Author's Note:
Okay guys, this was supposed to be a oneshot but a few comments-Yes, that's all it took-seduced me into writing another chapter. I know anyone who read chapter one may be a little confused reading this. But I had had had to use this song. I love it! And it's fits the situation perfectly! And plus I think it's pretty good. If you don't get it at first just read all the way through…you'll see! (I hope!)
Ok if you like this please comment and it'll continue!
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, If I did it would be a year round season like a soap opera and I wouldn't be soothing my cravings reading and writing my own Degrassi sob stories tear! And I don't own the song either…"Crawling back to you" is the Backstreet Boys…
Chap 2: No Idea
Scene: Sean Standing at Emma's door, drifting in thought
What the Hell am I going to say?
'Hi Emma! Remember me? I'm the bastard that bailed on you just when you needed me; can I come in!'
What the hell was I thinking breaking up with her anyway...? I wonder angrily, shaking my head at the answer I don't have. The same way I didn't have the answer when everyone else asked me…
At school in the hallway: Paige: So Seanny, Why exactly did you break it off with your yellow haired lover? She's quite the fox now, you know!
Between classes: Manny: Sean, I'm not sure it would be a good idea to try and talk to Emma, she doesn't really wanna see you...
On the phone: Spike: Sean, Honey, Emma won't take your calls. She told me to tell you that she's not home. I'm really sorry about what happened with you 2. No Sean, I can't convince her to-…Well, honey, you broke up with her, remember?
Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you…
Of course I remember! How the hell could I forget that!
I missed her so much, I wanted to say sorry that same day. About the ravine...my comment about Snakes Cancer...dissing her with Amy.
Baby I was wrong
I let it get to me.
Her.
Wanting me to be better; believing I could be when I didn't even believe it myself
Snake calls it "male pride".
I call it me being an asshole...I'm pretty sure Emma would agree with me.
I figured I'd be cool, ya'know?
We're from two different worlds me and her.
I'm just a nobody, on a downward spiral to Hell.
She's ...an angel.
Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
All the crap that I put her through
It's all rushing into my mind.
I remember the day she gave me back all my stuff
Stood in front of the house and broke down crying as she walked away
And all I did was look at her
Amy hanging off my shoulder
I wanted to go after her
But I couldn't
And I could almost feel her heartache
I wasn't trying to hurt her
She took it harder than I thought she would
Harder than I had the strength to show that I cared about
I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart
That was then! I think as I step up to her door.
I hold my hand in the air for a moment before letting it fall into rapid knocks on her door
She'll answer
I think
She'll answer
I hope
Baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
Nothing is more nerve-racking
than the moments after that first set of knocking
She's not answering
I bang harder, my hand growing red as I slam it into the door
"Emmaa! Open the door Emma!"
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you
She wouldn't talk to me at school
"Leave me alone, Sean!" she screamed with her hateful stare
I hate Emma's stares
They make me feel sick
She is right to be angry though;
After the way I treated her
I knew that this would happen
But it's okay…
I'm prepared to wait all day if I have to…
I know you're in there and you can make me wait
After about 15 minutes of this
I pound harder on the door
"Go away, Sean!" Emma screams finally
I smile. At least she spoke,
"Emma, I'm not leaving until you come out here and talk to me!"
I yell.
I know Snake and Spike aren't home.
Manny told me they'd be out
Emma stayed home to watch Jack.
This is cool though.
Emma is standing on the other side of the door
I know, I heard her walk up to it.
And now I am waiting for her to work up the nerve to open it
"What do you want, Sean!" She says with a loud uninterested sigh, from the other side of the door.
"I'm not leaving until you come out here and talk to me!" I yell
Faking more courage than I feel
Knowing I have to do this
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I can do, just to tell you face to face
"Emma, would you just come out here?"
I say, a hint of restrained annoyance in my voice.
"For what, Sean? What do want, Sean!"
She says-practically screams-her voice growing angry
I sigh a little
"To Apologize…"
I sigh, simply hanging my head a little
I can feel my insides churning
I have to tell her how I really feel
Tell her what has been happening to me
Since I left Degrassi
More importantly
Since I left…her
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
"Emma, I know you don't wanna talk to me. But I have to
talk to you alright. I need to talk to you."
Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad
"Sean? Why don't you just go back to Wasaga…?"
She says quietly banging-what I assume is-her head
Gently against the door…
"Why?" I say trying to think of something anything that will get through to her
Make her see that I'm serious. It hits me. Tell the truth
"Everything I need-is it's all here…"
Baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you
"Emma please just open the door." I say after a slight pause,
She doesn't and I feel tears stinging my eyes.
I'm not as prepared as I thought and rub my eyes quickly
Shit! I think, as I notice that my hands are shaking and it's making it harder for me to wipe away the tears.
If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
Have I really lost her? I think, solemnly.
But then,
The door creaks open slowly and there she is
She's not smiling but she opened the door
That's a start…
"Emma," I say stepping up to her
"Talk from there, Sean!" She warns me holding out her hands defensively
"Ok." I say taking a step back
"Look Emma, I know that it was messed up…the way I broke up with you
"And treated me," she says tartly,
"And treated you…" I agree, ashamed to think of it all now
"But the shooting…going to Wasaga...it changed me Emma, I've changed a lot. And it also made me realize that there's only one thing I ever really wanted.
You, Emma. You."
I say, holding my breath as I lean forward to kiss her.
You will see a different man
"Get off me, Sean!" Emma says pushing me away from her immediately.
"Look," she says shaking her head her face cold emotionless "I'm glad you've changed, Sean. That's good and I'm glad that you're able to admit that you were wrong. But, after the shooting…while you were in Wasaga…I realized some things too.
"I realized that the source of all my problems seemed to be you Sean Cameron. And I'll admit it was hard, but I'm got over you. I finally got over you, Sean."
As she finishes some guy, blonde hair-
I think Peter's his name-walks up beside her, kissing her on the cheek.
The guy has two sodas in his hands and he looks at me, seemingly just noticing I'm standing here.
"What's up?" he says nodding at me with his dumb pretty boy chin.
"Way past over you."
Emma says, turning and kissing him strongly as I watch my jaw clenched and my fisted balling up slowly….
"Good bye Sean," Emma says, closing the door and walking out of my life…
"Emma! Emma!" I yell banging on the door
"I love you, Emma! Don't do this to us! I love you!
But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you (come on)
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in? (let me in)
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you
Sinking to the ground I cry, struggling against my self hatred
I break down hitting the door over and over again with my near-raw fists,
as though this will somehow change her mind.
But as I lean against the door, crying on her doorstep, I realize that I really have lost her.
Banging on your front door (darling)
My pride spilled on the floor
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you, yeah
Now I'm crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Crawling back to you
Emma:
I'm laying comfortably on Sean's chest-sleeping I should add-when he suddenly jerks up knocking me to the ground.
"Sean! What's wrong!" I say, sitting up quickly
And then clicking on the lamp on the bedside table.
He's sweating badly and he looks almost as if…
Like he's been crying…
Only…in his…sleep!
Sean stares at me, blinking hard, like…he's trying to remember who I am.
Then he breaks into a smile and holds out his arms for me.
I walk over to him and sit next to him on the bed
Wrapping my arms around his warm sweaty body.
He grabs me; kisses me, real intensely like he's trying to reassure me that he loves me.
Sean's only been kissing me this hard-in the middle of night-lately for one reason…
"Another nightmare?" I say softly when he finally lets my face go and I move my hand up his neck and onto his head; playing gently with his soft brown hair.
He nods with a small laugh "Yeah,"
Sean:
"Sean, I'm sorry." She says hugging my neck tightly.
"It's been a year and a half Sean.
"I really thought the shooting nightmares would've stopped by now."
I sigh, leaning my head down and kissing her strawberry scented hair.
I've never let her know what the nightmares are really about…
And I won't.
I'm not lying though
I never said they were about Rick, and the shootings…
She just assumed it.
"It's okay." I say with a shrug
"It was just a nightmare."
"I know," she says studying my eyes intently.
"But…I know they can be really bad…was this one...I mean, was it-?"
Emma:
He shakes his head no.
Then he reaches over turning out the lamp…
"It's not that big a deal." He says as he settles back against his pillow, urging me to rest my head on his chest again warming his heart and mine.
I don't ever really expect Sean to talk about his nightmares
He never has…
And I know that he won't.
But he's been having them a lot lately
And I'm getting sorta-semi concerned
"Sean, it's ok, I say jokingly, to sheer him up.
"I mean your "Sean Cameron" for God sakes!
"I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle."
I say, snuggling up beside him and gently kissing his cheek…
it's wet and I softly press my face against his tears, realizing that even though he won't say it, the dream must've been really bad.
Eerily, as though reading my mind-although I realize that he's only responding to my last statement, but still…-
"Emma?" Sean whispers roughly after a small pause,
"You have no idea."
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