This entire chapter was made possible, and turned out so well, all because of the brilliant and super-mega-talented LuxahHeart! We RPed, and she played Gou while I was Kai. Thank you, Luxah! You're the best! ^^

Enjoy guys! Much love, and I hope you all like this odd brainchild of mine! Let me know what you think, please? :3

Chapter Seventeen: Out in the Cold

I twist the screw into place, the handle of the pointed screwdriver hurting my swollen fingers. For those unaware, getting older can lead to problems even if you're healthy.

Hearing what sounds like footsteps, I push to stand up from my squatting position on my bedroom floor and glance at the doorway to see someone I didn't expect to. At least not until dinner.

"What's up? You need something?" I ask, part of me knowing why they're here.

Squinting my eyes and slightly tilting my head to one side, I notice traces of what seem to be tear tracks. Spotting they may be paved over with a fresh pour, I step up to the shorter boy, in an attempt to brush and flick them away with the knuckle of my right index finger. I succeed and then pivot to reach for the brand new coat I have neatly folded over the edge of the bed, lifting it with a single hand.

Playfully dropping it onto his head, I say, "Why don't we take a walk?"

A scowl settles over my face as I roughly yank the thick, black thing off the top of my head with an audible huff. Miraculously I find my feet and manage to follow my taller doppelganger.

I don't know what to say, nor do I want to say anything either. I more or less promised - Uncle Max - that I would try. So here I am. Trying.

I decide not to react to that. I've made life hard for my brother-in-law and son. Leaving would cut anyone deep, but make it as abrupt as I did, and you have a mess that's harder to clean up than permanent marker on a wall. But over time, I hope that my actions can make the wounds fade. I know they'll never fully vanish but it's worth a shot, right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Stepping outside, I kick away the ice and snow concealing the stone steps adjacent to the front garden. Directly connected to them is a long driveway that I'm certain is just as covered and dangerous. So we won't be taking that snake-like route.

Peering back at my younger reflection, I say, "Tread carefully, it's a bumpy and slippery slope," I suddenly feel hot and clammy. Gee, I wonder why!

For a moment I ponder being as clumsy as possible just to spite the old man. Though I quickly think better of it given it's my body I'd be potentially breaking. I heed Kai's warning, timidly tiptoeing down the steps.

"Where to?" I ask in a small relieved huff, translucent clouds appearing with every movement of my lips.

I point to a looming tree some several feet away as I say, "To there, the big one weighed down in snow,"

I take a step forward. However, when I don't hear any crunching other than my own, I stop and spin back around.

Putting my frozen hands to my hips, I humorously ask, "What? Do you wanna build a snowman?"

"No, and in case you haven't noticed, Hawkeye, everything is covered in snow," I retort with a snippy tone, my face steaming as if I've stepped out of a hot shower.

I mirror a look most know all-too-well as it's one that's been stationed on his face too, especially back then. From what the internet research showed me it was his signature next to the blue paint.

I snort, smirking at the visual wise-crack while I stuff my hands in my pockets. "I'm aware, but if you have trouble finding it feel free to follow in my footsteps,"

I turn on my heel and start in the direction of the tree, the pacing of my strides shorter and much slower than usual. I refuse to leave him behind again.

"You're sticking out like the assistant principal's waddle after she visits the broom closet, come on, keep up," I playfully yell, hoping it'll coax him along.

I visibly gag, "You really should stop trying to be funny, you're horrible at it,"

I laugh loudly, "It's getting you to follow me, ain't it? Let's go, Mr. Moody,"

The air twists into a thicker mass, and with Gou now at my side, I softly ask, "What made you cry?"

"Hormones," I answer with a grumble, briefly feeling like a fool for choosing to run to him like that.

I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not supposed to need someone holding me tight and telling me everything will be okay as I sob uncontrollably or throw a hissy fit about how unfair life has been.

I can't run away from it anymore... The fact that we share a history and the same blood flows through their veins. How could I be so blind? How could I not see the uncanny resemblance?! Everyone else clearly could! Pointers aside, we are in every sense of the word strangers to each other. Can I, truly trust him the way I've been urged to though?

My heart sinks at being lied to but I disguise it well. "I see... Could it be that you're really afraid? Afraid of me, afraid of what will happen if you let me in, again? The unknown?"

Looking at Gou, I say, "Don't think I don't see it. Ask me anything you want. Rip me a new one if you must,"

My face saddens, "I'm here to stay this time... I want a life with you yes but I won't force it. I only want you to be happy again, understand?"

My feet come to a stop just shy of where the bulging roots of the tree sporadically branch out, a painful lump catching in my throat as my stomach somersaults and twists in anger and uncertainty. No doubt about it, he's right, I am scared.

This time... He won't force it? Kai makes it sound so easy, effortless even.

"I don't know where to- Where do I, do I start?" I stutter and stammer out, my heart pounding so loud I can hear it in my head and breaths haggard.

Am I seriously doing this? Is this real life?

"W-why... So, why don't you, g-go first?" I ask, beginning to shake, my lips quaking too within the fear-induced pressure.

I wait, unable to breathe after my question exits. His unwavering attention steadily draws my gaze up towards him, and our eyes lock, all I feel flooding to the surface. The white world around me falls away, crumbling into nothing, making him all I see.

I softly smile, trying to reassure him. With a kind voice, I say, "And that's okay. One step at a time,"

Going serious, I step closer to the tree that seems frozen, untouched by time. With a bittersweet tone, I add on, "I asked Charlotte for her hand here," I peer at Gou, straining a smile as I force back the almost instantaneous tears, "Your mother, she said yes, o-of course,"

I wipe my eyes, not wanting to break down in front of him.

I shift, clearly caught off guard by the emotional expression sitting on Kai's face at the moment.

"I know about mom. Remember? I want to know about you, in your words, why you left... Us, me?"

"Ah, right. My side," I lick my chapped lips and frankly say, "I drank so much then, that, I was afraid I'd hurt you," I take in a sharp breath, "So I, I gave you up,"

I face my boy directly, waiting for a reaction, anything at all is better than nothing. Will he hate me for this? I wouldn't fault him for it. Hell, I hate myself for it!

"Because you secretly blamed me for, for what happened to her, right?" I ask innocently, not once tearing my gaze away from Kai.

"... Not when I was sober," I reluctantly admit, regretting every word and the memories that follow.

"I couldn't handle the stress, but know that I did love you then just as I do now. I couldn't see past my own pain. It wasn't your fault, and in my heart I knew that. Still, you deserved better, needed better, so I left you with your favorite uncle. I didn't fully realize I'd made that choice until the blackout faded and I was on the other side of the globe,"

At that, my eyes finally trail away as I process what Kai said, and although my face gives nothing away I can't ignore the stinging in my chest or the pricks at the edges of my eyes.

"Then why... Why didn't you come back for me if you loved me so damn much?!" I fire out, trying to hide the hurt, to be strong. My sore eyes turn back up and angrily lock on to Kai. Forget it, I want him to see the damage.

I run my trembling fingers down my ever-heating face and quivering lips. Through tears of my own, I say, "Because once I'd sobered up, got clean, I felt you didn't need me. That I didn't have the right to return, that it was too late,"

I sniffle, willing myself to still and keep my composure.

My teeth clench and my body shakes. As hard as I try to keep the tears at bay, they fight and roll their way down my face anyway.

"That's bullshit!" I screech, "Everyone needs their parents, needs to know that they are wanted, loved, needed too! I'd already l-lost one, and th-then you decided to leave m-me!"

My voice becomes unusable for a minute. The air entering my lungs suddenly burns my throat and becomes daggers upon impact, stabbing my insides repeatedly. This grounds me to the tangible environment again, and as a result my body is left feeling heavier than ever before.

I continue to heave in air after the outburst despite the sharp pains, my whole body tense and trembling harder.

"But you're right. I don't need you. I've been fine without you all this time. So I don't know why you're bothering to stick around!"

"Because, I'd, like a second chance, to show you that what we had as student and teacher can still be possible even with the recent changes. I'm the same man you met back in August,"

I feel my body go numb, and wait with bated breath for Gou's answer. A simple yes or no would suffice, but given the temper and mouth he's inherited, I have a sneaking suspicion I'll get another verbal assault, maybe more if Gou decides to swing.

I sniffle a little, Kai's words catching me off guard and more so his calm demeanor. I'm left remembering the question I was told to ponder, part of it being what led me to cry earlier.

Truth be told, I'd been expecting him to yell back, plead some more, or do... Something else other than what he is. I'm left speechless, and it's giving me time to calm down, recollect myself.

"So that's what you want? Just to pretend? Say we're nothing more than teacher and student? Why do that when the whole house knows?!" I get out after a bit, still showing my hurt.

Kai may have changed for the better, letting his actions speak louder than anything else, but that doesn't stop my wound from widening.

I place a gentle hand on Gou's shoulder. "I'm not one for playing pretend. I'm saying that I want to reconcile, make up for my mistakes. If you'll allow me to,"

"Well I can't stop you," I utter, feeling uneasy and flinching slightly at Kai's hand on my shoulder. And yet, in some odd way, I find myself relaxing under the warmth and comfort it provides.

"I don't... I don't know what I want to be honest. It hurts. All of it. Feel like I wasn't good enough for you. But then again, I can't be angry at you. I know not all battles are easily won. I just... Wish you'd come back sooner,"

I remove my hand and stand there in shock for a moment. This kid is unbelievable. When not stoned or drunk off his ass, he's mature and insightful. He's far from me, more like his mother and uncle, and I'm grateful for that beyond measure.

"We can wish all we'd like but it won't change the day-to-day. I wish I'd come to my senses sooner, seen what I'd gained rather than what I'd lost. But, alas, I didn't," I nervously shrug, "Twelve years later, here we are. All we can do now is try. What do you say?"

A bitter breeze cuts through my clothes and bites at my skin, slamming me back into the physical realm.

"Hurry, or I'll be called Mr. No Nuts next year,"

My nose wrinkles a little. Why can't he just say he's cold? Must be a Hiwatari thing.

"Please. Stop. You're not funny," I comment before looking to be in deep thought.

My shoulders in time rise up in a sluggish shrug, and after sliding my hands into the pockets of my coat, I say, "Don't make me regret this,"

"I'll do my best,"

With our conversation at its end, I lead the way back inside.

While Gou walks next to me, my big ears pick up on something rustling in the distance. We're being watched it seems, and it's not by any surrounding nature.