To hell with the day

The sunlight is only going to take love away

Raise up suspicions and, and alibis

But I can see through tear-blinded eyes

Lies, The Black Keys

Z

"So, how much did you hear?"

Han stared me down for a long moment. The silence between us was suffocating.

"I think I heard all of it." He finally replied.

My heart was pounding in my throat. I had to tell the truth. I couldn't keep up the lie anymore.

A tear slid down my face. My beautiful little beach fantasy was over. That's what normally happened when you told someone you killed people.

"I shot somebody." I finally choked out as the tears really came streaming down my face. I threw up my hands in a dismissive gesture.

Han's jaw clenched so hard I could see the muscles twitch from across the room. I expected him to storm out, but instead, he walked over to the counter and dropped the bag in front of me. He didn't say anything. I kept waiting for him to say something, but he remained silent. The silence was strangling me and all he did was shove a to-go cup of coffee at me.

"You on your way out now, or what?" I said bitterly. Han shrugged and pulled some sort of pastry out of the bag. He bit into it without looking at me.

The silence between us was heavy, but he didn't acknowledge it. Or anything else for that matter. He just kept eating his breakfast like nothing had happened.

"I'm not okay," I said finally.

"Clearly." He replied. I wanted to bristle at the statement, but there was no malice or unkindness in his voice. He wasn't taking a shot at me, just pointing out the obvious.

"You're not even going to ask? Not even one question?" I pushed. He shrugged again as he chewed thoughtfully on his food. He took his time washing it down with a swig of coffee.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked incredulously. He hadn't pulled his sunglasses off, probably because of the hangover, but I could feel the side-eye.

Did I want to talk about it? I had to say something.

"I want to lay on the beach and go on adventures and leave the real world far behind me. That's why I came here." I answered, running a finger under my eye to wipe off the tears.

"It doesn't go away." Han tossed me a napkin. I angrily swiped it under my eyes. I had to stop crying all the time.

"No, it doesn't. The guy was a rich ass trust fund baby with connections that had anger issues. He stalked me and tried to kill me, and some people still think this was my fault. How could someone like him do something like that? It won't be any different when I go home." I exhaled through my teeth.

"So it was self-defense?" His voice sounded so nonchalant.

I cut my eyes over at him. He was still eating like nothing was happening.

"Yeah, but-" But what?

It was self-defense. I was cleared by the higher-ups. And Han had heard all of that. He knew the FBI had cleared it as okay. He knew I was an agent. Or did he? I might be able to lie my way out of this.

"I wasn't the first woman he did this to. Apparently he had a long history of violence. Neighbors would make noise complaints, the cops would find no issues, the woman involved would get a fat stack of cash. He'd gotten bad enough that he was getting some attention though, but with his connections, all of that attention was getting misdirected."

I stopped. That would explain why the FBI was talking to me about the shooting, but I was pretty sure that I had said I was working for them. I didn't think I could lie to him after all.

The only sound in the villa was Han crumpling up the paper that his pastry was wrapped in. This time I didn't feel like breaking the silence. I would have to leave after this. I couldn't have

Toretto's crew knowing I was law enforcement. I could live with this fling with Han fizzling out before my two weeks in Sayulita ended, but if they were cutting ties with me because of a cop, then

I needed to go back to LA and have a conversation with Penning. They didn't have a violent history, but I didn't want them to start with me.

"Is there a pair of handcuffs waiting on you at home?" He finally asked after an eternity.

"What?"

He didn't hear the FBI part! I still had a chance to stay.

"What happens when you go home?"

"I'm afraid my coworkers will have me committed. I mean, I had something super traumatic happen, took two months off of work, and got on a plane to Mexico. Not one part of that screams well-adjusted." Unfortunately, this was not a lie.

He pursed his lips.

"So the police have cleared you? It's an honest to God self-defense shooting?"

"Yeah. He pushed me down a flight of stairs and tried to strangle me. I couldn't remember anything when the FBI questioned me because my concussion was so bad."

"The FBI?" His eyebrows went up under his sunglasses.

He played things close to the chest, but I couldn't see him faking emotion. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Apparently the FBI investigates when you have a bunch of crooked neighborhood cops." I paused, unsure of where to go now. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

He shoved the bag towards me. With another sigh, I pulled out the pastry and bit off a chunk. It ended up being a guava empanada. Despite the nausea from the hangover, I was feeling hungry. I choked the rest of it down and then started chugging my rapidly cooling coffee.

Han said nothing, just stayed leaned over on his elbows on the kitchen counter. His full, small lips stayed pressed together in thought. Nothing about his face gave away any thoughts.

"I don't think you're crazy." He said finally.

"I don't either. I mean, I feel like the world fell out from under me, but that's normal in a trauma." I answered honestly. "The way I'm handling it is probably not the healthiest, but it's also not the worst."

"Are you gonna go back to your job?" He asked. I took in a breath to answer, but then I let it out.

"At one point, I loved it. I was helping people through terrible things. I was trying to fix people that had witnessed their family members die, I was working with victims of domestic violence, rape, car wrecks, violent crime everything you can imagine. I was good at it. But then, I switched to a new agency that had some toxic office politics in a city I hate, and I wasn't rewarding anymore. I don't know what I want right now."

Brian had always told me the secret to undercover work was to have a lot of truth in the lie. When I was talking to Han, I didn't feel like I was lying at all. I knew that could seriously come back to bite me, but I didn't care.

Talking about this left me nervous and exhausted. It was emotionally draining and the last thing I wanted to do, even if it was the thing I needed to do the most. I needed to get these demons off my chest. But I'd do more of that at another time; today I was going to get out of my comfort zone and explore.

"Well, thanks for breakfast. I am going to go take a shower and then I'm going-" I snatched the brochure off the counter. "Surfing."

I frowned as I looked at the glossy picture of an attractive, muscular man holding a surfboard next to an equally attractive woman. Something about that didn't seem so appealing to me at the moment. I flipped it over to the other side.

"Zip Lining. I'm going to do that." I dropped it on the counter and stood up to leave.

"Have you ever zip lined before?" He asked incredulously.

"No, but there's a free tequila tasting afterward." I pointed at the brochure again before I left, not waiting for a reply.

Z

When I got out of the shower, Han wasn't there, but in his was a sticky note with a time for tomorrow morning written on it in neat, precise masculine handwriting. I stared at it with a feeling of mild dread settling in my stomach.

I was in a mess. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to deal with anything.

Ignoring the note and all the possibilities that came with it, I started walking to the travel agency's office to book my ziplining trip. As I crossed through the brightly colored streets of the lively little town, the feeling of dread started to ease a little. Not completely, but a little.

I was used to being alone. I'd always had friends, but I'd always found a certain comfort in being by myself and independent. I hadn't needed anyone in a long time, but Brian had been so firm on the importance of having relationships, I was feeling a lot less confident on my own.

There was a certain vulnerability about being by myself in uncharted territory far from home. On day one, I reveled in it, but now I was starting to feel like I was on shaky ground. I knew this was coming at some point. There was no way that happy relief from day one could stay.

Calling Brian seemed like the only way to fix this at the moment. This time, he answered on the second ring.

"Hey. What was that?" He asked immediately.

"I'm sorry about that. It was nothing. It was just a boy leaving." I lied quickly. "Listen, I know I scared you, but I'm okay. I think I just need time."

"Time will help." He added comfortingly. "I miss you."

"I miss you too. I think I'm a little homesick for people and I think that's why this is a little bit of a rough day."

"Hey, just take it one day at a time. We're waitin for you when you come back."

"Yeah, so about that. I booked two weeks here, and I'm either going to go to a new city or extend my stay here. You got any suggestions? I'm not quite ready to come home yet, but I might be back a little early."

"Miami's nice. It's back in the States, plus I know a few people there I think you'd like." I could hear the smile in his voice and it helped melt that knot in my chest a little bit more.

"It's an expensive city. I'm not sure I can swing it. Money is going to be tight by the time I get home" A street vendor's stand caught my eye and I stopped to look for an apology present for Lisa.

It sounded like she deserved something nice for all the work she was putting in. Lord knows those office jerks didn't appreciate her enough.

"That's the beauty of it. I've got friends there. You can stay with them. My buddy, Tej, he's got this houseboat-" He started.

"Wait, houseboat?" I interrupted.

"Yeah. I used to live there when I was in Miami. Tej was the best!"

"Street racer?"

"Mechanic." He laughed. "Tej was never the best driver."

"That was all you right?" I teased.

"They used to call me Bullet." He sounded so proud, so I tried to contain the snort, but I couldn't help it.

"That's a stupid nickname." I could practically hear the smile fall off his face.

"It is not!"

"Oh, it definitely is, but we'll talk about it later. Listen, I'm going zipline and I'm putting you down as my emergency contact just in case I die." I walked away from the vendor's stand when I didn't

see anything that made me think of Lisa.

"I'm gonna leave your ass down there." He grumbled.

"Good. I've always wanted a Viking funeral. Just chunk my ass out in the ocean and set me on fire." I heard someone yelling in the background before he put his hand over the phone and said something in response.

"Have fun. I've got to go."

"Bye. Get back to work." I hung up before he could fuss at me one last time. Brian always made things better before the incident. I really was stupid for not reaching out to him sooner.

I rounded one last corner and saw the travel agency sitting across the busy street with a crowd already forming.

Well, I thought to myself. Time to try something different.

Z

So it turned out I was the only one not on college spring break going zip lining in the jungle. Ziplining itself was fun. Sailing through the jungle was not something I really thought I would like, but I did. The college spring breakers were enjoying everything around them just a little too much with the help of a few bottles of tequila they had smuggled on the bus. It was both annoying and oddly fascinating at the same time. At the bare minimum, it was at least distracting, which was what I needed at the moment.

When I got back to my villa after zip lining, I immediately went for a run on the beach, showered, went to dinner, and then went to this weird, night yoga on the beach event with some of the much younger college girls I had met on the trip. Yoga wasn't my thing; I only did yoga because Lisa had a crush on the super-hot yoga instructors, but it at least stretched out my tired muscles.

When I got home, I was so tired I fell into a dreamless sleep. No nightmares. No worries. Just sleep. A sleep that was so deep that I forgot about everything, including Han's note on the counter. To say I was surprised when he showed up at the door early the next day was an understatement.

"What are you doing here?" I said without greeting when I answered the door in my pajamas.

"You're not dressed." He replied.

"What am I supposed to be dressed for?" I asked. There was a wariness creeping into my voice that I needed to get into check and I knew I was treating him with suspicion, but it was hard to reign that in. If he minded, he did not show it.

"The beach." He replied like it should have been obvious. Glancing at his light grey swim trunks, white t-shirt, and flip flops it probably should have been. A small smile pulled at his lips. "Look, I know trust is earned. If you aren't up for this, it's fine."

"No," I said before I could stop myself. "No, I'm having a good day. I'll be fine. I only need like, five minutes."

He nodded and I shut the door in his face.

This was how people got murdered, but what was I supposed to do? Sit here in my villa and be scared? I could do that in LA. I had decided that wasn't going to be me when I made this trip, so I was going out.

I had already packed a towel and a set of dry clothes into my beach bag, so all I needed to do was throw on my bikini and some shorts. I was out the door in under 3 minutes. Han didn't seem all that offended and was already waiting in the car with the air conditioning running.

"You sure about this? We're going to a beach that most tourists don't know about, so it's more secluded."

I took a deep breath. If Dominic Torretto was going to have me killed, I didn't see this being the way he would do it. That was just based on his profile in the FBI file, but still; I was going to go with my gut on this one.

"Look, you can let fear lead you, but for what? That's not living."

"Okay." He nodded. I let out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding when he started backing the car out of the villa's driveway.

He turned away from the city, following the winding coast. As memories of my trip up the California coast with Brian came rushing back, I felt a sense of peace. I was able to relax for the first time in a while.

Also, probably the last time in a while until I was sure he didn't know I was an FBI agent. I could work on getting that information out of him later.

"You know I haven't seen you with a cigarette once." I teased.

"God, I want one." His fingers started drumming on the ball on top of the gear shift. I glanced over to his perfect white teeth digging into his lip.

"Hand and mouth busy, remember?" I teased. His hand was instantly sliding up my thigh.

I reached into my back, grabbed a bag of Cheez its, and tossed it in his lap. The traveling up my thigh stopped as he looked at the snack in surprise before he glanced over at me.

"Well, you can't grope me all the time." A bright smile spread across his face.

There was no way I was not going to fuck this up so badly when the truth came out, but I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.