I guess what I'm tryin' to say is I need the deep end
Keep imaginin' meetin', wished away entire lifetimes
Unfair we're not somewhere misbehavin' for days
Great escape, lost track of time and space
R U Mine? Arctic Monkeys
Saying the market was crowded was an understatement. People were everywhere, loudly laughing and bartering with the vendors. It was hot and the crowd pressing in around me was making it worse. Beads of sweat were running down my back and down my chest.
I ducked under an awning for some shade, but it wasn't any cooler, so I didn't stay. I pushed through the crowd, looking through the booths, hoping I would find what I was looking for. Unfortunately, nothing was jumping out at me. I was getting frustrated. Right now, I wanted to go with the flow, instead of actively hunting something. I knew I wouldn't stop until I found it, though.
I was looking for a 'sorry' present for Lisa. She wasn't happy with me at the moment, and I couldn't blame her. I was going to be doing a lot of groveling when I got home, and I deserved every bit of it. I hurt her badly when I shut her and Brian out. She was not the kind of person to say it, but Brian had made sure I knew how she really felt.
Brian was so engrossed in his cases that I hadn't actually spoken to him on the phone for a week, but that was probably best. I had been staying with Han in his apartment at night, and I had spent most days with him, so talking on the phone would be awkward.
Han was keeping me at arm's length some days, and that was fine. He told me parts of the city to explore and then vanished for the day while I did whatever I wanted. Sometimes he'd go with me, and sometimes he'd come back home after I'd already crashed in his bed. It kept us from getting to know each other now that we were staying together. He wanted me out of his business and I didn't want him figuring out my life story. Distance was a good thing.
I finally spotted a pearl necklace that reminded me of Lisa. I was asking the vendor about prices when I felt a presence at my shoulder. I turned to see Han polishing off some sort of food in a napkin. HIs ungelled hair fell over his face and he was looking casual today in a white t-shirt, blue short-sleeved button-up hanging open, and shorts. It almost reminded me of Brian, but it was the wrong shade of blue.
"Find something?" He murmured with a full mouth as he wadded up the napkin that once held what he was snacking on.
"Present for a friend," I answered before I turned my attention back to the vendor.
He quoted me a price that was out of my budget. I shook my head, and started to tell him thank you, but not today, but Han waved me off and pulled out his wallet. I shook my head at him, but he pulled out a wad of cash.
"I'm not comfortable with you buying me things," I told him. He shrugged, peeled off a few bills, and passed them to the vendor.
"Technically, I'm buying Lisa things, and not you." He countered as he put his wallet in his back pocket. I wanted to argue with him, but he gave me a mischievous smile and I knew it was useless.
"I'm sure she'd be saying thank you," I told him with a smile as I watched the vendor wrap it up neatly. I thanked him as he passed it to me.
"She has good taste," Han replied as he started walking down the rows of stalls.
"She does. The best." I answered.
"So tasteful."
"So elegant. Until she gets mad. Then she's five feet of pure, white-hot rage." I answered with a laugh.
"Is that why you haven't called her?" He asked gently.
I stopped walking in surprise, and he had to put his hand on my lower back to remind me to keep moving. I took a few quick steps to catch up with him and get out of everyone's way. It also let me stall.
Calling Lisa was something I should have done immediately, but I felt immensely guilty and ashamed of bailing on her and shoving her away. It was easier to deal with Brian. He was mad for five minutes and then got over it. Brian understood running from your problems in the most irresponsible way possible but Lisa did not.
"I-I- I guess I'm embarrassed." I finally replied. He pursed his lips in a quick motion. "I mean, I've acted insane. I don't regret it, but it doesn't make it any less crazy."
We fell into a companionable silence as we wove through the booths. I felt his fingertips brush my back as we moved through the crowd. It was too hot for close contact, but there was something intimate in his touch.
I looked up at him to tease him when I saw something behind him that made me stop dead in my tracks.
"Han, we have to go," I said urgently.
His eyebrows rose behind his mirrored aviators. I couldn't see his eyes, but I imagined he was looking for what I was seeing. He pressed his lips together in contemplation and I knew he had spotted it.
He wasn't the only one that spotted his target. The cop was staring intently at him but hadn't made a move yet. My heart was pounding and the adrenaline was rising in my chest. I was getting ready for a James Bond-style run through the market, but Han didn't react other than the micro-expressions on his face. The deep frown was replaced quickly with a bright smile that I knew was fake.
I was about to ask him what the hell he was doing when we should be running, but he didn't give me a chance. He pulled me close to him and pressed a long kiss to my lips. It wasn't passionate, but it definitely wasn't a peck on the lips.
"You need to relax," He muttered.
His hands settled on my hips. His fingertips pressed harder than necessary, and I moved away from the pressure. I was confused by the gesture, but I tried not to let it show.
I pulled away from him, trying to smile naturally. When I looked up at him, I realized what he was doing. He had turned us where I had a view of the cop, but the cop was staring at the back of his head.
"Do you want to go?" I asked. "I found what I needed."
I was deeply uneasy. The cop was still looking at us. My heart fluttered in my chest as I pictured Mexican jail. I felt ready to run at any second. I was wide awake and on edge. It was like being in car chases without the fun.
Before Han could reply, the cop turned and walked away.
"Something wrong with being here?" The question was heavy with a lot of things unsaid. His voice was even, but it carried a lot of suspicion.
"We haven't been to a race." I reminded. "I want you to take me tonight."
He smirked before he turned to resume his walk through the stalls. All trace of worry was gone. The cop didn't get a second glance from Han. He was melting back into the crowd, and the cop had moved on like he hadn't seen him in the first place.
"Tonight it is then."
Z
The race in Mexico City was even louder than Sayulita. It was a breath of fresh air being surrounded by the noise and action. I had posted up at the starting line to watch the racers start. I was studying how they raced, trying to figure it out.
There was always a pattern in things, and racing was no different. Some racers stumbled right out of the gate and never recovered. Spun wheels on the starting line were apparently a death sentence.
I wanted to race, but I needed a car. I was fantasizing about the feeling of the gear shift in my hand, pulling and pushing my way up the gears. By the time I reached sixth gear, the race would be ending. Ten seconds was not a long time.
Would it pass in a heartbeat, or would the endorphins slow down time? Would I have time to think through what I was doing next? Would it be automatic?
A Jenson Interceptor fumbled at the starting line and was left in the dust by a suped up Honda. The crowd jeered and cackled at the driver. He managed to accelerate, but he didn't have a prayer of catching up.
That was the other alternative of my race fantasy; not making it past the starting line. Right now that felt about where I was going to stay.
Han had parked the Roadrunner at the finish line. I was assuming that's where he was hanging out. I accidentally wandered off, but he hadn't been bothered enough to find me, and I was staying out of trouble. Mostly. Turns out touching the door handle of one of these cars did not go over well with the owners.
I didn't belong in this world, and we both knew it, but it didn't stop me from wanting it now more than ever. All I needed was a car.
"We need a car, but that's not the way to get one." A voice cut into my thoughts.
"Huh?" I practically yelped. My fingers were moving towards the door of a mustang again. I'd already heard from its owner once about how that wasn't okay once.
Han smirked at me. He'd regelled his hair back into its normal style after not bothering to fix it for a few days. He was proudly wearing a patterned button up that made me cringe when he took it out of his closet when we were getting ready. He didn't stand out as badly as I thought he would. I, on the other hand, was wearing too many clothes for this race.
"It's fun to think about." I answered finally.
"We need to switch cars." His smirk dropped and he got serious.
We hadn't talked about the fact that he was running. He knew I knew, but he hasn't said anything about it. I had almost forgotten about the cop at the market today.
"Are you racing for pink slips?" I asked him. His lips pressed together. "Are you telling me you're about to drive off into the sunset?"
I felt a flutter of panic.
"I say we head out first thing in the morning. Leave Mexico in our rearview?"
"You're bringing me? I didn't mean for that to sound so-" Desperately childlike?
I cringed at myself. I was getting dependent on Han. I couldn't make it in the racing scene of Mexico City alone. If he had drove off and left me in that street race, then I would be absolutely screwed. I had no idea of where to even begin looking for a hotel on this side of the city, or if I could even afford it.
"You think I'd dump you here?" He teased.
"I was hoping you'd at least wait until after a race." I countered, throwing on some fake confidence. It seemed really hollow after being around Letty with her natural assuredness.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. I was waiting on him to deflect with some sort of dry joke, but he came up with his keys. I wrapped my fingers around them and plucked them from his hands before he could change his mind.
"Take it easy, now." He teased.
"That defeats the point." I muttered as I rattled his keys at him.
It was a long walk to where he parked it, but I didn't care. He didn't follow me, but I didn't care. If he was choosing now to sail off into the sunset, at least he left me his car. Maybe it wasn't Han I was dependent on, maybe it was the car.
I unlocked it with the confidence of someone who owned it. When I turned it over, I felt a rush of blood in my ears. My heart was pounding in my chest with excitement as I pulled around, and turned onto the starting line next to a seventy-something orange Camaro.
Han appeared at the window.
"Under 800 RPMs, and don't forget to hit the NOS." He tapped the roof and started to fade back into the crowd.
"Wait, is this for pinks, or money?" He shrugged.
A nervous feeling of butterflies ending my stomach started. It didn't stay there for long. No sooner did I start to get nervous, then a super scantily clad lady stepped out between the two of us. I felt like I had only taken one steading breath when her arms dropped to signal the start.
Before I could think through what was happening, I was shifting gears. I didn't spin my wheels at the starting line, probably thanks to all of the times Brian made me practice. Instead, I made it up through the gears like I'd been doing it my whole life.
By the time I took my first breath, I was almost at the line with the Camaro right next to me. The other car shot ahead in a flash of orange, which made a feeling of panic shoot into my throat. The nausea only lasted a second before I instinctively hit the NOS button on the dashboard I'd been begging Han to hit for a week.
I was slammed back into the seat and everything spun past me in a blur of color.
Then, it was over as suddenly as it began.
I slammed on the brakes, stopping before I hit anyone in the crowds. They engulfed the car like a tide and for a minute I felt like I was drowning. I slowly got out, pushing against the crush to open the door. Every nerve I had was buzzing and I felt like I could run a marathon. I wanted to do it again.
Assuming I hadn't just lost the car.
I turned around, looking for Han, but he wasn't there. I still wasn't sure what the results were. Everyone around me was speaking Spanish, and they were speaking it way too fast for me to understand what they were saying. I was confused and overwhelmed, until the other driver handed me his keys.
"Worth it?" I heard a familiar voice in my ear. I leaned back into him.
"How do you not race all the time?" I asked. He made some sort of noise in response and pulled the Camaro keys out of my hand.
"And deny you the pleasure?" He teased against my ear.
"Maybe I race you home?" I suggested with a smile.
Without waiting for a reply, he walked away and got in the Camaro. I knew we were on, and so did the people around me. I accepted my last congratulations as they stepped back to let us leave.
He stayed in front of me the whole time, but I tried to make it interesting. I cut through some side streets I'd learned from my drives around the city once he led me back to familiar territory. He didn't hold back on me; once he even forced me to miss my turn.
I was too competitive to let that slide. On the last stretch before his garage on the outskirts of the city, I hit the NOS again. I shot forward like before, it didn't last. He whipped the Camaro in front of me and pulled in the garage going top speed with me a few seconds behind.
"How the fucking hell-" I started to ask him as I jumped out of the car.
He was out and waiting for me. The second I got close to him, his arms closed around me, yanking me to his strong chest. His mouth was all over mine, his hands were all on my hips, in my hair. I tore that ugly Hawaiin shirt off him.
The adrenaline made everything better, this was no exception.