Chapter 3

Wishing They Knew...But Glad They Don't

Monday had not been a good day for Emma Nelson. She had gone through the trouble of being called to the principal's office-her boyfriend's mom no less-and having to explain her sudden outburst as "stress and anxiety caused from the several irregularities in her family." Being that the principal was well-acquainted with the "stress and irregularities" involved in Emma's family, she let it slide; unfortunately for Emma, her parents didn't.

"Emma how are you?" Her father-Archie, but endearingly nicknamed Snake-had said with a look of deep concern in his eyes. Emma'd rolled her own. He was so overreacting to the whole thing and ever since she'd had that spill with Anorexia he'd been treating her like a china doll. "I'm fine," Emma said "Honey," Emma's mother, Spike -named Christine but endearingly called Spike-said leaning over Emma's shoulder in the kitchen. "If you need to talk-" "I'm fine, Mom!" Emma screamed before jumping up and running towards the door.

"Emma!" Emma froze, tears already inching down her face, but she stood perfectly still so that her back was like a wall between she and her parents. "Emma," her mother said again, now in a calmer and more controlled voice "I know that you are going to be having a lot of difficulty this year, but…don't shut me out." Her mother's voice was choked with emotion and Emma could feel her mind willing her to turn around. Instead, she stayed where she was and after letting out a silent gasp, she said calmly, "If I need you mom, I'll let you know." And with that she'd headed to her door, shoving it open, and racing down the steps angry at herself for leaving her mom in tears.

Now, it was Tuesday and as Emma walked through the hallways of Degrassi, she could feel the tension rising in her shoulders. "Hey," she heard her boyfriend Peter whisper into her ear as he wrapped his warm tan arms around her. "Hey" she whispered back as she turned around to face him and found the same mischievous boyish grin on his face as always.

Emma moved her face in to kiss him and found the warm pink lips soothing. She tried to forget about her thoughts although it seemed most impossible, though she walked hand in hand with her "man,"

"So…?" Peter said, turning his blonde head nervously away from her. "How are…you?" he said leaning in towards her in an almost-whisper voice. Emma pushed him back and stared at him defensively "I'm fine, what are you acting so weird about?" Peter's eyes found every other place on Emma's face than hers, as he said quietly "I'm just-you know-I'm kinda worried about you since-" Emma could feel her face burning. First Manny, then the Principal, then her parents, and now her boyfriend! Not only did she not feel like "confiding" in anyone; there was noone to confide in! The only person who really understood was Se-wasn't here! And she'd have to get that fact across to everyone once and for all!.

"Look Peter, I don't feel like "sharing" with you right now alright! I'm fine, never been better! Now quitting bugging me!" She yelled, snatching her arms away from his and stomping away from his saddened face. Peter hung his head a little and he sighed heavily "So," he said decidedly, "She knows."

Scene Change: (Inside of Archie "Snake" Simpson's classroom-right before lunch)

"Who in the world are you staring at?" Liberty Van Zandt asked a googly eyed Ellie Nash as the bell rang for lunch. No response. Ellie just kept staring toward her dreamily, almost lovingly, Liberty thought.

"I've heard of friendly classmates, but this?-this is a little too friendly for me." Liberty said as she snatched up her books and marched away.

In reality Ellie wasn't staring at Liberty…hadn't even seen Liberty. In reality Ellie had one thing on her mind…

Previous Night: (Ellie's apartment shortly after she bashed an 'intruder'.)

Ellie sunk to the floor against the wall as she stared in dismay at her best friend Craig Manning sprawled out on her bedroom floor. "Oh my God! Craig! Are you ok!" she asked as she leapt to his side, sweeping the curly brown trusses of hair out of his eyes to see his face. "Surprise!" Craig said weakly, jokingly as he cradled his right leg in pain. "Oh my god, Oh my god, Craig! I'm sorry-I didn't know-I mean how could I know-I mean-" "El, it's ok," Craig said as he-with Ellie's help-stood awkwardly to his feet.

Ellie shook her head looking as though she were about to cry, when suddenly her look changed from shock, to utter amazement, and then to blatant annoyance. "Hey!" Ellie said sharply, angrily, as she hit Craig in the shoulder "I shouldn't be apologizing-you should! What were you thinking lurking around my apartment?" "Ow," Craig said rubbing his arm and feigning pain and disappointment. "Hey! I wanted to surprise you. Is that such a crime? God! did I miss the notice? Is today "Ellie beats on Craig" day or something?"

Ellie's face softened a little and she managed to let out a little excited cry "I'm sorry Craig. Man, am I happy to see you!" and she leaned into his arms laying her head gently on the shoulder that she'd just hit. Craig smiled; he'd missed his red-headed friend's fieriness and noted that, yes, her green eyes did still sparkle when she laughed. "I'm happy to see you too," he said gripping her tightly.

The two of them walked into the living room and sat on the couch. "So, Craig, tell me, what's been going on?" Craig leaned back into the couch before sinking down playfully and stating "Living Large, Ellie, Living Large." Ellie picked up a couch pillow and hit him in the head. "Craig I'm serious, I really-I mean- uh-we really missed you." Craig sat up a look of interest on his face. "Glad to know I'm still needed around here," he said in a soft voice with a look that made Ellie smile inside. Ellie stared into his eyes and almost leaned forward before she caught herself. Ellie quickly looked away What are you doing El? she thought and then-feeling Craig sitting up-she turned towards him. "El? I said who's the "we"?" Craig said, grabbing his friends hands, forcing her to look at him." "We?" "Yeah 'we' you said 'we' really missed you. Who's the we?" "Oh, oh the "we"...right. Um-Meeee-Ma-…Manny!. Manny…and Me. That's the We."

Craig frowned, then a sly smile spread across his pale face, "You and Manny are actually communicating?" Ellie shifted a little uneasily remembering her earlier confrontation with Manny. Combining that with the fact that she had just almost kissed him, Ellie knew Craig staying here was only inviting disaster.

"Um…yeah," Ellie said, standing up quickly, she brushed her hair behind her ears with both hands and then said, as she crossed her arms, "Craig, you-uh-you better go." Craig stood up and stepped towards his friend. He noted her uneasiness and tensed up a little himself "What is it Ellie?" "Um-well I just-I mean it's great to see you-but I really don't think you should be here."

Craig looked around the room a little confused "Shouldn't be here? Ellie what are you talking about? I only came all this way to see you. "Here" is you." Ellie's mouth opened but the words couldn't form. "You-you did?" she stuttered she could feel her heart pounding and she stepped back a little so that Craig wouldn't hear. "Of course-of course I did! Why else would I travel all this way right before school started for you guys?"

Ellie breathed deeply. Was Craig saying what she thought he was saying? Had he come all this way to tell her that he missed her like she missed him? He felt what she felt when she saw him? He…cared- cared for her?

Ellie glanced uneasily around the room trying to find something to focus on other than Craig. "Craig? What are you talking-" "El," he said stepping towards her and turning her face towards his. She could feel his breath on her face, she could feel his lips coming toward her and she closed her eyes gently, ready to receive his kiss...his choosing her- when she heard his words "I wanted to make sure you were alright-you know, see how you were doing since Ashley just left; I figured you'd be nervous about school starting back."

Ellie's cheeks burned bright red, her eyes shot open, and she snatched her face away from Craig's. Angry at herself for being so dumb and him for being so dumb. How could he be so oblivious, how could he know her so well-better than anybody-and still not know anything?

"I'm fine, Craig." She said her voice shifting into cool anger. "Now, I think you should leave." "Ellie, what's wrong? Why are you-"Craig wrinkled his forehead and then, as though a thought hit him, a look of sudden realization overtook his face. "Ok Ellie, I get it. I'll go." Ellie looked at him a little hurt-though she knew she had no right-searching his face for understanding when it hit her.

He'd figured out that Manny didn't want him there; didn't trust him around her. Maybe Manny had even talked to him. Ellie sighed softly "Yeah," she said her eyes shifting to the floor. Sure, picked a hell of a time to realize Manning! she thought as she walked behind him toward the door.

As much as she was mad at Craig for his oblivion she didn't really want him to go. She wished that he could stay…that he would stay. She had so much to tell him, so much to say to him, so much to express. Why did he have to realize so suddenly that Manny didn't trust him? Why did he have to go now, after all his masculine oblivion?

Pea-brained, idiotic, dumbfoundedly stupid masculine oblivi- she thought when Craig interrupted Ellie's thought by grabbing her hand. "I almost forgot," he said a little hesitantly. Then he shrugged as if thinking "why not?" and-after digging it out of his endless pants pocket- placed a small green velvet box in her hand. "Here you go El. For all the birthday's, Christmas's and um-whatever else's I might miss." He said with a laugh. "I used a little of the money that my record label gave me. I figured I should put some of it to good use."

As he turned towards the door, Ellie could feel the tears rising up to her eyes. She didn't want Craig to go. Could he stay with her? She didn't want to be alone; not now. She felt her hand gripping her arm tightly. Rubbing her arm the way she did when she had an anxiety attack; a sudden urge to cut her skin; luckily for her, Craig-who recognized this gesture-couldn't see it.

Craig twisted the doorknob pulling it slowly towards him almost as though he were begging for her to ask him back in. Ellie took a chance" Craig please," she said tears rising in her eyes quicker than she could stop, "You don't have to-" "Go," A small and yet unmistakably sharp tone of voice said.

Ellie looked around Craig and saw, who else, but Manny Santos standing eyebrow arched toe tapping in her doorway. Craig now stood between the two of them. Looking first at Ellie and then at Manny. Ellie dreaded this…the moment that Craig would have to acknowledge the uneasiness…Manny would demand he'd choose…Ellie almost sunk to the ground, with the thought that this could be the last time that Craig Manning would grace her doorstep. She closed her eyes waiting for impact. Nothing happened.

When Ellie opened her eyes she was met with the sight of Craig and Manny kissing violently-Manny moreso of course than Craig-Manny pulling him toward her out the door and Craig coming obediently. Ellie almost gagged. "What a surprise," she said, after she could stand no more. "Manny Santos, for the second time today." Ellie was so mad she could have bashed Craig into the door. If he was going to be dumb and not acknowledge the tension, she certainly would.

Craig pulled away from Manny-his lip almost bleeding-"The second time?" he said with a confused expression. Ellie wanted to sock his expression into his head hoping that it would come out the other side with a look of understanding. "Yeah," Ellie said crossing her arms and staring Manny down "The second time." "But wait," Craig said, a slightly amused expression on his face "That means you knew I was here doesn't it? El, why didn't you call if you knew I was here?" "Hmmm, good question Craig." Ellie said-though at the moment she was none too interested in having not called Craig-"Manny? Do you know why?" Ellie said nodding toward Manny with a questioning look Craig whipping his head around staring at Manny also.

Now it was Manny's turn to squirm and Ellie loved it. "Um-I just uh-I forgot to mention it that's all." "How could you forget to ment-" Craig started when Manny interrupted him "Craig, come on! We were supposed to be hanging out tonight? At your place? Remember?" "Tonight? No, Manny, I told you I was gonna hang with Ellie tonight." "But Craig," Manny said "I need you." The puppy dog look was implemented and Craig nodded, "Ok. You can stop now. I was just leaving anyway."

Craig turned to Ellie who-having gotten over her short-lived happiness at Manny's momentary uneasiness-was now back to having tear-filled eyes. "Look," Craig said to her stepping back inside and swiping the hair out of her face "I'll see you tomorrow ok?" Ellie nodded and she felt the burning of Manny's hateful eyes into her skull. "Thanks for coming Craig." She managed without an overflow of tears. Craig stood back and looked her over managed a weak smile then leaning over and hugging her said "I hope you like the gift." Then he kissed her, on the cheek, of course; but the look on Manny's face had been enough to diminish the tears and keep Ellie softly daydreaming of Craig all night.

His kiss had so much intensity, that she couldn't help but dream all night of his full powerful kiss, the kind that she would never have to force him to give, the kind that he would give voluntarily passionately and with….love.

Back to the classroom...

"ELLIE NASH!" Mr. Simpson, her 2nd period teacher, screamed as Ellie jumped eyes wide open, alert and shocked. Snake leaned down staring into her eyes and then saying slowly "Are you O-K Ellie?" Ellie nodded quickly realizing that she had been sitting here daydreaming for the first 20 minutes of the lunch period. "You sure? I called you five times." "I'm fine!" Ellie said, embarrassed snatching her books off of her desk and rushing down the hall.

Scene Change: (Cafeteria)

Emma waited reluctantly before walking over to sit down with Manny at their usual table. She wasn't in a good mood Emma could tell and neither was she. Manny was her best friend but when both of them were in a bad mood it was certified trouble; and Emma didn't feel like arguing today.

"Hey," Emma said shoving a French fry into her mouth as she plopped-almost slammed-her tray onto the table "Hey," Manny murmured, and then continued staring across the lunch room searching for someone. Emma felt bad about having shouted at Peter. She knew that he was only trying to help and she also knew he was sensitive. She decided to cool down a little and tell Manny.

"I don't think he's coming." She semi-whispered. Manny paid her no attention and instead kept searching "I told him to buzz off, I told him to get lost, I think he did." Manny looked at Emma now. A puzzled and annoyed look "Did what?" "Got lost." Manny stared at Emma. What was she yammering on about now? "Emma? Why would you tell Ellie to get lost?" "Ellie?" "Ellie." Manny nodded stuffing a fry into her mouth as though her looking for Ellie was perfectly normal. "Ellie?" Emma stated incredulously, "Manny? Why are you looking for Ellie?" Manny shoved a few more fries into her mouth "I need to talk to her." "About…?" "It doesn't matter! I just do ok?" Manny snapped. Emma held her tongue. She had a tendency to respond to people with in ways that hurt them and at the moment she didn't wanna hurt anyone else.

"Sorry Manny, I just-it's Peter." Manny's expression changed to one of compassion and she leaned in stroking her friend's shoulder "What about Peter?" "I mean I snapped at him today cuz he asked me what was wrong. It's just that I'm so tired of everybody acting like I'm some kind of-" "Freak. I know the feeling." Peter said as he walked up to Emma and Manny "Peter, I'm sorry I just I snapped." "I know Em, it's ok."

"Look, I think we need to talk ok?" The tone in Peter's voice was strained as though he spoke with anxiety; like he thought-no knew that something bad was about to happen. Inwardly Emma could feel herself sighing More problems, great but she smiled at Peter and said "Ok, do you want me to call you?" "No, no I'll-I'll call you-I mean uh-well we'll figure it out." Peter said and then he turned and walked away.

"Oh no," Manny said as they watched him walk away. "Emma what if he wants to break up." Tears welled up in Emma's eyes. Manny added quickly "I'm sorry Emma, I mean that's probably not it." Emma let out a small gasp, catching her breath and willing the tears not to come. "You're right, Manny, that's probably not it." Emma said, smiling at her friend. Inwardly she sighed thinking But, I sure wish it was.