Guys Like Me.
January of 1993.
Vancouver.
It was late afternoon when I got back to the apartment.
Sam was sitting with his feet up, withholding his commentary until I had sunk into the couch beside him. He passed me a beer.
"You were gone a while. I was starting to worry."
"I can take care of myself, Sam." I held onto the drink for a moment, debating, and then set it on the coffee table. I had been drinking enough on this trip.
Sam shrugged. "What happened?"
"Amelia was there. She turned me down for the meeting again."
Sam looked over, staring hard at the side of my face. "And then you took the long way home."
"Not exactly."
He knew what had happened. I saw it in his face. He repeated it, more slowly, "And then you took the long way home."
I ran my hands down my face. "I slept with her."
"Mike… I have so many conflicting feelings about this." Sam jumped up and took a walk around the couch, flopping back down beside me and cradling his beer. "I mean, on one hand, good for you. You're so glum all the time. But also, what the hell are you doing?"
"It got out of hand," I admitted. "But the plan is still the same."
Sam shook his head, taking a long swig of his beer. "Sleeping with the enemy. How was it? Did she have horns under her hair?"
I said nothing.
"You do remember she was the one who broke Dino's leg? You know, put him in the hospital? And then showed up to threaten his life?"
"I remember."
"Good. As long as you remember." He heaved a sigh. "It looks like we might be staying in Vancouver for a while. We should probably get the rest of our stuff from the resort."
I hopped up immediately, "I'll do it. I need some fresh air."
"Okay, straight there and straight back young man."
I smiled, "You seem awfully… accepting of this."
"Well, I'm very disappointed, and pissed off that this might interfere with our plan and wondering if you have your head screwed on right," that last line was in a harsh tone. "But you have this weird glow that some people might mistake for happiness, and I don't see that a lot. It's not gonna happen again, right? I mean, I'm not your mom."
"No. It was a mistake."
"You think we could use her to get closer to Yora?"
"Maybe. But let's focus on one thing at a time." I grabbed my thick coat off the chair. "I'll be back late. Don't wait up."
"Make good choices," Sam called as I left.
It was a two-hour drive to the resort, through beautiful mountains, but the spectacular view only lasted a little while. Night fell. I turned radio off and sat in silence, thinking about the implications of what I'd done. It seemed that I should feel guilty. Sam was right. Amelia had done a lot of damage to Dino, and I had promised to help him. But I didn't feel any guilt. It was a relief to forget the mission for a few precious hours – to forget every mission.
Breanna was at the front desk.
I saw her and immediately regretted my choices. She smiled at me. I smiled back.
"I was starting to worry you weren't coming back," she admitted, fiddling with the electronic keys behind the desk.
"Our outing is lasting longer than expected," I said, overwhelmed with the desire to stay near her. She was like Sam, a light at the end of a long tunnel. "Do you have a minute to talk?"
We sat in the lobby, in regal armchairs joined by a claw-footed side table. Breanna was easy to talk to. She told me they had a few more guests come in since Sam and I left. I told her we had made some friends down in Vancouver and we were going to stay with them.
"Will you be back?" she wondered innocently.
"I'm not sure. It's up to Sam, I guess."
She smiled, disappointed. I knew what she wanted me to say, what she wanted me to do. But the kindest part of me knew that girls like her should stay far away from guys like me.
"I really wanted to ask you out," I said at last, the words tumbling out.
Her eyes shone, "So why didn't you?"
"I…" I knew that there was no chance she could understand my reasons, but it just spilled out of my mouth, "I do things that I wish I didn't have to. I wish that I could just… go on a date with a pretty girl like you."
"You could, if you wanted to." She held up her finger, telling me to wait, and ran up to the front desk. She jotted something down and delivered it. "Here. This is my address. When you're done dealing with whatever you're dealing with, you should visit."
She left me sitting there alone, a piece of paper in my hand.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe when this was over, I could show up on her front porch and ask her out. But as I headed upstairs, doubts started rushing in. My job sent me all over the world, into deep cover, into places that didn't have toilets, let alone phones. I was almost never in the States, and almost never as unburdened as I was right now. Sam did that to me.
Breanna had only seen a little bit of the very best of me. I was right the first time. Girls like her should stay away from guys like me.
Everything was just like we'd left it. I barely had to pack my stuff. Sam's took a few minutes, mostly because I had mercy on Breanna and threw away his beer bottles for her.
I stepped into the hall with bags on either shoulder, and ran straight into Amelia.
It was such a surprise that I comically dropped the bags. Amelia cocked an eyebrow, surveying the scene, and then smiled.
"Gotcha."
I had nothing to say, no defense against what she was seeing. Every nerve in my body was on fire, telling me to run, telling me to fight. But my training had suddenly left me. I had never been taken quite this off-guard before. It was a black mark on my career.
"What kind of cop would get a hotel room two hours away from home?"
I tried to lie, "Dino got his cousin to-"
"Right." She cut me off but added nothing.
We stared at each other.
What did she know? What did she want? It was hard to come up with what to say when presented with a radical change in the situation.
For a moment, my mind spiraled, telling me that I had just blown my cover and endangered everyone I loved. Criminals knew who I was. Before long, they might know where I came from, where my mother lived. Everything I had worked for was coming down in a landslide.
And then she said, "I know you're not a dirty cop, Michael."
I was going to have to kill her. I braced myself for the worst conclusion to this vacation.
"And I want you to help me bring Chimaera down."
Okay.
Wasn't expecting that.