My Eyes
Chapter five: I've got an Itch to Be a Bitch!
Tonight had been a great night at work. I'd had the early shift, so I wasn't tired, and the horny bastards had been generous with their tips. I often drank a little bit on the job, and had generated a healthy buzz. Not to mention my boss had taken me aside after work and told me that there would be an extension of my dance, complete with new lyrics, and a possible raise. Things were looking up.
I skipped and danced down the street, kicking the snow joyfully, rehearsing my new verse. "When I get a wink from the doorman, do you know how lucky you'll be? But you're on line with the feline of Avenue B. Let's go out tonight!" It was fast and sexy and fun and I loved singing it. I got home and threw off my coat and keys, putting them in the corner of the room. Upstairs, I could hear someone playing a guitar. I smiled. Roger. I was feeling sexy, a little drunk, and had a lot of energy and some time to kill before Angel would show up. Without thinking, I found myself climbing the fire escape up to his loft. I found him leaning over his guitar and began reciting my new song, hoping for a positive reaction.
"You're sweet, wanna hit the street? I wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat, just take me out tonight!" I pushed open his window and climbed in. He watched me, a tentative smile tugging at his lips. I was happy and crazy, and all I knew was I wanted him so badly.
"Please take me out tonight. Don't forsake me! Out tonight. I'll let you make me out tonight – tonight – tonight – tonight. I leaned over and laid a kiss on him the likes of which hadn't been seen for a while. I felt him respond for a minute, then he seemed to realize what was going on and pushed me away.
"Who do you think you are, barging in on me and my guitar? Little girl – hey. The door is that way. You better go, you know the fire's out any way. Take your powder, take your candle – your sweet whisper, I just can't handle! Well, take your hair in the moonlight, your brown eyes – goodbye, goodnight!" I was shocked at his reaction. I had thought he liked me. He'd certainly given off that vibe. I didn't understand what I had done wrong. I noticed he had gone and was leaned against the doorframe, looking dejected, muttering something about "I should tell you." He seemed like he felt bad about whatever it was he should tell, so I put my hand on his shoulder to let him know it was okay. "No!" he cried, startling me again. "Another time, another place our temperature would climb – there'd be a long embrace. We'd do another dance, it'd be another play. Looking for romance? Come back another day – another day!" He sank onto the couch and looked to the floor. I racked my brain, trying to think of something good to say to him. My thoughts returned to that Life Support thing Angel had taken me to.
"The heart may freeze, or it can burn. The pain will ease if I can learn. There is no future, there is no past – I live this moment as my last. There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today."
"Excuse me if I'm off track, but if you're so wise, then tell me – why do you need smack?" I stared back at him in disbelief, shocked that he would actually say that. His words stung. He doesn't understand, he doesn't know, I thought. Suddenly, he roughly took me by the arm and dragged me out the door.
"Take your needle, take your fancy prayer. Don't forget, get the moonlight out of your hair. Long ago, you might have lit up my heart, but the fire's dead – ain't never ever gonna start." He stood in the doorway, shouting and glaring at me. I stared back defiantly. I hadn't done anything to him. Apparently, chasing me out of this loft wasn't good enough, and he felt he needed to chase me down the stairs too – like I was ever going back there again. "Another time, another place the words would only rhyme, we'd be in outer space. It'd be another song, we'd sing another way. You want to prove me wrong? Come back another day – another day!"
I went outside to cool off and wait for Angel and the guys. When I looked up, I found him on his fire escape. Still angry, I shot at him:
"There's only us, only tonight. We must let go to know what's right! No other course, no other way. No day but today. I can't control my destiny!" I pleaded. Up there, he was mumbling something to himself that I couldn't hear, so I continued to shout. "I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be!"
"Just let me be!" he returned. I saw Mark, Collins, and Angel come around the corner.
"There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today." I looked at Angel with a look that said, No day but today… right? She nodded reassuringly and touched my arm comfortingly.
"The fire's out anyway," I heard him say.
"No day but today!" I yelled.
"Take your powder, take your candle."
"No day but today!" Collins, Angel, and Mark joined me in my cries; Mark looking mildly ashamed, Collins trying to convince Roger, and Angel looking very calm.
"Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette!"
"No day but today!"
"Another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace!"
"No day but today!"
"Another dance, another way, another chance, another day."
"No day but today!" I called. He looked down for a second and turned away. I shook my head and buried my face into Angel's shoulder.