Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi…I don't own Sean. I only own my imagination and with that-heh, heh-I can do whatever I want

Chapter 4

Better than Lonely

Emma waited that night for a call she didn't receive, but she sighed inwardly, a sigh of relief.

Emma knew that she was being unfair to Peter by allowing him to give himself to her, when she couldn't give herself; not now, not yet. But she still wanted to be with him…just so she wouldn't be so alone.

"He didn't call yet did he?" Manny said walking over and sitting on Emma's bed next to her. Emma shook her head. "Well, maybe he'll call a little later." Manny said rubbing Emma's shoulder instinctively "It's ok Manny; I didn't feel much like talking to him anyway." Emma said, standing up and walking over to the window to stare off into the distance.

Manny watched her friend with a worried eye but she left the subject alone. Manny knew that Emma was still hurting…from the shooting, she thought, but she had noticed lately that Emma had deeper demons, darker ones, and they had started to surface slowly over the last 2 years. First in the form her changed appearance and attitude, and then in the form of her sexual escapade with Jay, and then in the form of Anorexia. But either way Manny knew that Emma would talk when she felt ready and it wasn't like Manny to push her.

Besides that, Manny's head was swimming with her own current issue; Craig. Unlike Emma, Manny needed a friend, wanted some comfort. "At least your boyfriend wants to talk to you." Manny said, sprawling her body backwards over the bed. Emma turned at glared at Manny, she was too deep into her own thoughts right now to care about Manny's. But, she sighed and walked over still, sitting down next to Manny with open ears. "What's wrong Manny?" She said robotically.

Manny didn't notice and continued. "It's Craig. I mean, well you know he and I haven't been as close as we were since he left." "Really? Haven't you been spending nights at his house?" Emma said, tilting her head to the side, and surprising herself realizing she didn't know of her friends troubles. Manny eyes cast downward as she sat up, "Well, yeah, but I mean that's the reason why." Emma look puzzled, as she shook her blonde waves, "What's the reason?" Manny looked ashamed of herself as she spoke the words "I've been sleeping with Craig lately so I can…you know…" "Control him?" Emma said not at all as surprised at Manny's behavior as she had been when it first began. Manny nodded and tears formed in her eyes. "Not to control him really but to st- stop him from hanging out with Ellie as much." "But, Manny, I mean Craig loves you, you know that, when did you start to think-" "Well, you know Ellie likes him and I always knew that but I just-I thought that I had him, you know, but lately he's been acting like-like he might be falling for her!" Manny gasped collapsing into her friends arms.

Emma hugged her sobbing friend, and patted her tan arms, "Manny, if he really loves you, he won't leave you. Not for Ellie, not for anyone." As Emma said the words they stung her remembering her own situation "If he loves you…he won't break your heart." And Emma sobbed silently to herself as she comforted her friend as best she could, knowing what it felt like to not want to be alone.

Scene Change: Ellie's apartment early the next morning (Wednesday).

Ellie opened her eyes wide and smiled to herself, as she awoke. Craig was the first thought on her mind and she laughed out loud thinking about him. She jumped out of bed and danced toward the bathroom turning up her radio and singing along with the old song "Do you love me!"

After bathing and dressing. Ellie's mood darkened considerably remembering her situation. "Why do I have to love a guy who's involved." She said, thinking about Monday night when Craig had come by. She laughed a little as she added "And is a complete idiot."

It suddenly occurred to Ellie. If Craig didn't know that Manny…"suspected" her, why did he act as though he understood that he wasn't supposed to be at her apartment and leave so suddenly?

"I'll figure that out later," she said to herself as she walked toward her bedroom, content to forget that problem for now, in lieu of everything else she was worried about.

Remembering Craig's visit also made Ellie remember the velvet box; the one she'd never opened. "Oh, yeah," She said walking into her room and over to the nightstand, where'd she'd placed the box the night it was given. She played with it in her fingers for a moment, smoothing over the soft feel and remembering Craig's hand when placing it in her own. She shivered at the memory, and then shook it off defiantly "You two are just friends. That's all you are." She told herself, but opening the box she gasped at the contents, raising her white shaky hand up to her startled lips and wondering what their relationship really was.

Inside the box was a thin pearl choker with a black oval in the center. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry Ellie had ever been given, and now her favorite piece just because Craig gave it to her. "You idiot!" she said reprimanding Craig to herself, "How much did this cost?" As she said this and rubbed her fingers over it gently, the phone rang startling her to the point that she almost dropped the box.

"Hello?" she huffed into the phone trying to catch her breathe from being startled and from racing to answer "Hey El!" She heard Craig say cheerfully into the other end. Ellie smiled, but tried to hide it from her voice "What's up Manning?" "Nothin' much," "Why on earth are you calling so early?" A slight pause and then Craig said "Well…you're probably getting dressed for school right?" "Right…?" Ellie said, wondering what he was leading to. Craig paused again then said, in a whiny almost pleading voice "Do you have to go today?" Ellie smiled, "Do I have a reason not to?" she mused, "If that reason is at your door in, oh say, about 10 minutes, will you spend the day with him instead?" Ellie's smile widened but her mind raced a little. What do I wear? How do I dress? Where are we going? Take that Ms. Santos! But she simply said to Craig "Sure," then she added threateningly playful "But, my reason had better be here soon." After exchanging goodbyes Ellie hung up and dashed back into her bedroom closing the door and upsetting her closet in a frenzy to change.

Scene change: Peter's room

Peter stood in front of his bedroom mirror, shirt off, his pale skin having tanned considerably since summer. He laughed at himself flexing a little in the mirror. "Emma," he thought suddenly and then his smiled vanished as he thought about the talk that she would no doubt demand to have with him. "What am I going to say to her?" he thought, pulling his shirt over his head and then flopping disheartened onto his bed.

Peter dreaded speaking to Emma about what he had to say. He knew that what he wanted to say would either define or ruin their relationship, but he had to confront it. "I have to," he told his reflection as he returned to the mirror, trying to convince himself, and find his courage "I love her."

Scene change: Degrassi High (Lunchtime)

As the hallway flooded with kids, Emma rushed her way outside to sit on the steps of the school. Sometimes she couldn't bear to be in the school for longer than needed and right now was one of those times. She wanted to be as far away from Manny and Peter as she could. Though she knew Manny wouldn't want to talk anyway, Peter undoubtedly, would. So she plopped down onto the steps determined to spend her lunch reading some weird book or other she'd picked up from the library.

Her plans were abruptly disturbed as a boy walked up and sat down next to her. Emma turned toward him and then let out a little gasp "Jay, what do you want now?" She said through clenched teeth, as she stood up steadying herself and calming her at the same time. She didn't want a repeat of her first day and she was determined not to let Jay force her into that scream, that feeling of helplessness that he always seemed to. Jay looked up at her a little surprised, "What? Why do I have to want something?" He hissed standing up and glaring down at her, "I can't just visit my friend?" he said quietly, as he reached over to lightly touch her arm.

Emma snatched her arm away and stared at Jay angrily "No, Jay, you can't. And I am not your friend, you bastard!" Emma hated Jay. She hated Jay for allowing her to stoop to a level that even now, even then, she despised. And she hated him for constantly reminded her how vulnerable she really was. Going down on him had shown a weakness that she'd never wanted to reveal; especially to someone like Jay.

"Well, I guess I'd better go then." Jay said, sounding a little hurt and huffing down the stairs "I guess you'd better!" Emma called after him "And Jay," she said walking down the steps so she wouldn't have to shout. Jay turned around just as he was climbing into his car "If you ever come here again, I'll report you!" Jay waved his hand at her hand but his eyes showed an anger that he didn't express.

Emma saw Jay's anger and smiled to herself, glad that she'd gotten her point across.

"Are you sure you really wanna do that?" she heard someone saying from behind her. Emma turned around and looked directly into the blue eyes of Peter. "Do what?" she said stepping towards him with a smile. Peter backed away from her. "Are you sure you wanna report him?" "Oh. Jay?" Emma said, a look of realization crossing her face "He's nothing important, I just don't like him slinking around," as she said this she leaned in to kiss Peter and Peter pushed her back. "I don't know Emma, lately it seems like he really is important. Maybe even more important than me." And with that Peter turned and walked away.

Emma opened her mouth to call him but held her tongue. Why was Peter doing this? Why would she like Jay? And what the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he understand that a lot had happened to Emma and she had so much to handle that it was almost a chore for her to even date him? She didn't know and at that moment she was a little happy that he was angry with her. This way they wouldn't have to talk. At least not yet, she thought, as she walked back up the stairs

Scene Change: That evening at Ellie's

"God Craig, I had a great time!" Ellie said to her friend at the door as he was turning to leave. He smiled brightly "I had fun too El! Maybe we'll do it again sometime." "I hope so! Call me tomorrow night okay?" Ellie said and then, to her utter horror she called out, "I love you Craig!" as Craig was turning from the door. Oh my God! You idiot, she thought to herself, freezing not knowing what to say as Craig turned towards her. Craig's face went from expressionless to a wide smile as he said "I love you too, El! God you're so cute!" and as he leaned forward to kiss her forehead, Ellie felt that now familiar tingling going down her spine.

Closing the door and sliding to the floor, Ellie sighed with relief and regret. The relief was that Craig mistook her meaning and the regret was that Craig mistook her meaning. "I wish I could just tell him and get it over with." She muttered walking toward her kitchen.

Instead of thinking about that further Ellie smiled to herself as she recounted her day. Craig had picked her up and they'd rode a bus around town, sightseeing and taking pictures. They'd snacked on nacho's and soda and just talked and laughed all day. Craig had even played his guitar on the corner for money and he and Ellie laughed as they sat crosslegged on a park bench counting out quarters.

Ellie suddenly remembered their conversation on that park bench and the concern on her face returned.

A pause in their flow of speech had led Ellie to choose that moment to ask Craig why he'd "acted so weird and left like that, the other night?" Craig looked up at her trying to recall and once he had he'd said, "You told me to," "No not that, I mean, I just meant it was late and all." Ellie'd lied looking down at the money "But you acted like you had to leave, for some…other reason." Craig was studying Ellie intently as she looked up into his richly brown eyes. "Well, I figured, you know, that Sean would be home soon?" Ellie hadn't been able to believe her ears, and it showed on her face as she said with a look of surprise, "Sean! Sean Cameron, Sean! That Sean? Why in the world would Sean Cameron dare come to my apartment?" Ellie'd surprised herself at how heated she'd gotten just hearing his name. Craig had stared at her incredulously, "You mean you didn't talk to Sean? He hasn't come back yet?"

"Come 'back yet?'" Ellie said puzzled, and now frustrated, "Look Manning, you'd better tell me what you're talking about, before I go crazy."

And so he had. Craig had gone on to tell Ellie that he'd run into Sean at a rest area on his way to Toronto. Sean had told Craig all about his plans to go back to Ellie and apologize. He also said that he was going to see something about their apartment.

This news pretty much ruined Ellie's night. She'd decided she wouldn't let it ruin her day and had brushed it off saying, "Oh, well, he's not here yet." And continued counting coins and started telling Craig about some ferret she was trying to get.

"God, Sean," Ellie said to herself as she flopped onto the couch, "I sure hope your not dumb enough to show your ass back up here!" Ellie flipped on the distracting television, distracting herself from thoughts about Craig and Manny. But mostly distracting herself from the thought that if Sean did show up, asking her forgiveness at this moment, she knew she'd throw herself wholeheartedly into his arms, just so she wouldn't have to be alone.

(Please review! I want feedback, seriously!)