A/N- It's finally done! -flops over- I started this to make my other story easier to write, and then it decided to be difficult too. But it's done now. I stayed up all night again. Pffft, sleep. Who needs sleep? Apparently I do, since once I finish uploading this I'll be dead to the world. Yes, I realize I switched tenses/POVs. No, I really don't care. The last part had to be told in Natsuki's POV, so it was. Do please review. Reviews are like cupcakes. And no Jimmy, not the flesh-eating kind.

Mini note-thingies-

Sayosi- I do so love your reviews. I'll fix those mistakes you pointed out, promise. Eventually. Before Christmas. I think.

Jimmy- Keep up the tradition, will you? It makes life interesting.

It was funny, really, how things happened. One day you were a perfectly normal girl, the next you had no family to speak of and a mechanical wolf that had almost replaced what you lost. And because you had no one, it was even easier to tell yourself that that you needed no one, that you were happy that way. So easy that, like all the other lies things you told yourself, you believed it. So it came as a shock when that one girl managed to force her way into your life and set up residence there, despite your original wishes.

At first you hated her for ignoring your obvious discontent, then you got used to her, up to the point when you got annoyed when she forgot to greet you one morning as she always did. It didn't help when it turned out she'd only done that to gauge your reaction. You'd tried to ignore her even more after that, but you were the one who lost the battle first.

So in that way, you made a friend. A friend. Funny, how that was such a foreign word to you. And because of that, you had no idea how friends were supposed to act. That's why her jokes and odd glances didn't disturb you as much as they should have, why you put up with her hugging and playfully suggestive tones.

It wasn't your fault though, there was no way you could have known. Surruptious glances and playfulness aside, it would have been impossible for anyone to know. At least that's what you told yourself after the Carnival ended. Because you were just a blind normal girl, and you finally had some normal friends.

And so now everything could go back to the way it had been. No more monsters, no more fighting, no more being afraid because your best friend had been turned into one of those monsters, a killer something else. Everyone tried so hard to make it work that it almost did.

She would pretend not to see Yukino flinch whenever Shizuru's name was mentioned, or the unconscious but still suspicious glances some of them still gave Reito. But instead of getting easier as everything else did, it got harder. Especially when she saw Mai. She was the only one who had come away from the Carnival with more than when she'd started. It was hard not to feel at least slightly resentful, or to not notice when she gave her looks that say she understands exactly why she acted the way she did. Because no one can except her, and they shouldn't try to.

But Mai was her friend, and so she'd be properly happy for her. Her friend. She finally had more than one. And that meant a lot, it really did, even if she rarely showed it. What was a friend, exactly? Someone you liked, someone you could talk to. Someone who was on your side when no one else was. That sounded right.

But then, what was Shizuru? She'd thought they were friends, but friends don't kiss, touch… She'd toyed with the phrase 'friends with benefits', but had thrown it away. You couldn't describe Shizuru like that. Of course she hadn't wanted her to leave. It was only natural to feel sad when one of your friends left. There's another reason, and you know it Other reason? What would there be? No one would go to the lengths you did. That's not true! She's a good friend, that's all, and so…and so…

Natsuki slammed her fist against the table. Musings would get her nowhere. They never did. Neither would reflecting, since she would always choose to dwell on what was better left untouched. But this was getting so hard to ignore, especially when that nagging feeling in her head told her that if that really was all there was to it, there wouldn't be anything to ignore at all.

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Shizuru was drinking tea. It was something that gave her an image of serenity, of peace. Anyone who saw her would think 'Why, look at that proper young lady.' In reality, nothing could be farther from the truth. But it was easier to hold the pieces together when she was doing this, because of the routine. You don't have to think when doing routines, and not thinking made everything better. But then when the tea was done, she had to start thinking again. It was impossible to sit there forever, and she knew it. So she always tried to draw it out as long as possible.

She wondered if Natsuki noticed the way she was acting. The distant look she got in her eyes when she thought no one could see. Each glance was like a hammer blow, and she couldn't hold out much longer. At first she'd thought she could get by like that, ignoring everything. But she couldn't, and it was finally beginning to show. Was it really worth it, this pain?

To be by Natsuki's side had been everything she'd wanted, wasn't it? But Natsuki wasn't happy, and she was the reason why. If only she wasn't so kind… Kindness can hurt, if used in ignorance. Natsuki was clipping her own wings, for her, to make her happy. And as a result, it tore her world apart. She couldn't sacrifice Natsuki's happiness for her own, and so… She set down her teacup. It was time to have a talk.

On the way to Natsuki's apartment, she hoped the younger girl wouldn't make it harder for her. She tried not to imagine the look of pain on Natsuki's face, or the look of relief that she was more likely to receive.

You'll finally be free, Natsuki. I won't hold you back anymore.

She stepped up to her door and knocked. Out of all the things she had been expecting when Natsuki opened the door, it hadn't been this.

Has she been crying?

'Shizuru?'

Wide eyes. Startled. It was rare that Natsuki left herself so open, and Shizuru took in all that she could. Sadness, fear, resentment. But the latter two, she sensed with some surprise, weren't directed at her. She wanted to ask, but she was here on other business.

'I'm sorry to call on without warning. I hope you'll forgive me.'

Natsuki's expression hurt. She could read her eyes again, for a moment, before she cast them aside. But even without that, she knew what the other girl was thinking. She'd never been so formal with her, only with those who idolized her.

I'm sorry, Natsuki. But this is the best way.

She received a mumbled 'sit down', as Natsuki went off to the kitchen, presumably to bring refreshments, but also as a way to escape for the time being. She sat down on one of the few pieces of furniture as Natsuki brought a tray with two cups of tea. It was one of the few things she'd managed to be able to teach her how to make, with varying degrees of success. Taking a sip, she decided this was one of her better attempts.

She could feel Natsuki's eyes on her, trying to see what she was thinking. She took another drawn out sip before answering the unasked question.

'The college has made another offer, and I feel that it is in my best interests to accept. They rarely let students in this late, and it's a fine opportunity.'

It was easier not having to see Natsuki's face. If she looked long enough, she might break again. And she couldn't afford to, not now. She sat still, waiting for an answer. The silence was so loud it almost made her ears ring.

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Natsuki gripped her cup harder. 'So. You're leaving.' There wasn't much else she could say. Her body felt numb, and her thoughts came slowly.

She's leaving. She said she'd stay. She broke her promise.

All the received in return was a nod. This was just like before. She was just sitting there, telling her oh-so-calmly that she was willing to walk out of her life forever. But this wasn't supposed to happen. This was why she'd…

'But you can't go!'

She hadn't meant for it to come out so forcefully. Even so, it was true. She couldn't leave. If she left, she wouldn't be able to…

'Oh? Why not?'

Like a doll. A pretty little doll made of china that was so fragile that if you dropped it it would shatter into one-thousand pieces.

'Because I-'

She paused. Tried again.

'You can't, because I-'

This time, it was Shizuru, not her own mind, which stopped her.

'No, you don't.'

No, but that's not-Yes, it is true. Isn't that what you told yourself? That you don't love her? So what's wrong?

'But I, you…'

'If Natsuki has a problem, she should speak.'

Was she…angry? At her?

'It's just that I…'

You what? Why is it so hard? Just like all the other times before, just…

'Do you really? But I wonder. For Natsuki to love me, it wouldn't be normal.'

Her eyes were accusing, but also sad.

Don't look like that, please. Not because of me.

'Normal…'

Normal was hanging out with your friends. Normal was going places with your family, dating guys, and getting through school. Normal wasn't being in love with your best friend. But then… She had no family, not really. None of the guys at school, or anywhere really, appealed to her. She skipped school as often as she could. And before, 'hanging out' had meant using their Children to fight monsters. So then, if you looked at it that way, there really wasn't… Was it really so simple?

She put down her cup, looked up at Shizuru. Leaned forward, captured her lips. She registered the gasp of surprise, Shizuru's tea spilling over the carpet, the stiffening that finally turned into resigned acceptance.

Don't, please don't. This time, it's not like that.

She pulled back, looked at her again. Her face was flushed, her eyes closed, her hair in a state of mild disarray. It was different from the proper image she showed to everyone else.

'The tea…'

'Forget the damn tea.'

Only I get to see her this way. I'm the only one she lets see behind her mask.

And knowing this, finally understanding, she smiles. When Shizuru finally opened her eyes, Natsuki was finally able to answer the question in them honestly.

A question.

'Natsuki…?'

A sleep-laden reply.

'What?'

An answer.

'I won't be accepting that offer.'

A low laugh, before an arm pulls her closer.

'Good.'