elrond: Bring forth the Ring, Frodo.
Frodo: Um…heheh…I sort of…misplaced it…
Gandalf: You what!
Frodo: Well, y'know, Vegas…that stuff…
Boromir: We're screwed.
Elrond: Oh, great! This is Isildur's fault!
PJ: TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING, FRODO! THIS IS JUST A JOKE, RIGHT? WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME, FRODO!
Frodo: Peter, calm down!
PJ: Calm down! CALM DOWN! I'LL SHOW YOU CALMED DOWN!
Bilbo: (turns to camera) I don't think you should see this. (looks into camera, then covers it with his hand)
(Strangled screams)
Scene 65, Take 2 (Beep!) Council of Elrond--in case ya forgot
Gimli: Then let us destroy it, and be done with it! (swings axe at Ring--Ring shatters)
(A scream is heard--far away; a Nazgul flies overheard and explodes)
Elrond: That was a waste of time.
Boromir: I dunno about you guys, but since there's no evil left, I headed to the Drunkard of Gondor© at Minas Tirith! Best beer in Middle-Earth! Who's with me?
Aragorn: I have tasted the beers of Gondor. They are moderate.
Boromir: (standing up) Who are you and what do you have to do with the nightclubs of Gondor?
Legolas: (standing up as well) Do you not know? This is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, one of the best damn brewers north of Harad! And anyway, once my Dad gets out of rehab, he'll show you all! Fools! Mortals!
Gimli: I would be dead before I saw the best beer deemed to the hands of an Elf!
PJ: (waking after attempting suicide when Gimli broke the Ring) Oh, great…(pours hot coffee on self)
Boromir: (grinning) This…is Isildur's heir? Is he even 21? Gondor needs no brewer like that!
Galdor of the Havens: Hey, we at the Havens can make some good stuff, too! Círdan Líte, all the way! Thursdays are open 'til 4 AM!
Elrond: Well, I dunno about you guys, but we Rivendwelleers always keep a mug or two close by!
Legolas: Why don't you go make some obscene statues or memorize some 'lore', ya half-elf…
Elrond: Why you…li'l blonde punk!
Gandalf: Hey, we Wizards can get 'jiggy with it', as you young'uns say…
Boromir: Oh, shut up, Rogaine…
Elrond: (looking shocked) Rogaine! I thought you used Just-for-Elves Gel, like me! I don't know what to say, I feel so betrayed!
Gandalf: Well, it didn't cover the gray spots…(runs hand through hair; mutter to self)
Legolas: Look, can you two go try on some new dentures at some geezer slumber party?
Gandalf: Grr…Get him!
(Gandalf jumps at Legolas; everyone begins to bicker, except Bilbo, who mutters "Vegas" to himself)
(Gandalf threatens Legolas--then lights his hair aflame; Frodo walks into middle of floor)
Frodo: I will taste the beers of your lands!
(Everyone continues bickering--save Gandalf, who winces at Frodo's statement)
Frodo: I will taste the beers of your lands!
(everyone turns to face Frodo, including flaming hair Legolas)
Frodo: Though…I do not know the way.
Scene 65, Take 3 (Beep!)
Elrond: So be it…You shall be the Losership of the Ring!