And so this marches on towards its end…The penultimate chapter of Season One.
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Well, I didn't update for a few days there, but there's a new Sitcom…So…That took, what, five minutes, how much effort can ya expect from me?
Oh, I do love to put in these introductions
So…Let's get it on!
Not-So-Real-World Productions Presents:
The Parody of the Ring: Season One
Part 9, and whew, it's the last
Scene 95, Take 2 (Beep!)
Aragorn: (on falling stair with Frodo)Lean forward!
(Rock leans forward and slams into stairs)
Sam: Whoa, and I thought I was fat!
Scene 95, Take 3 (Beep!) Moria--"Big stairs"
(Legolas shoots arrow up at Orc; hits it between eyes)
Gimli: Dude! That kind of aim scares me.
Legolas: Boo yeah! (shoots arrow) Oh, yeah! Get some sweat on this one! (sticks arrow under armpit)
That's just for extra punch!
(Legolas shoots the sweaty arrow; Orc ducks)
Orc: (up above stairs--covers nose) Aw. Geez. That smells! Take a shower, sheesh, you freaks!
Gimli: Now THAT is scary…
Scene 97, Take 1 (Beep!) Moria--still
(Fellowship runs past Balrog's flames)
(Gandalf stops before it; Balrog spews flame from its mouth)
Gandalf: (sniffs) Aw, man! Have a mint; your breath is worse than Legolas' armpit!
Scene 99, Take 1 (Beep!) Bridge of Khazad-dum
Balrog: (Stepping on bridge) What'd you say about my mama!
Gandalf: I said, yo' moms is so fat, that when she--hey! I know your voice!
Balrog: 'Bout time you recognized it!
Gandalf: Oh, damn you, Ernie, you're not still angry about--
Ernie the Balrog: I sure as hell am! I mean, you took my favorite coloring book and--
Gandalf: (waving arms) Ernie, it's been over 16,000 years!
Ernie: So? I was 200 years old, dammit! Then you took my favorite coloring book and colored it completely gray! You're lucky I've been venting my anger in e-mails to Saruman, or I'd be REALLY angry!
Gandalf: Well…What's wrong with gray!
Ernie: You're just obsessed! It's all you wear! Your hair is DYED gray!
Gandalf: (running hand through hair and muttering about "out of Rogaine") Well…you got a prob?
Ernie: Yeah!
(Ernie and Gandalf attack each other--sissy fight slap each other while not looking)
(Smack smack smack)
(Ernie lands a good hit and knocks Gandalf 300 feet off the bridge)
Scene 99, Take 2 (Beep!) Brooklyn Bridge--I mean…
Gandalf: YOU…CANNOT…PASS!
(BOOM!)
(Bridge cracks--Ernie the Balrog falls)
(Ernie swings his whip as he falls)
Gandalf: (ducks whip) HA! Ernie missed me! Ernie missed me! (skips around)
(Whip swings toward camera)
Cameraman: AAAH--(whips curls around his knees)
(Cameraman is dragged to the abyss--then falls, with camera)
(Camera focuses on ledge far above as it falls)
Gandalf: (head appearing over ledge--looks at cameraman) Damn, that's the third one this week…
Scene 99, Take 3 (Beep!) Bridge
Gandalf: Go back to the Shadow! The dark fire shall not avail you, flame of Udun!
Balrog: "Flame of Udun"? That's mean! Waaaaa!
Gandalf: Mama's boy.
Scene 99, Take 4 (Beep!) Bridge
Gandalf: Fly…you fools! (falls)
Frodo: NOOOOOO--what? Fly? Huh?
Gimli: Fly what? Was he mocking MoriAir? P'raps he meant Aer Shirus, Delta Doom Airlines, or one of those…Dunno. "Fly"; pretty vague.
Scene 99, Take 5 (Beep!) Bridge
Boromir: (holding Frodo) Aragorn!
Aragorn: (standing by ledge) He had my Frequent Flyer Card…And I had enough points for a 10 night stay at Lórien hotel…
Legolas: I thought these things were supposed to end funny.