Joey: ok its not summer vacation anymore… I can't believe I didn't write at all…
Mike: lazy basterd………
Joey: fuck you
Mike: whatever… I see your hair is now…. Pink…..
Joey: -- shut up… it was supposed to be red…. but why don't we start the story….
Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda, Metroid, yak yak yak you know I don't own anything by now….
NOW ONTO THE STORY!
Chapter 19: Gannons Tower.
At the Temple of Time
Link: oh hi Shiek
Shiek: well I had this long speech prepared but I forgot it so here I have something to show you (turns into Zelda)
Link: AHHH TANSVESTITE BACK OFF….
Joey: its just Zelda she was in disguise the whole time…. Idiot….
Link: oh… HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Mike: he's writing this story… he knows….
Link: AHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Fangz: is it me or is he getting dumber….
Joey: you'd be surprised….
Zelda: alright now Gannon is gonna capture me soon so I got to give you the light arrows (shoves her hand up her ass) oh c'mon its gotta be around here somewhere… (pulls out a chair) nope (pulls out a baseball bat) nope
Fangz: this may take a while….
(hours later)
Zelda: (with a pile of stuff behind her) nope (pulls out Navi)
Navi: how the hell did I end up in there….
Link: ummm plothole?
Zelda: AH HA (hands link the light arrow) well there you go- (gets trapped in a crystal)
Link: do I really want these arrows now?
Joey: well we do need them…
Link: oh… alright… (puts them wherever he keeps his stuff) lets go get Gannondorf
Fangz: well lets go…
(they all go off to Gannons Tower)
(at gannons tower)
Link: well how are we gonna get across?
Fangz: … Jump
Link: ALRIGHT (jumps off) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Joey:… idiot….
(link appears next to evryone)
Link: what the hell
Navi: what is wrong with you?
Joey: you have no idea…..
(Sages make a bridge)
Mike: took them long enough….
Link: is it safe? I don't want to fall into that stuff again… whatever that is its not lava but hurts like hell….
Joey: sure it is look (walks across)
(evryone else walks across)
Link: oh okay (trys to walks across and falls through the bridge) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mike: whyd you do that?
Joey: because its funnier to have us walk across without falling and he doesent…
Navi: hehehe
Link: (appears at the door) what the crap….
Fangz: oh come on lets just go inside now…
Link: good idea… I guess…
(they go inside)
Joey: please tell me you can at least make it by the beamos without getting hurt….
Link: maybe (runs across and acutally makes it without getting hurt)
Fangz: damn…. I was hoping hed get fried…
Joey: I CAN FIX THAT (flamethrows link)
Link: ahhh you son of a Bi—
Joey: ah shut your mouth….
Link: --
Mike: lets just go…. (Twitches) here we go again… (turns into a Fission Metroid)
Fangz: what the hell did he just do?
Joey: ill tell ya later this is gonna take a while
Navi: well what room should we enter first?
Link: ( keeps running into the shield on the door ) ow…… ow….. ow….
Joey: OMG what an idiot
Fangz: (pulls out popcorn and watches as link kills himself)
Navi: HEY LISTEN!
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NO ANYTHING BUT THAT……. STOP IT
Navi: Link we should go into the Purple room first
Joey: (reads guide) wow shes right….
Link: huh? Oh okay (goes into the purple room)
(everyone else follows)
Joey: okay you need to shoot that torch with a Fire Arrow…
Link: alrighty (shoots it and misses) damn (shoots again and misses again)
Fangz: oh god…
(an hour later)
Joey: oh screw this… (shoots the torch)
Link: -- I coulda done that….
Joey: just jump across the platforms and press the switch….
Fangz: maybe one of us should do that…..
Mike: naaa just let link go….
Link: (actually makes it across… ) ok now what…..
Joey: press the switch
Link: (presses the switch) ok (falls on the way back) CRRRAAAAAAPPPPPP!
Fangz: --
Link: (Appears next to the chest that appeared) whoa that's convenient…. (opens the chest and gets the Gold Gauntlets) hmmm what do these do
Joey: what do you think the silver ones do?
Link: ooohh these are just better….. I see.
Fangz: can we just hurry up and get to the sage….
Link: ok lets go then
(evryone makes it to the other side but link is only halfway there)
Mike: OH COME ON HURRY UP
Link: (gets to the other side) alright lets go
(they enter the room with the purple core… thing….)
Joey: alright… shoot it with a Light Arrow
Link: alrighty (shoots it and actually hits it)
Fangz: wow on the first try to
Link: whoa…. Why do I feel so drained all the sudden?
Joey: because Light Arrows use up a lot of your magic
Link: oh.. I see (falls over)
Impa: … idiot well I have lifted the seal… now get the hell out of here
(Link and Co. are teleported to the entrance)
Link: alright…. Why is the shield still up?
Fangz: there are 5 more seals… dumbass
Joey: well this is gonna be a long chapter…. Oh well we got to go outside
Link: why?
Navi: there is a Fairy Fountain outside that you can only get with your Gold Gauntlets
Joey: yup that pretty much sums it up
Link: well lets go I could use another power… I guess
(everyone goes outside and link falls through the bridge again)
Link: DAAAAAMMMMNNNNIIIITTT (appears next to evryone)
Joey: okay lift this Pillar
Link: alrighty (lifts it up and can barely carry it) ooo haha LOOK AT ME!
Joey: big deal.. .(pick one up with one hand and spins it around on one finger)
Fangz: … show off
Link: -- oh well (flings it behind him and it smashes the Lake Laboratory)
Mike: well lets go in..
(they all go in)
The great fairy comes out
Link: (trying not to laugh) she has pointy boobs too
Joey: okay that jokes getting really old really fast.
Link: screw you
Great Fairy: I shall make it so that the damage you take is cut in half
Link: WHOO HOO
Mike, Fangz, Joey: Damn…..
Joey: alright well now that this is done we gotta go finish the last 5 areas.
Link: alright lets go
( they go back to the castle and link falls through the bridge again….)
Link: okay so witch one next?
Navi: the green room
Joey: (reading the guide) damn she's good…
Link: well lets go
(in the green room)
(they kill the wolfos)
Joey: okay now use dins fire…
Link: okay (does that and somehow lights himself on fire….) AHHHHHHHHHH
Fangz: just go through the door….
Link: fine right after I peel off the dead skin….
(in the next room)
Joey: oh god not this room… I HATE THIS ROOM
Link: umm could you perhaps… use your powers to skip this room…
Joey:… hmmm I hate this room but it's a chance to hurt you…. Hmmm alright fine…. Be happy
Fangz: oh c'mon make him do all this
Joey: sorry but I really hate this room
Fangz: fine….
(they all appear in the next room)
Link: (shoots the Orb thing)
(a door appears)
Joey: that's new.
(door opens and Nick and Saria are playing Cards)
Mike: Nick? How did you get here before us?
Nick: uhhh….
Saria: I shall lift the barrier on the door
(they all teleport to the door again)
Link: okay where to next?
Navi: The Blue Door!
Joey: … Damit Right again
Link: well okay then.
(evryone goes into the Blue door)
Link: (breaks the Icicles and Gets some Blue Fire)
Fangz: wow you didn't have to tell him what to do this time…
Joey: yea… well less work for me
(in the next room)
Navi: Link you have to push the Block so it lines up with with that switch.
Joey: wait link go stand over there (points to the other side of the room)
Link: … okay (walks over to the other side of the room cautiously)
Joey: (pushes the block)
(the block slides over to the other side and smashes link)
Joey: (bursts into uncontrollable laughter)
Link: real funny…. (pushes block)
(Block squishes Navi and lines up with the switch)
Link: Bulls eye! (gets up and trys to press the switch) wtf… why wont it press
Joey: well its been frozen for only god knows how long
Link: (lightbulb above his head) IDEA!
Fangz: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! TO THE BUNKERS! (runs off)
Joey: … okay….
Link: (smashes the switch wit the Megaton Hammer) Yay
Navi: now we can go break the Seal
(evryone enters the room)
Link: (shoots the Glowy thing)
(a door appears)
(from inside)
Nick: AHH THE FINS! THEY ARE CUTTING ME!
Joey: Oo
Nick: (comes out) … Link… don't marry her…
Link: I never intended too
Nick:…. Good
Ruto: BYE NICK! (sees Link) oh.. its you… I have released the water barrier… you can go now.
(teleport to the entrance)
Navi: okay red room next
Joey: (sounds pissed off) im wearing my helmet dammit… Link… please…
Link: okay! (eats Navi)
Mike: thank you… she was annoying
Link: not a problem
(they all enter the red room)
Joey: okay just because im lazy.. .and this chapter is too long as it is… (snaps they all teleport ot the door at the other side of the room)
Link: don't I have to get the white rupees
Joey: oh yea… (pulls out the Boomerang from the Wind Waker and tosses it)
(boomerang catches all the rupees and it flys to Link)
Link: (gets nailed in the head with the Boomerang) ow…
Mike: doors open!
(they enter and Link shoots the Glowy thing)
Darunia: Hey Link! I have lifted the Seal on the Barrier… don't think that your out of getting your Goron Hug…
Link: (backs away)
(they teleport to the front room)
Link: whew…
Joey: okay Ligh Room is next… go lift that pillar
Link: (lifts pillar throws it back it bounces off the barrier and lands on Link) oww….
Joey: hehe… okay lets go
(in the light room… Skip all the others… sorry im lazy and don't remember)
Link: (shoots the Barrier)
(teleport to the entrance)
Nick: hi
Joey: What were you and Saria really doing?
Nick: we wer playing a game… you saw me
Joey: I mean AFTER we left…
Nick: we were playing a game…
Joey: that might be more believable if you were wearing pants right now…..
Nick: well uhh… you like my silk boxers?
Joey: theyd be better, if you were WEARING THEM
Nick: oh… yea… (walks off)
Fangz: wait… Wouldn't that be Child Molestation?
Link: where did you come from? And besides Saria is 34…
Nick: (comes back fully dressed) yea im 15.. shes 34.. Child Molestation…
Joey: nick you WILLINGLY went with Saria… in my book that's not molestation…
Nick: whatever... go to the Orange room now…
Joey: (reads guide) Dammit… evryone gets to say it before me….
(in the orange room)
Link: (kills the Beamos) HA don't have to deal with that thing
Fangz: now get all the White Rupees…
Link: (uses the WW Boomerang and gets all the rupees)
Joey: okay NEXT ROOM
(in the next room)
Link: (Kills the Lava Slugs) (and hits the Crystal) I'm getting used to these puzzles (tosses a Bombchu and it hits the other crystal)
Fangz: im worried about link… hes getting too smart…
Joey: I realized that…
(in the next room)
Link: hmm… cobwebs… YAY FIRE TIME! (lights them on fire and sunlight shines in) … How did sunlight get in here when its completely Shrouded in darkness outside… (light bounces off his Mirror Shield and hits the sun symbol) what? Oh I knew that!
Joey: (walks up to link puts his hand on his forehead and a bight flash of light)
Fangz: what did you do to him?
Link: uhh 6?
Joey: hes stupid again
Mike: good…
Link: the door wont open!
Joey: What? (trys the door) its locked…
Nick: (from other side of door) GO AWAY
Joey: GOD DAMMIT NICK! We need to break the medallion barrier thing…
Nick: (slips the medallion under the door)
Joey:… that's not what we need to break… (snaps and the door is unlocked)
(opens door)
Link: oh god…
Fangz: .. are you sure Link should see that?
Joey: … prolly not.. But Link okay do you think you can hit it from here?
Link: yea… (shoots)
Nicks Voice: OOOOWWWWWWIIIEEE
Joey: no no the barrier…. Hes not supposed to know we're here…
Nick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT SUPPOED TO KNOW YOU'RE HERE! THERES AND ARROW THROUGH MY TESTICAL!
Link: (shoots the barrier)
(teleport)
Joey: you know Nicks going to find you right?
Link: uh… should I hide? Naa… I don't think so…
Joey: yes WE ARE DONE now to go to Gannons room!
Fangz: YAY… but I need to go throw up first…. (walks off)
Nick: hello…. (kills Link with a BatlleAxe)
Link: (dies)
Joey: okay… that was pointless
Nick: I have discovered something
Link: (revived by fariy) and that is?
Nick: After having 5 women fall in love with him I have come to the conclusion, that Link is in fact... a pimp…
Link: you mean 6 women…
Nick: Impa is not a woman…
Link: no not Impa… Na
Fangz: I am back!
Joey: okay now we can proceed
Link: alrighty lets roll
Joey: hey link you know theres a glitch that if you rolled into the barrier under the bridge that leads to the door you coulda got through the barrier?
Link:… im going to kick your ass
Joey: that would be a good change you kicking ass instead of kissing em' but I don't think you have the balls!
Link:…
Joey: see
Nick: (Wearing Dope Ass Pimp Gear) look what I got
Joey: … NICK! GO GIVE THAT BACK
Nick: why?
Joey: That belongs to BeastBot!
Nick: so?
Joey: -- whatever…
Fangz: are we gonan go into the room or not?
Link: lets go…
(in the next room)
(lizalfos attack link)
Link: (kills both of them)
Joey: … its amazing how stupid he is… yet he can kill almost anything…
Nick: than why do you kill most things for him?
Joey: its fun to blow stuff up.
Nick: yes... yes it is
(in the next room)
(Stalfos knights)
Joey: (Blows them up with a Seeker Missile)
Link: .. I coulda killed em…
(chest appears)
Link: (drools) shiny…. (Opens the chest) oh… The Big Key!
Joey: excellent observation Holmes
Mike: lets keep moving.
(in the next room)
Link: …Iron Knuckles… I hate iron knuckles…
Joey: (snaps and slams them up against the wall and they get suck)
Link: heheh
Joey: okay lets go
Link: this door is kinda big, eh?
(at the room with the Staircase… the long one)
Link: now all we have to do is get to the top?
Joey: duh…
Link: any enemies?
Mike: nope…
Link: k (starts up the stairs)
(hour later)
Link: my god… WHY SO MANYS STAIRS?
Joey: the doors right there…
Link: Finally
To be continued…
Joey: heh you have to wait till next chapter for the fight!
Mike: that's just because your lazy…
Joey: you got a problem with it?
Mike: …
Joey: exactly