Chapter 13

Harsh Realities

After about 10 minutes of hugging, Ellie and Sean had sat on the couch she and he were now just sitting and talking, like everything crazy hadn't even happened.

Sean stepped out of the bathroom and Ellie turned and smiled at him half-heartedly, "Hey…" she said slowly "Hey, he said nodding at her, and then walking over and sliding on the couch. Neither of them said anything.

"Oh yeah!" Sean said suddenly, with a look of realization "I almost forgot," and he leaned over his side of the couch and pulled up a long thin box "Here. Open it." He said slipping into Ellie's hand carefully. Ellie played with the box in her fingers for a moment, smiled at Sean, and then opened it.

Inside the box was a necklace made of, a pair of dangling earrings and a bracelet all made of smooth green stones. "Sean!" Ellie gasped "This is beautiful! Thank you." She said closing the box softly. Sean looked a little disheartened "Aren't you gonna put them on?" he asked. Ellie shook her head and then held up her arm. "Kinda hard to wear bracelets when your arms are bleeding." She said, with a laugh although Sean got a sickened look on his face.

"Ellie? Are you really gonna call that therapist?" He asked concerned. Ellie nodded " I promise." She said seriously. Sean smiled and then leaned over picking up the envelope on the table. "Ellie? Keep this alright? I want you to." Ellie took the package a little reluctantly, but then said, smiling "I was never going to let you take it, Sean. I might be angry, but I'm not an idiot!" And they both laughed.

Scene Change: The Sidewalk/Jay's Car

Emma struggled to get away from Jay. He was pulling her towards the car with a crazy look on his face and Emma had no idea what he was going to do to her. With all the energy she had left, she lifted her foot,-thanking God that she'd worn high-heels today-and dug her heel into his foot with so much force that Jay not only let her go but yelled out in pain. "Stay away from me, Jay!" Emma yelled, backing up and then taking off her shoes she raced down the sidewalk and didn't stop till she was in her house.

Scene Change: Ellie's Apartment

"Why don't you have any food?" Sean asked, opening Ellie's fridge and then closing it with a bemused expression. "I normally go shopping on Sunday, but…" And Ellie's voice trailed off. Sean ignored this and said simply shrugging, as he jabbed his hands into his pockets, "You wanna go now?" Ellie smiled, but then shook her head a little as she said looking down at her arms "It's…well, people always think I'm some kind of freak, you know, tissue stuffed in my sleeves?" "You don't have any…something you can wrap them down better with…?" Sean asked with an anxious tone. Ellie shook her head "Haven't needed any gauze for a while, so…" "Then I'll go," Sean said cutting her off. For some reason, dating Ellie and knowing she cut herself was different. But now? Now that she was friend and he stood on the outside knowing that he couldn't get in to help? He couldn't take it and thought that it'd be best if he and Ellie just avoided the topic.

Ellie appreciated the fact that Sean was acting like it was no big deal and smiled nodding. "Ok," "What do you want?" Sean said grabbing his car keys off of the counter as he walked over towards her. "Anything, but…" Ellie said and her voice trailed off as she stared behind Sean with a surprised look "But, what…?" Sean said and noticing the look in Ellie's face he turned around and saw that the door was open and Craig was standing there looking as though he'd just walked through a fire.

Craig stared at Ellie's arms and then at Sean, Ellie's arms then Sean, before he finally said "You let her do that to herself! Huh! You let her cut herself!" and shoved Sean against the wall angrily.

Sean just looked at Craig, a is-this-guy-really-serious? look before he finally grabbed Craig's shirt and slammed him against the wall, switching places with him and staring angrily into his face. "Why in the hell would I let her do that! I stopped her from doing that!" Sean looked at Craig with disgust, "More than I can say about you!"

Craig slapped Sean's hands off of him and pushed him to the ground. Sean jumped up and was about to punch Craig in the face when Ellie jumped up from the couch yelling "Stop it, you two!" Mid-punch and mid-block, Sean and Craig turned and looked at the angry Red-head. "Stop acting like a bunch of jackasses!" She turned towards Craig "You can't just march in here and start fighting my friend!" And then she turned to Sean, tired of his smug face,"And you? You didn't stop me from doing anything!" Sean shook his head at Ellie angrily. "Whatever! I'm outta here!" he said marching towards the door. He stopped and turned towards Craig, said, "She's all yours!" and marched out angrily.

Now, Ellie looked at Craig and Craig looked at Ellie, both waiting for the other to make a move.

Scene Change: Emma's House

Emma sat in her bed and cried. The tears were the bitter, painful, self-loathing, scared kind. She'd been crying since she got home. She wished that things had been so much easier for her. She wished that she hadn't spent so much time pretending like she was okay; believing it, and then finally snapping. Breaking down in the worst possible way, hurting Manny and Peter and scaring her dad out of his mind.

Jay? She didn't even want to think about what it was she'd gotten herself into with him. She had no idea what the Hell he'd want with her or why. He'd bothered her a few times, but never actually scared her until today. The way he looked at her made her think he was crazy. Acting as though she'd somehow hurt him…

And then, Sean's face, his eyes, his smile, all of their plans came to her mind and she wished more than anything that he was there now to hold her, to comfort her. She would tell him…everything. She saw what denial had gotten her and she promised herself that she'd never do it again. The next chance she got, she promised herself, she'd tell Sean; the truth. About how angry she'd been when he left, how scared and alone and desperate when she went down on jay, and how if he didn't forgive her she'd probably break down completely because she loved him too much to keep pretending she didn't.

Next chance, she thought but then as she closed her eyes and cried even more bitterly she thought If I ever get another chance.

Scene Change: Ellie's Apartment

Ellie had forgotten about Craig and what had happened, having been so busy just enjoying hanging with Sean and now that she stood face to face with him she remembered…everything and tears rushed to her eyes. "El,…don't," Craig said stepping toward her looking saddened "Don't cry. I can't-" and before Craig could finish his sentence, Ellie let go. She reminded herself that Craig was here standing in front of her. Reminded herself that Craig had chased after her and not Manny and that possibly Craig could be…Was it possible Craig had come here to tell her that he was choosing her? She had no idea, but she wondered desperately and with every shred of hopefulness in her psyche. she stepped forward and kissed Craig softly on the lips. He pulled back a little at first, waited uneasily before grabbing her and kissing her back, violently, passionately.

And they stood this way kissing one another relentlessly, for a few, Amazing Ellie thought, moments…

Scene Change: Sean's Hotel Room…

Sean lay down on his bed and covered his eyes with his arm. He was as tired as he'd been for a while. After lunch, with Emma on Monday he'd gone shopping-which, he decided, he couldn't stand-for Ellie's gift and then he'd gone for a short walk, rethinking everything that he and Emma had talked about.

Afterwards, he'd spent the better part of his evening looking for Jay. It had suddenly struck him as strange that he hadn't seen him since he'd been back and normally Jay wasn't too hard to find. Either hanging out in the ravine, some other crummy place he hadn't been banned from yet, or Alex's. It had been too late-and too strange- to go to Alex's, so Sean figured he musta been at Bennet Park. Since he wasn't, Sean had finally come back to his hotel figuring that he'd see his friend later…

And then…Today. The whole conversation with Ellie had exhausted him and now he lay on the bed thinking about…everything. It wasn't that Ellie's words had shocked him as much as he shocked himself by feeling so bad about them.

Sean had been, in his own way, denying his feelings for Emma. Even though, they were clear to him and should have been clear to her, he'd gotten so caught up in thinking that she hated him. That he'd forgotten that his whole purpose for coming back was to tell her, he loved her. To tell her that he wasn't sure if he could even go back to Degrassi or even stay here if she didn't take him back and that thought scared him a little.

But, remembering that it was no longer so hard to get to Emma, Sean smiled to himself thinking that tomorrow, he'd do it. He'd tell her he loved her and see where it got him. Even though he tried to convince himself that he knew what she'd say, he didn't and he went back and forth in his mind on whether tomorrow would be the right time or if he should just wait until their date.

After a moment, Sean rolled over tiredly and closing his eyes thought, I'll do it tomorrow…What's the worse that could happen, anyway?

Scene Change: Ellie's Apartment

Ellie wasn't sure what this kiss was supposed to feel like but it was the most amazing kiss she'd ever had, and she convinced herself that it was the best kiss that had ever been.

She was so surprised by how it felt to kiss Craig. So energizing, so amazing, so much more than words could express, so she just let herself fall into it aimlessly, kissing him as passionately as she knew how; which was pretty passionately and waiting to see what would happen next.

After a long moment, Ellie pulled her lips away from Craig and smiled at him "Do you know how long I've wanted to do that!" She said, happy tears spilling from her eyes and Craig just stared at her in "I don't deserve you…" she said placing her head against his chest with a laugh. "Deserve…me?" Craig stammered. Ellie grabbed Craig's hand and pulled him toward the couch.

Suddenly all seemed right with the world and she was so intrigued by how different it felt to know that you're loved. Craig was just staring at Ellie with a regretful look on his face and he stammered "El, I…" "I mean God Craig! I am so…I mean…I love you." She said and she laughed "I love you, I love you, I love you, and I'm not afraid to say it and I'm not scared of what you'll say." she said as she looked into to Craig's big brown eyes.

Craig's eyes were filling with tears and Ellie stood up quickly "I'm sorry! Am I being too…" "No El, No. You're…great." Craig said moving his hand along her face with a pained look. Ellie shook her head "Then why am I suddenly feeling like an idiot…" Ellie said painfully, realizing that something was wrong although she wasn't sure what.

"Manny. Manny cheated on me with, some guy,El. Peter, I think,…" Craig said looking away from Ellie. "Manny? Craig, I don't get…" "I love Manny, El. And I'm sorry about the kiss but I was just…I was just angry! So, when you kissed me-"

Ellie backed away from Craig choosing not to believe what she was hearing "So, I kissed you right? You didn't kiss me back at all…right?" "Ellie, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking…" "Craig? Get out." Ellie said the tears returning now "Ellie, I don't- don't want us to be like this…I just want us to be friends again." "Well, here's a news flash Manning, I don't want us to just be friends again. Of course you do though. You have Manny, you'll be fine Craig but, I won't. I love you." She said and tears were pouring down her face as she spoke.

Craig stepped towards her "I love you too Ellie, but…" and once again here it was. Those hateful words that Ellie had been trying to avoid. "Get out, Craig!" she screamed, pushing him back towards the door. "Get out!" and Craig walked over to the door turning to look at her once more walking out the door ashamed and disappointed. Ellie watched him leave and then slumped onto the couch in tears.

Scene Change: Late in the Evening A Random Sidewalk

Manny had been driving around all day, on the bus, in a few cabs and now here she was walking all alone and heading towards…nowhere. She had wanted to go back home –well, Emma's home anyway, but she knew she couldn't, and so she'd just been around listlessly all day, in a half-daze, almost like a drunken stupor.

The suspenseful drama with Craig was over. She'd gone to see him, and even though she tried to explain, tried to convince him that she'd made a mistake and she was sorry, he'd turned away from her telling her he had "Nothing to say…" to her and closed the door in her face.

Just knowing that she'd been the destruction to her own relationship, not Ellie and not Craig, Manny found out that she could hate herself even more than she'd thought she could and now all she did was walk around despising herself thinking that Emma'd been right and Peter and her parents and…everyone. She was a slut and this was exactly what she deserved.

Even though she tried to be content to just walking around crying, when the darkness slowly fell, Manny realized that she would have to go somewhere, she couldn't just walk around all night. Any money that she'd had she'd spent on the bus and cab fare for the day and she hadn't had enough for a motel anyway.

So, now, when all else failed and Manny felt desperate, she walked up to the door and knocked. And when the door was opened she fell whole-heartedly onto the startled shoulder saying inbetween sobs "I had no where else to go." Before being brought inside the warm house, leaving the cold cruel world outside.