THE OUTLAW

Chapter 9: "A Cold Dash Of Reality"

By Bill K.

Jun-Jun sat in the detention room at the Central Defense and Protection Center and worried. Her life had just taken a dramatic turn, possibly downward. She was a senshi of the Crystal Palace, one of the honored bodyguards of the Princess Usagi and a soldier in service to the King and Queen. Moreover, she was a former villain trying to prove to society that she had reformed and was capable of being trusted by honest people. Yet here she sat in a detention room, charged with violating the law. She faced shame, ridicule, punishment, possible expulsion from the palace and service to the royal family.

And all she could worry about was whether Quadrel Nakamura would ever look at her again.

"Prisoner will stand," a security officer said. He was standing on the other side of the energy barrier. Jun-Jun looked up at him.

"Time to be charged?" she asked hoarsely. She remembered her mental communication with Palla-Palla earlier. She'd cut the conversation short, lest Palla-Palla pick up a stray thought and learn of her humiliation. How would she face them? Ves wouldn't care, but Cere would and give her such a tongue-lashing. And Palla-Palla - - just imagining the look of hurt and betrayal in her sister's eyes made Jun-Jun sick to her stomach.

The girl was escorted down a hall, passing several other officers. They glanced at her, then moved on. It wasn't a big crime she'd committed. But it was a slip, and reformed villains weren't allowed even one slip. She saw the contempt in their faces.

If only she had Quadrel to hold onto.

They entered the room where her arrest had been recorded. She'd only been here a few hours ago, but it seemed like a million years. Was the rest of her life doomed to be this way? Because Quadrel probably wasn't going to change, no matter how much she tried to change him - - and there was no way she could possibly live without him.

"Chief Nakamura," the officer said to a ranking officer talking to someone. Jun-Jun looked up from her melancholy daze. He was an older man, a little stiff and formal, but seemed competent. Then she saw who he was talking to. It was Minako Aino. "Here's the detainee you asked for."

"S-Sensei Aino-sama," Jun-Jun whispered. Great, now the elders knew as well. If only she'd stayed in her bedroom tonight.

"Jun-Jun," Minako replied neutrally. Her face was a placid mask, unreadable. She turned to Chief Nakamura. "Chief, we're not looking for special favors here. I know Endymion would expect her to be treated like everybody else and Serenity would probably agree. I'm just saying that she's a kid and she made a mistake. She wasn't the pilot. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and probably used some bad judgment. That's part of what being a kid is all about. Nobody got hurt. And it's not like she's on the ten most wanted list or anything."

"She may not have a record," Nakamura said, glancing disdainfully at Jun-Jun, "but she does have a history." Jun-Jun felt her cheeks burn.

"Yeah, and I was part of that history," Minako countered. "She's a different person now. You can't compare them. Look, releasing her to me doesn't mean she's going to skate on this, if that's what you're worried about. Hell, if I know Rei, our girl's probably going to wish she'd stayed in detention." The quip fell flat. Minako sighed. "I just figure you folks down here have better things to do than babysit a sixteen year old who made a dumb call." And Minako flashed him the million dollar smile that sold three television shows, thirty-six movies, fifty-seven albums, thousands of concert dates and countless autographed photos.

"This is what the palace would want?" Nakamura asked. Minako chose not to disagree. "All right. I'll release her to your custody. But I'm filing a full report with King Endymion on this incident."

"I think he'd insist," Minako replied diplomatically, hiding her irritation. She turned to Jun-Jun. "Let's go, kiddo. I've got a hover-car parked out front."

They drove through the streets of pre-dawn Crystal Tokyo. Jun-Jun waited for her mentor to tear into her, but Minako only silently drove. The longer it lasted, the worse Jun-Jun felt. Finally, about half-way across the city, Minako disengaged the vehicle and came to a stop.

"So," she began, looking straight ahead, "anything you want to tell me?"

"I'm sorry," Jun-Jun whispered.

"Well, that's a start," Minako replied. "I guess that means you know what you did was dumb. Is he worth it?"

Jun-Jun felt tears welling. "I-I want to say 'no'," she choked out, "but . . " Her features scrunched up. "Oh, you wouldn't understand."

"No? Try this on for size: you met a boy who looks and feels like he just stepped down from heaven, but he's got a soul that was made in hell. You don't want to love him, but trying to do without him is like trying to get along without breathing. The more you try to avoid him, the more interesting he becomes. So you figure that if you just love him hard enough, he'll change some day - - but deep down inside you're afraid that he's never going to change and he's just going to drag you down with him."

"Wow," Jun-Jun whispered. "I guess you do understand."

"I don't just understand," Minako said, her hand covering the hand Jun-Jun had on the arm rest. "Been there, done that, sold the video rights. Part of my wild, misspent youth involved traveling down a path similar to the one you're walking right now." Minako glanced sternly at her. "Of course, I never got myself arrested. But it's a part of my life I don't like to talk about. I only gave it one chapter in my biography."

"What did you do?" Jun-Jun asked desperately.

Minako sighed. "I spent a lot of painful years trying to get over him. See, some guys are like sparklers. They burn bright and pretty for a short time. Then the passion burns itself out and you sit back and wonder what you ever saw in him. Then there are guys that get under your skin. They're like an addiction. You manage to do without them for years and you think you've finally beaten it. Then you get weak and give in once, and you're back to square one."

"So how do you beat it?" Jun-Jun asked.

"You find something you love more, I guess," Minako shrugged. "That always worked for a while with me. But sometimes you can't beat it. Sometimes you just have to be strong because the longing will always be there. That's the way it was with me. I never got over Ace. It's just - - one day he died - - and I cried - - and then it didn't matter anymore."

Jun-Jun looked down at her shoes.

"It sounds like a crappy movie, only this isn't a movie, Jun-Jun," Minako continued, "and things aren't going to be wrapped up in a neat little package by the third act. I had to make a choice with Ace. I couldn't go where he wanted me to go or do the things he wanted me to do - - not and respect myself. And I think you're going to have to make a similar choice, maybe sooner than you want to. If tonight is any indication, you're going to have to make a choice between doing what's right and doing what feels good."

"I want to do what's right, Aino-sama," Jun-Jun choked out. "But it's so hard."

"I know," Minako whispered. "I still wonder sometimes what it would have been like if I'd made the other choice. If being with him would have outweighed my disappointment in myself. But maybe that's the thing you can love more than him - - yourself." She looked over at Jun-Jun, then patted her hand. "Anytime you need to talk, call me, huh? You don't have to go this alone." Minako engaged the vehicle. "Um, but after eleven a.m., huh? I'm still allergic to mornings."

To Minako's delight, a smile peeked through Jun-Jun's tears.

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Serenity glided into the hospital ward of the palace. Dr. Ling pointed her to where Ami was. The queen found her at the side of a patient's bed, studying the holographic scans and monitors displaying the patient's every vital sign. As she approached, Serenity recognized the patient as Kaoru, the girl she'd talked the knife away from just the previous night.

"Oh my goodness!" gasped the queen. "Ami, what happened? Is this why you called me?"

"Yes," Ami whispered, pulling herself away from the vital sign displays. "Dr. Ling and I found her approximately an hour ago. She tried to hang herself. She tore her gown into strips and manufactured a noose." Ami glanced back ruefully at the sleeping teen. "Fortunately the gowns are made of pressed porous plastic. They couldn't sustain her weight and the noose broke before she asphyxiated. If she'd used a fibrous material, she'd be dead."

"Why would she want to kill herself?" Serenity cried. As Ami expected, the queen was horrified that someone, anyone would commit lethal violence against anyone else, even themselves. Every life mattered to Serenity, from her closest friend to a stranger half way around the world. It reaffirmed the divine nature of the woman in Ami's otherwise cold scientific eyes.

"I can only speculate without a full psychological examination and months of intense therapy," Ami began. "I would imagine it's the same motivation as her attack on Jun-Jun last night. My hypothesis is that she's become so dependant in her mind on her perceived relationship with another boy that the threatened loss of that relationship motivates her to violence out of desperation."

"Just who is this boy?" Serenity asked. "Does anyone know? Maybe I can talk to him, and get him to see just how much he's hurting her."

"If anyone could, you could," Ami smiled wistfully, remembering everything her friend had done over the centuries to mend fences between other people. "But that's not why I called you down. I felt you should be aware of this, but there was another reason."

Serenity looked at Ami curiously.

"Dr. Ling felt that, due to her violent initial response, the patient should be sent to the Tokyo Mental Health Institute for treatment," Ami told her. "I was leaning toward that myself. However, after this incident, coming so close to the first, events have convinced me that we need to be more - - proactive."

Serenity looked at Ami even more curiously.

"This is not an indictment of modern psychotherapy. I fully and totally believe in its benefits. But in extreme cases, psychotherapy can be too slow. I think we need you to act."

Ami saw Serenity grow visibly uneasy.

"Normally I wouldn't ask. It's just . . ."

"I understand, Ami," Serenity whispered. "It's a fine line, altering another person's thoughts. When I'm using my - - gifts - - to wipe away bad experiences and pain from a person's memory, that's one thing, and I'm happy to do it. But changing the way a person thinks . . ."

"You have to be cautious," Ami agreed. "Don't feel guilty. It's something that should only be entered into with great care and reflection. I appreciate your restraint. Everyone does. If I weren't so afraid she would try to harm herself or someone else again, I wouldn't ask."

Serenity silently nodded. She turned to Kaoru and Ami backed up slightly. Leaning in, the queen lightly brushed her fingers across the sleeping girl's forehead and down her cheek. It was as loving a caress as if Kaoru was Serenity's own child.

"Forgive me for intruding," Serenity whispered to the sleeping teen. "Don't be afraid. I only want to make the hurt stop."

As Ami kept watch on the vital sign telemetry, she glanced down and noticed Serenity was beginning to glow silver.

"There, there," Serenity said softly to Kaoru. "I understand. It hurts to be rejected. It hurts so much to see the one you need with someone else. But violence won't solve it. Violence will only drive him further from you."

The girl slept peacefully, but Ami noted a slight elevation in her heart rate.

"No, why would you want that? You have so much to offer, so much yet to experience," Serenity whispered softly. "I see it. I cherish it. I would be very sad to lose your presence among us. Many people would be. Deep down, I think you would be, too."

The heart rate jumped a few more beats.

"There are ways that aren't so permanent to deal with pain," Serenity told her as she stroked the girl's forehead. "I can help you. I can take the pain away." She hesitated. "But it will mean killing the passion you have for him. I don't want to do that unless you agree. It's a terrible price to pay, not loving someone anymore. But it will help me stop your pain."

The girl didn't move. However, suddenly, Serenity dropped her head. Her hands flared silver around Kaoru's head. When the light died out, Ami noticed that Kaoru's heart rate fell back to normal levels. Serenity turned away, but stopped when Ami's grateful hand went to her shoulder.

"What a terrible price to pay," Serenity choked out.

"Love doesn't always conquer all," Ami offered.

"And I hate it every time," Serenity replied.
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Minako pulled the hover car into the private vehicle port behind the palace. She glanced over at Jun-Jun. The teen was silent, morose and supremely embarrassed. Minako felt the urge to crack a joke or do something to lighten things up. She hated seeing someone not happy. She always had. After some reflection, Minako had realized it was one of the reasons she'd become an idol.

But she resisted. Jun-Jun had a lot of very important, very heavy things to think about. The girl had listened when Minako said her piece about what she'd done and what she was involved in. She didn't need to hear anything else from her. One thing Minako had learned the hard way as an adult was that kids only wanted to hear so much from you. Cross the line and you were perceived as condescending or authoritarian and then nothing you said would ever be heard. All Minako could do was pass Jun-Jun on to her sisters and friends and hope they could reinforce what she'd told the teen.

As they exited the craft, Minako spotted Usa waiting by the door.

"Good for you, kid," the blonde murmured to herself.

"P-Princess!" Jun-Jun gasped. Her cheeks colored with mortification.

"Jun, are you all right?" Usa asked, rushing up to her friend. "I heard what happened!"

"You heard?" Jun-Jun cringed.

"Yeah," Usa grimaced. "Small palace. It's kind of hard to keep secrets around here, especially if you're a royal or a senshi. You should see all the looks I've been getting ever since word of 'the swimsuit' got out." And she rolled her eyes dramatically for emphasis.

"What are the King and Queen going to do?" Jun-Jun asked, not really wanting to know.

"We'll deal with that when it comes," Usa replied resolutely, and both Jun-Jun and Minako instantly knew the Princess was going to fight for one of her senshi. "How are you doing?"

"I'm so embarrassed I want to crawl in a hole," Jun-Jun frowned.

"Want to tell me about it?" Usa offered.

And in that moment, Minako noticed again how in some ways Usa was just like her mother. Confident that Jun-Jun was in good hands, Minako quietly left the pair alone.

Diana peeked into the bedroom in Usa's quarters, fresh from a night of prowling. She could see a tray of snacks on a table next to the bed, while Usa and Jun-Jun sat on the bed itself. They seemed engaged in an intimate conversation. Unobtrusively, the gray cat eased herself out again.

"I honestly don't know what to do, Usa," Jun-Jun confessed. "Aino-sama told me that I'm going to have to choose between being a senshi and being with Quad pretty soon. I know that - - especially after tonight - - assuming it's not too late already." Jun-Jun thought a moment. "No, I do know what to do. I just don't know if I have the strength."

"You have it that bad for him?" Usa asked.

"Oh, Usa," Jun-Jun sighed with frustration, "when Quad looks at me, I forget my own name. I want to please him so badly, because - - because guys like Quad don't normally even look at girls like me." She smoothed her hair with her hands. "I knew what we were doing last night was wrong. I didn't want to go. We could have gone anywhere. I think Quad only wanted to go there because he knew it was illegal." She paused. "Although the spot he took me to was very romantic. The point is I knew what we were doing was wrong. But when it came down to standing up for it - - I couldn't. Because he would have gone without me - - and that might have been the end of it. And I couldn't face that."

"So he's one of these guys out for thrills?"

"Yeah. It's all he seems to care about. I think the only reason he goes with me is because I'm new and exciting. I'm so afraid that once he gets tired of me he'll dump me the way he dumped Kaoru."

"Then maybe you are better off without him," Usa offered.

"I've told myself that a hundred times," Jun-Jun related. "But what if he can change? What if all he needs is someone to love him, someone to give him a reason to be a better person and stop being selfish? If I walk away from that, will I be throwing away true love, a love that everybody dreams about and searches their whole life for? Because I've never felt this way about anybody before. This has to be true love!"

"But if it's not," Usa replied gently, "what are you going to have when he gets tired of you? Because if you've got to choose and you choose him and its wrong, I don't know if you can go back." Usa grinned. "Unless of course I'm Queen by then. If that's the case, you can come back anytime."

Jun-Jun gave her a smile touched with sadness. They went silent for a few moments.

"What would you do?" Jun-Jun asked. "What if you had to choose between Helios and being Sailor Moon?"

"I'd choose Helios," Usa shrugged. "I'd really miss being Sailor Moon though - - but I love Helios and he loves me. Maybe that's the difference. I know Helios loves me."

Jun-Jun looked down.

"Look," Usa suggested, "don't decide until you absolutely have to. Maybe this guy can change. Maybe if he sees how much hell he's put you through, he'll wake up and see what he's got and take better care of it. But no matter what happens, we're still friends. OK?"

"Thank you," Jun-Jun whispered, a tear trickling down her cheek.

Continued in Chapter 10