Title: Sound And Fury
Authors: Sara And Lizzie
Rating: T for language, mild sex
Disclaimer: we don't own grey's anatomy, or any anatomies but our own at that.
Author's Note: Ok. Our first Grey's Anatomy fic. Set after Derek picks Addison and Meredith sleeps with George. Review. No matter how you feel about it, review. Chapters will get longer. We tried to step it up with our grammar, but we still suck. REVIEW, PLEASE.
"So you're sleeping with him." George said.
"Yes, I'm sleeping with him. Jesus, Meredith, how did this happen?"
"I wish I knew. You know, you could have told me you scrubbed in for the surgery Derek performed on me."
"I'm sorry."
"I feel so dirty, George. What if this is all about the sex?"
"What if he loves you?"
Meredith picked up her bottle and her shot glass, but returned the shot glass to the floor and started drinking straight from her bottle. George sat with her on the floor in the kitchen, just the two of them, staring straight ahead.
"Yang, you've got patients that need tests." Bailey called out the next morning. "Karev, you take rehab today, O'Malley, scrub in with me, Izzie, Dr. Burke needs you to run labs on 324, which leaves Grey. Shepherd requested you."
"No."
"Excuse me?"
"Dr. Bailey, I'll do rounds, I'll do rectal exams. Anything."
"What Shepherd wants, he gets, Meredith."
Ain't that the truth, Meredith thought to herself, as she flipped open a chart and dutifully reported to the correct room. She didn't meet his eyes.
"What can I do for you, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked in a cold, clipped tone.
"I need to remove a clot from Mr. Dawson's brain. Thought you'd want in on the surgery."
"How thoughtful of you, Doctor. I'll scrub in." She looked at him, and then looked away immediately.
'It might simple things up for me if you did.' His own words echoed in his head. Derek winced.
She was coldly polite to him through surgery, betraying no emotion. Her performance was nearly flawless, except for a slip when they locked eyes over the operating table, and he mouthed, 'I'm sorry'.
The shift had ended. It had been tense today, with Meredith being introverted one minute, and flying out of control with rage the next. Izzie tapped her foot outside Meredith's room as Derek rang their door bell again.
"Meredith." He called up through her open window. "This is ridiculous. You have to talk to me."
She leaned out of the window and yelled. "Wrong. The only thing I have to do in life is die." She didn't care that Izzie and George and all of the neighbors and passers by could hear everything.
Izzie sighed loudly. "Meredith. I don't know what the hell is going on, and it's obvious you aren't going to tell me. But you can come to Joe's with George and I now, or you can stay here and fight with McDreamy out the window."
Meredith looked down at Derek on the street. "I can't go out there. You guys go, I'll be along later."
Izzie looked at her friend for awhile, with a concerned look. Finally she nodded and left. Derek greeted Izzie and George with a wave as they passed to the car, and out of loyalty and confusion, they both ignored him, choosing instead to drive away.
"Meredith." He called up to her. "You want to know what I see when I close my eyes? I see you, lying on a table in the OR, with blood everywhere. I remember exactly how I felt when I realized you could die on that table."
She didn't want any more gut wrenching confessions. She didn't want him hear on his white horse, like he was some Trojan hero coming to save her. She needed him to stop this story, so against her better judgment, she walked downstairs and unlocked the door.
"You know I didn't mean that." He said as he walked into her house, shutting the door behind him.
"Shut up Derek." She said her suppressed rage surfacing. "I don't give a shit what you meant. You said what you said."
"I'm sorry for saying what I said, but I can't apologize for not wanting you to get mixed up in wayward teenage drug fueled romance. Meredith, if something happened to you…."
He trailed off, angering her more. She was so tired of him not saying what he felt.
"You need to know, if I could explain us I would. I just-"
This time, she cut him off. She kissed him hard and decisively. He pulled away. "I'm trying to talk to you."
"And I'm trying not to fucking hate you right now." She whispered in a low tone. Derek hadn't been angry until now, but her unwillingness to listen, coupled with her rage fueled the fire.
He lifted her up and pushed her back against the nearest wall. She hooked her legs around his waist and reached for his zipper.
It was disorienting to wake up in the dark, in a strange bed. Derek was a self assured, cocky surgeon, but he felt himself blush with embarrassment and a little bit of shame when he remembered last night.
How he had slammed Meredith around the house. How he'd been rough in anger. And how they'd both gotten off on it. It killed him that Addison was effectively paralyzed.
He thought of breaking it off with Meredith. That was even worse. He left her sleeping, went home and thought. When he got to the hospital, he cornered her the first chance he got.
Meredith groaned inwardly as he stepped onto the elevator at the last second. He waited until they were almost on the second floor, and pressed the emergency stop button.
"I need to talk to you."
"It's funny, Derek," she responded. "I don't have anything to say to you."
"Cut the bullshit, Mere." He said, looking into her eyes. "Just give me five minutes."
She nodded. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
"I can still hear you saying that Derek." She whispered back.
He took both of her hands in his. "I need you Meredith. You know I didn't mean that. You are the last person I want to take any chances with." He pushed the button again, and she got off on the second floor, nodding to him before releasing his hands and striding away.
Derek rode up a few more floors, until it became to clear to him to avoid. He had fought this truth for too long. And here it was. Out in the open, damning, and undeniable.
He was in love with Meredith Grey. He had been since that first night.