Author's Note:

Alright guys this is it! Last chapter I hope you guys like it and Solaris and Babyp you guys make sure to weigh in on what ya think Alright! Everyone Review, Pleeeeaassssseeeee! I love this site and I love you all!

Jazzy-Raveler!

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi, I would never have had to wait till tonight to watch it...Oh, well...

Chapter 15

A Reason for Goodbye

Emma Nelson sat in the grass on the side of her darkened house. The moon lighting up her pale features and blonde hair with an enchanting almost eerie glow. She stared wide eyed into the nothingness as her tear streaked face whenced at every memory she held.

How had she come to this, she wondered, when only a few days ago her life seemed to hold such promise and wonder.

Sean had come back, she and Manny had been back on good terms, she'd been on good terms with her parents and then suddenly every relationship she had had disintregrated into nothingness.

Emma was sitting outside by herself and thinking about it all.

Jay Hogart had been rushed to the hospital, Emma had called 911 and even rode with him to the hospital. She signed herself up as his next of kin and then left after the doctors told her he'd awakened and except for a slight headache; not to mention the badly bruised body parts and swollen face he'd be ok. Emma had left, she hadn't gone in to see him, everything that had happened with him? it had all been...so weird.

Emma wouldn't talk about what happened. She simply told the police that she'd come outside and he was bloodied and unconscious in her yard. It was just crazy enough to be believed, and since Jay wasn't talking either, the police let it go, for the moment anyway, and left. Emma had called Snake, knowing he'd find out and warned him about what had happened; although, she told him the same lie that she told the police. But, when Snake got home, Emma hadn't spoken a single word to him, just walked around listlessly as if nothing was left to be said, nothing was left to do.

When Spike had come home and seen Emma looking as pale as a ghost, after finding out what happened from Snake, she'd called the doctor and set up an appointment.

The police had come back to the house a little later and asked Emma if she knew anything about Jay's attacker. Again, she'd said nothing and this time the police told her that Jay was awake and that he wasn't saying anything either.

Emma's parents had looked at her so terrified, so disappointed like they didn't even know her and Emma shuddered now as she remembered their looks. Spike and Snake had started arguing about whose fault it was that they hadn't noticed that Emma was "still troubled" and Emma had simply slipped out of the door and plopped into the grass, where she sat now two hours later.

The tears rolled down her face, but Emma didn't breathe. She didn't make a sound, she just sat quietly, waiting for this feeling to be over.

Suddenly, Emma felt someone standing in front of her and she looked up to see Manny Santos staring down at her uneasily.

Emma still ouldn't speak even though she really wanted to say sorry. She wanted to break down and sob but she knew if she did, she probably wouldn't be able to stop, so she just sat there still waiting for Manny to speak. Manny began slowly

"Emma, I can't... I mean I don't know what to say about what happened earlier...I don't know what you're going through, but you need to know that really hurt me, Em. I thought you of all people would trust me but instead? You believed Peter an-" "I'm sorry, Manny." Emma said, the words were emotionless though. As though they weren't really meant at all and Manny stared at Emma angrily "Well, thanks for the "apology" Emma; but I don't need it anymore."

Emma stared up at Manny waiting for an explanation but Manny didn't give one instead she just began with an entirely different thought. "I was wrong you know? About Craig and Ellie?" Emma just glanced up at her stone-faced "Craig loves me." Manny said although, tearfully "But, I-I messed up... again, as usual, and I don't think...well, I need some time to breathe anyway before I try to fix it, you know?" Emma nodded.

Not sure what else to say Manny seemed to get her bearings back and wiping the tears from her eyes she said "Look, I can't deal with...all of this anymore, I really need to breathe so I just came to get my stuff, I'm moving in with Ellie." Emma would've laughed at what she thought an obvious joke but instead, she just stared back out in front of her. After all that had happened today? Nothing would surprise her, "Okay." Manny stared at Emma for a moment before going inside.

Scene Change: Ellie's apartment

Somehow in the midst of she and Ellie's day, Manny'd -the convincer of all convincers-convinced Ellie to let her move in. Ellie had only relented because Manny had been so desperate. At least, that's what she told herself when really the only reason she let Manny stay, was so she wouldn't be so lonely.

After spending the day with Manny, Ellie had realized that Manny Santos was just a misunderstood, scared little girl; kinda like her. They had a lot more in common than she'd thought and Manny was really fun to be around.

Since they both had an unspoken pact not to mention...ahem "The Manning Name" Both of them had been able to be around one another, without too much thought about their man. Although, Ellie still prepared herself mentally for whenever it was that Manny decided she was ready to get back with Craig; knowing that ultimately that was probably what would happen.

But she was fine. She'd gone to her therapy session, she'd gone out to eat with Manny, she'd gone to the movies, and even though she stole a few moments of that time in the dark movie theater to cry about Craig, Ellie still knew that she was strong enough to get through this.

And now as she sat at home waiting for Manny to come back, she hoped to high hell that she was strong enough to deal with this. And wondered, a little baffled actually, at how in the world Manny had convinced her to let her move in...

Scene Change: Emma's House

Manny walked back out carrying a small duffle bag and walked over to the cab that was waiting for her. She opened the car door setting her bag inside. She turned and looked at Emma. So lonely, so sad, and she found herself feeling really bad for Emma, not sure what she was thinking or feeling. Spike and Snake had filled her in on the whole day when she'd gone inside and found the two on the couch hugging and then leaping up to hug her. So, even though they didn't know, Manny had a pretty good idea what had happened with Jay, and besides that, she assumed that Sean being gone must've been the reason for Emma's helpless glare.

Emma Nelson had been Manny's best friend since...always and leaving felt so...morbid so...life-altering that she almost didn't. But, remembering all the two of them had gone through, so many struggles that neither of them had really been stable enough-or even old enough-to deal with, Manny realized that leaving Emma, whether it was to move to Ellie's or even back home, was the first step to fixing the broken soul that she had come to be. And so, Manny smiled at Emma, loving her still, like a best friend and a sister; but climbing in the car, she waved goodbye as she left behind the last few years of her life...hoping to head for something better...

Emma couldn't have cared less. She had spent the day and a little of yesterday thinking about Manny, and woefully regretting what had happened, but it wasn't like Emma even meant to...and besides, she and Manny had gotten in fights before, and this time was no different, she'd convinced herself...right?

Emma couldn't consider it right about now. She had too much other stuff on her mind. Her parents were still talking and Emma had the feeling that they might be trying to put her into some kind "school for the traumatized" or whatnot. Also, Sean was gone. Emma knew the reason that he'd left, which was of course the reason why she hadn't told the police what really happened and she knew also, that this time? He wouldn't be coming back.

Emma layed her head on her knees as Manny drove away, finally letting out a little breath and crying bitterly as she did. This was what had come from her denial. This was what had come from 2 yrs of lonely bitter pain and she couldn't handle it...

Scene Change: Sean driving

Sean had been driving all day, he'd just been...driving. He'd parked a few times thought, cried, thought and then drove some more. He had no idea what to think or feel about anything. He'd thought that Jay was his friend. He knew he wasn't good or whatever, but he'd still thought that Jay was his friend, and he couldn't figure out why he would do that to the only girl that Sean had ever really loved.

Emma, Sean could barely think her name without tearing up. What in the hell had happened with her? When did she become so...whatever it was that she was and what in the world had she been thinking? Why would she ever do something so self-degrading? It wasn't the fact that Emma had...done that to Jay; but, why? Sean just couldn't understand it.

In his mind he replayed all of their years growing up; all of her campaigns from the petition for a tampon dispenser, to the cheerleading article, to the enviromental club, and the way she'd complained to him about how Manny dressed, there'd been no sign of any of this in the upcoming future. Then, Sean remembered that day in the ravine, she wouldn't even make out with him in the grassy wood, where people might walk by. This memory caused Sean to have to pull over. What had happened between then and now? And why was it that even after all of this, even after he found out that Emma wasn't who she thought he was at all...he couldn't stop thinkign about her?

It's her fault, he thought, trying so hard to restrain himself from going back...It's her fault! She did this! Everything was fine! I was fine, But, I mean, how could she have done that! Even though she knew I l- and Sean's thought process stopped completely...He realized know why nothing made sense and everything still did.

He realized now why she might have changed...the same reason he'd changed in the past year only for the better...he'd changed because he didn't know if she'd love him the way he was before...and she'd changed...because...she didn't know he loved her. That was why, at least that was what Sean convinced himself and he turned the car around speeding back towards her...he still hated what she'd done, he still had to leave, but, he couldn't leave this time without telling her...not this time...

Scene Change: Emma's House

Emma sat there, still crying. Her parents probably thought she was in bed, she realized, so she was able to continue crying.

The footsteps that she heard she presumed were her Dad's or Mom's and she didn't even look up, but then Sean said, "Emma?" and when she looked up, she saw him looking at her-not smiling not crying-just staring at her from across the yard. "Sean!" Emma said, jumping up and rushing over to him "You came back..." She cried trying to reach over and hug him, but he grabbed her hands "Look," he said his voice steady, and a little cold "I'm still leaving, but not until we have-not until we talk. The last time I left before we talked..." and he paused and Emma looked down at the ground, ashamed. "It didn't go so well, for either of us." He said and he dropped her hands and got into the car.

He looked out the window at her "You coming?" he asked staring into the space ahead of him...Emma looked back at the house and then at Sean. What was the point of going, when Sean was so obviously not going to forgive her? She wasn't sure, but still since she saw no point in staying, she walked around and climbed in the car staring straight ahead of her.

Sean immediately began to drive and Emma looked at him and asked timidly "Where are we going?" "You'll see." Sean said and neither of them said anything else the entire ride...

Scene Change: A Grassy field by a Lake.

Sean got out of the car and slammed the door. He opened the trunk and pulled out something Emma couldn't see, it was too dark. Emma reluctantly got out and followed him where he was headed down a small slope next to a tree, in front of the lake.

Walking down after the disappeared Sean emma saw a small spread, nothing fancy, in actuality a bed sheet Sean had pulled off of the backseat of his car, and a cooler, apparently the thing Sean had been carrying, which sat right next to the lake. "Oh my God, Sean! This is so..." Emma started with a smile and then looking up to see Sean glaring at her she finished quickly "It's nice." "It's just a cooler." Sean said, sitting down "It's just sweet." Emma said sitting down across from him. "Yeah, yeah." Sean said and he leaned over lighting a fat candle that sat in the center of the bedsheet.

Emma figured out of course that this had been set up for their "first date" and she tried hard to figure out why Sean would even bring her here if he hated her so much. But she decided against asking and instead, Emma just stared off into the water.

Sean began pulling out something from the cooler "I'd figured we'd eat veggie burgers, like the first time," he said pulling out the aluminum foil wrapped sandwiches "No fries, though," he said with a smile playing on his lips, but never forming "After what happened the last time," Emma smiled at Sean, but he just turned away from her, his eyes filling quickly "Here, this is yours." he said shoving the sandwich at her.

They ate in silence and then Emma said "That was really good Sean. Thanks, I hadn't eaten all day." "Me neither," Sean said quietly. This was too awkward, it actually did feel like a first date; but not in the good way.

Emma looked over at the cooler, food being the only thing she felt the two of them could talk about that wouldn't hurt..."Is there anything else," Sean shrugged and then turned towards the lake pulling his knees up and resting his head on them "You can have it."

Emma shook her head slowly, what could she say that would make Sean...? Do anything? Emma reached in the cooler pulling out a small aluminim foil type thing out of it. "What is this?" Emma asked looking at it, oddly Sean never moved, but said "It's what you had the last time we ever ate lunch together..." Sean said "Tempe Alfalfa and peanut sauce." Emma said as she unwrapped it and remembered that day. "Yeah..." Sean said, his voice breaking.

Emma eyes teared up, but she looked in the cooler again and pulled out the chocolate bar-Which Sean had eaten that day-and then went over and sat next to Sean. "Here." she said, waving it under his nose but he didn't look up "Hello, taste good, remember?" Sean flashed Emma an angry look "Yeah Emma, I remember, I remember a lot, and I remember you. What the hell happened to you?" Emma just looked down at the bar in her hands, tears welling up in her eyes "Sean, I don't know, ok? I have no idea what the hell I was think-" "Glad to here that." Sean said, turning back towards the water and huffing sarcastically "That makes it all so much better." "No, Sean, it doesn't, ok? I know that, but I-" Emma started crying "I'm sorry ok? It was really hard on me after you left..." "It was hard on me too, Emma!" Sean said, staring at her angrily "But I didn't...I didn't do anything like that." "Right, you didn't but I did Sean." Emma said angrily, crying "And I'm so sorry that you don't seem to think I can make mistakes but I can and I did, alright? But sitting here. showing me how-how disgusted you are with me isn't going to change that. It happened and you couldn't possibly hate me anymore than I hate myself so what is the point of even talking about it!" Emma finished turning towards Sean as she finished.

Sean turned back towards the lake and said stiffly "Because I don't hate you..." he started and Emma looked at him curiously, "I don't get it." Sean said slowly "I mean this is the dumbest-and I do mean the dumbest thing that you've ever done. It's...I can even think about it, Emma, alright? But, I still can't...I don't know if I can forgive you but, I don't hate you for it, and that makes me even madder." "Sean..." "No, Emma just listen, to me for once, all right?" Sean said standing up and Emma nodded up at him, "Look, I don't know what's different all right? I mean, it's like we don't even know each other anymore, but I mean, I never stopped...I mean nothing feels different," Sean paused and placed his hand against his chest "Here. Nothing changed for me, ever. Not when we broke up. Not when I started dating Ellie. Not when I left. And not...not even now." Emma stood up the tears falling down her face now "Sean, I'm so sorry." She said crying "So am I." Sean said "Sorry, that I didn't just do this sooner." and he pulled Emma's face towards his and kissed her.

Emma could feel something inside her falling back into place, she was trembling and she could feel her insides shaking. Something about this...about Sean made it all so...scary. Here he was kissing her, holding her again, just like she'd always dreamed he would and yet she was still so scared inside.

When Sean finally stopped kissing her, Emma stared up at him with tears in her eyes. "Sean, I-I don't know if I-" "If you, what?" Sean said staring at her blankly. "I'm not...I'm not..." "Emma," Sean said, "Don't say it, alright? Whatever it is, just don't say it." he said his eyes filling quickly. Emma nodded ok, and they both walked back over to the sheet.

Emma leaned her head on Sean' shoulder and Sean wrapped his arm around Emma, already afraid of what might happen. "Sean?" Emma said wiping the tears from her eyes "Hmm?" "I've wanted to ask you something since you got back?" "What?" Sean asked tenatively, "What happened to your hair?" Sean laughed a little "It grew," "I see, that but I just mean, what happened? What made you decide to let it grow out?" Sean shrugged "Guess I just...I don't now, I needed a change." Emma smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder, Things had changed but Sean was hers again, and she eased herself into a peaceful sleep, deciding to try and forget about everything else that had gone wrong...

The Next Morning

"Emma! Emma ,wake up!" Sean said shaking Emma up from his arm, where she lay leeping. "Hmmm?" "Look," Sean said pulling Emma up beside him. Emma opened her eyes and looked out across the water at the sun rise. "It's amazing." She said with a gasp, "Yeah it is..." Sean said distantly. They sat in silence for a moment and watched the sun come up before Sean said standing up "Emma come on, we'd better get you home." Emma stood up smiling "Okay." Sean pulled all of the stuff up into the bed sheet and slung it over his shoulder, hiking up the small slope towards the car.

Emma walked up after him and then getting in the car, Sean smiled at her and they drove back towards her house.

"Here we are." Sean said smiling as they pulled in front of her house "Yeah," Emma said, slowly "Do you wanna come in?" Sean just looked at her blankly "Emma? I've gotta go." he said simply. Emma looked at him confused "Go where?" "I'm leaving, I'm going back to Wasaga." Emma couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But, Sean, I-I thought you..." "I have to Emma." Sean said tearfully, "I'll go to jail if I don't. You think the cops are just gonna let the whole knocking Jay unconscious thing slide?" "Sean, I didn't tell them what happened...neither did Jay." "Well, he will." "No, he won't!" "Emma," Sean said shaking his head "I'm sorry...I have to go."

Emma was crying now her mind crashing right back to where it had been the night before "You can't Sean. I can't handle it." Sean leaned over softly kissing her cheek "It's hard Emma, I know, but...I'll be back" "No!" "In a few months maybe even a few weeks..." "No!" Emma yelled again and then snatching her face away she said quietly "I can't say goodbye, Sean, not again." "Then don't." Sean said and leaned over kissing her.

Emma pulled away from him "Then, Don't give me a reason to, Sean, please!" "Emma..." Sean said and the words lay just beneath his lips, he wanted to say them so badly, but he couldn't and so he just said "I'm sorry." because he was. Emma rushed out of the car and raced up to her door. She stood there crying for a moment before she turned back to look at Sean. He was looking at her and they both locked eyes and thought though they'd never know...

I love you.

And Sean drove away leaving Emma in tears once again...over Sean once again...

The evening found Emma again sitting outside. But, this time she sat on the curb and this time she wasn't crying. Sean leaving again had started a train of emotional craziness and after not having been able to say it to him after still not being able to tell him that she loved him, she felt so messed up and so unsure of everything, that when she saw her parents sitting there on the couch, waking up as she walked in the door and just waiting for her explanation she finally finally finally broke down and talked to them about how she felt about everything.

What she'd felt like when they'd gotten married, when she'd found out that Snake had cancer, what she'd felt when Manny had changed, when Sean dumped her, when she wasn't over him, when Rck came along, when Rck died, when Sean left, when she'd gotten with Jay, when she'd found out she had an STD, when she started secretly dating Peter, when she'd seen Snake kissing the principal, when he'd left, when she'd become anorexic, when Sean had come back, when she'd broken up with Peter, when she'd gotten in a fight with Manny, and even though she still skipped the Sean beating up Jay part, she told them what had just happened. And then she begged them not to send her away and promised that she'd go to therapy. "I wanted to be over everything, but I'm not." she sobbed into her mothers arms "You don't have to be sweetie; you don't have to be." her mother said and promised her that they weren't sending her anywhere and they'd help her get better...

Now Emma thought about all that had happened in the past week, and she actually smiled. She was still hurt about a lot but now, she could admit it and that was the first step to getting over it she decided. Even though she decided, it still make take her a few more years to get over Sean Cameron, whom she'd loved so much and still never been able to tell...

Goodbye Sean...she thought.

The End

except for the other part!

hah!