Author's note:

Alright everyone I know the last one was cute-fluff, I think they call it-but this is back to the drama just so you know!

I hope you love it and R & R!

Check out my profile and my others stories and my forum guys!

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Jazzy-Raveler!

Disclaimer: Degrassi isn't mine and neither is the song "Impossible" it's Christina Aguilera's…

Chapter 4-An Impossible Dinner Party

Sean:

Emma got this crazy idea that since we're back together and I have an apartment

we have to have a dinner party...

I'd forgotten all about it

until...

"Sean! It's November 5th! Oh my God!..We have got to go shopping!"

She yelled into my face shaking me awake this morning.

After attempting suicide, by stuffing my face into the pillow

she finally managed to pull me out of bed

forcing me into the car to drive her to the store...

Now we're driving along to the store...

She's counting off everything on the list.

She always tell me what to get

and I always "forget" and then she has to drag me around and say

"See Sean? This is the aisle the salad is on...blah blah blah..."

While I just hang onto the back of her, making it hard for her to really walk anywhere.

She never catches on…

Anyway,

When I'm not in the mood for all that I normally just snatch the list out of her hands

rip it in half, and get the stuff on my half.

I think I'll probably be ripping the paper in half today.

"Sean?" I hear Emma saying, and I wait till I sail to a smooth stop at a red light

to turn and stare at her...

"Yeah?" I say looking in her eyes.

She's got that worried look on her face

she's tryna figure out what's wrong with me...

And her eyes move all around my face as she asks uneasily

"Are you ok, Sean?"...

Emma:

"I'm fine," he says, just like he always says and I just turn staring straight ahead wondering why I even bothered asking.

Lately, well, ever since 2 wks ago when we got back from seeing Jay, Sean has been acting extra-weird.

Sometimes I wake up and he's sitting up in bed just...staring

Sometimes he'll just walk up to me kissing me all crazily

like a wild animal.

I'm really worried about him,

but the mood swings are starting to get on my nerves...

It's impossible

It's impossible to love you

If you don't let me know

What you're feeling,

Scene: Sean and Emma's car pulling into "Grocery Mart"

Sean:

Pulling into a parking space I turn toward Emma, waiting for her to tell me whatever it is she's going to tell me to do...

She's looking a little sad and I feel a little pain in my chest.

I know I've been acting a little too stressed out lately

but Jay...

What he said about the drugs...

And what I felt-that excitement, that part of me that just burns to try something stupid-scared me shitless.

I'm just trying to be careful around her.

I know that if I mess up this time

I won't get a 2nd-4rth chance

And I can't deal with that thought.

"Emma," I say steadily...

"We're here."

"I can see that, Sean." she says with a sigh,

and pulls a long list out of her bag.

She looks so worried about everything.

I guess this dinner is really freaking her out.

I guess I'm really freaking her out…

I want her to know I love her.

Even though I can't always say it

And I want to be reminded why I'm not going to do anything to lose her,

So, I say "Emma," she turns and looks at me and I lean over kissing her

her lips feel warm and soft, and safe.

They feel like this is what I was meant to be here, for ya know?

Her,

And I'm not willing to risk that for...anything

Then Emma jerks away from me, slapping my hand away from her face,

"Sean! Stop it!" she yells at me with an irritated look

It's impossible

For me to give you what you need,

If you're always hiding from me,

Emma:

There he goes again!

Grabbing me and shoving his tongue down my throat

like it's just the thrill of my life.

Well it's not!

What the hell is wrong with him?

"Em-ma!" he says, that same annoying way he always does when he's upset with me.

"Don't "Em-ma" me Sean! I'm not some chew toy, for you to just like treat like garbage until you feel like shoving your tongue down my throat again!"

Sean is staring at me angrily and I match his stare.

One thing Sean Cameron seems to hate is that he never scares me

Maybe he likes people being afraid of him…but I never am.

I can't be.

I know what Sean is really like...

What he's really really like

And this isn't it

I love Sean.

I really do, but sometimes...

Sometimes he deals with things that I don't know how to handle.

and he won't let me help him.

So ,it's hard to feel sorry for him

when he refuses to tell me what I'm supposed to be feeling sorry for.

I don't know what hurt you

I just, I wanna make it right

'Cause boy I'm sick and tired

Of trying to read your mind

Sean:

I don't even say anything to her

Just get out of the car and slam the door shut

It shouldn't be so freaking hard to just...

Just be in love or whatever the hell this is supposed to be,

But I always feel like

Like I'm just an accident waiting to happen,

And Emma treating me like I'm just like everyone else,

When we both know I'm not?

Just makes it harder for me to stand.

She gets out the car staring at me from across the top.

"What!" I snap at her and she just shakes her head

"Sean, you really need to chill." she says as she turns and walks towards the store

She's to busy being mad to notice me banging my fist on the car angrily.

She's just too much for me to take sometimes.

She's just too...I don't know

But it's getting harder and harder to pretend that I can live without her

And that alone is making me mad right about now.

I skulk angrily towards the front door of the store

Looking around for Emma,

and hoping to find my sanity too.

'Cause it's impossible

Oh baby it's impossible

For me to love you, this way

It's impossible

Oh baby it's impossible

If you making it this way

Emma:

"Right here, Sean!" I call as he walks in looking around for me.

I'm not sure what he's going through right about now

and I'm not normally the one to try and avoid an issue,

but bugging Sean is just going to make him madder

so I decide to just ignore it, like he wants to in the first place.

I smile at him as he walks toward me.

I don't wanna make it harder on him cause I know he deals with a lot of stuff,

even if he won't tell me what.

He doesn't even look at me just stares straight ahead and walks to the

front of the cart.

I am trying to do him a favor!

And as usual he's doing his same dumb Sean Cameron thing

Without really thinking about it

I ram his leg with the cart

And at the sight of him lifting his leg in pain

I smile wickedly

Ha, Sean!

Impossible to make it easy

If you always trying

To make it so damn hard,

Sean:

"What the heck are you doing Emma?" I ask her rubbing the back of my leg.

She just crosses her arms smiling at me for a moment

and then says, as if she didn't just practically break my leg off with the cart,

"First, you get the eggs, I'll get the..."

I decide it best not to snatch the bottom of the list and just stare at her nodding impatiently as she calls out her orders.

My eyes wander aimlessly toward some big burly guy walking past us,

No,

Up to us?...

He's coming towards us like he's about to say something and I tense up, not sure what I'd have to be worried about, but pretty sure it must be something.

"Hey, ain't you…ain't you Sean Cameron...?" the guy says-whispers really-as he bends down a little his face in my face.

His breath is rancid,

But he looks kinda…like trouble

So, I glance at Emma and she nods pushing the cart ahead and walking down some aisle.

I'm not sure what the Hell this guy wants with me but I don't want her in the middle of it.

"I'm Jay's guy, Rico. The "Middle Man"" he says laughing.

I just freeze at the sound of his words

What the hell is this?

What the hell did Jay tell this guy…?

"Look man, I don't know what you're getting at, but I don't do that shit for Jay anymore." I say calmly.

I'm getting mad

But I pretty much figure it'll be best for me not to test this guy.

He raises his fat eyebrows at me.

And says "Alright, alright kid. Jay told me you were….squeamish but don't worry just play it cool. Here, just take the stuff…"

As he's talking I can feel my hand reaching out to take it,

Whatever it is, a small package that he can slip to me,

Without anyone in the store noticing

Before I snatch my hand back saying "Naw, man. I don't do that shit anymore. Tell Jay to get another guy."

I turn, walking away

Before the guy can say anything else

But I can already feel that it's not over.

I shove my hands in pocket.

Digging my nails into my palms.

What the Hell was I reaching for?

Find Emma, Find Emma…

Emma:

"Sean...Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine Emma."

"Who was that guy..."

"I said everything is fine, ok?" Sean says staring at me, his eyes so full that I almost tear up myself, even though I'd have no idea why we were crying...

I lean in to him hug and he just pushes me back...

"We've got a lot to do." he says taking the list out of my hands and pushing the cart towards the wrong aisles.

I just stare after him.

I have no idea what is going on with Sean.

and I want to be there for him, but...he just won't let me.

How can I

How can I give you all my love, baby,

If you're always Always putting up your guard,

Scene: Emma and Sean walking into the door of Sean's apartment

Sean:

The store was a total bust.

Emma walked around mad the rest of the day,

Angry that I wouldn't tell her what was going on

But she doesn't even freaking wanna know!

As I walk in I set the bags on the counter

And she starts digging around in some of them.

She glances at me barely, still pouting.

Why can't she just let this go?

I wonder,

I don't know how to tell her what's wrong,

Cuz somehow I have a feeling she won't believe me

I mean how screwed up can a guy's life really be…

Before you start to blame him?

She pulls her hair into a ponytail

Making her face look tighter than it already did

And reaches out her hand towards me

I smile,

I take her hand in mine and kiss it softly…

I'll be alright.

I'm sure.

Suddenly, she snatches her hand away looking at me anxiously

"The phone, Sean. I said hand me the phone."

I stare down in front of me and see the phone,

What the Hell is wrong with her?

She's always acting like I'm the one

But this is what she does when I try and make up with her?

God Damn it!

I pick up the phone and toss it at her.

And walk into my room flopping on my bed

No idea what she's about to come in here and say

But right now?

I couldn't care less…

This is not a circus

So don't play me for a clown

Emma:

What is the matter with him?

He's always acting like everything is my fault

Whenever I try to get close to him

He holds me back

But then he'll turn right around and kiss me

Or kiss my outstretched hand…

And act like I'm supposed to be just fine with that?

Uh, uh!

Instead of following after him,

To start an endless argument,

I just pick up the phone dialing Manny's number.

She's supposed to be helping me cook for tonight,

Her, my mom, and Liberty Van Zandt.

After I call them

I stare at Sean's room

All I see is that his feet are hanging miserably over the bed

And I don't really want him to be in such a bad mood

So, I walk over to the door

Leaning against it and saying

"Sean, I'm sorry ok? It's just that…

Well I don't know what the heck is going on with you.

One minute you're stomping around mad, or looking confused or something.

And the next you're kissing me, or yanking me up hugging me and I just don't how to take it Sean."

He rolls over staring up at me…

"I'm sorry too, Em."

He says his eyes, rushing up quickly to the ceiling.

"I'm really sorry."

He says and I can't tell if he's been crying or if he's about to cry

But I walk over and lay down next to him.

Laying my head on his heartbeat…

I wonder if he's scared,

Or sad…

Or lonely

But I don't know

And even as I lay here

I'm pretty sure that whatever is wrong

Is going to hurt us both.

How long can emotions

Keep on going up and down?

Sean:

I don't wanna lose her

I don't…

She's so amazing

To even put up with me

Not to mention love me

And I hold her for just a moment

Afraid that it might be the last time

Thanks to some dumb mistake or other

My fingers trembling when I remember that they'd reach out to take that…

Package

And wash the last 4 months down the toilet.

"I love you, Emma,"

I say softly, and she looks up at me

Kissing my cheek

"I love you, too." She says.

After a little while longer

She gets up pulling me up too

"We've gotta get ready Sean."

She says and I remember the dinner thing…

"Oh yeah." I say, sitting up miserably

Not that I mind helping her,

I don't…

Besides, I don't feel like having a "dinner party".

Then, I remember that she said I won't have to help too much,

And smile saying…

"Is Manny still supposed to be coming over to…"

"Emma! I'm here and so's Liberty and we brought Toby and your mom's coming by in a little-oh…"

Manny Santos-Emma's best friend-says as she walks up to my bedroom door,

Loaded down with pans-which I don't have to many of, except the ones Emma already brought over-

She blushes a little, at least I think, it's kinda hard to tell under all that make-up.

"…I'm s-sorry guys, I didn't mean to…"

She stammers and I realize that she thinks me and Emma are-or I guess, were doing something.

Before I can say anything Emma says "Manny! We were just about to go in the kitchen. We were just discussing…" she looks at me questioningly…

"Yeah, discussing…" I say, not sure why she's looking at me like I can come up with an excuse

"What Sean is going to wear!" she says smiling at me like she's some genius to think that up.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing…?" I ask her and she turns glaring at me

And nodding towards Manny…

Like I really care if Manny thought we were…doing something

But I shrug anyway.

And just stand up wrapping my arms around Emma's waist and walking with her to the kitchen.

Manny just stares at us smiling, "Yeah Emma, I think he looks…fine."

Emma:

Glad that that awkwardness is over, I push Sean off of me.

"Here. You do this." I say handing him the invite list..

He just looks at my hand

Like it's the plague

"Didn't you already…?"

"Yes Sean, I did. But you have to double-check and make sure everyone can come…"

Sean stares at me blankly for a moment then leans over and kisses me,

Not all crazily,

Just softly on the lips

And I smile at him

As he leans back

"Now, go!" I say waving him off and he walks over taking the phone off the counter.

"Hey, yeah, uh Craig? What's up man? It's Sean…" he says, heading into the other room.

I turn around and notice Manny and Liberty and Toby all staring at me

"What!"

"'What?' You guys are sooooo cute!" Manny says with a laugh and that dreamy romantic look she always gets.

"I agree," Liberty says nodding and looking at me a with a silly smile-as silly as Liberty's smiles ever get, anyway-

"You 2 are like…Like 2 peas in an macrobiotic pod." She says with a nod.

And we all look at her. "What? They are!"

I shake my head wondering if they'll ever realize

How hard it is for me to keep Sean.

When I glance back up I notice that Toby is still staring at me…"What?" I ask looking at him anxiously

"Man have you got it bad!" he says with a laugh.

"Shut up Toby!" I say, trying to figure out why they brought him over here anyway.

"You guys, came to help right? So…help!" and then they all scatter around the kitchen.

Toby opening unidentified packages,

Liberty counting off ingredients for some weird dressing she claims her grandmother makes,

Manny chopping up onions and I shake my head

What did I get myself into …?

Scene: That Evening at Sean's apartment, still

Sean:

"Sean! Are you dressed? It's 7 and the people are starting to show up!" she says busting into my room.

I'm dressed.

I been dressed, just sitting on my bed in this dumb button-up shirt that she got me

Black jeans though.

And I look at her about to say so…but she stops me with that dress she's wearing.

It's black and it's long and it has some little things on the side,

That make it shine a little

Her hair is up and she looks so…beautiful.

She smiles at me twirling around.

"You like it?" she says walking over to me and standing in front of me.

"It's…great!" I say, clearing my throat a little.

"When did you get it…?"

"I went shopping with Manny the other day…

"She was kinda losing it because I haven't been spending a lot of time with her lately so…"

I nod at her not really listening

Just eyeing her carefully.

She's so beautiful…I can't explain.

What did I ever do to deserve her?

"Sean, come on." She says pulling me up and then yanking me towards the door.

"Now, remember, this isn't a house-warming.

We're not living together.

It's just a dinner party so don't be too nervous."

She says although from the way her fingers are trembling on mine,

I can tell that she's really talking to herself.

Emma:

Everyone in the world came…

Alex-covering for Jay,

Darcy and all the other girls from the spirit squad,

Danny-Liberty's annoying little brother-and JT.

My mom and dad, and Jack.

Even Ellie came. She and Sean are on pretty good terms so that's not too surprising though…

Peter is a no-show,

Which is fine since we don't really talk anymore,-

Kinda what happens when you dump your boyfriend for another guy.

Then there's Ashley and Jimmy

And Hazel and Craig-he's in for the weekend to see Manny,

And Joey and…everybody!

Everyone walks around just talking

"So, how long have you guys been living together…?" Darcy says popping a weird looking…thing in her mouth."

And I look over and see that JT is walking around handing with a platter, like he's a busboy or something.

"We're not, really… we just sort of…Well, I come over a lot."

I say smiling and taking a sip of my sparkling water.

I don't have time for anyone getting drunk

So it's the closest I'm going to come to wine for now.

Darcy nods at me but nudges the blonde girl standing next to her

And they both walk off laughing.

Sometimes I really hate Degrassi girls.

"The music is great!"

Jimmy says to me as he and Ashley and are twirling around on the floor.

"So's the food Emma!" Ashley calls out with a smile.

"Great job!" "Thanks" I say with a smile and then think, looking around

I couldn't have done it without…

Where is Sean anyway?

I haven't seen him since he was by the table talking to Jimmy…

I look around for him a little while and then walk over to Manny, who's dancing crazily all over Craig.

"Manny? Have you seen Sean?" I ask her, the music's not too loud so I don't have to shout.

"Uh, Sean? Yeah, he went…tttthat way…" she says pointing her finger behind her laughing…as Craig dips her down.

I just shake my head at them,

And walk off to find Sean…

I know he's not too into the whole "dinner" party thing

But I hope he's doing ok.

Sean:

I pretty much just stay back from the crowd.

I talked to Jimmy for a while…

And Craig

But they both walked off with their girlfriends

So I lean against the wall staring at the clock.

I've never liked these things.

There so…uncomfortable.

It's not like I have anything to talk about with these people.

None of em

Except Emma,

And she's busy hosting.

So, I just walk over to the drinks

Swiping a soda off the counter and heading for the door.

I'm just planning on stepping outside to get some air.

But as soon as I close the door…

I turn around and see that guy, Rico.

He's standing there leaning against the wall like he was waiting for me.

"Hey man! What took you so long?" he says pushing off the wall and stepping towards me.

I knew something crazy was going to happen

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, my voice shaking not from fear of him

But, because he's about to ruin my entire night.

And life…

"I came to drop off the stuff." He says, digging is his jacket pocket,

"Look, man, I already told you; I don't want any "stuff"" I say backing up to the door about to open it.

"Now, just get out of…"

And I feel the door swing open and I turn around slowly

Already knowing, before I even see her,

That it's Emma who I'll be facing…

"Emma!" I say quickly and Rico stuffs the package in his jacket

"It's not what it-"

"Yeah, Sean." She says shaking her head at me

"Not "what it looks like", right? Why am I not surprised?"

I walk over to her trying to grab her hand.

"Emma, just listen, ok-"

"No, Sean, you listen!"

Emma yells at me, as she backs up bumping into JT,

And the music stops and everyone turns around staring at me,

Staring at her,

Without a hint of trust in her eyes.

I feel my heart rising up in my throat

And I ready myself for whatever.

It's impossible

Oh baby it's impossible

For me to love you, this way

It's impossible

Oh baby it's impossible

Emma:

How could he do this?

I should've known that this would happen.

He lies to me,

Telling me he doesn't know who this guy is.

Then, he brings him over to the house,

In the middle of our party,

To get drugs from him!

"Drugs, Sean! Just like you promised me you weren't dealing? And right here, right now, in front of everyone!"

He just stands there staring at me as if I did something wrong

"Emma," he says calmly

"You don't understand-"

"Oh no, Sean. I understand, I finally understand and I finally get it, why you keep doing this to me…"

"It's because…

I keep letting you."

I say, crying as I finish speaking,

"But no more Sean Cameron. This is it. I'm done."

And I turn walking through the blurred crowd, that I assume is our friends…

Impossible to love you

If you keep treating me this way (Over) over,

(and over) over

Sean:

Here it is.

What I knew would happen.

Some dumb guy in a windbreaker,

Can just come and in one minute

Take away everything I've been trying so hard to earn.

This is what I was afraid of.

This is why I wouldn't tell her

Because I knew that she'd just think…whatever.

She's walking away from me

Pushing through the crowd and probably trying to get as far away from me as possible

But I can't let her.

I feel weaker than I thought I would

And I stumble a little,

But then stand up rushing through the people after her.

"Emma! Don't do this!" I say grabbing her hand.

"Get off of me Sean!" she says snatching away from me and I just fall on the ground.

Grabbing onto her waist.

"Don't Emma! I need you…" I say, tears forcing their way through my closed eyelids.

Not giving a damn who's watching,

Realizing that there's nothing else to care about.

"Sean," Emma says as she turns towards me

"Let go of me!"

"No! Not until you listen…"

I say, hugging her waist tightly as she tries to pull away from me.

"Sean, I have listened and I'm through. So get off of.-"

I feel someone grabbing at my shoulder and saying

"Let her go, Sean."

I can't stand this!

What the Hell is going on?

I turn around, letting go of Emma and punching him square in the face.

It's Mr. Simpson, and I stare at him shaking my head nervously…"Mr. Simpson! Are you alright…?" he just shakes his head at me, holding his face and stands up looking at his wife.

"Come on, Spike. I think we'd better go…"

I didn't mean to hit him, I just, I was too caught up worrying about Emma.

Emma!

I turn towards her and she's shaking her head, tears streaming down her face.

"Emma? I'm sorry just-just listen…" I say standing up and walking towards her as she backs away from me, finally rushing into the bedroom before closing the door in my face.

I turn around and slowly everyone is leaving…

Moving around and shuffling to get out the door…

I don't say anything,

I don't wipe the tears or anything…

I just watch them go.

Not really looking at them

Just waiting for the door to close.

When it does I slide down against the bedroom door that's inbetween me and Emma

My head in my hands,

Shaking and wondering

What the Hell am I gonna do now…?

Impossible to love you

baby

Ohh if you making it this way

This way

Oh baby it's impossible If you making it this way