Too Much To say To…Say
It was in the moment that Sean saw Emma that he was unable to speak. He had been hyping himself up to force Emma-literally, force if he had to-to speak with him thinking of phrases like: "We're talking!" "No more games Emma, Let's talk...now!" and then the simple but still aggressive "Talk to me, Emma.".
However, when Sean finally saw Emma, was standing face to face with her close enough to touch, he couldn't speak, because the sight of her literally rendered him speechless.
Standing the doorway of the dimly lit house Emma's face-being as of now, engulfed in shimmery Manny-like makeup-sparkled and shimmered in the rapidly growing moonlight. The white dress, that, Sean thought, fell especially ahem flatteringly on her nicely shaped form, seemed to glow and Emma-unbeknownst to her-looked strikingly angelic.
Not that Sean hadn't seen Emma before, dressed in Manny inspired digs and ready to get into trouble –Although it had been after their break-up so he had tried his best not to pay nay particular attention to it—this wasn't the case at all. The fact was this? This was different because Sean no longer had any reason—no pretend-hate, no slutty-girlfriend to try and make Emma jealous, and no Ellie Nash to occupy the part of his mind that needed a beautiful girl to be with—to deny or try to cover up the fact that to him Emma, her face, and her body were enough to make him lose his train of thought. So Sean looked at her…longed for her, glancing slowly up her trembling body.
Emma felt naked. Stark-naked and cursed herself for opening the door dressed in her heavy make-up, tight dress, and hooker heels. Emma tensed up in delirious confusion as her mind raced, struggling with the strong, although opposing thoughts: Who does he think he's looking at! and Is he checking me out!
Sean seemed to snap into reality all at once, realizing that just maybe he did have one more reason not to gap lustfully at Emma;…Emma, who stared at him with an increasingly impatient glower.
"Talk!" Sean stated gruffly which caused to gasp incredulously saying "Sean? You're at my front door so unless you want it slammed in your fa-" "I'm sorry, that's-that's not what I meant." Sean stammered, his jaw tightening nervously. "I meant: you asked me what I'm doing here and I came to talk…to you."
Emma stiffened, her heart beating quickly as she stared into Sean's eager face and foolishly hoped that this was a dream. "So you…you talked to Ellie?" She asked, trying to sound demanding but instead managing to sound like someone throwing up an overly used emotional protective shield. Sean sighed and nodded "Yeah, I did, earlier, " He said and then his eyes wandering away from Emma's at the memory of he and Ellie's hug, said "And…we're cool."
Emma nodded gently, though she felt herself tense up at the mention of the words "we're cool" and tried her best not to show it. Sean didn't couldn't see Emma's anxious expression in the dim light, but suddenly sensing what the words might've implied he said quickly "Not-not back together. Just-just cool." "That's good…" Emma said with a small sigh of relief, and then quickly realizing what her words might've implied added quickly "That you two are cool. Not that you're…not back together." "Yeah…I got that." Sean said and he and Emma stood in silence for a moment.
Emma glanced around nervously, trying to think of another excuse not to talk with Sean "Well, Sean, I'm sorry but…it's getting kinda late and…" "It's only 7:15." "Yeah I know b-" "Well…are you about to uh, go somewhere?" Sean said gesturing impatiently towards Emma's clothes. Emma nodded then shook her head at the same time "Yeah, I mean no, I mean no-not like this." Sean allowed a torturous smile to cross his face and Emma turned bright red, glad that it was too dark for Sean to see her embarrassment.
Finally Emma sighed, realizing that it was really rather pointless to avoid talking to Sean any longer. "Look Sean, I've gotta change my…shoes, and then I was planning on going for a walk. If you don't mind holding on, you can come too…if you want." Sean'd face brightened and he nodded eagerly saying "Yeah, I want." To come I mean." He added after realizing how dumb he sounded.
Emma couldn't have cared less, being too caught up with what the hell would happen when they "talked" and simply nodded stepping inside and beginning to close the door. Then, realizing how rude that would be she yanked it back open, "Oh my God, Sean I'm so sorry! Do you wan-" "No! It's cool. I'll wait out here." Sean said waving her off and stepping away from the door.
As soon as Emma closed the door Sean turned around leaning against it, staring up at the quickly darkening sky, and thinking of how beautiful Emma had looked. He hadn't noticed before how much she'd changed since he'd last seen her. Her hair was much lighter he thought and her body? Her body was much more ahem womanly, than it had been the last time he'd seen her. Thinking about it for a second, he found it hard to believe that she'd been anorexic.
Sean didn't realize that leaning against the door was a bad idea until Emma opened it, causing him to jump forward so as to avoid falling and causing her to jump back, startled at his startled jump. "Sorry," Sean said with a sheepish smile. "It's ok," Emma said stepping out the door and closing it beside her. Sean jumped off the doorstep and turned to face Emma. Who was walking slowly up to him.
Her hair was down now, out of the tightly unforgiving bun, and gone was the heavy makeup. She now wore a fitted tee as opposed to the white dress, and a pair of loosely fitted black jeans. On her feet, she wore white running-or in this case walking-shoes. The purpose for changing her clothes was of course to make Emma more comfortable, physically and emotionally, but had she known the thoughts that went through Sean's mind she still would've been unnerved, as he stared at her thinking dopily of how cute she looked in her jogging clothes.
Emma looked away from Sean as she walked up beside him and not being able to stand the weird looks, and silence any longer she jogged ahead of him and into the quiet road. Stopping to stare at Sean she said irritably "Are you coming?"
Sean rushed into the road to join her and soon stuffed his hands in his pockets and pushed his feet out in front of him, strongly contrasting Emma's controlled breathing and small steps.
The two of them walked in silence for a while. Not particularly headed anywhere just walking the street as far as it would go, both of their minds searching for an answer to the same question "How do you talk to someone you've missed like Hell for a yr and a half…without letting them know?"
The moonlight treaded lightly across Emma's hair, giving it that infamously enchanting glow; the same glow it had when Sean had first seen her looking so sad and desperate as she lay in the front of her house. The moonlight also draped across Sean, in a way that made his hoodie-his same old gray hoodie-seem as though a ghostly particle of clothing, striding clumsily down the street.
At that moment, glancing hesitantly at one another, the two were both fighting and warding off the very same thought:... "God, I love you." But, instead of saying what they felt, they managed to let out warbled sighs, mixing into the empty night air along with all of the issues, emotions, and unrecognized longing that had grown so deeply in the two of their hearts.
Finally Sean found his voice, and began to speak slowly Staring first, off onto the cold asphalt and then at Emma he said curiously, "Do you go walking out here a lot?" Emma, who had been lost in her own thoughts of what to feel… what to say… turned toward him nervously "Huh? Oh yeah, not as much as I used to…" Sean managed an overly amazed interested gasp, "I never knew you usta walk out here, at night." Emma sighed a little, "I didn't, Not until…the thing with Rick." "Oh," Sean said steadily and once again the nights silence overtook the two as they tread steadily on.
"I uh, I can't really-I mean I don't really sleep much since…it." Sean said, his voice suddenly small and insecure. Emma nodded "Neither do I." Sean looked at Emma knowingly "Nightmares?" "Yeah," "Me too." The two continued walking until Emma stopped suddenly, "Do you wanna sit?" she said pointing to a small patch of grass in someone's yard. Sean looked at her a little uneasily and then shrugged "Sure." plopping into the grass as Emma sat down gingerly beside him.
Darkness had almost completely taken over now, and the two of them had only the glow of the moonlight that lay mysteriously over them both. Though it was a particularly beautiful night, neither of them thought of this, instead thanking God that it had gotten dark so quickly, helping to shadow the emotions of this; their night and at the same time provide a shield for emotions that would go unsaid, but in certain looks, never unseen.
"So…How has Degrassi been?" Sean said "The same as always…" Emma said with a sigh then, added a little distantly "…Minus you." Sean laughed, partially nervous and slightly trying to fake indifference "Well, I'm sure Jay has been keeping things messed up pretty good for me!" Emma tensed at the name, that feeling of desperation flashing over her again. "Have you…have you talked? To Jay, I mean?" Sean paused at this for a moment, noting the change in Emma's voice Then said pensively "Naw. Not yet, he hasn't been around. Normally he usta hang at Alex's but I didn't go by there yet…Why? Is something up with him?" Emma silently thanked God that Sean hadn't talked to Jay yet and then said, as though it were of little interest to her "Jay was expelled, Sean." "Really! Man! When!" "A little while after you left." Emma said, not entirely sure 'when' but still, making sure to focus on the moon and not look at Sean. Just talking about Jay as though he were the same insignificant blip on her radar he had been when Sean left, was painful for her.
"Man!" Sean said pulling his hoodie and black cap from off of his nearly chin length brown hair and musting it up pretty good. "That's messed up… What did he do? I mean. Did they catch him, uh,…stealing stuff or whatever…?" Emma shook her head not even taking note of the way Sean's voice seemed so ashamed as he said "stealing".
"He was a part of…the whole…Rick incident. Him and Spinner." The words filled the air and Sean took them in with a silent nod. It wasn't too surprising to him but he didn't really know what to say following the mention of Rick's name again.
This time, Emma broke the silence, turning towards Sean suddenly, not being content to take this torture take it any longer. "Sean, don't tell me we came all the way out here just to ignore the elephant in the…in the..." Emma searched frantically for words and then said "in the road!" Sean sighed a deep breath of relief glad that Emma had brought issues up first.
"No, we didn't. I just wanted to make sure you were…you know…ready." Emma sat up a little straight. "Whatever we need to sort out, I'm ready."
Sean nodded a little and then pushing his bent knees over the curb of the grassy yard and into the street, he folded his arms over one another, and sighed deeply, staring off ahead of him, searching for the right way to start off.
"Emma…? I'm not…a hero. I'm not proud of what happened with Rick and I never will be." Emma caught her breathe. She hadn't expected this "Sean I-" "No, Emma, I just had to say that to you, ok. I know no one really likes to talk about what happened, but me and you? I don't think we really have a choice."
Emma braced herself for anything and listened holding her breathe. "I don't know if Manny told you but…" "I know. You talked." Emma said with a reassuring nod, she didn't want Sean to think that he'd been wrong to grill Manny, even though she had no intention of telling him, she was glad that he cared enough to want to know. "Yeah well, I needed to know. And I wanted to say sorry; about all th-" "Sean? Don't." Emma said sternly, not sure how much emotional backlash she could take in one night and hoping that Sean would hurry and get to his point.
"The point is…" Sean said eyeing her anxiously out of the corner of his eye. "I figure since I know how you've been...dealing, you should now how I've been, you know…?" He paused looking towards Emma for a confirmation of his thoughts. Emma's didn't speak but as she forced a small but still meaningful nod, Sean continued.
"The last year for me? It wasn't exactly a picnic, you know? First, my parents treated me like some kind of freak. They never really seemed to notice me, they just pretended I wasn't there. But, that didn't really bother me…not, as much as the school did. Some of the kid's thought I was a hero, but most of em, just said I was a-" Sean paused for a second, allowing Emma a chance to instinctively place her hand on his knee to comfort him. "murderer." Sean said in a whispered and choked voice that almost made Emma break down. "Sean, you're not!" Emma said, calmly rubbing his knee.
Then she and he both glanced down uneasily at her hand as though just now noticing it causing Emma to grow uncomfortable and remove it quickly. Sean smiled a little, his teeth halfway shining in the dark. "I know Emma. At first, it was really hard to handle, you know? I couldn't sleep or I'd have these nightmares about…about it. So, my school work started slacking and I started getting…" "Ancy?" Emma offered pulling at the grass between the two of them "..Angry." Sean said shaking his head, and leaning over to rip a few blades of grass out himself.
"So the next time someone had something to say, I punched him out. After that, I got in fights almost every day for a month." Sean paused calming himself his voice having heightened in anger after the last sentence.
"The teachers said they were worried; that I couldn't fit in, "socially or academically because of the emotional after affects of the"...thing. It was bullshit basically, but they still made me go to a school therapist." Sean paused as though ashamed of the words he'd spoken but Emma comforted him. "It's ok, Sean. I had to see one too. A lot went on, sometimes it helps to-to talk to someone who-" "That's just it Emma!" Sean interrupted her "They don't freaking get it! Noone does! The only one who would understand what I was going through…" Sean said his voice trailing off and then stopping, the unfinished sentence lingering along with every other lingering feeling between the two of them. Emma didn't push it. She didn't know what he mighta said and she decided it best not to think on it.
After a cool breeze suddenly blew past the two of them and then went just as suddenly Sean started again, turning toward Emma with a weary expression on his face. "In Wasaga…I really missed…" Emma held her breathe Would he actually verbalize it? would he actually say what she needed so desperately to hear? "…Degrassi. The people; the teachers; the classes. It was crazy! It was like I was in some warped reality. Anyway, the counselor was some quack with all kinds of weird methods." He said twisting his face in a way that caused Emma to laugh in spite of the situation. Covering her mouth to capture the laugh just as quickly as it had escaped Emma looked into Sean's eyes and waited for him to continue…he didn't he just looked back at her peculiarly.
In Emma's mind she felt that Sean thought that she wasn't taking him seriously and she quickly turned her eyes towards the ground saying "Sorry," with a sheepish but highly embarrassed smile.
Sean wasn't thinking of the fact that she'd laughed while he was speaking in this way, only that she had laughed. He'd missed hearing Emma's bubbly, contagious laughter and his stare was one of longing; one of desperation; wanting so badly to be the cause of this laugh that he'd missed for a year.
"So what did you do?" Emma said, after the silence had again lingered too long. "You talked to her didn't you?" "Him." Sean spoke up refocusing his thoughtful stare into the street. "And no.
After about a week or 2 of his "Tell me what you felt when you walked in…When you sat down…when you pissed this morning! "" "Sean!" "I told him to go to hell and started ignoring him every time I went." Emma frowned at Sean "Real mature Sean!" Sean shook his head laughing "I never said I was."
Emma found herself remembering the last time she'd seen Sean laugh. She and Ellie were being covered in sand by he and Jay at the beach before she knew that Sean was leaving her and she'd thought "This is it. I love him…I'll be with him…somehow." The thought trailed through Emma's mind at this moment also but remembering all that had happened since that day…
Emma shivered a little. Sean started and then without a word, he ripped off his hoodie-revealing a gray wife-beater underneath- and forcing it over Emma's head. "Sean! I'm fi-" "No. It's ok. I'm not cold. I just-I wear it…not really sure why." "I've noticed," Emma said easing the warm hoodie over her arms and then hugging herself. Sean couldn't help but to think of it as her hugging him and smiled forgetting for a moment the task at hand.
Emma tried,-but not to hard-not to stare at Sean's arms; muscular and glistening in the moonlight. Emma remembered the last time she'd been held by those arms…she wondered if they still felt so good…The two of them unintentionally stared at one another and then almost at the same time shook their heads shaking out the irrelevant thoughts and turning to face the unthreatening road as supposed to their unspoken emotions.
The intensity of this-just sitting next to Sean talking-was getting to be too much for Emma and she decided to end it before this night ended up taking her in a place that she knew she was too weak to go. "Sean, I really-I mean I'm glad we talked but it's getting kinda late so maybe we should…" As she spoke, Emma stood up, the heavy grey hoodie-along with the current of emotion she suddenly felt- causing her to be a little a imbalanced.
"No!" Sean said earnestly, grabbing Emma's arm to pull her back beside him. "I mean…uh,…wait." He stuttered,-after realizing that he had a hint too much excitement in his voice and action. Sean let go of Emma saying quietly and refusing to look up at her, "Not yet, Em."
Emma stared down at him, cursing him for touching her. Even under his thick hoodie she'd felt the twinge, the excitement mixed with pain that his touch always seemed to cause her. But after staring at him hatefully for a moment, she relented, against her better judgment, sitting down beside him.
"Emma, I wanted you to talk to me…" Sean said quickly fearing that he'd lose his nerve "Tell me…that you're alright now. And if you weren't well, I just say…I'm sorry for everything that happened to you while I was gone. I don't know if I coulda stopped any of it or not but I'm just, I'm sorry that you had to deal with…all of that…on your own. I'm really sorry." Sean's voice rose and fell in choked gasps as he spoke and Emma could feel the tears treading steadily beneath her closed eyelids.
She felt so much emotion that wasn't sure how to express it. Sean didn't know the half of what she'd gone through…and she couldn't tell him. But with his statement Emma felt the need to tell Sean, to tell him about everything; the nightmares; the fear; the cold sweats; the feelings of loneliness. But Emma's mind tortured her, reminding her why she'd been avoiding Sean.
Other than the fact that she was still a little too screwed up in her own mind to try and care about Sean right now, other than the fact that she felt so scared of what would become of "them" if he ever found out who she'd really become, this was what Emma had wanted to avoid; feeling the urge to let him in again so that could hurt her, even more than he was right now.
This was it; the sorry that always seemed to reduce Emma to forgiving, loving, and bitterly resently Sean again, here it was and here she was accepting it, readily. But, just as Emma felt that her heart might burst from sadness, happiness, guilt, pain, and the struggle she was enduring in trying not to hug him Sean, kiss him, or what she deemed worse of all right about now-to actually tell him the truth-Sean said something that caused Emma's feelings of gratitude to turn immediately into an over-exaggerated-due to her need for an easy out and her twisted emotions-and sudden burst of anger.
"Emma…I'm sorry that you…-that you needed me, and I wasn't there for you." Emma's eyes burst open and she stared at Sean with a hateful glare. This was her easy out…The nerve of Sean Cameron to think that she needed him! At the moment it didn't occur to Emma that this was absolutely true, instead Emma lashed out angrily, glad to have found an excuse to keep hiding from Sean, hiding from her emotions.
"I didn't need you Sean!" Emma screamed into his face causing Sean to lean back a little, startled. Then he sat up a determined look on his face "Emma?... I get that you're angry; you have every right to be, but, I know-" "You know what, Sean!" Emma hissed violently standing up and glaring down at the boy who looked in an utter state of confusion. Emma began rambling and gesturing wildly with her arms, spitting out bits of truth, but still managing to keep the real truth hidden.
"You know what? That ever since the shooting, I'm tense all the time, scared, afraid that some unexplainably horrible thing will happen to me! That I had several nervous breakdowns over the past year and a half? That I am currently dating a boy, who doesn't even freaking know me, just so I won't be alone? That I couldn't eat, still can't sleep and just wanted to die!!" Emma's tears were rushing violently down her face now and as Sean stood up walking toward her with a solemn expression on his face, Emma pushed him away from her.
"Sean, you think you know it all! Well let me tell you something you don't know, Sean. I wanted to die! I've wanted to die, Sean! I thought "There must be something wrong with me! I mean, God! My boyfriend dumped me, My freaking friends don't like me, some guy even wanted to freaking kill me! The problem must be me!" So you know what? When I was in that hospital bed, and the doctors told me that I could've died, I thought about it. "First chance," I thought, "I'm going to get this over with!" I wanted to make sure that I finished the job that Rick should've! And would've if it hadn't been for you!"
Emma's last words were hissed at Sean despicably. The anger and strength in her most powerful words hit Sean directly in his heart causing him to jerk back a little, having to regain his balance and steady his feet firmly on the ground. He understood Emma better than she would know right now, but the force of her anger towards him, caused him to have to catch his breath before being able to speak. So, Emma finished was able to finish her tirades, undisturbed, in a vicious whisper, "So, don't tell me you freaking "know" what I've been through! You have NO God-Damn idea!" Tears streaming down Emma's cheeks and her face glistening painfully in the moonlight, Emma turned away from Sean to race quickly down the street.
"Emma!" He yelled after her first few steps. Something about Sean's voice-was he crying?-stopped Emma cold. Almost as though she had no control over her legs-that she so fervently wanted to move-she froze where she stood; her back toward him, her tears dripping torment fully onto the dark cold asphalt of the street.
"…You're right." Sean started, with a small gasp causing Emma to realize that he was crying, "You're right, ok! I don't know what you went through…I don't know anything about nervous breakdowns, or-or anorexia hell! what do I know about that!" As he spoke Sean inched closer and closer to Emma, and though she didn't move or turn around, she could feel his body trudging towards her carefully.
Sean's voice shrunk considerably as he spoke in-between gasps "But, Emma? I know what it's like to have nightmares, seeing the guy's face as he loses his life. I know what it's like to want to die. I know what it's like to wish that…that the bullet hadn't missed, Em, because I wished it hadn't missed me every...single… day of my life in Wasaga! Every freaking day Em! And the only reason I came back-knew that I had to come back-was cuz I thought was going to do it. I was walking out the door, with a freaking bottle of beer and was about to drive my car over a freaking bridge!"
Emma turned towards Sean now, hating herself for having been so selfish; willing to hurt Sean with her strong words just so that she could escape into her safe little corner and not have to feel. "Oh, Sean!" Emma said, and now she felt all of her strong returning, pulsating through her, like blood flowing through her veins, and her body changed from numb to extremely tired; so tired of trying to hide, trying to escape, hurting the boy she loved just so she wouldn't have to face him, and Emma practically fell into Sean's arms, finally allowing herself to feel, and her body and soul some much needed rest in the warm and welcoming arms in which they were held.
Sean hugged her tightly but gently, as though she was the most precious thing in the world to him, but if he wasn't careful he might break her. She sobbed into his shoulder as he continued struggling to get the last few sentences out.
"I was messed up pretty bad. I'd just gotten into a fight, busted lip, black eye, I hadn't been sleep for days. And all the antidepressants or what the hell ever drugs those idiots at that school were telling me to stay hoped up on? They weren't helping any.
"I was sitting in my room thinking about weird stuff, that's what those drugs did to me I guess…and then Rick…that day…everything just…hit me and no matter what I tried I couldn't stop thinking about it. And the-the next thing I remember, I'm staring at the bottle, my car keys in my hand and walking up to the door…" Emma's sobs were passionate now and she hugged Sean tighter just thinking about what she'd have done if…then deciding not to think about it all.
"And that's when the phone rang. I don't know what it was, cause after all the bullshit I'd been dealing with, the last thing I'd been thinking about was taking calls for my passed out parents But, something…some thing made me answer that phone. And it was Mr. Simpson." "Snake?" Emma gasped, lifting her head up to stare at Sean, a little bewildered. He stared back her, his face tearstained, and said with a halfhearted shrug "He-he told me that he was thinking of coming to visit me…that he was thinking of bringing…you; that you guys…you hadn't given up…on me." Here, Sean paused taking a deep breath and Emma buried her head into his shoulder again, knowing that he'd rather she not see his tearful restraint.
"That was it. I-I told him that I'd come see him instead. I didn't want you guys to see me…that way, Emma. And…I don't think I'd taken a bath in days either." At this, Sean and Emma both allowed themselves a small laugh and Emma wiped her eyes on Sean's shoulder.
"So," Sean said his voice pretty clear now, though the wet tears still clung to his reddened face. "The next few weeks I stayed away from the wannabe gangsters and just…I don't know. I just studied all the time, didn't hang out , didn't watch tv, or listen to music, I just focused, ya know? And by the time the school year was out my attitude was ok, my grades had shot up, and my goal to get back here, to see if there were really any people left who still thought I was…a human being, seemed like it was right in front of me."
As he said this Sean placed his head over Emma's gently kissing the top of her blonde head. "Sean, you can do anything." Emma said with a small smile and breathed into his chest "Anything you want, you can get it, if you try." She said smiling. It felt good to be able to encourage Sean to be better again. It felt good to have someone actually listen to her as opposed thinking that everything she did and said was because she was damaged goods.
"I know." Sean said, his silent prayer for Emma's complete and utter forgiveness having been answered and he thought as he clung to Emma, not sure which of them was holding on and which was just there, in that perfect moment, when two people fit one another like pieces of a puzzle, he thought, And everything I want… is right in front of me.
Emma was silent. She hadn't known anything about Snake planning to take her to see Sean, but she didn't mention this. She knew that her parents had been worried about her I guess they thought I missed him, she thought and then, remembering that Sean couldn't hear her thoughts, I did.
Sean and Emma stood in this way for what seemed like hours long awaited, and forever to be cherished. Neither of them spoke what was so ardently on their hearts. Neither of them spoke of the pain, heartache, and guilt that they felt thinking of what had passed between them the last 2 yrs. There was no need, all they needed at that moment was all they had. Sean had Emma in his arms and Emma had Sean in hers. The rest they both thought, I'll figure out later.
Slight Scene Change: A little ahead of where Sean and Emma are standing on the opposite side of the street beneath a darkened tree on the sidewalk.
He couldn't sleep, couldn't stop thinking about her. So he left his house a little after 7 walking so that he would have time to clear his thoughts. He was going to apologize to her, make things right between them; fix them. And then, as he rounded the corner, he saw a couple embrace one another fiercely.
It had taken him hours to get his head together enough to even walk down her street, and now at this spectacle he almost jumped a little, before settling down and realizing that they were kids. He hadn't thought that anyone would be out this late and so he peered curiously, from beneath the tree until he made out the face that leaned pasionately against the guy's shoulder, eyes closed.
Emma? He thought peering a little closer, Emma! He realized and Sean Cameron he realized also. Clenching his teeth and fists together he stared at them. Him, stroking her silky blonde hair and her, rocking gently against the comforting shoulder. What was she wearing…? Was it…his hoodie! She was wearing the guy's jacket.
What the Hell is going on? He thought his mind racing and tears surfacing unexpectedly in his eyes. He loved her so much…if only he could tell her. But now, now this... this guy who had broken her heart before, obviously damaged her. He had the nerve to come back into her life-his life too-and just just steal her away in the night!
He turned around, his face as dark as the sky, and marched heavyily hearted back in the direction he'd come. I'll tell her, he thought. It was all he could do. And then she'll-she'll just have to choose, he thought.
As he thought this the first tear fell because seeing the way she'd clutched him, held him, clung to him as though for dear life, he had a feeling he knew who she'd choose.