Chapter Five: "Unworthy of Your Love"
Clyde had come and gone as Sam Byck. Kyle had had some trouble persuading him to take the part, as Clyde suspected that he was being chosen merely because everyone thought of him as the second-fattest kid in South Park, and that was partly the case. But Clyde was doing well. For one thing, it was fun to wear a Santa suit and to say stuff like "Bullshit makes the world go around," and "Fuck you" without getting bleeped, and for another, Clyde was actually happy to get picked for something. It made up for his not having made the cut a while ago when they were auditioning friends.
Now they were up to Stan and Wendy's big scene. Stan was already onstage as John Hinckley, playing the guitar, and Wendy entered, dressed as Squeaky Fromme.
It wasn't a love scene, that was for sure, and Kyle began to see where some of the problems had crept in between Stan and Wendy. Squeaky was pointing out to Hinckley that contrary to his fantasy, Jodie Foster was not his girlfriend, and that he was a loser. Wendy took out a picture of Charlie Manson and showed it to Stan, as per the script:
"See this guy? I'm his girlfriend. I kiss him. I fuck him, I do stuff for him you wouldn't even understand. Does she do that for you? Does she kiss you? And fuck you? And—"
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Stan exploded, as Hinckley or as himself, Kyle couldn't tell. The audience was shifting around in their seats, clearly uncomfortable with watching a little girl playing a role where she claimed to be fucking Charlie Manson. Or fucking anybody, for that matter. Kyle knew that that part of it was just the script, but the whole scene was rubbing it in that Wendy was kissing someone else and that Stan wasn't kissing anybody.
Then Stan picked up his guitar again:
I am nothing
You are
Wind and water and sky,
Jodie,
Tell me, Jodie,
How I can earn your love?
I would swim oceans
I would climb mountains.
I would do anything for you . . .
What do you want me to do? Stan pleaded.
It was so touching, and so real, probably because it was. Stan was pouring his heart out in front of the entire town, just as he had predicted, and yet he was singing for only one person in the room, and she stood on the opposite side of the stage—only a few feet away, but as far away as if she really were Jodie Foster.
I am unworthy of your love,
Jodie, Jodie,
Let me prove worthy of your love,
Tell me how I can earn your love,
Set me free,
How can I turn your love to me?
Stan turned and looked directly at Wendy. With the lights and the glare, it was impossible to tell if she could see him, or if he had gotten through to her, but something surely had, because her song was every bit as passionate as Stan's . . .
I am nothing
You are
Wind and devil and God. . .
Take my blood and my body
For your love
Let me feel fire
Let me drink poison,
Tell me to tear my heart in two,
If that's what you want me to do . . .
"Jesus," thought Kyle. "I hope she's not thinking about Cartman." Compared to Cartman, Charlie Manson was a sweetheart.
"Jesus," thought Cartman, "that bitch is singing about me. Who's got it going on? I've got it going on!"
Cartman liked watching this scene from backstage. For one thing, it was fun to watch Wendy explode and virtually call Stan a pussy, and it was even better tonight in front of all these people. For another, not that he admitted this to himself, he liked thinking that Wendy was singing all that stuff about him. It warmed his heart, way down underneath all the racism and the butchery and the Cheesy Poofs. He was still a little stunned that the smartest, and he thought prettiest, girl in the class, had actually picked him over Stan.
Of course, last time it hadn't turned out to be true. Last time, she had turned to him after the first ever kiss he had had in his entire life and told him that she was so happy that all her feelings for him had just gone away. What was he going to do? Roll around on the ground begging? Not that she gave him a chance--by that time she was already running to meet Stan. He just sighed, shrugged his shoulders, and forgot all about her.
Well, he hadn't really. He'd been pretty crabby to her and tried to keep her out of his boy band, and finally gone back to his first, his true love—food. When Wendy dumped Stan for Token, he'd barely batted an eye. Let the other guys go nuts for the Raisins Girls—he was in it for the wings. When Wendy dumped Token again for Stan, he just yawned and reached for the Snacky Smores. He was well out of it, he thought, and she was completely out of his system.
But she wasn't, as he discovered when he noticed her watching him rehearse over and over and over again, with glowing eyes, or when she stopped him after rehearsal to tell him how great he was, brushing against his shoulder with a touch that burnt straight through her mitten, his coat, his sweater, his shirt, and his winter underwear. Later he heard Stan and Wendy quarrelling. He hadn't even had to scheme or do anything—just one night she announced that he would be walking her to her Mom's car instead of Stan, and that was it. He had her now and she was not going to leave him again if he had anything to say about it.
Onstage, Stan, as Hinckley, was aiming and missing, aiming and missing, at the cutout of Reagan. The buzzer kept going off and the voice of Reagan kept saying, "There ya go again!"
Cartman snorted. Typical Stan. "What a douche," he sneered.