Author's Note:
Last Chapter! Please Review!
Jazzy-Raveler!
Chapter 8-To Hell and Back...to Heaven
Emma:
Snake's been back home a few days...
And I've been trying my best not to think about what mighta happened.
What might still happen...
Basically, I've just been keeping busy to avoid any thinking.
It's help me to stop thinking about Snake...
But not about Sean.
Sean, Sean, Sean,
Ever since that day in the hospital?
I haven't been able to stop thinking about him.
I mean, when someone you love almost dies?
It kinda puts things in perspective...
And now, I know,
That whatever Sean said...
Or did...
Or-or...whatever.
It doesn't matter
Nothing does...
Everytime I try to remind myself of everything he's put me through
My mind keeps fighting it with memories of everything we used to be...
Even Back when we first started dating...
How he made me feel...
How he was the only guy who could ever make me feel that way...
And our first date,
And our first kiss,
And then I remember everything that we still can be.
When that happens I always have to fight the urge to run out the door,
All the way to his apartment and just hug him and tell him...
But...this time?
When I finally break myself away from the thoughts?
It's too late to convince myself not to go...
I'm already headed out the door.
Oh, thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
Sean:
Yeah,
Emma's been pretty much on my brain 24/7 since that day in the hospital.
I talked to Manny the other day.
She called to tell me that Snake is doing good and he's outta the hospital.
So that's good news...
I feel bad that I never went to see him again though...
And I'm wondering how Emma's holding up...
Every time I think about going to see her-Snake, I mean
I remember that she don't need me.
And that Emma Nelson is as tough a girl as I know;
I mean she has pretty much made it through hell and back a bunch of times
I should know;
Half the time I was the one who took her there.
But anyway,
It's weird but I haven't just been thinking about Emma;
I've been thinking a lot about...us.
How good it was when we first got back together?
And even way back when we first got together.
We were young and wild and free
And I've been thinking about everything that happened in the last few years.
How I felt when I was in Wasaga?
How determined I was that I'd never hurt her again?
Man...
It all seems so stupid now.
I wish I could just tell her!
Just tell her that I'm tired of this,
That it made no sense for us to break up anyway; that it was all a misunderstanding.
Tell her that she'll always have my heart.
As dumb and mushy and crappy as that sounds?
It's true.
What's the point of just thinking about it?
I think finally and I get my lazy procrastinating ass off the couch,
Yank my jacket off the doorknob
And walk out the door.
I gotta tell her truth...
I think,
Got to; she's the only thing I can think about...
She'll want to get back together
I think,
She has to...
And I'm hoping she'll know...
That I'm not gonna lose her again...
Now, nothin' can take you away from me
Emma:
Be home Sean! Be there Sean! Please be there!
I think as I'm walking since I'm not sure if I'll be able to work myself up to say what I want to say again...
Not for a while anyway...
Maybe another whole month!
I laugh a little as I turn down the street Sean's apartment is on.
And I close my eyes and reassure myself, despite my screaming insides, that I amdoing the right thing.
I mean, I love him but being logical and all I can't help but to know that Sean?
Sean is so wrong for me
And so stupid and so childish and so chaotic!
But...
I still love him
He's all I can think about
And all I want to think about...
I push my crossed arms up against my chest, and force my shaking legs down the street.
I mean I've gotten back with Sean before...
I'm always back getting back with Sean.
But...
I guess this time it's different,
This time?
I don't know.
I guess just thinking about how I felt when I thought Snake was gone?
And when Sean came? Was there for me right when I needed him to be?
And then how bad I felt just thinking about what if he hadn't been there...
I mean what if I'd finally...lost him.
For real real.
And not over some stupid drugs or something?
Really lost him? Like I thought I'd lost Snake?
I shake a little and brush the thoughts away.
I can't think that way...
And I smile just knowing that when I see Sean this time?
When I kiss him again...
Hold him again?
There won't-no, there can't be any more break ups...
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
Sean:
It's a little cold out here and I have my hands shoved in pockets as I'm walking.
Driving faster, I know.
But walking gives me a chance to think of what to say to her.
How to convince her that breaking up was a mistake, and it's not doing us any good.
I try to believe that she'll know, she'll jsut know that I'm telling the truth.
I lean forward a little and walk faster; stomping hard.
Seems kinda like I'm fighting the wind...
But, I'm really just fighting the thoughts that are telling me to turn back...
Telling me that going to talk to Emma isn't gonna do any good...
I mean, she didn't believe me before, why would she believe me now?
I think, and I stop walking, the thoughts finally starting to win...
Last time I saw her...
Last time I saw her...
I think, and closing my eyes I remember...
She smiled at me! I remember suddenly,
At the hospital she smiled at me like she was...like the smile was actually for me.
I start to walk again thinking,
Well, hoping anyways,
That Snake's heart attack really opened her eyes.
It sure as hell opened mine...
And I know now that if I don't try at least one more time to get her back?
I'll regret it for the rest of my life...
I love her and nothing dumb like this is worth losing her...
I turn the last corner leading out of this neighborhood and toward Main Street.
She still loves me...
I think, as I close my eyes shaking my head a little.
She still loves me...
I realize, as I open my eyes and then stop dead cold where I'm standing...
If she didn't?
Then why is she...
Walking up to me...
Right now.
You keep me comin' back for more
Emma:
There Sean is,
Standing there staring at me
Like he hopes I'm walking towards him.
I stop walking and try to read his face...
He looks tired, and sad...just like I'm sure I do...
And the wind whips at our backs crazily,
and I have to hold strong to my ground
I'm sure Sean does too...
I squint at him and try to make sure I wasn't just hoping that he looked happy to see me.
He looks so worried and suddenly I'm not so sure...
I mean, was he even coming to see me?
Walking to my house?
I thought so at first...
But now?
I realize that he probably would've just drove...
My heart sinks and I wait to see what he'll do.
After a minute or so...
I feel cold and tired and scared out of my mind,
And I push my crossed arms against my chest harder nodding at Sean hopefully...
Sean finally eases his hands out of his jacket pockets and holds them towards me hopefully...
All of a sudden my heart is racing again,
And my cold, tired, scared, feeling?
Is disintregrating into my hopeful smile
Sean smiles at me too...
I am so crazily relieved and I race into Sean's arms and start to tear up as Sean lifts me up hugging me tightly.
I just hug him and hug him and kiss the side of his head crying,
Knowing that I'm content to just stay here forever;
Hugging Sean;
Holding Sean;
Being so insanely happy, that I can...
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
Sean:
I am so...
I mean everything in my life couldn't be further from perfect.
And yet here Emma is again...
In my arms...
Me,
Piece-of-crap, Nothing-Special Me being enough for her.
I can't handle thinking about it...
And I start to tear up...
Dammit! I'm crying!
I set Emma on the ground carefully,
And I try to say something, forcing the tears back in as I do...
"Emma? I'm so...I mean, I just-"
"Shhh Sean." She says putting her soft hands on my face and holding my face close to hers...
"You've apologized e-nough. I'm sorry, ok? I should've just let everything go and I'm sorry. I love you."
I never thought I was going to hear that again.
I smile at Emma but I still manage not to cry, even though she's bawling like a baby.
I hug her again and I kiss her soft blonde head.
I didn't need her to say sorry like I thought I did...
I didn't need her to say it...
All I needed, I mean,
All I really wanted was for Emma Nelson to show me that she got what I had to believe all along...
What I have to feel to be able to stand being with her...
Love is enough.
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Emma:
How did I ever-
I'm sorry,
How do I, always let Sean Cameron go?
I mean...it's him.
He is "the one"...
Like everyone always talks about.
He's shaped my entire life.
He is so...amazing.
I love him...
Sean:
"I love you too."
I say and I hug Emma tighter...
As tight as I possibly can, as I turn her with me and start walking back the way I came.
The last 2 months without Emma have been really bad...really bad.
But, I didn't know how bad it'd had been until she started leaning her head onto my shoulder and reminding me how it feels to be with her...
The last 2 months were Hell,
I realize now.
But here I am,
I think,
Here we are, again.
Same old, same old...
I love her so much.
Emma Nelson is the only girl I have ever felt like this about;
Like...an idiot, a complete and total jackass every time I see her.
Ever since the first day I ever met her,
Man, I just knew-don't know how but I knew-that she would be in my life for a long time.
Now? Years later?
All this time?
All the crap that's happened?
And here she is again...
Loving me,
Wanting me,
And hugging me
Like I'm actually worth loving, hugging, or wanting...
And helping me to start and realize that sometimes life?
It can actually be kinda...good.
Awesome, really...
Man, I love her!
Oh, once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Yeah, nothin' could change what you mean to me
Emma:
The wind has settled and so have my tears.
We're walking up to Sean's door
And I'm trying to search my mind and find the words to say what I'm feeling;
If there are words.
Sometimes I feel like...
Like, Sean is the only one who sees me...
Like he can read my heart and know exactly what I need...
Him.
I know how cheesy that'll sound, but it's true.
Still, I try to find a better way to say it.
A better than just I love you...
Like...:
I need you,
I breathe you,
I live you,
But Sean is squeezing me so tightly,
That even if I could find them,
I could barely get them out anyway.
So, I just hug him back,
Just as tight,
And I think,
He gets the picture...
Oh, there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
'Cause our love will light the way
Sean:
We're back at my apartment
And she's sitting on the couch
I put my jacket on the counter and walk over to her,
Say the first thing that comes-guiltily-to mind...
As I try to avoid her eyes...
'Emma?...How's Snake?"
"He's fine." Emma says shaking her head and she pulls me down on the couch next to her.
She pulls my face into hers, kissing me for just a second.
Then she says, while she turns around and leans back into my arms
"Let's not talk about Snake, right now, ok?"
And I just nod, holding her,
Not believing that I actually...
I really got another chance
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
Emma:
Sean is so...
I try again to find the words as I close my eyes leaning into his chest.
Instead, I just think about everything he's done for me...
Everything he's shown me...
Not to mention, how insanely boring my life would be without him...
And a tear comes to my eye.
I can't believe it took Snake almost dying for me to realize that...
I don't wanna be without Sean Cameron.
How stupid can you possibly be, Emma?
I wonder.
I mean, Sean?
He's so not perfect;
But...
Neither am I.
Ok, Em.
I think
And I decide not to think about the what-ifs.
Instead, I just smile, maneuver my hand around Sean's-his arms are draped around my shoulders-and wipe away the tear.
Because now?
Now I am in Sean's arms, and I can have all I-or, anyone else for that matter-needs; ever needed to begin with:
Love.
The real...
Strong...
Cry-like-a-baby kind...
Sean Hope Cameron gives me that...
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Sean:
It's so strange to think about now...
I mean, it's like...
Man!
One minute, I'm with Emma everythings cool.
The next thing I know I'm sitting there,
Missing her...
Dreaming about her...
Wishing like hell, that I had her.
And now...
Here she is...
Actually back with me...again...
I laugh a little as I think...
Now, I know what Emma means
When she says
"Sometimes, it's just too much to think about"...
Now our dreams are comin' true
Emma:
Well, here we go again!
I think,
Round number 4!
And I laugh a little.
But then I think with a sharp nod.
Last Round.
I'm not leaving Sean again...
Or letting him leave me...
This is it,
I promise myself.
This has to be it.
I don't care what the hell he does...
I don't care and I'm not going to make myself believe that I do.
I mean, I can pretty much handle anything we might go through...
And so can he...
I already know that.
But what I can't handle?
What I can't handle...
Is being without Sean.
Through the good times and the bad
I'll be standing there by you
Sean:
Emma sits up and turns around and looks at me.
"Sean," she says, all seriously and bobbing her head crazily. "I'm not, I mean this is it, ok? No more drugs or drinking or-or anything all right? Cuz, this is it. I love you, alright? I love you."
I nod at her smiling, and I move her hair away from her eyes-all that crazy Emma head bobbing got it in her eyes.
I start to smile thinking that, but I don't. Instead, I sit up and look right in her eyes; I want her to know that I'm dead-serious.
"No more Emma; ever. I love you, too. And I know...I mean, I don't need any a that dumb shit to get by..."
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
Emma:
"I've got you." Sean says and he leans over, kissing me.
I lean back a little and shake my head as I do.
I think about everything that it took just to get us here...
A school dance,
A horrendous first date,
A crazy panther dance,
A dumb alley fight,
A wedding,
A disasterous dinner and Sean drinking,
Sean not going with me to find my dad,
Snake being diagnosed with Cancer,
Me, my big mouth,-Sean's was there too, though-and some dumb blowout about cleaning the freaking ravine,
A...shooting,
Sean falling off a dumb waterthingy,
Sean staying...in Wasaga,
Missing each other like Hell,
A stupid eating disorder,
Drug dealing,
Snake almost dying,
And I wish that we could've-
Wish that I could've just gotten the picture earlier,
But, it's ok...
I think, as I pull Sean to me and kiss him...hard;
I get it now...
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
Sean:
I pull back from kissing Emma and look in her big brown eyes.
And I'm not too worried now.
I mean, we've made through every disaster possible seems like.
Any more?
They can't mess us up too bad...
I don't think so anyway...
I hope not anyways.
But...
Emma leans forward and kisses me again.
Then she pulls her legs up onto the couch-sitting cross-legged-and grabs both my hands,
Facing me with that look she always has when she's about to talk a mile-a-minute.
She's crying too.
So...
I just look back at her and smile
And try not to think about all that messed up crap right now...
Sean/Emma: (Thoughts)
I mean, we've been through hell...
But we still made it.
I think we both finally realize that this...
Us?
We're a lot stronger than we both thought...
And, for each other?
Even going through hell can be handled...
Cuz, when we finally make it back to one another...
We're in Heaven
The End
Ok Guys! Hope you loooovveedd it! I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it.
I am definitely gonna do a sequel.
Anyway tho' anyone -please guys-anyone who liked this story
Pleeeeaaasssseee review ok?
I mean come on!
It's the last chapter...
Love ya lots guys!
Jazzy-Raveler!