Author's Note:
Hey Guys! Ok I know I promised that I'd put this out the same day as the other
and I totally flaked but I'm sorry. Life has been kicking my tail lately and I've been sick and...well you get the picture. Anyway, for anyone who didn't realize it this story- the Vow 1, 2, and 3-is my take on what happened between the episode back and black and the season premiere episode here comes your man
It should all fit in pretty neatly. But, since I am one of those crazy fans who refuses to watch-and I do mean that I haven't seen one-to watch spoilers, I'm not sure how it goes when Sean first sees Emma. So...I just made this up lemme know what ya think ok!
Oh and Solaris, sorry but theres not too much Sean and Emma interaction in this one
Just so you know, but check the other two there's lots there!
Peace!
Love Ya Solaris and BabyPrincess56!
Jazzy-Raveler!
Disclaimer: Do I really need to go into detail here...?
The Vow Part 3
Fulfilled
My eyes glance up restlessly at the clock
4:25 am and here i am wide awake in some crummy hotel room.
This time, This place
I stand up putting on my jacket and hat
I walk out the door my mind drifting slowly through...memories of
Her
Her face
Her smile
And I smile to myself.
I wonder what she's doing right now
Probably up excited about her first day back to school
Back when,
-Way back when we musta been like 12 and 13-
Spring break or something….
She'd been so excited about school starting back
This giddy little…girl
She made my life a living hell!
"Sean do you have your books?
Sean did you do your homework?
Sean do you need some help…?"
I pause,
She always helped me study.
She made life so easy.
And I just took her for granted…
Misused,
I think about how every time we broke up
I did something dumber than the last time
Pushing her,
Making out with Ashley
Blaming her for not having time even though I knew Snake had cancer,
Stealing his computer,
Then breaking up with her right in front of Jay,
I wouldn't be able to stand thinking about this if I didn't know that I'm different now
And if she gives me another chance?
I'll never hurt her again.
Mistakes
I drag my feet across floor heading for the door.
Some lady is rushing over towards me "Sir? Sir?" I just glance at her
Look at her nametag tryna see if she's Shelly-I'm not tryna be rude-
The name tag doesn't say Shelly
It says…
Emma
I glance at it again; Cecilia
Aw, Hell!
I ignore whatever it is that the ladies saying
I've gotta get to Emma
I'm seeing things
I walk out the door heading for…
Well, going for a walk
I've wasted enough time just sitting around
Too long,
A year is a lot of time to waste
Wishing that you could hold someone
Breathe someone in,
Love them,
And hoping that they can figure it out
Even though you never told them
As I walk down the dark sidewalk heading towards the busy street
I glance up at the stars thinking
I just hope someone else hasn't told her.
I hope that somewhere in this last year she realized that I love her
Too late
The cars are driving by me pretty quickly
And I step off the sidewalk
Drifting across the street
Not too slow
But not too fast either
Some jackass beeps his horn screeching past me as I step to the other side
Forget whoever that was,
I think and keep walking
The silence-well, as silent as it is-
Causing me to recall memories of last year
Failing grades…
Halfdrunk Sluts…
Fights…
Arguments with my parents…
Missing Emma like Hell…
Seems I didn't accomplish too much by staying in Wasaga
...Except missing Emma like Hell.
Who was I to make you wait?
Somehow
I end up here
In front of Degrassi
The memories that I've been able to avoid for a while
Hitting me like bricks
The best and worst moment of my life
Killing Rick Murray….
Saving Emma Nelson….
I shudder and smile at the same time
Pushing the thoughts of Rick out of my mind with that reassuring thought
Emma did forgive me
I remember
And that's why
I'm pretty sure
She'll give me another chance,
Then again…
No, I'm not
Just one chance
I still can't shake that feeling
Like Rick's ghost is staring at me
And I shiver a little
Thinking about the first time I was ever scared of him…
He was so…such a nobody
Insignificant
Hardly crossed my mind
But when he pointed that gun at her?
All of a sudden he was the toughest guy I'd ever dealt with
And with his insignificant life
And his insignificant crush
He was about to take it all away
And all of a sudden?
I was gasping…
Because of Rick
I was the one scared
And full of it
And I was about to give it all up...
Just for her
I shiver a little
Rick died
I coulda died
She coulda died
And she woulda never even known that I…
A tear rolls down my cheek and I realize that I am freezing
And shivering
But I still wonder
If I woulda had the guts
Even being on the brink of death
To tell her the truth
"I love you, Emma."
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
I comfort myself with the thought that I would've said it
Used the last of my energy
The last of my strength to let her now
I would've had to…
I wouldn't have had a choice
When it comes to Emma, I never do
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
I love you
I have loved you all along
I stoop down to the ground
Then stand up again
This is a waste of time!
This place, this school, reminds of too much
I've worked too hard to keep it together to just up and break down
Like a baby
Right here
Instead, I just focus on Emma
She'll be here today
I think,
But what will I say to her?
And I miss you
I hadn't thought about that much
And I turn, walking away from the school and the memory
I don't even have to think about where I'm going
My feet move by memory down the sidewalk
And to her house
I don't deserve to be forgiven,
I think even though I know it won't help me any
I already know I don't deserve to be forgiven
Even if I did save her life
I was just 2 hrs away
And I never came to see her
To check on her
Never even called her
I was so close
And still, I managed to stay…gone
And now?
I don't even know her anymore
Been far away for far too long
Maybe if she knew how much I wanted to come
How many times I woke up in the middle of the night
Calling out her name
I have a feeling she might cut me a little slack
Or at least
That's what always happens in my mind
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
I choose not to think about if she'll refuse to speak to me…
I can't
That's too much
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
My teeth are chattering
My mind is racing
I can't deal with what I'll do if she's done caring about me
What if she doesn't even wanna see me?
On my knees, I'll ask; Last chance…
So much of my life is wrapped up in her.
So much more than she'll ever know…
My first dance,
When I was about to fight Jimmy
With her
I wasn't even gonna go but I was hoping I'd see her there.
I went to her mom's wedding,
Hoping I'd see her there
And I did
And she danced with me
Kissed me
And even though it shouldn't have mattered
I should've been used to it...
Kissing, I mean?
Her kiss?
Was different.
Not like...what's-her-names
Or Ashley Kerwin's
I was in love with her kiss
Might as well have been my first
I was in love with holding her
Even if it was just to do something stupid, like dance
I went to all of em after that
Just knowing she'd be there
Knowing she'd dance with me
Even though I dance like crap
I wonder if we ever will again
If she'll ever look at me like that again
If I'll ever touch her again
Hold her like that…
For one last dance
I am in front of her house now
And I sit down on the edge of her yard
I see not much has changed here
But I'm sure she has…
She's probably even more beautiful then she was when I last saw her
I don't think so though
That's pretty impossible….
I think about how I've changed;
I can see a little straighter now…
I can feel stuff now without being so afraid of it…
Like…love
Being depressed as hell for a yr?
That'll do it to a guy
But if I can just see her face again
Feel her next to me?
Man, would the last year have been worth it
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I hated myself a lot for a while
Hated myself for being so dumb
So blind that it took a kid with a gun
To make me realize
I was willing to risk my life for...
Her
I'd give it all
For…
Us
I'd give for us
Give anything,
I wipe the tears away from my eyes, hatefully
I still hate crying
Even if it is just "an expression of sadness"
As one of those quack therapists said
It doesn't help anything
Just makes me madder
Thinking that she'll hate me
Making me cry more
I'm just being crazy!
I try to convince myself
She'll care…she'll want you.
She'll…love you…
Forcing my mind to believe it
But I won't give up
I look around me
It's so dark
But I can still see a little
I look back at Emma's house
No lights
No nothing
Remembering that I have on a watch
I click on the light and look at the time
"5:15"
It hits me now
What am I doing sitting in Emma's yard at 5:15 in the morning?
That'll convince I love her, I think with a laugh
But then I think,
I sure the Hell hope it does…
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
Now my mind goes over the last time I kissed her…
Held her
In the ravine
I've replayed that day over and over in my head so many times
I can pretty much seeing it playing out in front of me
And then the next day too
"Sean, I was hoping we could talk; really talk…"
"I got nothing to say."
And just like that she was gone
Slipped through my fingers
Another tear falls when I think that all that Rick shit
Could've been avoided
If I'd just been with her
How much hatred she might still have
Could've been avoided
She'd still be in my arms
Instead of me sitting here
Hoping she'll be
After wishing for 2 years
That she was…
I keep dreaming you'll
Be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing If
I don't see you anymore
Why did I freaking leave?
So far away
So far away
Been far away for far too long
Will she ever forgive me…?
So far away
So far away
Been far away for far too long
She'll have to…
I'll make her…
I think
I'm not that same scared little boy,
But you know, you know, you know
I'm not scared to tell her the truth anymore…
How that day in Wasaga?
All I really wanted was to hug her
Love her,
For her to tell me she'd be with me
Anywhere;
In Toronto,
Wasaga
Wherever
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
I wanted her to need me
Like I needed her
And just three words from her;
Not Ellie,
Not my mom,
Noone but her
Would've made me come back
Knowing that I could deal with it
If I had her to help me
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you sayI love you
But instead, I made a vow
I think and even as stupid as it seems to me
I know that one of the most important things
I can ever do in my life, is fulfilling it.
I stare out at the street and stuff my hands in my pockets
Standing up and staring at her house.
My watch says 6
And there's a light behind me
A light behind me?
Someone is up in the house
And I step away from the curb and move along the edges of the bushes
I realize I seem kinda creepy
But don't really care
I look in the window
And…
There she is
Long blonde hair,
Brown eyes…
Soft pink lips…
Emma Nelson
I can't really focus on feeling whatever this is I feel at seeing her
Cuz I'm too busy I'm wondering what the hell she's doing up at 6 in the morning.
I focus again, and notice she's wearing…
Something to jog in it looks like
And she's drinking some kind of
Green…stuff
Probably some of that disgusting energy muck she always told me to drink
Just remembering the taste, I scrape my tongue with my teeth
She does the same
And I smile at the face she makes
Love her
She looks so…different
But still the same
If that's possible
And even though I'm so happy to see her…
I start to wonder again
What will she do?
Say?
Even if she is the same what the Hell would she need with me in her life?
She's gotten by this long,
And this well,
Without me
But, I can't help but to hope that she will want me in her life…
Hope that she'll say the only words that I want to hear from her…
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
When I stare back through the window I realize that she's not there anymore,
In the living room or whatever, and I turn a little seeing that she's outside the door
Hyping herself up for her jog or whatever.
I freeze,
If I try to leave she'll see me
But if I don't...
She already looks like she's staring at me…
She is…
She's walking slowly over into my direction
Not the dream,
Not my imagination,
Not a hallicunation,
She's standing right in front of me;
Emma Nelson
My reason for breathing.
She says slowly "Sean….?"
And I step out smiling with a nod
"Yeah…"
And she does it
She relieves any fears that I had of her hating me
And leaps over onto me hugging me
And I realize that I do still have a reason to breath.
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
"Are you here to stay?" she says into my ear
Not realizing that the sound of her voice is breaking me down
My reason for breathing,
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
"Yeah," I manage to say steadily…
Knowing I couldn't go again if I tried…
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
"God, Sean! How are you?" She says stepping away from me and looking at me up and down.
"Fine…now." I say and I hug her again tightly
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
I can't believe it.
I can't believe that I have Emma Nelson in my arms again…
After...everything
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
I fell in love with her
Hurt her
Saved her
And now
Just like I swore I would
I came back to her…
My heart beats rapidly
But I calm myself down
Not letting myself cry, anymore
Keep breathing
I still don't now what will happen
I still don't now where we stand
And if this is the last time I ever get to hold her
I wanna make it last
The only vow I've ever made in my life
And I actually did it…
I came back to her…
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Review Everyone Please!
Jazzy-Raveler!