Summary: Remus Lupin broke his heart those many years ago. A 'little' girl went to comfort him, not knowing that this girl will become the woman of his heart.
Genre: Romance/Drama
Fiction Rated: T
Language: English
Type: one-shot
Disclaimer: I do no own any of the characters, places or anything else the genius JK Rowling made.
Author's Notes: My first attempt at a Remus/Tonks story. You might hate it but I hope you would still read and review. I don't really know the age difference between the two, so I'm telling everyone now. I just tried writing one, so please, feel free to say anything (bad or good).
P.S. Remus is 25 at this.
From the very Beginning
By: Willherm Simetra
Remus Lupin sat in front of his small fire place, trying to forget what will happen in a few hours time. Dark times surrounded the wizarding world. The people who used to be good are now lost and distraught. Not only were the magical folk suffering, even muggles could feel the coldness in the air. It's not only for a matter of time before the Ministry collapsed under Lord Voldemort's wrath.
One of his best friend and his wife had gone into hiding. The reason for this remained unknown. Only one person could tell him where they are. Even this wizard remains nameless to most. But he knew it was Sirius, or rather, as future events would reveal one day, he thought. Remus might never see them again and would miss them a lot. James' wife had just given birth to their first son and he barely saw the young lad.
"A big chip off the old block," was what he and Sirius called the baby.
His neighbor just came in a few minutes ago, to tell him about the potion that if successfully brewed, would partially free him from his anguish. Suddenly, the fire blazed further, finally revealing the head of one his best friends.
"Hey, there, mate. Looking rather forlorn."
"Padfoot, if I don't look at all miserable, you shouldn't go less than ten feet of me."
"Very funny, Moony. Anyway, Dumbledore told me to tell you something. He wants to talk to you about some Order business. He said something about a job with, well, the others, you know."
"Dumbledore wants me now?" Remus asked. He looked around his apartment. Despite the cleanliness of the tiny space he calls 'home', the sadness still hang in the air. If you become a wild animal every month with barely any friends and a good job, even a sterile environment becomes a cold cave to your eyes.
"Yes. He knows what tonight is, he just said it's urgent. You trust that old man, don't you? So go."
Remus hesitated before answering, "Fine, I'll be there. Same time, same place?"
"I think so. Oh, yes, Remus, on a more personal note. Did you ask her yet?"
Remus looked away from his best friend's curious eyes. On the mantle piece sat a velvet box which he was planning to present to a woman he loves, Jennifer. Remus looked at Sirius' grinning face.
"Soon, I will."
"That's you and James then," Sirius sighed sadly in a mocking way. "Well, see you at Hogwarts, Remus."
Remus sighed knowing that once again he will be going to the school he loved so much…a place where he could hide a terrible secret. Absentmindedly, Remus pocketed the small velvet box. He brought it wherever he went. It was one of the greatest possessions he had.
Once he put the proper spells on his apartment, he went out into a dark alley, looking for signs of Death Eaters. After making sure no one was looking, he stuck out his hand making a triple-decked, purple bus appear out of nowhere.
"Hogsmede, and step on it, please." In a minute or two, Remus found himself standing in front of the Hogsmede train station, wobbling on his feet. From there, he walked towards Hogwarts gate in downcast silence.
Ever since the Marauders became separated, when James went into hiding with his family, that atmosphere around Remus had felt like something was missing in his life. His friends were one of the few people who accepted him for who he was, despite what he was suffering. Dumbledore was another. It was a reason why he owed his life to his previous Headmaster. He'd do anything for all those people. He just hoped he could add another to this list.
As he conjured a pure, white, wispy wolf out of his wand, he thought about the new person who's going to share his secret: His long-term and only love, Jennifer Hawkins. He never told her that he was a werewolf. He was saving it on the day he gave her the ring.
Remus had a job, but he thought it was not good enough to support her and his future family yet. After Hogwarts, no one wanted to accept a werewolf. But the Ministry (thanks to Dumbledore) decided to hire him but only on a low rank, low-paying job in the Department of International Co-operation (in the Transport of Foreign Beasts section, as a handler of not too dangerous ones). But after seeing his abilities, he was promoted (guarding more dangerous beasts). The pay increased and he knew that the time was right for him to ask Jennifer.
A moment later, a large, dark figure emerged from inside the gates.
"Good evening, Hagrid," Remus greeted cheerfully.
"'Lo there, Remus, going to see Professor Dumbledore eh?"
"Right, you are. He called me in tonight. Thank you, Hagrid."
Hagrid smiled cheerfully at Remus, letting him in. There were some similarities between Remus and the kind, gigantic man: they were both half-breeds. So when Hagrid saw Remus sad, weak form, his heart fell out to him. Remus Lupin was young, but by the looked of his face, it was like he had been through nightmares every night.
"Poor lad," Hagrid muttered softly.
A moment later, Remus dusted his baggy robes before entering the headmaster's office. But just as he was about to knock on the door, it opened. Out came an old ministry wizard accompanied by a woman with curly, black hair. He recognized her immediately.
"Remus!" she exclaimed. Remus smiled and gave the woman a small peck.
"What are you doing here, Jen?" he asked.
"I came with the head of my department." She pointed to old wizard who gave Remus a nod.
"What are you doing here, then?" Jennifer asked him.
"Well, Dumbledore wanted to tell me something." Another secret he kept from his girlfriend is that he was part of the secret Order of the Phoenix (along with Sirius, James, Peter and Lily).
"Oh," she replied, looking into the open office door. "Anyways, I'll be leaving now. I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"Wait! Will if be alright if you wait for me for a while?" If there was a place where he wanted to propose to her, it was his only home: Hogwarts.
"I guess that will be alright." She lowered her voice into a whisper. "I'll escape my employer for a while."
She waved at her boyfriend before descending the staircase with her boss. When Remus entered the Headmaster's office, he saw standing at one corner was an old Auror he recognized as Alastor Moody. Standing next to him with the same mischievous grin was non-other than Sirius Black.
"Nice to see you again, Remus. I have an errand for you." Dumbledore stood up and handed him an old parchment. Albus Dumbledore explained clearly to the young werewolf his job. Occasionally, he would talk to Sirius who was trying to avoid Moody's new revolving eye.
"Are you willing to do this, Remus?" Dumbledore concluded.
Remus pocketed the old parchment. "I'd give my life for anything, Professor."
"That's the spirit I wanted to hear, now go. You have to rest and be careful."
Remus thought Dumbledore was talking about the task he was given, not about what day of the month that day was.
Sirius bowed and left with Remus. When they reached the bottom of the staircase, they were welcomed by a crash.
In instinct, Remus whipped out his want. Surprisingly, Sirius just told him to lower it down. They looked around and saw a distressed looking girl clutching standing over broken pieces of pottery. She had a heart shaped face with a laid-back expression. Her long, curly auburn hair had pink and brilliant red streaks on it, which caught anybody's attention.
Sirius smacked his forehead.
"Tonks, I told you to wait for me in the entrance hall," Sirius scolded.
"I got bored," Tonks answered, trying to locate her wand.
"What have you done?" Sirius asked, looking at the broken vase.
"Knocked it over. Accident," she added quickly.
Remus waved his wand and it became as good as new. Tonks turned around, finally noticing Remus. She smiled at him in gratitude. He had never met a girl as strange as her. It was probably the hair.
"Oh yeah, Moony. This is Nymphadora Tonks. Tonks, this is Remus Lupin," Sirius introduced.
"Wotcher, Remus," she greeted. "Oh, and it's Tonks not Nymphadora."
"Hi," he returned.
"She's my oldest cousin's daughter." Then Sirius lowered his voice (but loud enough for the girl to hear), "Her husband and she are out of town for the summer. I was supposed to look after her for the week while her regular sitter is sick with spattergoit. Bad luck, she's a real nuisance."
"Yeah, but he refused to leave me at home."
"That's why you have me baby sitting you. It's too dangerous to leave a child anywhere these days."
Tonks glared at him indignantly, "I'm fourteen. I'm not a child anymore."
Sirius just rolled his eyes at her. She hardened her glare at him.
"Well, good luck, Padfoot. Nice meeting you Tonks. But for now, I couldn't give you two, company. I have someone to meet."
Sirius mood suddenly shifted and grinned. "Go get her, mate!"
Remus just rolled his eyes at his friend and walked towards the direction of the entrance hall.
When he stepped out of Hogwarts, Jennifer Hawkins greeted him warmly.
"Is there a reson you let me wait out here in the cold?" she asked sweetly. Remus led her to a more 'romantic' spot, a bit away from the castle. They reached the edge of the lake (a few meters from the Whomping Willow.
"Erm, Jennifer, I wanted to ask you for a long time. You see I got promoted and I was hoping this is the right time," he started nervously.
"What is it?" She searched him for a clue but only found his tense eyes.
"You see, I really, really love you. We are together since Hogwarts and I—"
"Come on, Remus, be straight forward," she urged. "You know I hate it when you do that."
Remus just breathed deeply and took out the velvet box. He was so nervous, he couldn't get the right words out. "W-will you, er, well, will you marry me?"
Jennifer's eyes widened as she took the velvet box. She opened it and saw a simple, yet beautiful, silver engagement ring. It was just a band, with a tiny diamond burried in it.
"Sorry if it's too plain. That's all I could afford," Remus said sheepishly.
Jennifer just hugged him back. "Oh, Remus, this is wonderful. Yes, of course I will!"
"You will?" He couldn't believe it. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and nodded. The dream that could complete his useless life had just come true. Jennifer hugged him tenderly for a few seconds before Remus body froze, but not in happiness or surprise. A cold shiver suddenly ran down his body as he raised his head to the night sky. A bright, perfectly round orb hung right in front of his eyes, unshielded by clouds and stars. Just as suddenly as it happened, Remus' good moods floated away, replaced by dread incomparable to any other. Ever since he was a boy, he had hated the full moon. Every month, it mocked his very existence…and until now, his happiness.
He let go of Jennifer and stepped back in fear.
"Remus? Remus, what's wrong?" she asked, concerned. Remus hands became stiff and his body turned rigid.
NO! Please no! his mind pleaded.
His changing eyes locked with Jennifer's frightened ones. He was turning into a beast, with the love of his life right in front of him.
I didn't drink the potion!
Remus screamed in pain as he tried to fight back the nightmare that happened to him every month. Jennifer stepped back, not knowing what to do.
"Run," he gasped to Jennifer. "Run, Jen!" Jennifer didn't budge as she gaped at her fiancé's changing body.
"Remus…"
Remus gave one last howl as his normal consciousness disappeared. Jennifer recoiled.
"RUN, JENNIFER!" Jennifer turned and saw Sirius Black running towards her with a young girl trailing behind him. Snapping out of her trance, she quickly ran away from Remus and hid behind Sirius.
"Tonks! Bring Jennifer to the castle now—"
Before Sirius could finish his sentence, Jennifer screamed in girlish panic. The man she was talking to a moment ago was mutating in front of her eyes into a creature she only saw in books. A werewolf.
"Go!" Sirius shouted. Without hesitance, Tonks dragged Jennifer up to the castle, fear filling her up. Despite her young age, she had been trained by her Auror father not to panic in times of trouble but be alert.
Unknowingly to the girls, Sirius had turned into a gigantic dog and pushed the werewolf away from the safety of the castle.
Before they reached the oak doors, five Ministry Aurors emerged from the castle including Moody.
"What's happening?" he grunted.
"There's a werewolf loose!" Jennifer blurted, as if the creature wasn't the man she loved.
"My cousin is with it. He needs help!" Tonks told them desperately. Moody ushered them into the castle before catching up with the rest of the Aurors.
"Are you alright?" Tonks asked Jennifer slowly when her normal breathing returned.
She didn't answer but instead stared at the velvet box in her palms. She opened it and stared at its contents.
"Remus Lupin, he…he was a, did you…know? He was…he—" Tonks stopped and looked at the box in the other woman's hands.
Tonks gasped, "Remus asked you to marry him?"
She didn't mean to say it but it was too late to stop herself.
Jennifer started sobbing as she looked at the silver ring. She didn't know what to do.
The next day, Remus tried to stand up from wherever he was lying down on. He tried opening his eyes but quickly closed them when a bright light shown on them.
"Moony? Are you awake, mate?"
An echo of a voice. Pain ran through him from healing wounds.
Remus winced. Slowly rolling over, he wholly opening his eyes.
"Where am I, Sirius?" He was lying down in cot which looked very familiar to him.
"You're in Hogwarts' hospital wing. The Aurors and I fished you out of the forest last night," he said. "Oh yeah, I heard from James this morning."
Remus immediately sat up. "What? What did he say?"
"Whoa, mate, slow down. He just wanted to know how everyone was. Young Harry had said his few words. Both Lily and he are delighted. Wouldn't lay off the subject for a minute. He said he was sorry he wasn't here last night. James misses the old days, you know." Sirius studied his friend, looking for any sign of remembrance about the previous day.
Remus sighed inwardly. Last night was terrible. He was glad he wasn't near the castle. It was lucky Sirius arrived before Jennifer got hurt.
Oh God, Jennifer!
"Sirius, where's Jennifer? Is she alright?" he demanded.
"Don't worry, Remus. Jen is fine. Tonks brought her back to the castle while you were transforming. She got back home safe."
He sighed again in relief. At least she didn't get bitten. That would change everything.
"Moony, there's something I want to ask you though," Sirius started slowly. "Did you tell Jennifer the nature of your condition?"
Remus looked up at Sirius. "No, I was planning to tell her but I transformed."
Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable trying to avoid his eyes, which made Remus panic.
"What's wrong, Sirius?"
Sirius Black sighed, "Nothing. She was just, in shock, when she saw you, you know. I think you should go talk to her. She may need some sort of reassurance from you."
Remus passed through countless corridors and doorways in the ministry just to reach his cramped table. Finally, he reached a room labeled "Authorized wizards only". Fortunately for Remus, he had just also been promoted as one of the Head of his department's (a very small department) Personal Guards and Aids.
He waved at some co-workers before settling down on his small table. He propped his elbows on the table, settling his head on his hands. Even if he went through transformation every month, he still felt beat every morning after the nighttime prowls.
"Lupin," a voice said from behind him. It was one of his older co-workers. "A girl is looking for you, lad. She's outside."
In a fraction of a second, he was out of the crowded room. Just as he had hoped, Jennifer was waiting for him.
"Jenny, I was so worried…" Remus stopped talking. He had made to hug his girlfriend when she recoiled. Her face was grave. It was obvious she was crying.
"Remus, I don't want to make this conversation longer. I came here for one reason only," she said, her voice unfathomable but her eyes were hard and sad.
She pulled something out of her pocket. It was velvet box Remus recognized. Without hesitating, she handed it to him.
"I'm so sorry. I-I can't marry you. I j-just can't," she said, tears rolling down her cheek.
Remus didn't know what to do. He felt like his world just collapsed around him. It was like life itself had ceased to exist.
"I don't understand. Why?" But he already knew the reason.
"Why! Why didn't you tell me, Remus?" Jennifer demanded fiercely, her voice full of malice. "Something as important as this and you pass it up."
He paused before answering since his whole being was slowly fading away, "I was waiting for the right time. I was afraid. I don't know what I'll do if I lose you."
Her cold expression didn't change. It was obvious that she had enough of Remus Lupin.
"Afraid, weren't you? Well, you don't have to worry anymore. You just lost me. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Remus." She turned on her heel and left. Remus grabbed her arm but she shook it off as if in disgust.
"I can explain," he said desperately.
"Please, don't stop me. I know what I'm doing," she took a deep breath. What she said next broke Remus' heart to pieces. Her voice was shaking when she said the words that could kill a certain Marauder in an instant. "I can't marry a werewolf. Do understand that."
Remus did nothing to stop her. Everything around him had stopped functioning. Only those words were left with him. She didn't accept him for what or who he was. She was not what he expected. In just a minute, Remus realized that the woman he loved…never existed. Jennifer was just like all of the other people around him. Some of them knew him, but looked over all of that because of just one trait. He's an outcast again. Remus collapsed on the floor, leaning on the office's cold wall. Tears of regret and disdain softly running down his face.
"Hey, young man." Remus looked up. It was the same old co-worker who called him out. Remus didn't know his name, but he knew who he was.
"Don't give up on your life. You're still young in years; don't waste it on one woman."
As the old wizard leave, Remus muttered, "I don't have a life."
A few days later, Remus found himself sitting at the same bench at Hogwarts where he proposed to Jennifer. Sirius and he had just been talking to Dumbledore about another Order assignment. Despite his enthusiasm to the errands he received, Remus was still miserable. The day before didn't make it better when he saw Jennifer hand-in-hand with a wizard he knew liked her ever since Hogwarts. James and Sirius used to call him "Feather Brain" since he was in Ravenclaw and looked like a single breeze could blow him away. But it seems that Jennifer enjoying her company with him more than Remus. In disgust, even James wrote to him saying that he doesn't deserve a woman like her.
Usually, he would have gotten angry with James, but after what he saw, he knew James may be right.
As Remus waited for his best friend to return from the Hogwarts kitchen, he was suddenly surprised by a loud thud.
He turned around and found a girl rubbing her leg in pain.
"Are you alright?" he asked. The girl looked up at him and blushed.
"Yeah, sorry about that, it happens all the time, you know, tripping over rocks or my own feet." The girl took the heavy rock and heaved it to the lake. There was something familiar with the girl. She had a heart-shaped face and a cheerful aura.
"Wotcher, Remus," she said, settling next to him.
"Tonks?" he asked. He studied her. Instead of the curly auburn hair, she had shoulder length, strait brown hair.
"Oh, didn't recognize me?"
She scrunched up her eyes as if concentrating on something. The next thing Remus knew, her hair was back to the same streaked, red hair.
"How did you do that?" Remus gaped at her.
"Metamorphmagus," she replied shortly. Remus nodded in understanding. She was one of those rare witches and wizards who could change their appearance at will.
There was long pause before Tonks broke it, "Are you alright?"
"Huh? Oh, yes I'm fine."
She continued looking at him, "I don't think so." She sighed before continuing. "Sirius told me what happened. Without meaning to," she added quickly, afraid Remus might murder her cousin.
Remus didn't answer. She couldn't do anything.
"I was there too, you know, that night," she said.
"Then why are you still sitting next to me?" Remus blurted. He quickly added, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way…"
"It's alright, don't worry about it. I know," Tonks said with a shrug. She popped a Bertie Bott's bean in her mouth. "But to answer your question, I'm not afraid of you. You're still the same person anyways. It's not your fault you turn into something completely different every full moon."
Remus looked at the young girl sitting next to him. All of a sudden, he felt like he could talk to her as if he knew her for a long time.
"You sound a lot like Sirius and James," he said.
"I guess staying with Sirius Black has some good things too," she said with a smile. "Some people are not always what everyone think they are."
For some reason, Remus became glad Tonks, the always-seem-to-be-cheerful teenager sat with him that day.
"Do you want to know what my mother always tells me?"
"What?" Maybe this girl can knock some sense to him as well.
"She said looking down on the different wouldn't make you a perfect person." She looked at Remus with her twinkling, dark eyes. "I'm different too, you know. Apart from being half-blood, I can also do things normal witches my age couldn't." She pointed at her hair.
"Wait, you're half blood?" Remus wasn't that shock though. The Black family had a reputation that was only well-respected in the 'devoted' pure-blood world. The pure-blood kept to the 'pure'-blood. So obviously, one of these reputations didn't include being nice to half-breeds, which was exactly what Tonks was doing or related to the "tainted" ones.
"Ah, so you do know the Black family legacy," Tonks said, then sighed. "Yes, I'm half-blood. That's why that was my mother's favorite saying. She married a muggle-born, despite the fact that her family shunned her away. The Black family hated those that are different from them, you know, Muggles and half-breeds. She, like Sirius, wasn't afraid of being different from the rest of their family. As far as their concerned, she's a disgusting blood traitor."
Remus laughed at her. It was the first time he had laughed in days. "Now, that sounds a lot like Sirius."
"Don't! I'm already weird enough being like this and a klutz. Growing up like him is going to make it worse."
He laughed again.
Tonks stared at Lupin for a long while, "Don't give up on yourself, Remus Lupin. You might never know; someone out there may accept you for who you are. Just look close enough." She winked at him before standing up.
She shook her head in disbelief, "I actually sounded like my mother. See you around, Remus."
Remus watched her retreating back, her words echoing in his head. The young teenager had just woken him up from his pathetic sate.
Many years passed and the temporary peace in the Wizarding world had vanished in an instant. Just a year ago, Remus Lupin's last best friend was murdered…by her own cousin. Remus was not the young, innocent man he once was. True, he has not yet reached his middle age, but by the look of his clothes and face, he looked like he had been through hell itself. Currently sitting on the same bench he was at when he broke his heart those years ago, guarding the school like he was ordered to, Remus reflected on the life he had.
For years and years after James death, Remus lived alone in the world with no job, a proper home and company. He, like everyone else, had thought Sirius Black had murdered his other best friend, Peter Pettigrew, and sold the Potters to the darkest wizard of all times. When he finally found the truth, the only job he could have had disappeared from him; a result of the same catastrophe that stopped him from loving any other woman again. Just when he was catching up with his real friends, he too was taken from him. Now the only family he had was Harry Potter, James' son. He might not be as close to Harry as Sirius was, but being with the boy was like being a Marauder again. But now, his promise to himself has been broken. He once swore that he could never fall in love again; he would not go through the same thing he did when he was a lot younger. But a young girl made sure it would not be so.
She told him that he still had a chance. She was right, but he still made up his mind about finding another woman. But now, the same girl broke that barrier…that promise. She loved him, she said, whatever he may be. She doesn't care, she said, she would not leave him whatever the consequences.
He told himself not to return the feelings; he forced himself to look at his bad aspects. But he failed, and she succeeded. Deep in his heart, he knew he loved her back. But because of this, he never wanted to be attached to her. He was too dangerous and poor. He had nothing for her…nothing to support. This time, he was matured enough to realize, love is not enough.
The once clumsy girl (his late best friend's niece and cousin) with strange, red hair grew up to a strong, klutzy Auror who would stop at nothing until she convinced him. He was hurting her by not answering her pleas, but he knew it was for the best. He had already done the damage. Before she fell deep in love with him, a freak and a werewolf, she was always cheerful and energetic. But now, she was always distant and sad.
"What are you doing, Remus?"
Remus' blood turned to ice as he turned around. Standing a few feet from him was the girl he was trying to avoid the last few weeks.
"I shouldn't be sitting down, right?" Maybe talking about the Order and their job will prevent her from pressuring him.
It didn't work.
Nymphadora Tonks sat down next to him, the way she sat down next to him when she was just 14 years old.
"I hope I'm not bothering you," she said. Her tone was blank but her eyes were cold and hurt.
"No, you're not."
After the most uncomfortable silence, a sniffling sound broke the ice. Remus looked at Tonks. She quickly turned around and stood up to prevent Remus from seeing.
"I must go. Dumbledore gave me a job."
He stood up and put his hand on her shoulder. She shook it off.
"I kept on breaking down these days, for no reason at all," she chuckled.
Remus looked grave. "It's not for no reason at all, is it, Tonks?"
Tonks finally stopped pretending nothing was wrong. She turned around and confronted him.
"I just wanted you to understand. I know you know, Remus. I know you know. I'm fighting everything to stop myself. I didn't want to force you. But I just had this feeling…"she stopped and looked at Remus straight in the eye.
"That I love you back." He finished. Tonks stepped back as tears rolled down her cheek.
Remus stepped forward and wiped the tears away from her cheeks.
Tonks turned away, towards the lake, her short mouse colored hair waving in the wind.
Another silence. This time Remus broke it.
"Tonks, please understand. I'm too old for…"
"STOP! I don't want to hear anything from you anymore," Tonks said. The way she was acting was not like her at all. The guilt of his doing filled him. How could he stop her to love him? How could she return back to the girl that made him laugh so much? How could he stop loving her?
"Please listen to me," she started. "I don't care if you're a werewolf. I don't care if your too poor or whatever. I may not know what it feels like to be like you but I will help you, Remus. Do understand that."
With those last few words, she left.
But Remus wasn't sad and he knew Tonks wasn't either. She got to hear what she wanted to hear, and he got to feel what he deeply wanted to…for a long time.
He had a sudden flashback of an interesting young girl who told him that someone would accept him again if he looked closer. Now, the same girl had grown up into a woman and now Remus had looked closer, he found that it was her after all that accepted him no matter what.
The End
NOTE: Well, that's my first Tonks/ Remus one-shot. I hope you like it. Please tell me if it's too dramatic, or corny, or stupid, or good or what. Is it too icky sweet? Is Jennifer too mean? Is Remus out of character? Is Tonks out of character? I know she is slightly. But she's supposed to be at the end somehow. Please review!