And California never felt like home

And California never felt like home to me

Until I had you on the open road

Drive, Halsey

Z

"What is it?" I asked Brian as I walked around the little blueberry of a hatchback he had pulled up in.

"It's a Suburu." He sounded slightly offended as he motioned for me to get in the passenger seat.

He looked so casual in shorts and a T-shirt with the beginnings of a beard starting to show. He looked much more comfortable and relaxed than he did at work.

With a snort, I climbed in. The black leather interior burned my thighs through my athletic shorts even with the AC all the way up and the windows all the way down. Brian was driving fast enough to send my ponytail flying in the wind as he pulled onto the on-ramp of the freeway. He explained the clutch and the gears to me as he effortlessly maneuvered between cars.

He was good; there was no other way to say it. I still felt like I was going to be sick at any moment, but his driving was about as smooth as it got as he pulled around traffic. He didn't seem to have to think as he shifted gears and changed lanes. With his speeding, it didn't take us long to be pulling off an exit. He took a few quick turns down some side streets before he pulled into the empty parking lot of a football stadium.

"Ya need a minute?" He teased as he put it in park and got out.

I snorted in indignation as I got out too. I still felt nauseated, but I didn't feel nearly as bad as I did the first time I rode with him. Maybe that meant I was getting used to Brian.

"I'm good." I poked him in the chest as I passed him at the front of the car. He swatted me with the back of his hand. "Is this your personal car?"

"Nope. Borrowed it from impound." I stopped short at the driver's side door.

Borrowing from impound was a new one. In Portland, it would get you fired in a heartbeat. Clearly Brian wasn't the least bit worried about that. It kind of threw me for a loop.

"Borrowed from impound?" I asked slowly. He shrugged as he settled into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, they let me do it from time to time. It's been sitting for months so it needed to be driven anyway. Come on, you're stalling." He was back to acting like a bouncy puppy with the excitement of teaching me to drive.

I rolled my eyes as I crawled in the little car. Brian was at least six-foot-one, and I was maybe five-foot-six if I stretched, so I had to do a lot of adjustments on the mirrors and the seats. He waited patiently for a little bit, but that didn't last long. Soon, he was declaring the mirrors fixed and telling me to start driving around.

"Just like we talked about." He coached. "Just start slow and don't hit a light pole."

I huffed as I started moving forward. It didn't take long for me to stall it. Brian never lost his patience as he pushed me to try again. It didn't take long for me to be able to make a lap around the parking lot without stalling once. As soon as I got that down, he kept pushing me to practice stopping and then accelerating like I was pulling up to a red light. That was harder for me, but after a little while, I got that down too.

"Time to see what you've got." He teased after he had me stop at the very end of the parking lot.

I had a long straightaway with nothing in front of me, so it wasn't hard to figure out what he wanted me to do. I wasn't sure if I could do it, though. I'd passed all of my defensive driving classes-not with flying colors, but I'd passed them, but I'd never attempted a drag race, especially not while trying to shift gears.

"You can do this. Just focus. Don't stall it off the line." He pressed when I didn't move.

I'd never seen the appeal of drag racing. It was a straight line, nothing more. Who couldn't drive in a straight line? Apparently me, because I was still staring straight ahead trying to visualize some sort of finish line and was failing at it.

"Full speed?" I asked awkwardly. Brian nodded.

"It's got some power, so maybe not. Just feel it out." I nodded uncertainly as I pressed the gas.

We shot off the line. Euphoria rose up in my chest as I moved through the gears, pushing us faster and faster. Brian was right about the power; I hadn't been expecting nearly as much kick out of the little blueberry when I put my foot down, but it could actually move.

I made it all the way up to sixth gear without stalling, then I started downshifting as I decelerated. I pulled into an actual parking place and stopped, looking for Brian for further direction.

"Fun?" He asked. I laughed.

"Fun," I replied. "What does a race feel like?"

He looked pensive for a second, but for once it looked like the thoughts he was buried in were happy ones.

"It's like nothing else. For that time, nothing else matters. There's no problems, just that moment." The more he talked, the more his smile spread. I felt like I was looking at the real Brian for the first time.

"Can you show me?" I found myself asking. He nodded, popping open his door and bouncing out. I hopped out too, taking his spot in the passenger seat.

I rushed him as he put the driver's seat back enough for him to climb in. He swore playfully at me before climbing.

"You going to be okay?" He asked seriously. I shrugged.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Okay." He threw the car into gear and I suddenly realized why he was asking.

I thought I had the car close to top speed, but it turns out we were nowhere close. He whipped us onto the straightway and stopped, turning to look me dead in the eyes. I nodded, giving him the go-ahead. Without missing a beat, he took off.

I felt like my organs were getting moved around as the speed forced me back in my seat. The wind through the open window yanked at my hair until it tangled into knots. I felt a brief shot of fear at the suddenness of the acceleration. It also didn't help that Brian hadn't looked back to the road away from me.

That fear faded quickly. Soon I felt the same adrenaline rush I had when I was chasing that suspect through the back streets. I found myself laughing. The good mood was infectious; Brian's smile kept getting wider and his baby blues lit up with joy.

As quickly as we shot off the line, we were slowing down. He downshifted, finally breaking eye contact. He left the parking lot, turning onto the street. We kept driving through an area of town that I'd never seen before. He pulled onto the freeway, taking us further and further from the LA skyline.

"You good with a drive?" He asked. I nodded wordlessly. "Let me know if you need to stop."

It took me a while to realize he was driving us to the beach. He turned up the coast, and soon we were leaving LA behind.

I felt completely at home for the first time since I'd been in California. For once the sun wasn't oppressive and I didn't feel choked out by the smog or overshadowed by the endless grey skyscrapers downtown or lost in all of the apartment buildings and houses crammed together. I felt so at peace here, basking in the sun from the window, listening to the waves hit the shore next to us and the music on the radio.

Brian finally pulled off into the parking lot of a little beach shack shrimp restaurant. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I saw the sign for food.

"Is this okay?" He asked as he turned off the car. "There's a few more places if you don't want this."

"No, this is perfect." I hopped out of the car, knowing Brian would be right behind me.

We each ordered a shrimp basket and settled onto one of the picnic tables outside. I started devouring my shrimp the second we sat down. I was expecting Brian to laugh at my departure from my normal 'prim and proper' way of eating, but he was wolfing everything down just as fast as I was.

"I didn't realize I was this hungry." I broke the comfortable silence between us once I started to get full. "How did you find this place?"

His smile dropped a little bit.

"An old friend took me here once a long time ago." He answered softly.

"Did he show you this route too?" I asked. "Because I have loved getting to see this part of California. I haven't really left LA, but this is amazing."

"Yeah, I'm glad you like it." Something in his body language told me I'd overstepped, but I couldn't figure out how. "Did you have fun with Lisa yesterday?"

"Yeah, it was great." Grateful to change the subject, I wiggled my newly done red nails.

"Didn't see you as a red nail polish person." He ribbed.

"Then it's going to shock you to learn I also love red lipstick." He laughed.

"You learn something new every day." He stole one of my shrimp and I slapped his hand away.

"Speaking of which, did you know Lisa swears like a sailor? It was the best thing I've ever seen. She's so tiny and put together and then someone cuts her off in traffic and she lets out every word in the book. Like she's got a temper. I wouldn't want to fight her." His bright smile returned and I felt like we dodged getting into something darker.

Getting into Brian's darker thoughts and actions was what I was actually supposed to be doing here, but I couldn't find it in myself to do it to him right now. He looked happier than I'd seen him in a long time and for once, I was happy with him. If Penning was so convinced that he was innocent of shielding Dom from trouble, then maybe he was.

"So am I driving back?" I asked as I swiped Brian's last hushpuppy.

"Why do you think I took you off the main roads?"

Z

"I had a lot of fun. Thanks for this, Brian."

It was well past dark when I was pulling up to the curb at my apartment building. I had managed to convince surfer boy that we needed to stop at the beach while we were out, and since I was driving, he didn't really have a choice on where we went.

Since I had worn my running shorts and running tank top, I got in the water knowing I would dry off in no time, leaving Brian standing in the sand holding my shoes. He kept pretending to be annoyed with me, but I didn't believe him for a second.

The sun was setting behind the horizon when we finally left the beach, both sunburnt and tired. I hadn't wanted to go at all. I could have stayed there forever, parked in the sand watching the surfers catch the waves.

Unfortunately, real-life called. I had to do multiple loads of laundry so I would have something to wear in the upcoming week and Brian was fussing because he still had errands to run too, plus he had to return the car to the impound lot. Pulling up to that curb in front of my drab little building sucked a little bit of the life out of me.

"Yeah, this was great," Brian said as he got out to switch places again.

"I kind of understand the appeal of cars and street racing now." I grudgingly admitted.

"Don't let Stasiak hear that. He'll be all over me about corrupting you."

"Where are they?" I blurted without thinking. His eyebrows rose.

"The races?" He sounded incredulous and the smile was rapidly falling off his face.

"Yeah. I just-" I stopped. I just what? I didn't have a clue.

"They're not for us, Beck." He sounded defeated.

"Anna. My name is Anna." I felt like I had bulldozed my own protective walls with that one sentence. That was the main thing I wasn't supposed to do with the person I was supposed to be spying on.

He nodded, repeated my name slowly like he was testing it out. There was an odd spell between us that thankfully got broken by his phone ringing in the cupholder.

I let out the deep breath I'd been holding as he reached into the car to grab it. I quickly turned around to go inside.

Dear God, what was I getting myself into?