A/N— It's short again. I was never planning to make this long. Just something to make writing my other one easier. This one's from Natsuki's POV. Ish. I'm sorry if the italics are confusing. Thanks to Jimmy the Gothic Egg for beta'ing. And for being awesome. Go read her stuff. Now.

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Everything was fine after the Carnival. That's what Natsuki told herself, so many times that she almost believed it. It was easy to miss small things, like Shizuru not eating as much she said she wasn't hungry, it's not my fault, or her pause when she saw Natsuki scoffing down French fries with ketchup she just thought it was unhealthy, it's not like there's anything wrong, and it got easier and easier as the days went by. So easy that she was even more surprised when Mai told her.

'You mean you didn't know?'

'Didn't know what?'

Fujino-san got an offer from a college overseas. She said she'd consider it, so everyone assumes she's not coming back here.'

She remembered Mai shouting at her to wait as she dropped her chopsticks and sprinted through the halls to the student council room. She remembered knocking down some guy who'd stopped to tell her not to run in the halls. It's a lie, it has to be a lie, she'd tell me. She'd always tell me, right?

She stopped in front of the door and threw it open to reveal Shizuru sitting at her desk eating.

'Ara, did Natsuki want to eat lunch with me?'

She was just sitting there looking so damned composed so calm and Natsuki was almost able to pretend because it's easy to do that, isn't it? that she hadn't heard what Mai had said. Almost.

'You never told me you were leaving.'

It was a simple sentence, but it meant so much more. If Shizuru noticed though, she didn't show any signs of it.

'Is that so? I thought I had.'

'That's a lie and you know it!'

'Is it? I hadn't noticed.'

She was lying to her face and yet…how could she be so infuriatingly…

It had ended with Natsuki wanting so say more but being unwilling to make things seem abnormal. Because really, things were perfectly fine. So she'd left with a nod and a promise to write. And everything was fine, wasn't it? They could keep in contact, and Natsuki wouldn't have to see Shizuru pause, or her eyes refusing to let Natsuki in, or the look she got when she thought Natsuki wasn't looking, or…

No. Because there was nothing wrong, and everything has to be was normal, because that's how it always was. Just…fine… Which was why, despite everything, she showed up on Shizuru's doorstep that evening.

The look in Shizuru's eyes when she opened the door was one she was expecting, but it was still odd. Odd to see her look so surprised, when she was always so serene.

'Natsuki?'

'Shizuru, I…'

She'd been let in, and after they'd say down Natsuki had been searching frantically for something to say while being stared through stared at, but really, she didn't know what she was here for. It's just, Shizuru couldn't leave. She couldn't, because I couldn't bear it she'd miss her, and I don't know what to do without her it wouldn't be the same with her gone. She had to find some way to get her to reconsider. But how…

She chanced looking up, and the first thing she saw were Shizuru's eyes. They were red, that odd shade, like autumn like blood and it was easy to get lost to drown in them. But that's okay, Natsuki told herself, and she took the plunge.

It was hard to tell who was more surprised when Natsuki leaned forward and kissed the older girl. At first Shizuru had stiffened, and Natsuki wondered whether she'd made a mistake, but soon she'd leaned back into it and it was soft actually kind of nice, and she didn't want to stop decided to pull away. She wanted to say more, wanted to tell her that she wanted her to stay, but the look in Shizuru's eyes stopped her. It was asking a question, and she answered. She had to. After all, she'd leave if she didn't, and she couldn't leave because that wouldn't be normal. As long as everything was normal, she'd be able to get by. So she didn't complain when Shizuru pulled her down, or when the kisses became more fiery, or when they somehow made their way over to the bed without her noticing. As long as she stays…

Which is why she came back the next night, and the next, and every time she told herself is was because she didn't want her to leave. And her illusion of normalcy wavered, but she managed to keep it, because everything was normal, so there was nothing to worry about. And whenever Shizuru asked her that question, she'd turn away and mumble 'yes'. At first she felt guilty, but that soon turned into worry. Worry because it was becoming easier and easier to say, and that wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to really be in love with her, because it wasn't normal they were supposed to be friends. So she told herself she wasn't, and tried not to mind that it rang false.

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