I do not own RWBY. This is just a parody and RWBY is owned by RoosterTeeth.

RWBY Vol. 3 is the third volume of the RWBY show and if you needed a reminder then I'd suggest you'd go to in order to relearn your numbers because we're not stopping for anything. Vol. 3 is regarded as one of the show's best, shifting to a more darker story line with consequences spanning the rest of the show. It is also the last one series creator, Monty Oum, worked on. I don't have a joke, but mad respect to this guy for making a show last this long.

We begin with Ruby recounting the last two season's events on a cliffside.

"Hey, Mom, so I got into that school you wanted. Yang's on my team and she's not breaking the law so openly now, so that's good. I'm roommates with a K-Pop singer and a Gamer ex-terrorist. I'd think you'd like them. You liked everyone except for specific minorities. School year's been fun: We've delt with crushes, bullying, exams, terrorist organizations, dances, the potential collapse of modern society by destroying big business and the internet. Yeah…if you were here right now, you'd probably want to be dead too. …Hey! Let's try that!"

"Ruby! You'd better not make your mother a part of the living dead again!"

"I'm not, Dad! And that was an accident last time!"

Do you know what time it is? It's tournament time. Specifically the Vytal tournament. And if you don't know what that is yet, then you shouldn't have been here. Anyway, Weiss is now ex-rich and Blake is pro-fish and I don't have a joke here. Don't leave this in the script.

Anyway, I'm going to be skimming over a lot of the fight scenes because you're here for the plot. So anyway, we start a tournament, and they fight. The B-team use a LV 75 Nora on a LV 25 team and the blue hair, google man make funni with spooky water. Also, there's some evil and some fight rigging but's par for the course.

The main plot starts when Ruby and Weiss go to meet their respective family members.

"Are you excited, Ruby, to finally meet the one family member I'm proud of?"

"I thought you said you never had any siblings because you were so lonely…"

"Shut up! Here she is now."

Meet Winter, who was always there from the beginning, trust us. Anyway, she's the second person from the Atlas army. She's cold, detached and logical unlike the Atlas army.

"Hello, sister, are excelling at your studies? Or do we need to bring the dog back?"

"Oh, no, Winter. I'm preforming very well. Also, this is my teammate, Ruby."

"Weiss, I want your sister to step on me."

"What?!"

"Do not fret, little sister. Everyone says that at least once."

Meanwhile, a new competitor has joined the ring.

"Oh my god! It's Qrow, my cool, antiauthoritarian uncle! Just look at all that destroyed military property!"

"H-hey, everyone. I'm durunk!"

"Oh, that's our Qrow!"

"Branwen, do you know how much money those robots cost?!"

"Not as much as my buh-oooze. Anyway, wanna fight Two Clones of Winter?"

"And why would I fight a drunkard?"

"I'll upload the old merch Ozpin made of us back in school."

And so they fight, which happens a lot in this show. Winter's trained professionalism is no match for the shear alcohol in Qrow's blood right now and he wins before the two are sent to the principal's office.

"Alright, you two, why are you making me not pay attention to my highly valuable merch and deal with your bitching about?"

"Headmaster Ozpin, sir, Qrow destroyed expensive property and disrespected my honor."

"Not as much as I disrespect her mom last night."

"Nice one, Qrow."

"Can we stop dicking around and try and focus on the plot, please?!"

"Jimmy, we ran that joke last time. We need to find a new funny."

"You weren't even there, Qrow!"

Ozpin makes them shut up because he already advanced the story by getting rid of this gag. He chooses the next candidate to get the other half of the Google Chrome power and chooses Pyrrha because she'll live a very long life, he knows it. In other news, Winter and Weiss are having a tea session.

"Weiss, have you proven to harness the Drip by now?"

"No, Winter. I've tried but it doesn't seem to work for me yet."

"Nonsense. With being a Schnee means lording over the peasants with your Drip. We control the fundamental elements of Supreme, Gucci, and-"

"I get it! You don't need to worry about me."

"But I do! Why, when I was your age, I already had traumatic events to unlock my Drip."

"Maybe that's why you ran away from home and joined the military. To suck-"

"I thought I told you what would happen if you say that in public."

"Sorry."

More tournament time! Blang and Yeiss face off against Flynt, the Doot Wielder, and Neon, the dead Internet Meme. The battle is tough for both our heroines, as Flynt and Neon show weakness in our characters. Flynt's Doot Hero mashups are tough for Weiss's cultured ears and Neon does a little trolling on Yang, causing her to lash out violently. Only by combing their power and frustration, do Weiss and Yang beat up two minority students and win.

Next, we actually have something happen with Oz's circle choosing Pyrrha to join them. Yeah, remember her? I almost did. They all travel down Ozpin's creepy basement as Pyrrha asks some important questions.

"So why are you allowing me be down here?"

"Well, Pyrrha, do you know the story of the Four Maidens? It's a favorite."

"Actually, I like the Warrior in the Forest better."

"Well, shut up because I'm telling you anyway."

And so Ozpin recants the tale of a lonely wizard. He was antagonistic, grumpy, self-hating and toxic to everyone around him. Mainly because he stayed inside only playing League of Legends. Eventually, four sisters basically bugged the wizard into going outside. Upon seeing the majesty of nature, the wizard gave the four girls the browser powers: Windows Explorer, Safari, Firefox, and Google Chrome. Also, they can only be transferred to girls.

"I don't know, Professor Ozpin. Making a highly sought-after skillset only available to women seems sexist, doesn't it?"

"Well, it was empowering for the time! Maybe the wizard just wanted to be feminist! Is that so wrong?! God damn PC culture."

"Okay, but that doesn't explain what my part in this is."

"Oh, you'll get OP powers."

We are then shown the Fall Maiden in a tube. Turns out that she was hitchhiking from Canada to the US and got nearly beaten to death on the side of the road in Philadelphia by a trio of goons. So, they basically put her on life support while they also find the half of the stolen Google Chrome, who was taken by the Philadelphian ruffian leader.

"Why put her in a test tube? Why not take her to a hospital?"

"Because, my dear Pyrrha, this is America. You think healthcare comes free?"

"So, what's the plan?"

"Basically, it's a blood transfusion. But instead of blood, it's going to be Dark Souls and the Souls is going into you."

"Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad."

"Also, there's a high chance of you loosing all individuality and become a fleshy sock puppet for the transferred soul."

"Oh, that sounds bad."

"Nah, don't worry about it. It'll be fine. Give yourself, like a day or two and think about it."

Now, we go back to the tournament and it's the finals, thank God. The first match is between Yang and Mercury, two clashing forces. Arms versus legs, Dragon Ball Z versus Naruto, Girl versus Boy. It is a hectic battle, with neither side gaining the upper hand. I'd tell you to go watch it for yourself, but that involves paying RoosterTeeth money and that's bad, so I'm going to skip and say Yang wins.

However, this isn't the end as Mercury pulls a Genjustu and makes Yang break his fucking leg. Wow, that is just…just the most beta strategy for scoring a win. Apparently, in a tournament that makes teens and young adults use deadly weapons and superpowers, breaking bones is considered a no-no and Yang is kicked out. Back in my day, getting concussed was an achievement in my sports.

Now, it's here where we go back with Cinder. We see her acquire party members and then go to the mob. However, they turn her down for being a Lvl 20 enforcer to a Lvl 50 mob boss. One assassination later, Cinder earns her respect because that's how mafia works.

Back to the present, Mercury gets taken away and Yang is cancelled so she sulks in her room, I guess. But, we also reveal that Mercury got robot legs, making Yang not only a criminal, but ableist. How for will this girl's criminal acts go?

We cut to Yang, brooding with her uncle.

"Uncle Qrow, you believe I'm innocent, right? I mean, it's not like I set out to do it."

"I-ah, I don't know, Yang. What do you know about your mom?"

"Well, you describe her as a bitch and Dad says to not use that kind of language around us."

"Well, Yang, your, uh mother was a bitch who also enjoyed beating up people. I don't know if you relate to that, but if you do, then, uh, I can't help you."

"Huh. It's seems the consequences of my actions are getting to me."

What's that? Character development? Can't have that here. Let's go over to Pyrrha and see what she's thinking about.

"Jaune, let's say hypothetically, someone would offer you a lot of power."

"I'd say, yes. Take it."

"But you haven' heard the rest of it."

"Doesn't matter. Power good. End of story."

"Even if it hurts you and your friends in the long run."

"Pyrrha, I've been at the bottom of the totem pole my entire life. I'm the last person you'd want to discuss responsibility handling power."

Meanwhile, with Oz and friends…

"You may be winning now, Oobleck, but soon I will win the shipping wars…"

"Ozpin, I'll take the powers."

"Oh, shit. I mean, of course I knew you would make the right choice. Now go fight your tournament and make Papa Oz a richer man."

"What?"

It's back to the tournament. A bunch of side characters fight and I really need to get going. Why am I focusing on fights instead of plot? Anyway, Ruby thinks the foreign exchange students are cheating. Seriously, Ruby, you need to stop hanging around Yang and Weiss. They're a bad influence on you.

So, she confronts the grey-haired boy and they scuffle before the final fight. Well, let's skip that and focus on the final fight. It's the girl who is a living magnet versus a robot. Guess who wins. Pyrrha performs her fatality and forgets this isn't Mortal Kombat. After that, Cinder takes over the comms.

"I've come to make an announcement: Ozpin is a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking society. That's right, he took out his fucking, power-hungry group and he pissed on my fucking society. And he said his cane was 'This big'! And I said that's disgusting. So, I'm making a callout post on . Ozpin, you have a small cane. It's about as big as a gamer's rights, but even smaller! And to prove my point, I'm going to release all the animals in the zoo and the gamers will come along as well!"

"Oh, that doesn't sound so bad."

"I'm also turning off the internet."

Mass chaos ensues. Animals are reclaiming the streets. Gamers are quick stealing irl, and also something about robots being evil, but that's the norm. Our heroes are scattered. Pyrrha and Jaune go to the underground bunker to get some new powers. Ruby's in mourning for her AI-assistant friend, and everyone else is around.

The situation gets worse as more animals are showing up and the robots are getting more and more invasive with personal details. Fortunately, almost every side character is here to help save the day. I would describe in more detail, but we've got too much to go through.

Meanwhile, back in the bunker.

"Ozpin, I need those powers now!"

"Shut up, Pyrrha! I'm still need to count all my money from my winnings."

"Everything's getting blown up!"

"Alright, alright, just get in the pod. God, so needy."

As the transfer is happening, Cinder shows up and kills the not-Pyrrha one.

"Oops, was that important to you?"

"Jaune, take Pyrrha as far away from here as you can. I'll deal with this dusty bitch."

"But, sir…"

"Oh, if you want to deal with a magical demigod, go right ahead. I'll send flowers for your funeral."

"Okay, leaving now."

"I did not spend several years planning this just to be called a dusty bitch by an old fart with a walking disorder."

"Well, as they say, your mom sucked me good and hard through my jorts."

And so they clash. But cutting away from that is Jaune and Pyrrha.

"Okay, Pyrrha, let's get you away from the scary woman and somewhere safe."

"No, Jaune. I need to go back there."

"Seriously?! I didn't drag you back just to go back in!"

"It's like you said, Jaune. Now is the time to use these god-like powers irresponsibly. And that's what I'm going to do."

"No, pretty sure that's the opposite of what I was trying to get through."

"Bye, Jaune. You were always my basic bitch."

And so Jaune gets fucking yeeted away and cries like the basic bitch he is.

We now cut to Ruby as she's on an airship for some reason. And Roman and Neo are there too.

"Aha! I knew it was you two who caused all this!"

"Seriously, kid, I haven't even been in this volume yet! What makes you think I'm the bad guy?"

"Well, you are the longest running antagonist we know of."

Fair point.

"Thanks, Neo. Now, game end her."

"Umbrella opening technique!"

Fuck!

And with that, Neo floats away. But Roman is still stun locking Ruby and almost makes her fall of the game map. But help arrives in the form of the Vore Bird, who introduces Roman to its kink by making Roman experience it firsthand. Ruby thanks her discord friend while internally promising to never interact with it again.

Meanwhile, the gamers are rising up and they aren't letting this chance go to waste. Blake is running around and hides in a burning cafeteria until something happens. But an old enemy rears his head.

"Hello…kitten."

Oh shit, it's Adam. And he's here to establish his mod powers so no one can make fun of his waifu.

"Blake, come back to Discord with us. There, we can mod over people with absolute power."

"This gag is really isn't funny, Adam. And you doing this whole Redditor mod shtick isn't cool either. You're really just basically a twelve-year old in a grown man's body."

"You take that back! I'm at least fourteen!"

Adam menacingly walks towards Blake and promises to remove her admin's privilege to life. But before that can happen, Yang shows up, sees the 4-channer over her cat-girl gamer waifu, and rushes in. This does not go well as Yang loses a couple a pounds, some articulation, and an arm. It's actually just an arm. At least she can get disability checks now.

"Holy shit, Blake, did you get that? I never cut off a limb that quickly before. God, I hope you got that on camera so we can show it to everyone and…she's gone."

Adam is left alone in the smoldering wreck, wondering if you can get a disembodied limb to jack him off.

Meanwhile, Ozpin and Cinder are still continuing their bout, and I'm getting tired, so I'll skip to the end.

"Aha, Ozpin, you have lost. Nothing is going to stop me from killing you and taking the rest of the Google Chrome."

"Not so fast, ya dusty bitch. You can't kill me… if I kill myself first!"

Ozpin fucking explodes, leaving Cinder to wonder why did he think that would work. Pyrrha arrives rocketing up the elevator shaft and challenges the dusty bitch to one last duel. It is magnificent. Pyrrha uses her magnetism to throw everything at Cinder, who counters it with the strength of Google's ad revenue. This fight spills onto the roof. Also there's a dragon, when was there a dragon? I'm very confused.

Despite her valiant efforts, Pyrrha is now match for the power of Google's lawyers and is eventually knelling on the roof. Ruby senses something important's happening and races up the roof.

Cinder looks down at her final opponent.

"It's so sad Steve Jobs died of Ligma."

"Who…the hell…is Steve Jobs?"

"Ligma balls."

Ded.

"Nooo!"

With that, Ruby activates the Bass booster and deep fries Cinder and the dragon into non-existence.

It's now days later. Ruby wakes to find her dad taking care of her.

"Ugh, what happened? Where is everyone?"

"Well…."

Weiss's father saw everything and rightfully decided to get his teenage daughter out of there. Of course, no matter how much Weiss protested, her "friends" and "the good of the citizens" were second-place to his daughter's safety. Blake decided to get on a motherfucking boat and ditch this scene. And Yang…

"Hey, Yang, I would say I could give you a hand, but then I'd be down a limb."

"Ha, ha, very funny, Ruby. If you don't mind me, I have to be listening to Linkin Park and Evanescence. I'm moody now, that's my character."

After all of that, Ruby asks what was with the 21st century humor she blasted out of her skull. Nobody tells her so she ignores it. And so, with the side characters I kinda forgot until, Ruby leaves her home and goes to uh…I think Johto? We're doing Pokémon next time, right? Ah, whatever.

Sure hope this dark and moody tone doesn't stay forever, right guys? Right? Eh, I'll just watch RWBY Chibi instead. It's funnier.

And here it is! The long-awaited summary of Vol 3! This took a long time for me. Not only because I had other projects/my usually laziness, but also because I have a summer job. It takes a lot of time out of my day, so I don't have as much time to write now. But, that doesn't mean I won't stop trying. Next chapter of A Werret's Tale will come out soon.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who has followed, favorited, and left reviews. They're great and I would love to see more. I don't know how I'll structure the next volumes. Might make them two-parters or something. But, that is for the future.

That's all I have for today. See ya next time!