Author Notes - You ever wonder if WALL•E should've stayed a silent film?

Coming from the person who changed it to co-star a character who is infamous for never shutting up.

CHAPTER FIVE - UNTIMELY

Times on the appropriately-named Millennium Starship may have been fun for all the residents, but not so much fun for the people forced to work 'behind the scenes' just to make sure The Captain could continue doing his things without a worry.

One Rodian in particular had been put in charge of 'keeping track of the droids being sent out' for the day, when she could've been chilling with her friends. She groaned as she scanned the computer for the one millionth time.

Why did it matter? None of the droids they sent out ever returned, with the plans or even still functioning. The only thing this job did for this Rodian was remind her why everyone was still on the ship.

To make it worse, the higher-ups also decided to assign the annoying golden droid to her today. Fortunately, she took care of that problem.

Her Human 'counterpart' - who was supposed to stay with her but left to buy some refreshments from one of the several cantinas on the ship - finally returned. He saw not only his friend still bored out of her mind, but a certain someone missing.

'Where's that protocol droid?' He asked.

'Don't worry.' The Rodian responded, swivelling her chair around. 'I sent him on a 'mission' to find those plans on that wasteland of a planet.'

The Human sighed. 'You seriously trust him to get anything done? He lost a leg tripping over a loose wire!'

'Who said anything about him getting anything done? This way, we'll be rid of him while he thinks he's doing something right.'

'Dang it, why didn't I think of that?'

'You did what now?'

Both partners flinched, and aimed their nervous stares at their Twi'lek boss who had just entered the room. Her stare may have only consisted of a cocked eyebrow and an incredulous frown, but it was more than enough to frighten the workers.

A boss waltzing into your conversation was scary enough, but when your green overseer was second only to The Captain himself it made it much, much worse.

'Hey boss!' The Rodian greeted, laughing nervously. 'We were just-'

'It was her idea!' The Human blurted out. 'She got rid of the droid!'

The Rodian glared at him. The Boss, on the other hand, put her hand to her forehead and shook her head.

'So let me get this straight.' She said. 'You 'got rid of' the droid. You know, the droid we've kept for centuries, passing him down through the generations, never giving him a memory wipe due to being the last living relic of multiple planets. That droid, right?'

'Uh, yep!' The Rodian said. 'That droid. Gee-me, uh...'

'See-Threepio?'

'Yeah, him!'

The Boss sighed as she wondered why they had this silly 'pass the droid onto someone else' plan. And no, 'the droid is annoying' was not an answer.

'The Captain is not gonna like this.' The Human murmured.

'It's not The Captain you have to worry about. It's his 'first-mate' who's the threat. And she will not be happy knowing that you left an important droid to die because you found him annoying.'

While the Rodian sat there wondering just how she'd get punished, the Human noticed something on the computer. A blip on the nearby planet began to blink rapidly.

'Should that be doing that?' He asked.

The Rodian swivelled back around. 'Should what be...? HOLY CRAP!'

The Boss ran over to the computer and watched the blinking light with wide eyes and a wide mouth. In that moment, all the information that had been passed on for generations finally came together.

'What? What?' The Human demanded. 'What's going on?!'

The Boss smiled, chuckling a little. The formality she had to upkeep was the only thing stopping her from screaming with joy.

'He did it.' She said. 'Threepio found what we're looking for!'

The Human did a double-take. 'I'm sorry, he did what now?'

The Rodian put her hands in the air. 'Oh, I never doubted him for a moment!'

The Boss couldn't believe it. Giving the Rodian consequences for her actions would have to wait. She dashed out of the room.

'I'll alert The Captain immediately.' She said. 'Keep an eye on that alert and make sure it doesn't get away from you.'

With her boss out of the room, the Rodian leaned back in her chair.

'Dodged a blaster shot.'

The Boss returned for just a moment. 'Oh, and another thing - you're banned from the cantinas today.'

Artoo counted: Threepio had been trying to work the thing for an hour. About 10% of that was a button getting stuck. At least 20% had been Threepio venting his frustration on the tough door of the hanger, followed up by 5% spent on crying over his aching hands. By the time he finished, the sandstorm had stopped.

The astromech just watched the whole thing, recording it for later, while he repaired his jetpack.

But, finally, the dang blaster cooperated with him. A small light on it flashed red every other second, emitting an accompanying beeping sound.

'Took long enough... now I have to wait until my masters bring a ship to pick me up. They simply cannot afford to forget me now. Not after I went through so much to find those plans!'

Artoo didn't really appreciate the insinuation that Threepio was hogging the credit, and voiced his displeasure.

'Don't get technical with me! Open this hanger so I may wait for my masters outside, if you please.'

'Mmmph...'

Oh well. Artoo cared more about getting his friend home than getting credit. Still, one question lingered in his processors.

'Woo tweppa bippa?'

It was the most important question he had ever asked, despite it only being five words long.

'Of course you can come outside with me. You can see the ship arriving!'

Artoo spluttered some expletives to himself. It seemed as if Threepio completely misinterpreted the question. Now he really had doubts he'd be able to go. It wasn't the promise of luxury that got Artoo interested. Of course not.

Regardless, he fulfilled the Protocol droid's request and opened up the hanger door. The bright sunlight spilled into the dim room, and Threepio's optical receptors were a little too used to low light.

'Oh my! It certainly is bright on this planet, isn't it Artoo?'

As Threepio stepped into the blinding sunlight, Artoo stared in awe. He almost forgot just how shiny his new friend was. The gold reflected the rays so well, the very sun itself looked dim. He still couldn't believe just how beautiful it was.

'Wooo...'

'Come along, Artoo! If they bother to send a ship with a hyperdrive, they'll be here any minute now!'

Artoo rolled after his friend as Threepio lifted the blaster into the air. Whether or not holding it a couple feet higher actually worked didn't matter to him; it certainly made him feel better. The astromech stared into the sky. The chances of one ship arriving on the planet were already incredibly low. Take the Graham's number that was the first ship and square it.

Still, Artoo hoped Threepio's masters received the signal. It simply wasn't fair for a Protocol droid to be plopped onto a harsh planet they weren't built to survive on. Artoo could recall Protocol droids always getting the wrong end of the blaster.

'Artoo, do you still have those plans?'

'Weet-woo.'

'Wonderful! I suggest you give them to me.'

Artoo complied with his request and handed him the datacard, even though he felt uneasy giving it to someone with such stiff hands.

'Thank you, Artoo.'

The two droids looked up into the sky, waiting for anything - other than a sandstorm - to appear among the dusty blue. Seconds had passed. Minutes moved by. Hours disappeared.

Threepio's grip on the blaster tightened. 'I should've known. They don't care that I have the plans. Why, they probably didn't believe me!'

As he rambled about his terrible masters, Artoo noticed something in the sky. It popped into his view, like it just came out of hyperspace. From that distance, he could still easily tell by its long and red appearance that it was some sort of modified Star Commuter. Unlike other Star Commuters that were more-or-less just space buses, this one was a little sleeker and had a couple more engines on the side.

'Imagine that. They go through all the work to send me here in the first place, and disregard the fact that I have what they're looking for!'

Threepio apparently hadn't noticed, or he would've known that any ship arriving had to be of note. Just as Artoo predicted it would, the Commuter began to fly down towards them.

'Organics... I should've expected nothing more from them!'

Artoo bonked into his leg, just enough to get his attention.

'Twee-pwee-woah!'

'What is it, Artoo? Can't you see I'm-!'

'Bipp mreepa!'

'Over where?'

When Threepio's photoreceptors fell onto the approaching spacecraft, it took him a few seconds to react. When he finally did, he nearly fell over backwards from the shock.

'Oh my! They've sent a ship to pick me up! Oh, I never doubted them for a second. At last, I can get off this wasteland!'

He waved his arms around to the best of his ability, calling out to a ship that certainly couldn't hear him, let alone find him in such a yellowy environment without the tracker. Artoo did his part by rolling around and flashing his lights.

The Commuter came in for a landing after a short while, perching on the uneven ground in such a way that the door on the side opened up into a ramp right at Threepio's feet.

'Oh thank The Maker, you came for me! I'm saved!'

Threepio ran - his version of 'running' at least - up the ramp, waving his arms to the Human pilot who approached him. The Pilot seemed a little rough around the edges, as well as a little scruffy, but to Artoo he seemed like one heck of a pilot.

'Oh, Mr Dameron? You're the best pilot the Millennium Starship has! The Captain really sent you to find me?'

'I'm talking to you.' The Pilot said, rather deadpanned. 'So the answer might be yes.'

'They just sent you because of the plans, didn't they?'

'Wow. You're smarter than I thought.'

Artoo emitted an electronic swear. How dare The Pilot give Threepio such an implicit insult! Only Artoo got to say such things!

'The plans are right here!' Threepio said, showing off the data card. 'After so many years, we've finally-!'

'Yeah yeah, that's cool.' The Pilot said, very unenthusiastically. 'Just get in so we can leave. This planet is a wasteland.'

'I wholeheartedly agree, sir. I'll just be making my way to the back to comply with Commuter protocol.'

'Hey, there's no one else on this ship. No one's gonna care if you sit at the front.'

'Really, sir? Do you mean it?'

Artoo couldn't catch the rest of the conversation as, to his horror, the door to the Commuter lifted up and closed, thus leaving him out of the ship and his friend in it.

'MREEP?!'

The engines at the back turned on, creating a blaring sound that overpowered Artoo knocking on the ramp. The landing gear shut back into the ship as it slowly began to move.

Artoo couldn't believe it! Had his new friend forgotten him already, or was he simply distracted? To the astromech, both were equally likely. And he simply wouldn't risk it. If Threepio was merely distracted, he had to take the chance.

He engaged his jetpack immediately, and hopped onto the top of the Commuter just as it was lifting off. His dome twisted around for any sort of port he could squeeze himself into, hoping this modified space bus had more than what he saw from the ground.

Yes! Near the front, it had a - crudely added - space just for an astromech such as himself. Why it didn't already have a droid inside, he didn't really care. Perhaps those were just for emergencies.

Without a second to lose, he plopped himself into it and made sure not to activate anything in case all The Pilot did was kick him off.

Meanwhile, inside the Commuter, Threepio had settled himself in the front seat. He let the wondrous moment sink in while he still could - even a droid as important as him rarely got this treatment. The Pilot immediately regretted his decision to let him sit so close.

'Next stop,' The Pilot said. 'The Millennium Starship.'

'You don't seem to be celebrating this moment, Sir.' Threepio remarked.

'I don't like premature celebration. I haven't even since those free pancakes sold out before I could get any. I'm waiting to see if you really have what we're looking for before I celebrate.'

'I... suppose that's fair.'

Threepio looked out the window, watching the dusty surface below moving away from him. The planet looked more beautiful yet even more wretched from that distance.

'I will certainly not be missing this planet.' He said. 'My joints nearly froze over from all the sand! And a sandstorm nearly wrecked my circuits! I thought I would never-'

'Keep complaining, and I will throw you out.'

'You can't do that to me now, Sir! Now I am important to you and your job.'

'You're not. The plans are.'

'Oh. Right.'

Now, The Pilot wasn't that much of jerk. He just wanted that droid to shut up. Or at least complain less.

'May I ask why they sent a Star Communter to fetch me?' Threepio asked.

'Nothing we had had been flown in decades. Every other ship capable of holding two passengers needed a bit more fixing to fly, and apparently Ms Syndulla didn't think we had time even for that.'

Despite what he claimed, Threepio felt a twinge of sadness as he watched the planet shrink away. But he couldn't phantom why.

'Oh! I need to tell you!' He declared out of nowhere. 'While on that dusty planet, I encountered-'

'Great. Fantastic. Really.' The Pilot said as he set coordinates in his ship. 'We'll be making the jump to hyperspace. Hold on tight.'

That twinge of sadness got replaced by a heaping of fear. Threepio was suddenly reminded of his inherent fear of space travel.

'Oh, how I hate space travel!'

'Isn't that tragic. Five, four, three, two...'

And into hyperspace the Commuter went. With Threepio screaming all the way.

'Wruuuuu...'

Artoo found himself staring into the swirly blue tunnel. For a moment he feared any ramifications, but he doubted that it'd have any effect on a droid.

As far back as his memory banks went, he could only recall 'waking up' on the planet for scouting purposes. Never before had he seen something so magnificent. It wasn't as beautiful as Threepio's shine, of course, but a very close second.

The way the blue swirled around was simply breathtaking - or it would be, if Artoo had any breath for it to take. The gorgeous void was almost silent, the sounds consisting only of the ship's engines and Threepio's screaming.

How could that Protocol droid find something this pretty that scary?

As for where the ship was heading, Artoo had no idea whatsoever. But that didn't matter to him. No matter where he went, it'd be find as long as Threepio was there too. And wherever his new friend came from must've been good for his exterior to be so perfect.

'Could you stop screaming, please?!' The Pilot yelled from inside the ship. 'We'll be stuck in hyperspace for a few more hours!'

'Oh, sorry Sir.' Came the polite reply. 'I simply hate space travel.'

'Hmmm. I kinda got that.'

How tragic, it seemed to Artoo, to be able to go on seven hundred years worth of daring adventures and yet be terrified of space travel.

A few hours in the beautiful void passed, and though the spectacle hadn't worn off Artoo had to curse that he had grown intelligent enough to experience boredom.

'Alright Weegio-'

'Uh, that's See-Threepio, Sir.'

'Whatever. We'll be leaving hyperspace in three, two...'

And just like that, the gorgeous hyperspace that Artoo had watched for hours had vanished in almost an instant. Now he was surrounded by the equally-beautiful but much more empty vastness of space, and far more stars than he had ever seen during that planet's night.

'Woooooo! ... Bzzrt?!'

One thing stood out in the majesty of space, and not some tiny thing either. It wasn't a planet, nor a star, or even an asteroid. It was a ship. A gigantic one at that. It must've been even bigger than the 'Star Destroyers', if only by a bit, and it looked a lot like one too.

'Wruuuuuu...'

And the Star Commuter was heading straight for it.

'Oh, at last!' Threepio said in utter joy. 'I am finally returning home!'

Artoo loved this massive ship already.

Author Notes - For the non-droid characters who aren't just OCs, their names will only be mentioned in dialogue. And even then, not much.