Okay, so, sorry I haven't posted in a while, but my computer's a little messed up and I just fixed it two days ago. But I did repost a couple LotR: The Sitcom chapters, so hey. Posting is as posting does.

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Man, why doesn't anybody click on this no more?

I got six reviews for that crappy first chapter of Rohan Medical that took me ten minutes to write—but the stuff I actually try on…

Whatever! I know you all just read this but can never get the wordings for your reviews right so they are presentable to the venerable f. I understand…

I can seem that way.

Not-So-Real-World Productions Presents:

The Parody of the Ring: Season One

Part 7, not 8, like that friggin' automated number systems says that makes me look dumb boy is this long

Day 19, Scene 88, Take 1 (Beep!) Moria--same place

Gandalf: There are many that die, yet deserve life…Just look at Texas' death row!

Scene 88, Take 2 (Beep!)

Gandalf: Oh! It's that way!

Pippin: How'd you remember?

Gandalf: Easy! Used MapQuest!

Aragorn: And it took you that long…(shakes head) So sad…

Gandalf: Hey! I had to use dial-up, y'know, because we don't GET any cable down here…Thanks to someone…(nods head at Gimli)

Gimli: Me? But…But…How am I supposed to get cable down here? Blame Balin! Or those damn Elves, they broke the router…

Scene 89, Take 1 (Beep!) Chamber of Mazarbul

Gimli: (gasps) No! (runs ahead--sobs)

Merry: What's wrong?

Gimli: (head bowed) With Balin dead, my stock option in MoriAir are down the toilet! Good-bye, portfolio: why didn't I just use insider trading?

Balin: (bodiless voice; from nowhere) Yeah, thanks for caring, Gimli.

PJ: Spooky…

Scene 90, Take 1 (Beep!)

This take and the copyrights to it have been sold on eBay for $200 by a "Meriadoc Brandybuck" and a "Peregrin Took". We're sorry for any inconvenience.

PJ: MERRY! PIPPIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT WAD OF MONEY!

Scene 90, Take 1 (Beep!)

Gandalf: They are coming….

Pippin: Who's coming? Not the INS again, how many times do I have to tell them, I have a green card!

Scene 90, Take 3 (Beep!)

Gandalf: They are coming…

(Pippin accidentally drops Orc armor in well)

Gandalf: Fool of a Took! You ruined the "mood"!

Scene 90, Take 4 (Beep!)

Gandalf: They are coming…

Boromir: How many times can you say that?

Scene 90, Take 5 (Beep!)

Gandalf: They are coming…

Merry: Does it say any more? What's coming, perhaps?

Gandalf: Yes…I fear their end was cruel…Router at Lórien broken…Damn Elves. No cable. But we need TV…They are coming. The Figure Skating Championships. Oin going to watch. So boring…We don't expect to see the light of day again. Darn Michelle Kwan.

Scene 91, Take 1 (Beep!) Chamber of Mazarbul

Boromir: They've got a Cave Troll with them…And he's really ugly! Seriously! His skin hue is disgusting! Where's the makeup crew?

Merry: Maybe he's born with it…Maybe it's Maybelline…

PJ: WHAT! WHAT!

Pippin: Don't be offended, Pete! We all have ugly family members! Bilbo, for instance!

Scene 91, Take 2 (Beep!) Chamber of Mazarbul

(Orcs pours in; Fellowship fights)

Sam: (hitting Orc on head with pan) I think I'm getting the hang of this--wait! There was a piece of bacon on this pan! Where is it? (looks at dead Orc) You dirty thief!

(Sam peels the bacon off the Orc's face)

Sam: (chewing bacon) Mmm…

Scene 91 ,Take 3 (Beep!)

(Troll looks around pillar for Frodo, who moves aside)

Troll: (sticking head out) Peek-a-boo, I see you!

Scene 91, Take 4 (Beep!) Same place. Yes.

(Troll pins Frodo against wall with spear)

Troll: (cranes neck) ET…phone…home…(holds out glowing finger to Frodo's wound)

Scene 92, Take 1 (Beep!) Chamber of Maz…ah, y'know

(Aragorn stabs Troll and fights him)

Merry: Five bucks says the Troll wins!

Pippin: Don't know much, do ya? This is a movie, so the good guys have to win!

(Troll bats Aragorn to side)

Pippin: Damn! (Hands Merry $5)

Merry: (taking money) Formula, schmorula…

Scene 92, Take 2 (beep!)

Gandalf: I think there's more to this hobbit than it seems…

Frodo: (opens shirt; reveals strips of bacon tied and smithied together) You didn't think I was so hungry as to eat Sam's bacon, did ya?

Sam: So that's where your breakfasts have been going the past two weeks…

Scene 93, Take 1 (Beep!) Really big hall place

(Fellowship runs; Orcs issue out of every hole)

Frodo: Whoa, forget cockroaches, this is a total infestation!

Voice-over: So if your kitchen looks like this, call 1-800-TERMINEX.

Legolas: Whoo product placement! (self-consciously) Whoo! Yeah…

PJ: Shut up. We're low on funds.

Scene 93, Take 2 (Beep!)

(Orcs issue from every hole; Fellowship flees)

Frodo: Wait! Just a moment! Look--the Orcs aren't chasing us, they're after--

Gimli: (gasps) The cameraman!

(Cries of "Move!", "Hi, mom, I'm in the movies!", and "I want a contract" come from the approaching Orc mob)

Orc 1: Move! I want to be on film!

Orc 2: Hush! We are! Now wave to the camera! (waves) Hi, mom!

Boromir: Run, cameraman, run!

Cameraman: Wha…? Huh…?…--Aaaah! Oh, shit!

(Camera swivels and bounces as cameraman runs from pursuing Orcs)

Orc 3: I think we've almost got him!

Orc 4: There he is, grab him!

(Camera screen grows fuzzy as Orcs knock it over and crowd over dazed cameraman)

Frodo: (muttering) Bunch of grimy wannabes…

(Snow on screen…fuzzy)

Scene 93, Take 3 (Beep!)

(Orcs run away; fleeing back to holes)

Legolas: Wow, I didn't know Gimli smelled THAT bad…Look at the Orcs run!

Gimli: Hey! I just took a shower last month…

Scene 93, Take 4 (Beep!)

(Thudding sound, light appears on far side of hall)

Boromir: What is this new devilry…

Gandalf: (sighing) Old friend. Balrog. Don't ask. So I forgot his birthday…13,462 years straight…No need to get all "mortal combat" on us…

Scene 94, Take 1 (Beep!) Stairs before Bridge of Khazad-dum

Boromir: (runs forward; stops at stair end and teeters at edge) –Eeek!

Legolas: (grabs Boromir) Whoa, there, cliffhanger!

Scene 94, Take 2 (Beep!)

Gandalf: Swords have no more use here! Well, maybe your sword…So shiny…Probably just as good as Glamdring…Plus, Ernie the Balrog might be a little mad…GIMME THAT SWORD!

Scene 95, Take 1 (Beep!) Stairs

Gimli: (holding hand to Aragorn, but stepping away) Nobody tosses a Dwarf! Well…It is a pretty wide gap…I could use some help…Okay, toss me…But touch my butt, and you die!

Aragorn: (Sarcastically) Oh, darn…