This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Delicate, Taylor Swift

Z

The next month with Brian flew by. We worked several midlevel cases simultaneously for a while, only closing out one or two, which was unendingly frustrating for me. There was a lot of paperwork shuffling and sitting and watching and it was driving me nuts. There had always been a race against the clock in homicide to dig up leads quickly, but the FBI was all about the long game. Brian had been attempting to teach me patience in addition to interrogation techniques, but it wasn't helping.

Stasiak was happy with the change in pace for me, mostly because I wasn't anywhere near O'Conner with bullets, which was a statement I didn't understand and he refused to explain. Penning didn't care either way, as long as I was bringing him reports back saying that I hadn't seen Brian do anything that went against FBI protocol.

So far, O'Conner had been clean. I'd even stolen his phone and dug through it, and when I didn't find anything there, I checked his actual physical phone bill for the numbers he'd called and texted when we stopped by his apartment once. If he was talking to anyone in the Toretto camp, he had a burner, which I had yet to find evidence of either.

After digging through his life, part of me hoped he had a burner phone; his life was sad. His most called numbers were the FBI office and me. He'd met some girl at a bar, and then didn't continue anything with her, after he blew her off for a case. It also appeared that he met Stasiak for a burger and a beer to watch a game that I was a thousand percent sure that Brian didn't have any interest in. I was also pretty sure he and Staskiak were heading towards sworn arch-nemesis territory. That was it: no family, no girlfriend, no friends. Just work.

Based on the discomfort in his body language when Lisa asked him if he had even been in love while we were at the bar, I was going to say his non-existent burner phone didn't include any steamy text exchanges with Mia Toretto or any other girl either. I was giving up hope of him having a fun second life to investigate.

"She didn't mean anything by that," I told him when Lisa got up to go to the bathroom. Brian shrugged. "I'm pretty sure she has a friend she wants to set up with and that's what she's leading up to, so if you want that shutdown, you better tell me now."

"I can get my own dates." He pressed defensively. It was one of the few times I'd seen him annoyed.

"Okay. I'll put a stop to it." He nodded and we fell into an awkward silence. The loud music suddenly became deafening.

"So Marcus called." I blurted. Brian raised an eyebrow. "He wants to use my ring to propose to this new girl in a few months, probably at Christmas in Aspen, because he is just damn sure she is the one."

Brian exhaled sharply. He looked around, finally seeing the waitress and waving his hand at her, gesturing to the almost empty drinks on our table.

"Just for that, I'm buying your next drink." He looked back with a bright smile that soon became infectious.

"I don't miss him." I insisted. "I think if we had been home together more and not so busy in our own lives we would have broken up a long time before we actually did." I paused as I considered how to proceed. "Have you ever lived with a girlfriend before?"

He finished off his beer and before he looked at me. For once he didn't look like he was overthinking things when he shook his head no. I perked up as I knew this was my chance.

"No. I've never lived with somebody. I've been a bachelor forever." He joked. "Just me and occasionally a roommate."

"It's better that way. It's so not worth it. We weren't married and I still feel like he took half my shit. Mostly, because he did." I played with the ice in my glass with my straw. "Have you ever met a girl that is even worth all that pain? Because I haven't. Marcus was not worth all of that."

He shrugged and he disappeared back into his thoughts. He'd been getting better about withdrawing into himself since I'd been dragging him out with Lisa and a few other people from work. They were slowly starting to warm up to him outside of the office. For just a few hours he wasn't the guy that let Toretto go and he could let loose. Unfortunately, as soon as we stepped back through the FBI door that all went away.

I started watching the people on the dance floor in skimpy designer clothes grinding on each other. I scanned the crowd, looking for anyone out of place like Brian had taught me. There wasn't anything out of place at the moment. The bartender looked like he was in the weeds with a crowd pressing up on the bar, tossing money at him. He seemed to be making six drinks at a time to try to keep up with the flood.

"Yeah, once." His admission came out of nowhere and I had to fight to not jerk my head over to look at him. "There was a girl once, but it wouldn't have worked."

"Habits you couldn't get over?" I half-joked.

"Something like that." He said bitterly with a laugh.

"Your driving make her carsick with that street racing habit?" I teased. He shook his head, but he didn't look like he could shake the bad feelings.

"The street racing she could handle, it was more the fact that I was a cop."

His words fell dark and solemn. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was on his arm.

Brian wore his emotions on his face. I could see his thoughts shifting behind his eyes like the waves in the ocean, but this was the most he had ever allowed himself to say out loud. It should have been a victory, but instead, I felt like I was treading over sacred ground, disrespecting everything that had been buried there.

"God, that was one heck of a line for the bathroom." Lisa tossed her purse on the table and slid back into her chair. If she noticed the weird silence between us or the way I jerked my hand back from Brian, she didn't comment. She was about to say something to Brian, but I jabbed her in the leg with my fingernail. With a smile, she dropped what was sure to be a conversation about her friend.

"Ready to go after this drink?" I asked her instead. She just nodded with a smirk.

Z

The morning sun slanted through Penning's blinds, tossing sunbeams across his impeccably clean office floor. The greying agent was ignoring me as I sat in his plastic fake leather chair for receiving visitors. He was bent over his filing cabinet, fishing for a file somewhere deep in the thousands of dusty pages cluttering his drawer. Some of the files were so overstuffed I couldn't see the label tabs peeking out the top anymore.

Finally finding the one he was looking for, he wedged it out and dropped it on the corner of his desk. It was only when he spun his desk chair around that he seemed to remember that I was sitting across from him. With a sigh, he took a long swig out of his coffee cup before fixing me in a tired stare. The lines in his face deepened as he pursed his lips.

"Close the door, Beck."

"Sure," I said as I got up and closed it with a quiet click. I was hoping no one in the bullpen would notice me closing us in the office together. Rumors had tapered off but they were still flying. I was pretty sure they'd turn this performance review until a disciplinary meeting for sleeping with Brian.

"You're doing better, Beck." He considered me thoughtfully for a moment before he opened another, thin file on his desk. I was sure it was filled with Brian's neat, tight handwriting.

"I feel more prepared," I answered honestly. He nodded as he read.

"He's reported that you've gotten better at report writing and that you're excellent at building cases."

"Yeah. I feel great about it. It's just moving a little slow, which I know is normal when building cases of this size." I offered when he was silent for an uncomfortable amount of time.

He made a noise deep in his throat but didn't say anything else. I was starting to squirm, waiting on him to dismiss me as he was clearly distracted by other things. He took his time, dropping my file back onto his desk and thumbing through the other one. I was about to dismiss myself when he finally spoke again.

"Beck, about our other investigation." He fixed me in a tense stare. I knew that was the stare that had cracked a thousand criminals in the interrogation room.

There wasn't anything to hide, but I still felt butterflies in my stomach. 'Don't get too close' had been a constant mantra in my head any time I was with Brian this past month. There were times when it was seriously hard to separate myself from normal friendship and remember that I was supposed to be investigating him. At this stage, he still didn't trust me to talk openly, so if there was something there, I'd have to be on my game enough to see it.

"I can't find anything. He hasn't let anything slip other and I can't find any evidence of anything else he could have hidden." Penning nodded.

"What has he told you about Toretto?" He leaned back to give the allusion of being relaxed in his chair.

"Nothing direct, but he dances around it." Penning's eyebrows went up and I felt like I was failing. "He's mentioned an old girlfriend that I believe to be Mia Toretto, but there is no sign that he has any contact with her at all."

"And what have you learned about Mia Toretto?"

The words died right before they reached my lips. Talking about Brian's love life felt like a betrayal. The look on Penning's face told me he could see the internal struggle, and he did not see it as a good thing. In an attempt to backtrack, I started thinking of ways to twist the question.

"It's not his words. Brian is readable. He's honest." Penning's lips tightened, so I changed tactics and went with the truth. "All he's said about her is that she didn't like that he was a cop."

I felt dirty and I didn't like it.

"So you've learned next to nothing about Mia Toretto?" His voice was so even I couldn't figure out how he meant that.

"I strongly believe that's because he's not in contact with her anymore. In fact, he doesn't seem to have any friends outside of me and Lisa. He just screams regret and guilt for something that happened years ago. I don't think he's reaching out to any of the Torettos out of loneliness or a desire for redemption, I think he just channels it in and is sad." I gave him as much as I could.

Penning stared at me for a while before he finally nodded.

"You still think he's dirty, Beck?"

"No. Stasiak suggested meeting Mia Toretto to investigate her, but it didn't feel necessary. WIthout a non-FBI issued vehicle, I would have a hard time getting close, or setting up any kind of stakeout. I'll have my own car soon, so if anything changes, it will be a lot easier to run surveillance."

He nodded as he took everything in, rocking back and forth in his chair, steepling his hands in standard Penning-deep-in-thought posture.

"I presume O'Conner is helping you with the vehicle situation." A small smile spread on his lips.

"Oh yeah, it's his favorite. I'm pretty sure he's living vicariously through me at the moment." Penning laughed and started to look actually relaxed.

"How confident do you feel about surveillance work?" He pushed his reading glasses onto his face and started flipping through the thick file on his desk. I relaxed when the meeting moved away from Brian.

"It's Stasiak's specialty, but it's not something I've done a lot of coming from a homicide background, so I probably need work in that area." A smile tugged at the edges of his lips.

"That's the first time I've ever heard you say you weren't the best at something."

"Maybe I'm learning, sir." He snorted without looking up from his reports.

"Do you feel comfortable being alone on a stakeout with O'Conner?" He asked.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I?" I was genuinely puzzled at what character flaw of Brian made him a bad stakeout partner.

"It'll start some office talk." My stomach dropped.

Oh, that. I had been forgetting what a black stain on my reputation O'Conner could be. Honestly, the rumors were dying out and I was caring less and less. He was stepping back and letting me work the cases pretty much on my own with just his watchful eye over my shoulder. I think the fact that I was steering these cases without major failure was helping me overcome that little blip over the phone call. I think it was even slowly helping Brian.

"Bennett's a lazy fucker with nothing else to do." I finally answered a sweet smile. Penning snapped the file up so he didn't have to look at me, but I heard the annoyed sigh.

"Anna, get the fuck out of my office."

I mischevious smirk spread across my face as I hauled myself out of Penning's awful plastic chair and bounded out the door with a hurried goodbye. I opened the door and quickly glanced out, to see who was looking in from the bullpen.

I was trying not to look suspicious because this wasn't something that abnormal at all-just a progress report meeting for the rookie who tanked her career in the first month, but I couldn't help but be conscious of every eye watching me from the bullpen. There were times when I felt like a rat and I felt like at least one of the other agents should have noticed by now.

Thankfully everyone was distracted by a commotion coming from the interrogation room. Taking the opportunity to do my walk of shame from Penning's office in peace, I scurried over to my desk, my heels clicking on the tile floor. The only person who looked up as I moved was Brian.

"We've talked about the shoes." He sighed as he pointed at my pointy-toed heels. These were actually worthy of complaint; we were just doing office work, so I was taking the opportunity to break in my very high stilettos.

"Well, do you want me to get blisters at the club?" I asked him with a shrug as I leaned back on the desk in front of him and lifted one foot to show off my truly spectacular shoes. He snorted.

"You don't go to the club."

"Not now, but you never know. I might decide to reinvent myself as a clubber one day."

Completely ignoring my dumb joke, he turned all of his attention back to his computer screen. I looked over his shoulder at the license picture pulled up. It was so rare to see Brian so still and focused on something, I knew this had to be our big lead.

"Which case is this?" He pushed our robbery case file at me.

Someone was breaking into shipping containers of electronics, loading them up on trucks, and making off with them in the middle of the night. It wasn't a super sophisticated robbery, but they'd made off with millions. Somehow, despite all of the dock security, no one ever saw anything, which raised some red flags for me. Whoever was doing this had some deep pockets if they were paying off that many people.

The man had a California ID. He was a tall Asian man with a large neck tattoo, high cheekbones, and a mean smile, even in his driver's license picture.

"Was this why Penning was asking me about surveillance training?" I felt a smile tug at my lips as I got giddy at the prospect of catching this guy. Brian's expression mirrored my own.

"Hell yeah. This guy's going down. He doesn't stand a chance against us." He clapped me on the shoulder before he launched into the logistics of where we were going to set ourselves up.

Brian on the hunt was interesting to watch. He always got a burst of energy when we go to this point in the case and he could plow through mountains of information with wavering focus. Watching him work this time made me realize that there was no way for him to have covered for Toretto. This was a man with a purpose; he wasn't throwing this away for anything.

He was also one of the only ones that gave me a real chance here. I felt like I could give him that now. A real chance at friendship, one without most of the shadiness. I would turn him the second I saw something, but I was going to let the undercover part of my go for now.