Chapter Nineteen: Present
A month has inched by, though in hindsight I can't believe it's already been that long.
It's December, and Winter refuses to let up. The snow piles higher with every passing day and the layers of ice continue to thicken.
What little festivities we're deciding to hold only serve to fuel the emptiness I feel. The adults are trying to give us a sense of normalcy and fun things to do. Keyword, trying. I paint on a smile and am thankful for the gestures, but it does little to sway my overall mood for more than a few minutes. I can't help but worry. What else could be stripped away from me? Don't answer that.
Today, in the evening hours of December 24th, has me once more driving uncle Max to physical therapy. He's using a cane now and is doing pretty well with it. He's mostly unassisted, but that doesn't stop me from pulling a Kai and pushing my way in at times. I currently live with him but the day Kai's out of the hospital I'm going to live with him at the manor. Uncle says Kai sold his home to turn the lights back on and was in the process of refinancing when he got hurt.
As hard as it is, I've finally adjusted to seeing him as my uncle, even calling him that instead of papa or dad. And although my heart refuses to see him in anything other than a fatherly light it's doing its best to change.
Once I know uncle Max is safe with the therapist, I make my way across the street and around a far bend to another hospital.
I'm not sure why, but I haven't been able to see Kai, find him. This region is full of specialty buildings plus a good chunk of the hospitals here, and I suspect that he may be doing some involuntary hospital hopping... But, despite my age and our odd long-storied relationship, I'd still like to at least know he's not dead! I look like him, how can medical professionals question whether or not I'm his son?! Oh yeah, he's a once high-profile celebrity. There may still be impersonators, I get it.
The sliding doors open, and right away I'm hugged by Sinead.
"Happyyyyy Christmaaaassss!" Sinead sings.
I hug her back and tell her the same once she lets go, minus the melody. I can't carry a tune to save my life. Then, her Nan takes a turn.
"Hey, to you too, Maeryn," I say, my voice strained from being squeezed and muffled by her shoulder.
I hear Lionel laughing from the row of chairs nearby but do nothing in retaliation. I'd be laughing my ass off too if she spun and hugged him as she does me. I wonder if this is what having a mother feels like.
Feeling my air supply lessen, I hug her back with some loud pats and she happily sets me free.
"How are you today?" Maeryn asks as I inhale deeply. I don't think I'll ever get used to that.
Sinead's grandmother asked me to call her by her first name a couple of weeks ago during a conversation that ended in me going asleep in her lap. I'd had a bad breakdown and no one was awake but her. So, we had tea and talked about life thus far. I'm just happy she doesn't hate me for being like Ebenezer Scrooge lately.
"Whatcha doin' here?" Lionel cheerfully pipes in, unmoving from his spot by the wall.
I notice the three are wearing coordinated Christmas sweaters. On the foresty green colored fronts are some candy canes that appear to light up when a button is pressed, and the edges are bright red with white stripes on the arms.
With a seconds-long smirk, I say, "Tending to the elderly,"
"Tending to the elderly?" Sinead asks, visibly confused.
Looking at her, I say, "I'm joking... I just dropped off uncle Max at therapy and now I'm gonna try and visit Kai, if he's here that is,"
The three go quiet once I mention him, and after a minute of taking in the somber faces, Maeryn is the one to speak.
"You two go on ahead, start handing out the gifts and stuffs, I'll be with you shortly,"
As they head out into the parking lot to get the stuff for whatever charity work they're doing, I'm guided out of the lobby.
"How have you been nowadays? School's on break so I'm at home," I say as we walk along a white corridor, her a step ahead of me.
"I'm doing well, considerin'. Helping Sinead and Lionel find their way through life. Told Lionel last night if he was truly planning to take her hand in marriage then he had find a better place and do his best to keep a stable job. Sinead doesn't need to suffer any more than she already has,"
I nod at that, fully agreeing with all she says. "That sounds like a plan. I'm gonna find a place soon,"
"Think it through while you can, babe, it's not easy living on your own. You don't have to be out of the home at a certain time or by a certain age," she says, her tone sweet like always.
She's not trying to deter me from the decision only hoping I'll be smart about it, and I can get behind that.
I recently learned from her, one night while hanging out after work, that the young couple had not only dated before but were split up for many months because of her father. He didn't want Sinead having another man in her life. That's awful. I can't begin to imagine what that kind of life must've been like.
We walk what I assume is only the first set of steps before I push open the heavy door to a new unit. From what I can see it starts with another large waiting area.
Behind a half-moon shaped desk, sits a tall and dark skinned guy with slicked-back white hair. He informs us that his name is, Rick Anderson, and adds on that he's the head of this particular wing.
"What can I help you with?" Nurse Anderson asks as he stands up, stepping around to make his way to us. Geez, and I thought Kai was tall! This guy makes him look... average! That being said, he's nowhere near as intimidating. He reminds me of uncle Gary honestly.
"Can you take us to Kai Hiwatari's room, please? I'm not exactly sure where to go and I couldn't find anyone to ask," Maeryn says.
She appears to be dreading his answer and I am too in a way. Neither of us wants another 'no,' 'run around reasons,' or more excuses.
I watch the one called Rick for any visual changes. I'd like at least a clue on what to expect. However, I'm unable to read him and that unnerves me.
"Is he an immediate family member?" Nurse Anderson asks, his voice gruff but kind.
"He's Kai's biological son, and I'm doing some charity work downstairs," Maeryn states, a hand going to her heart. Is she begging him for help? The answer, most likely yes.
After thinking it over some more, the nurse asks me to sterilize any and all exposed skin with the hand sanitizer hanging upside down by the door. Maeryn is then asked to leave, and told that he'll be the one to bring me back out.
She hesitantly does so, but only after I've reassured her a good amount of times that I'm absolutely sure I'll be fine. Once deemed clean I'm given some scrubs to slide on over my clothes and after those are tied into place I'm handed a sterile mask and pair of gloves to wear as well.
While the man takes me through the echoey, tunnel-like hallways and other adjoining double doors, my mind can't help but list off all I was informed of over time...
I found out from Mr. Fernandez that Sinead's father had scaled the gate into the community and entered the walled-off property Kai owned. That's why Kai shoved me inside... He somehow knew he was there and wanted to protect all of us from whatever horrors that man was plotting. He threw himself into the line of fire for the couple in black and us twice, hence the wounds. Thanks to Kai and the cops' efforts he'll never be able to further harm anyone again.
After twisting and turning within what feels like a maze into another dimension where time seems all but nonexistent, we finally make it to what I can only describe as a lone window-shop type of room.
On either side of the lilac painted door are two large windows and inside the room is a slew of beeping machines and a single bed with the edges raised high. In front of that is a pale blue, floor length curtain that slides along a metal rod attached to the joins of the ceiling and wall. My only light source is in the hallway so I can't see the details too well.
"He was transported from Trauma 2 across town sometime this morning. This is Open-Heart Recovery level 4. He's been on life-support until today and only got out of the first of many major surgeries a few hours ago. I'm sorry we didn't inform you of all this. He had no family listed in his records," the nurse says, doing his best to keep a straight face.
I look at him and shrug, trying to steel my nerves, brace for the impact I know this will have on me.
I follow him inside after he flips the first switch up. This gives me enough light to see but it's not intrusive enough to disturb Kai.
I stop midway between the entrance and the bed, frozen with terror. This feels like a horrible nightmare and I keep hoping I'll wake up from it soon, but rhythmic beeps and robotic breaths reveal different to me.
Mr. Anderson notices, and with an encouraging smile, he tacs on, "You ever seen any of this before?"
As he goes to check Kai's vitals on the machines, he keeps talking, "If you come closer I can teach you about them. It's kind of hard to get a good grasp of it from over there,"
I give a half-hearted chuckle before nodding and, as he plucks up Kai's clipboard on the footboard of the bed, he gives me a wider smile before going to work, pen in hand.
While not feeling completely at ease, his kindness gives me the strength to step up. Looking the screens over I skittishly follow the machines and trail my way down and through the mangled forest of tubes and wires that go every which way. They appear to go everywhere except the way I want them to... out. My worst fears are realized in an instant, and I nearly crumble to the floor. Fighting it, I decide to grip the bed's railing instead.
The nurse proceeds to explain the purpose of this stuff as my eyes travel the Hell in front of me...
Kai's swollen all over and his skin is a darker shade because of it. Electrodes are what's glued to Kai's scalp and making his hair a matted mess. They're checking his brain for any kind of damage.
Feeding tubes are shoved up into his nose and lead down into his stomach.
Inside his agape mouth is a ginormous tube which is taped in place and connected to a ventilator that I understand sends air to your unworking lungs. The strong blasts of air essentially force them to open and contract, teaching them how to work again.
On his chest are more electrodes that connect to a heart monitor.
His right hand hosts an IV line that extends to a morphine drip. The thick, clothespin looking, beige colored base of it has a bright red indicator light on the open side of it. The light burns my eyes somewhat so I don't like to look at it. The heavy looking thing covers his index finger from the tip up to his busted knuckles.
On a hook-laden rod hang a variety of bags and tubes full of painkillers, food similar to that of baby formula, and other hard-hitting cocktails.
From beneath the pale blue gown, I see that he's wrapped from the chest down to his feet, and his hands are mummied up too.
I had no idea that seeing him would hurt, not this much!
"Damnit!" I scream out, finally breaking down.
Nurse Anderson finishes his check and assessment before gingerly moving me to sit in a wooden chair by the door. There, he lets me cry it out.
"I can't imagine how you feel, I'm so sorry. Know that we'll do all we can for him, and you too,"
While I sob further, he soothingly explains that I can't do that over the bed. If I need to cry I'll have to sit here or leave the room. He's not being callous, it's just protocol. Kai needs to stay clean. I understand that, and I even verbalize so, but it's still difficult to take.
Brushing the hair out of and off my steaming, red hot face, Mr. Anderson wipes my tears away as he asks, "How old are you?"
"Six-sixteen, sir," I croakily answer, trying my best to catch my breath.
"Ohhh, you're that big? Well I'll be. You drivin' yet, got a cute girl latchin' on to ya?"
"Yes- No-hohoho no," I say through a chortle. After his teasing I'm able to calm down and grab a hold of my emotions again.
The man stands back up and gleefully says, "Well which is it? Yes and no, what?"
I compose myself after laughing some more, and upon inhaling a hard sniffle, I look up and answer him. "Yes, I do drive, but no I don't have a girl on my arm,"
Putting his hands on his hips, the nurse says, "Don't sweat it, you'll find someone,"
I wipe my eyes further, wanting to dry them quickly. Mr. Anderson says he'll get me another suit if I feel up to trying again. After a minute or so, I accept his kind offer.
Before I can blink the two of us are freshened up and back in the room, standing at Kai's bedside.
"You can hold his hand," he sweetly says.
At his words, I reach up and out tentatively. The moment I take the hand in mine, I surprisingly don't feel the icy chill of death I'd been dreading. Kai's hand is comfortingly warm, and that gives me the strength to grip it completely. He's alive, and that's a thought I'll be keeping with me.
"And don't be afraid to talk to him. Even in a coma they can hear you,"
Mr. Anderson leaves me be, saying that he's now got to go tend to another tenant, but adds that he'll be back to get me shortly. Emphasizing that I have no more than thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes, I was informed that's all we're allowed until tomorrow. I'll only get to see him two times a day, and that's it.
"Hey, it's uh, it's Gou. It's Christmas Eve now. You've been out for a month... It's time to quit being lazy and wake up... I uh, I wanted to, to see you. See how you were, ya know, holdin' up. You've got a long battle ahead of you, ya hearin' me? But you know what? You're doing great. Just keep fighting. You're not alone, we're all right here, waiting, for you. I-"
I've been told I can't touch him beyond this, and it's because I can't that I want more than anything to hug him goodbye.
Licking my dry lips, I tearfully say, "Merry Christmas Eve, dad, old man. I haven't decided what to call you yet... I'll be back soon, I promise,"
Once said, I choke out a stabbing sob and rush away, unable to handle anymore or keep anything else at bay.
In time, my guide arrives and he leads me to an elevator tucked in a corner behind his desk. I thank him and tell him I'll be back and he says he'll put me in the Visitor's logbook so my being here won't be questioned.
He gives me a bearhug and tells me he'll see me tomorrow. I hug him back hoping I won't drip any bodily fluids on him.
Following that, I head back down to the lobby to find Mrs. Claus and her elves reading The Polar Express to a large group of kids and their families while binging on hot chocolate and cookies along with other sugary sweets. I can't help but smile at the serene scene. It's warm and inviting, the way the season should be, and for a bit I feel at peace too.
My cell phone vibrates a couple of times, and I take that as my cue to go. I know who it is and what they need. That knowledge further reinforces the path my mind is taking. I've got to enjoy what I can while I can and be stronger for those I care for... Be a proper man and hold them up in all the ways that they have me.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! I thought it'd be fitting to have a Christmas themed chapter. They'll be another themed one too. Hopefully I'll be able to get it up before the season is up. I hope you all like this chapter and that your festivities are full of happy times and love. :)
You all are amazing. I wish you warmth and many well wishes. Stay safe and healthy! ^^