"Glory in the Flower"



Summary: So this is a missing scene from "The Return pt. 1," which I looooved. I didn't think there was quite enough Sparky to tide me over for six months however; so I wrote this.

Disclaimer: I still don't own them. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. Duh.

"What though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be..."

William Wordsworth

After Carson had left, Elizabeth sank deeper into her sofa with a sigh. The impromptu arrival of the Scottish doctor had really driven home just how much she'd distanced herself from everyone…and just how far she'd fallen. In six weeks she'd essentially become an urban hermit, exhibiting all the classic signs of having gone through a devastating break-up. That she hadn't felt near this sense of loss when Simon left her for someone else should have been proof enough that she hadn't loved him enough to make it work anyway.

Losing Atlantis, losing everything she had there had felt like someone had sucker-punched her in the stomach and then kicked her when she was down. Despite all the pain, stress, and loss she'd experienced while living in the Ancient city, she wouldn't have traded her time there for anything. She had been a part of something so much bigger than a sole country, continent or even a single world. The expedition she'd led had bridged galaxies. Like she'd told John, nothing she could do now would come close.

John, Elizabeth felt her heart automatically clench every time she thought of her irreverent, cocky, and ridiculously charming military commander; the loyal, caring, courageous man she'd been proud to call her friend. He'd called her twice since they'd returned to Earth and both times she'd let her answering machine greet him. John's messages had been stilted and awkward, a far cry from the casual, easy-going way in which he would have addressed her back home, back in Atlantis.

Elizabeth could tell he was concerned though, she could hear it in his voice. He had probably been the one who sent Carson to check on her. She was torn between annoyance and appreciation for John Sheppard's interference in her life…such that it was.

She wasn't sure why she had rebuffed his attempts at communication or why she was distancing herself from everyone. Part of it was just plain old depression. Elizabeth had taken enough psychology classes to recognize the symptoms; but a small part of her whispered that it was because she believed she wasn't good enough, that she didn't deserve him…them anymore. Carson, Rodney and John were all still involved in one way or another with the Stargate program. They were still important, she wasn't. The SGC had given her the position of a consultant to Atlantis if they ever needed her. Elizabeth knew it wasn't a real job, and that the position, small as it was, had been offered to her out of pity. Nevertheless, she had jumped at the chance to hold onto a vestige of her old job, her old life.

Carson had asked her why she hadn't taken another position. Now that Elizabeth had time to think about it, the answer was simple. For all her brave words about moving on, the reality was she couldn't bring herself to let go. She had stayed in Colorado Springs because she still clung to the hope, faint though it was, that she might be able to go back to her city, because being near Stargate Command was as close as she could get; and, if she were to be honest with herself, because Sheppard was still there.

Elizabeth stood and began clearing the garbage off of her coffee table, shaking her head as she dumped the trash in the waste bin. She didn't want to leave John but she hadn't kept in touch with him. Yeah, that made a lot of sense. Her heart leapt into her throat when the realization that she would be seeing him the following night finally hit her. Suddenly she was terrified.

SGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGA

Carson picked her up promptly at 7:00; and they spent most of the ride to the restaurant in silence, Elizabeth biting her lip and tapping her fingers nervously, and the doctor occasionally reaching out and patting her arm reassuringly.

John and Rodney had already been seated at a table, and Elizabeth felt a small grin tug at the corners of her mouth when she heard their familiar banter. Both stopped talking immediately when they saw her and Carson.

"Wow Elizabeth, you look fantastic!" McKay rose and enveloped her in a hug.

She couldn't help but smile, "Thank you Rodney, you don't look half bad yourself."

He blushed and turned to greet Carson with a slap on the back. Elizabeth's gaze shifted to John, only to find him staring intently at her. Their eyes met and she suddenly found it hard to breathe. He rose with all the fluid grace of an experienced soldier and moved to stand in front of her. Elizabeth clasped her hands awkwardly in front of her, unsure of what she should do. She settled for extending her arm for a handshake. John glanced down at her hand in surprise, then grabbed her arm and pulled her to him in a fierce hug.

"I've missed you," he whispered softly into her hair.

Elizabeth swallowed hard at his quiet confession and the feel of his warm arms encircling her, "I've missed you too."

John pulled back and she reluctantly let go. He gave her a searching look and Elizabeth knew he desperately wanted to ask why she had shut him out. To his credit he kept silent, probably because he didn't want to ruin the moment.

Beckett cleared his throat and Elizabeth started. It was only then that she realized their waiter was standing off to the side with an expectant look on his face and that she and John were the only two not sitting down. McKay and Carson had already taken their seats and the latter was watching them with a knowing smile on his face. John grinned sheepishly before pulling her chair out for her. Elizabeth felt her heart give a little flip and she knew her cheeks had acquired a pinkish tinge. Hopefully no one would be able to tell in the dimly lit restaurant.

She was surprised by how quickly they fell back into their old comfortable routine. Shortly after they'd ordered their food John had made a teasing comment about her wearing red; Elizabeth had shot back some sort of a playful rebuttal and from then on things were back to normal. Well, things were mostly back to normal. There was still…something in the air between them, an underlying tension that reared its head whenever there was a lapse in the conversation. Rodney remained oblivious to the slightly charged atmosphere, but Elizabeth could tell that Carson felt it by the little looks the doctor shot at her or John whenever the static got too thick.

Elizabeth knew without a doubt that John fully intended to have a talk with her as soon as he got a chance to be alone with her. She was well aware that in her current state she wouldn't be able to keep up her "I'm okay, you're okay, we're all okay" façade; Not with him. She couldn't allow herself to be put in that situation; she might end up revealing things that were better left unsaid.

Elizabeth felt a brief moment of panic but managed to quickly pull herself together. She could handle this, she could. She had led an expedition to another galaxy for Pete's sake! She should easily be able to deal with one attractive, charismatic, Air Force Colonel and his gorgeous, persuasive, green eyes. She stifled a groan, I am so doomed.

When the topic of discussion changed to relationships she knew she was in big trouble. Luckily the conversation steered toward Carson and Cadman and she was more than happy to tease the doctor about the young Lieutenant. Elizabeth wasn't under the illusion that she was safe however. This subject matter had danger written all over it. She had to get out of the restaurant, and fast. As soon as the discussion died down she executed her escape plan. She hadn't counted on John still being able to read her so well however. His gentle teasing as she prepared to leave was an attempt to get her to stay, or possibly a way to open up a dialogue specifically with her so that he could follow her outside on the pretense that they needed to finish their lighthearted conversation. Elizabeth wasn't fooled, but she was impressed by his diplomatic skill, which she had apparently underestimated. When she told him he was cheeky she wasn't just talking about his previous comment about her paying for dinner.

Just when she was thinking she was going to have to have that conversation with John despite all her best efforts at avoiding it, their phones all started to ring and Elizabeth heaved a sigh of relief. Then she glanced at the caller ID and her relief turned to anxiety. If Stargate Command was contacting all of them (and she could only assume that they had been the ones to contact Rodney and John) then it could mean only one thing:

Trouble