An Incorrect Summary of RWBY Vol. 1
Volume 1 is considered to be medium of the road for RWBY. It's mainly a high school anime set in a fantasy/modern/sci-fi world with some minor dashings of racism and a larger plot. Animation-wise, it looks like it was made with Paper-Mache except for the fight scenes, which are spectacular. It's probably the best place to start with this show, all things considered. I give it a Nostalgic Old Toy That Doesn't Hold Up That Well/10.
Ruby Rose:
We open with a monologue by the Cortona lady, however, like the real-life version, she doesn't answer anything and just makes you go to Google instead. We actually open at night with Roman Torchwick and some friendly enforcers. You can tell they're important because they are not void people. We go to some store that's still open at like 10 at night.
"Hi there. I'm a small and upcoming Youtuber who is doing a big giveaway, and you're the lucky winner!"
"So, where my Benjamins at?"
"And by giveaway, you're giving us your sponsorships."
"Aw, naw, that's how I get my bread!"
One of the enforcers walks to a teenage girl wearing headphones.
"Hey, what watcha reading? I need to find great deals using Honey."
Girl turns around, revealing herself to be Ruby Rose.
"No way, get your own sponsor."
Enforcer goes flying out the window with Ruby following after him. She lands and pulls out a big scythe.
"Cue my intro."
Ruby then takes down innocent mob enforcers with cinematic flair. Just go watch the fight onlinr. It's that good. However, our heroine spots Roman going up a ladder and follows him.
"Listen, Little Red, I didn't come out here to shoot kids. If I did, I would have streamed Fortnite."
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have come out like an emo ginger Michael Jackson."
"Screw it, killing a kid."
Ruby almost dies but is saved by the Librarian GF. Roman remembered to call in a flying cab and almost leaves. The Library GF uses magic psychic powers to damage the ship, but Roman has his own waifu to battle with, Mysterious Shadow Lady GF. They fight with Roman and the mysterious woman flying away. I don't think Psychic is weak to fire, so I call bull.
We transition to a jail cell where Ruby is awaiting crimes for being a public nuisance when Ozpin comes in.
"Hey, kid, wanna do the plot of My Hero Acadamia for the first three seasons then just do Avatar?"
"I mean, maybe. I guess."
"I'll thrown in a sponsorship from NordVPN."
"Hell yeah!"
"Ozpin, this is highly irresponsible. She is way too young for this type of work."
"Nah, it'll be fine."
The Shining Beacon:
We open with Ruby and her criminal sister, Yang, who still escapes justice after the destruction of the club. Some boring stuff happens and then we land. Yang immediately ditches Ruby because what else she won't do, and leaves Ruby by herself. Ruby then meets Weiss after an anime trip fall. Weiss scolds Ruby by shoving particles of Raid: Shadow Legends in her face, causing an explosion from the hidden virus with in it. Somehow, no one died. Suspension of disbelief ruined.
We also meet Blake who puts Weiss in her place by saying she still never got that Audible sponsorship. Weiss storms off, leaving Ruby alone till Jaune shows up. Jaune and Ruby walk until Ruby pulls out her scythe, which instills a sense of fear because her blade is bigger than his ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
They both go into the building and Ruby leaves Jaune all alone, not noticing the Amazon GF behind him. Ruby meets up with Yang and Weiss is there also. Ozpin comes up and says his encouraging speech:
"Alright, ya little trash bags, I'm only going to say this once. You screw up once and you're dead. This ain't no daycare, no safe space. You make me look bad, I'll make you worse. You whine about crunch time, the only thing that will be crunching are cans of champagne as I profit off of your work. I am the Mouse, I am the one who knocks. For the next four years, if you survive, I own you and your phone."
….
"Okay, you can go."
Everyone leaves and its night now. You can skip this part except where they meet Blake, who becomes the most relatable person by immediately want two strangers to leave her alone.
The First Step:
We open with Ren and Nora, who are side characters and nothing more. We shift to Weiss and Pyrrha. Weiss desperately wants to collab with Pyrrha to boost her Twitch channel, but Pyrrha isn't about the sponsors. She's about the content. Jaune tries to get both of them into his collab but only succeeds with one. We then go to a cliff with Ozpin and everyone else.
"Alright, you parasites, here's what's going to happen: I am going to throw you off this cliff and you will crawl to the temple 20 miles away. Find the aluminum pieces of garbage I placed there and get back not dead. Also which ever loser you see first is your bed buddy. Understood?"
"Uh sir, what was that about the cliff?"
"Okay, blond boy, you're first."
And they all fall off the cliff.
Ruby kills a bird and runs through the forest, eventually finding Weiss.
"I don't want be partners with you."
"Aw, come on Weiss, why not?"
"Only one of us has been in Youtube Rewind."
"Weiss, nobody cares about Rewind anymore. It's all corporate-safe now."
"Well, its my brand being promoted!"
We move to Juane, who's makeshift Passion of the Christ scene leaves much to be desired. Also, we're on episode like 5 now, and I still can't tell the differences anymore.
So, we're in the Emerald Forest (roll cred- NO!) as we see Yang land and not shatter her knees on landing. She then finds three friendly bears and murders all of them. Blake also shows up.
"So, do you find wanton destruction of animals fun, or is that just a blond thing?"
"I don't know; can that ass fart?"
"If this was anything else, I would have left you for dead."
We move over to side character Ren and he befriends a snake. Unfortunately, there's a no pets rule on Beacon so Ren does the logical thing and kills it. Also, Nora's there.
Jaune quits being a D-list actor and admits to Pyrrha that he doesn't know how to edit videos. Pyrrha gives him Editor power, which changes nothing except Jaune sometimes glows. Jaune leads the both of them into the cave of the BFS. The Big Friendly Scorpion. Unfortunately, Jaune and Pyrrha don't want Mister Scorpion's old stories of slum life in the 70's and leave with him on his tail.
Ruby and Weiss bicker and walk into the woods until they encounter a hoard battle full of Pokémon. They try to change the system into another RPG, but fail at their timed team attacks and destroy everything instead.
Players and Pieces:
Everyone arrives at the Trash Temple either through bird, bear, or scorpion. Ruby tries to save the day, but fails and gets bailed by Weiss. They all decided that running away is easier than animal murder and they all leave. Unfortunately, they can't stop fates from crossing and encounter the BFS and Dennis, the friendly bird. This valley is where all the animation budget went to because this fight scene so god damn good. Eventually, the bird and scorpion are dead, and we have our title team RWBY (pronounced Rwuubiee).
The Badge and the Burden:
We open with out girls doing fun anime things that isn't death, so we skip to another boing scene: class. You thought this was all fun and games? Naw, buddy, we're in mandatory study time now.
"Alright children, who wants to kill this pig?"
"I do!"
"Great!"
And so, Weiss Weiss Baby fights the ManBearPig, minus the man and bear. She has difficulty because the pig is also a rom hack from Sonic the Hedgehog an ns into her. Weiss eventually kills it, but not before telling Ruby that she doesn't like her and will make a call out video tomorrow.
Later, Weiss goes see the Pig Man and asks if she should have been the main character.
"Nonsense! Main character status isn't something you buy, it's something you're born into."
"But this is an ensemble show. There's a bunch of characters."
"Well, don't you remember from pre-school? "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit?" Do we have to go back to pre-school, Miss Schneeeee?"
"No, sir."
Meanwhile, Ruby asks Ozpin if he made a mistake in making her team mascot. Oz says no, he already made mistakes and they're gone now. Ruby, confused yet confident, goes back and I don't know, watch Tic-Tok or something.
Later that, night Weiss delivers Ruby coffee like any good late night college studier does.
"Ruby, I learned my lesson. I really should have gone to pre-school when I was younger. Also, I'm not mad about you being team leader."
"Okay, then what were you upset about?"
"You used my soap without asking me."
"You acted so much like a bitch to me that I thought I had to prove myself to you, all for a bar of soap?"
"Do you want your coffee or not?"
Jaundice:
This is the side character episode. Some people complain that Jaune is Miles Luna's self-insert, but the opposite is the truth. Only a talentless hack fraud would write a character so bland and call it themselves.
Anyway, the main conflict of the episode is that Jaune sucks and he's not doing anything about it. He has basically a demi-god on his team and still refuses help. You could say this is stupid, but I say its realistic. Any man who struggles knows they revert to their ape-like instincts and refuses help until death or they give up.
Jaune gets bullied by Generic Bully man from hit movie, Teen Movie. Pyrrha tries to confront Jaune about his beta male behavior.
"Jaune, you got to stop Cardin from bullying you. You're not going to be Danny Phantom if you jump off this roof."
"Honestly, Pyrrha, I'm kinda sad you think I'm in that depressive state of mind that suicide is a valuable option. But its not that. Truth is, I used Express VPN to cheat my way into Beacon and post region-locked videos, so I'm a big fraud."
"Well, well, well, Jaune-boy."
"Cardin! And why are you suddenly Italian?"
"I ain't Cardin anymore. I'm Tony, now! And since you let your big secret into the open like that, you're going to need protection."
"No, Cardin, don't say it."
"Someone like today's sponsor, Surfshark VPN!"
"Noooooooooooooooo!"
Forever Fall:
We open with a lunch scene where we learn racism against gamers exist, but that's ignored for Jaune's character arc. Jaune is pressed into an unfair agreement with Surfshark and now must plug their company into everyone of his videos until Tony lets him go.
We then go to the Forever Fall; where everything's red. The names continue to lie to me. Goodwitch explains the situation.
"Okay, we're here to find some red stuff from trees. Don't eat it; it's definitely poisonous and not tasty at all. Anyone caught gets sent to 10 months in dungeon. Okay, go have fun."
Cardin and Jaune go to a cliff, where they can Assassin Creed their fellow students.
"Okay, Jauney, here's the plan: You're going to throw this sap at one of those mooks over there."
"Like, one of my friends."
"Yeah, like the red-headed one. Then, we're going to open this box to unleash the bees and recreate the scene from my favorite Nicholas Cage movie."
"I actually prefer The Vampire's Kiss."
Before Cardin can give the order, Jaune stands up for himself and calls upon his bear friend to help. Unfortunately, the bear is too high leveled for Jaune to control. So, Jaune defeats the bear and wins Cardin's respect all by himself.
I would say that if Pyrrha didn't reveal she's Amazon Magneto and Support Killed the bear. And so, the lesson today is to find the overpowered one in your group and pray to God they're attracted to your white bread ass.
The Stray:
We open with team RWBY sneaking off to E3 to snag the info for the latest Mario Maker update, when they see a robbed store.
"I'm telling ya, it's those gamers!" A kindly police officer says. "It's always them who keep stealing sponsors from hard working make-up Youtubers."
"Carl, that's your excuse for everything," His partner said.
"Well, maybe the gamers did cause Karen to take the kids."
Weiss decided to voice her opinions. "Gamers truly are nothing more than raging 4-chaners whining about politics in video games."
"Hey, that's a gross oversimplification of a community," Blake offered. "Maybe you should be more open about marginalized communities."
"Stop that gamer!"
We then meet Sun, who is the best character unless you read the novels. But I can't so he's still the best. Sun escapes systematic discrimination through wacky hijinks and also attracts the hidden catgirl gamer. The team tries to chase after him, but fail and meet another girl instead.
"Hello, I'm Penny! Real human youtuber and not a Virtual Youtuber created by Atlas!"
"Huh?"
"I'm sorry. I'll repeat again. Hello, I'm Penny and -"
"No, we got that. Did you see a stylishly dressed gamer running through here like someone who saw Joker?"
"Weiss!" Blake protested.
"I'm sorry, I can't say. However, I would ask of you to like, comment, ring the bel, and subscribe to my channel."
"Okay, well, bye Penny. I'll subscribe later." Ruby waved goodbye.
"You! Red one! Did you say you will subscribe to my channel?"
"I mean maybe…"
"Thank you! You are my first subscriber besides my father. I promise to post content that is not cringe to not lose subscriber!"
"Okay, good luck with that."
And they leave with Weiss and Blake getting into a Twitter debate all the way home.
"They're alt-right and dangerous!"
"They're just passionate about what they like! It shouldn't be a crime to discriminate someone because they play GTA or Pokémon Mystery Dungeon!"
"They're a menace to society and should all be shot!"
"Maybe we should have risen up harder!"
With that, Blake's secret is revealed. She runs away while everyone looks on. Blake goes outside and reveals that she is, in fact, a weeb gamer. A forbidden love made manifest. Also Sun's there.
"Hey, I know we just met and all, but do you want to check out my Soundcloud?"
Blake and White:
We open with what remains of team RWBY trying to find their lost member. Because with out a fourth, the title would be RWY, and that's not marketable to advertisers. They meet up with Penny again.
"Penny, we need your help to find a catgirl gamer and a K-Pop boy band reject!"
"Okay, I can find them through their IP address."
"Isn't that kinda shady?"
"Not at all, Yellow Girl! All companies use people's IP address to find what content is most catering to them. Ah, it turns out that Sun and Blake at some warehouse. They wouldn't have been found so easy if they used -"
"Okay Penny, we really don't need an ad now. We need to get over there."
"Don't worry. I can fly there with just Ruby."
"What? Why?"
"Because Ruby is the only one out of all of you who subscribed. And now, subscriber Ruby, we transition to the mid-roll ads!"
Earlier, we see Sun and Blake drinking their gamersupps on a roof café.
"So, what's the whole deal with Gamers anyway?"
"Well, long ago, there lived two races. The Normies and the Tumblrites. The Tumblrites then fractured into many subgroups: weebs, gamers, DeviantArt artists. Eventually, the Normies and their liberal media started oppressing all the groups, the gamers most of all. We tried to change public view, but all that got us was "Do Video Games Cause Violence?" and Gamergate. Eventually, the gamers decided to rise up and fought back for our respect. We know have that respect, but out of fear."
"So, basically, gamers rose too hard and now everyone hates them."
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Okay, but what does that have to do with the animal parts that we're born with?"
"I don't know. Anyway, you want to help me stop some gamers?"
"I don't know about that. I'm a simple K-Pop boy band member."
"If you help me, I might sleep with you."
"That's a possibility I'm willing to take."
Later, Blake uses exceptional stealth tactics from Metal Gear Solid to get on a rooftop and just wait there. Eventually, Twitch moderator Roman Torchwick appears, and Blake runs in to hold him at knife point.
"What is this for, Torchwick? Moderators would never help out gamers."
"Oh, don't you know? We're not just here for sponsorships. We're here to make a revolution. Where the common man no longer has to deal with corporations to get paid."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, but that would ruin the surprise. Also, you're surrounded. and I can tell them to ban you from life."
Fortunately, Sun jumps in and there's a really good fight sequence. Ruby and Penny also arrive and managed to drive Roman away back to his private Discord call.
Eventually, everyone else arrives too, including Weiss.
"Blake, I want to say something. I don't judge you for what you are. I now know you're a person, with feelings too, and I'm sorry for the way I acted."
"Wow, Weiss, that's profound of you. So, does that mean you don't hate gamers anymore?"
"Oh no, I still hate them and the rest of the minorities. I just don't hate you anymore."
"Well, that's a step in the right direction, I guess."
Meanwhile, in the Discord call.
"Getting bullied again, I see, Roman?"
"Gah, Cinder. Don't surprise me like that. Besides, you didn't see those kids. They fear nothing, not even death or permaban."
"Don't worry your pretty little head," a woman in a red dress and her two lackies stepped out of the shadows. "We have ways of lessening their influence. All we need is right here; with Father Google Chrome."
The first volume down! Thank you to everyone who left reviews, followed and favorited this story already! It means a lot.
I'm going to be honest; this won't be updated as frequently as my other stories. There will be changes to formatting. For one, I'll probably ditch the episode-by-episode basis and just give out a volume at a time. Even then, I might have to split up volumes into chunks, so they don't drain me out.
Also, I might change this story's rating to M so I can be freer with some darker jokes. Might not be definite, but still a possibility.
That's all for now. See ya next time!