Disclaimer, in case it wasn't obvious. I don't own Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, or really any other property. Thank you.
The Long Road
Chapter 39: Enough
Chi-Chi:
There was a half cry from the small child in her arms, and Chi-Chi just sighed, looking down at the little girl. She had created the idea in her mind that whenever the little girl cried, she was really crying because she'd yet to meet her father. It'd been over a month now since her little Keiko had come into the world, and there was still no sign of her husband.
But he's going to come home.
She reminded herself of that again as she looked out of the long window in the recreational room of the wing of Bulma's complex she'd been given residence in while everything was still in limbo. Even now as the sun's waking light broke through the skyscrapers to the west. When she found out the Capsule Corporation building had been rebuilt in record time using capsule technology, Chi-Chi was hardly surprised. When she found out Vegeta had spent the last two months on a blood frenzied quest to find the demon responsible, she was much less then impressed. Her Goku not only would have found the monster by now, but even if he couldn't he wouldn't have left Goten and Trunks to protect everyone.
Admittedly, her husband could teleport at will, but that was hardly the point.
The boys had already seen enough death and destruction, they were children and not soldiers or warriors. Bulma wasn't impressed either, but there was the grim reality that if Vegeta, or Gohan weren't here, then it fell to the boys to keep everyone safe. She remembered all too clearly what happened the first time her eldest son was threatened when he wasn't even four. The demons that attacked her and her father were vicious and cruel, and stole her son from her. That was her only experience with Garlic jr., before he was stopped by her husband.
But that was now what? Twenty years ago? She didn't understand how this Garlic could be back, or how he could be a real threat, or how no one knew where he was.
Keiko moved in her arms again, drawing her back to the world around her. Sighing, the ageing woman just readjusted the little girl in her arms before standing up. She'd tried to call Gohan every day since they'd last met, but he was avoiding her. It seemed like he was avoiding everything, and it seemed too unreal, too out of character for him. Her son showed up briefly to see Keiko, but ever since that time he'd been completely missing in action. More then anything she wanted to know what was going on.
Vegeta, when he'd dropped by, pointed out that Gohan's energy was fine, and he seemed to be across the planet almost, but doing what? He wasn't fighting, that much everyone was certain of given there were no planet shaking battles happening. Maybe he'd found a girl then? But why would he just have left them all behind so quickly for some girl, especially with everyone supposedly being at risk, and with his father missing? None of it added up for Chi-Chi, and it was frustrating to even think about.
"Good morning," Bulma cut into her thoughts, and she turned to face her friend a second later.
"Oh good morning Bulma," Chi-Chi responded, before smiling back tiredly. "Any word on Goku?"
"He's still not found, and I've not seen Vegeta in days now. But I thought you should know that Goten and Trunks were going to head out for tonight to that festival they're running on the edge of town, apparently the two of them wanted to try the roller coast rides they have set up. I told them it'd be fine."
Chi-Chi bit her lip, honestly she really didn't want Goten to just go to things like that without her permission, and of course spending Bulma's money as well. But Bulma seemed fine with it, and she nodded.
"Oh, how's the little cutie doing?" Bulma then cooed at the little girl in Chi-Chi's arms.
"She's been cranky today," Chi-Chi admitted. "And so have I. I've not seen Gohan in weeks and there is no excuse for it."
"Oh? What's wrong?"
"He won't answer calls, and he's just completely off everyone's radar. I don't understand what he's doing at all."
The fact that Bulma looked nervous told Chi-Chi more then enough. She had an idea of what her son was doing, and immediately the black haired woman didn't like it. There were secrets going around, and secrets involving her son no less. Was she the only one who didn't know? Or then why did Bulma of all people know something about her son. It couldn't just be a girl, she couldn't accept that he would abandon all responsibility, to a fault no less, over a woman.
"That's weird," Bulma answered.
"What are you hiding?" Chi-Chi immediately countered. "You're a terrible liar Bulma, even though you think you're very good. What's wrong with my son?"
"Nothing is wrong," Bulma assured. "It's just. He's. Look we promised we wouldn't tell anyone Chi-Chi, and I really-"
Anger boiled to the surface as Chi-Chi glared at the other woman.
"My son should be protecting us, or at the very least checking on us. He should be looking for a way to help his father, or stopping that monster from attacking anyone again. I want to know whatever you know-"
It was somehow disappointing to think that Gohan wasn't following in his father's footsteps. Goku would have been training, and being the best he could be to help everyone he could. Right now Gohan just seemed to be hiding from the world and she wanted to know why.
"He's probably protecting someone else," Bulma said nervously. "Like... his daughter."
The words didn't sink in as Chi-Chi heard them, feeling her blood draining from her head as her stomach twisted several times as the words sunk in.
Daughter?
"But... he's... daughter?" Chi-Chi asked weakly, before the world began spinning and narrowing, become black around the edges as she began to black out.
The last thing she saw was Bulma rushing towards her, trying to halt her unregulated collapse.
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Gohan:
Warm.
Warm and comfortable.
There was no more cruising on the couch, he had a bed to sleep in. Probably out of everything he appreciated that the most. This was hardly 'his' room. This was Videl's bed, and Videl's room. Every morning he woke up like this, it got more normal. It was normal to sleep next to her. It was normal to have sex with her. It was normal to wrap his arms around the warm body next to him and just sleep. When he woke up, she was usually still asleep and he didn't get out of bed until she did. It was a parody of what a couple was supposed to do, in its own way.
But all in all, things felt better somehow. It was the new normal. The fighting seemed to fade as well, even if their interactions were just more rigid and robotic then they were before. It was... just like moving forward, moving on without any soul. But in a lot of ways he'd rather that then heated arguments, fights, and exposing Pan to all of that.
With a small sigh, Gohan just pulled the naked form already next to him closer, before resting against her, wanting to go back to sleep. At the very least he'd made himself more comfortable. Most of his life he'd lived in a vacuum of physical contact, beyond violent acts of aggression. Even if this was hardly a fairy tale, it was something he'd not really had before. Even without the passion in it, it was still more. All said, he realized it was hardly a gift however. Whatever this was, it wasn't happening because Videl wanted to provide him with a favour. Maybe he should have questioned it more, or stopped it all together, but maybe he should have done a lot of things. Resting his head against the back of her neck and shoulder, he slowly let himself drift closer to sleep again.
"Stop," Videl said, her voice clearly awake.
For a brief second his arms tensed, not enjoying being ordered, and knowing this secluded moment was ending. Without a second thought, his arms went lax and he pulled away, letting her flip her legs out of the bed and stand up. The first time they'd done this he remembered he crying in the bathroom that morning. Now there was no more crying. She just stood up and started with her day. But he already knew what was coming.
"Get out of my room," she said, turning her head towards him.
With that, Gohan stood up, looking for his briefs first. Most of his stuff was still in the living room, which meant he needed to take a shower in the other bathroom. When he found his briefs, he noticed Videl not moving for whatever reason. Slipping them on, he just sighed, before looking up, feeling like a moron for caring enough to ask.
"What's wrong?"
He knew her daily routine now, and this wasn't it.
"I don't want you to hold me like that," she told him bluntly. "Don't do it again."
Well, there went the veil or normality. He didn't acknowledge the comment openly, but walked towards the door, opening it quickly before stepping out. It wouldn't change what now happened in their evening routine. It wasn't going to change anything really, but for some reason he felt angry that she'd told him that. Maybe it was because he enjoyed the contact, maybe because it added a shred of humanity to their interactions, whatever it was he didn't know in all honesty. Besides, there was a lot to do today. He promised himself he'd get the firewood for the winter for the cabin today, which meant he needed to pick out the right trees and bring them down.
Next of course, there was the choir of getting food, and probably bringing Pan along for the ride for that.
It didn't take long to shower, and to get dressed again, choosing just a pair of worn jeans and a grey collared t-shirt. Stepping outside the home, he found himself dashing into the woods, his Saiyan eyes scanning a dozen trees a second. It'd be easier to just get one big one and to bring it down. Zipping in front of a massive pile of soon to be lumber, he just smirked.
This one would do.
"So Gohan, how does it feel to have been among the most feared warriors in the universe, and now to be nothing but some wash out, taking care of a pitiful woman and an annoying brat?"
The voice cut through the woods in all directions, making Gohan freeze in place. It sounded like... he didn't know who that was. Maybe he was going crazy, there was no power level behind it either.
"Whose there?" he asked, turning his head dangerously, listening and looking for any sign of movement.
There was only silence now, not a word, and not a motion all around him save for the gentle motion of the trees to a light breeze. The sound of all the leafs waving was the only noise that followed. Maybe it was just his imagination. Hell, it could just be his own inner voice, bringing up something that was true. Not too long ago, he was known throughout the galaxy. Now what was he? Even though he was happier now, the sense of accomplishment was gone. What was his purpose now, beyond trying to help Pan? It wasn't conquest, it wasn't fighting, it wasn't anything he would have recognized through most of his life.
He purpose right now, was to collect firewood, and then go grocery shopping. It was almost painful to admit when he heard it repeated in his own mind. With a single furious motion, he chopped his hand against the side of the old tree, cutting it from its stump before in a blur of motion, chopping it into a hundred finely cut pieces of firewood.
One day, Pan's going to be an adult. Then what? Hell, even right now... what am I doing?
He was fucking a woman who couldn't stand him, and caring for a daughter he didn't acknowledge as his own. Just what the Hell was he doing? There was no normality to any of this. Hell, there was not much being accomplished even. What'd changed in the last few months, other then finally getting a consistent opportunity for sex? Things couldn't keep going on like this. He didn't even want to continue like this, at least not entirely.
I want more.
Everyone was greedy at times. Everyone wanted more. What was it that he wanted now more then anything? Well he already knew the answer to that. He wanted whatever this was to be over and for it to be replaced by something... ... he didn't even know what he wanted it to be replaced with. The blocks of wood he'd just cut fell to the ground in a perfect pile in front of him, piling up higher and higher until it was much taller then himself. Sighing, he just looked at the pile of blocks, before using his power to lift them all together perfectly, raising them in the air to follow him.
When he placed the wood at the side of the house, he immediately made his next move to go back inside. It was still early, the sun was only rising on the edges of the world and he knew that gave him time to try and figure something out before Pan got up. He was smart, or at least he was very tactical and strategic.
There really shouldn't be a no-win situation.
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Videl:
Hell.
That was where she was, her own personal Hell that she'd built just for herself to live in. Every night was a torment she put on herself, and every morning was waking up from one nightmare to be embraced by another. She reminded herself how pathetic she was, and she relived her worst moment every day. It felt like she was drowning every time she did it, and it was addictive. It was addictive to feel helpless, and to feel overwhelmed. It felt like it freed her from all of her responsibilities, and better yet, it reminded her of how she used to feel before it happened. Every night it tore that away from her. It also let her hate herself and everything she'd slowly turned into.
She remembered when she was a happy student at Orange-Star High, and then Satan City University. It was all about trying to live up to her dad, trying to be the strongest she could be. She just wanted to help people even. In one night it was all ruined, and what was left was... was what she was now. It wasn't hard to examine where she'd gone, and she knew it was off the path. She'd thought she could be a mother, and be some kind of super hero, and that she'd live up to everything her father accomplished. Every day she was proven wrong, because she was so weak. It meant all the sacrifices were for nothing.
It also meant she deserved all she was getting. It made her feel some kind of remote happiness know she was getting exactly what was coming to her. Part of her wished it was more then just her spirit being crushed.
Even now though, as she got dressed and prepared to train for the first time in days, just trying to shed her thoughts of all of this, if only for a little while.
It was then that the origin of so many of her problems, walked into her room, interrupting her from even taking her mind off things. What did he want now? Did he just want to make things worse somehow? Was it some demand? Some order?
"Hey," he said looking more determined then usual. "We have to talk."
No, we don't.
The thought was immediate as she finished changing, before turning to him with a cool stare. She wasn't even going to dignify that with an answer, the same way he didn't respond to her not twenty minutes earlier. With aggravation fuelling her every step, she moved to circumvent him and walk out her door. Instead, she found her elbow caught and the door shutting abruptly in front of her.
"No, we really need to talk," he told her, his tone just as stone cold as ever.
"What is it?" she snapped, ripping her arm away from his grasp, feeling furious at the fact he'd grabbed her without consent.
"Is this it?" he asked her a second later, referring to what she didn't know.
"Is what it?"
"This. This house and us. Is this it? Are we going to just run around in circles like this?"
Finally, he was getting somewhere. He could leave and they'd be better off. Hell, he could get himself killed and they'd be better off.
"This is as good as it gets," she responded sarcastically.
"No," he answered shortly. "No it's not. I've seen how human couples interact-"
"We are not a couple," she almost snarled. "We don't interact like that, do you understand me?"
He seemed to pause, contemplating what she was saying. When he thought about things, sometimes he looked truly alien. Something inhuman could cross his features, more machine then anything. How did someone get this way? Truthfully she didn't care. It was the strange mix of a monster and a man that had so tormented her. Every minute living with him made her life less worth living. It felt like she was going to snap now. The only thing she found her could do was make her feel as useless as helpless as she deserved to. The only power she had over him was sex, making him even more monstrous. What was in front of her was little better then a base animal.
"Maybe we could be," he said, breaking her train of concentration. "A couple, that is."
Did he really just have the nerve to ask her that? Them? Them a couple? After everything he'd done?
"Why the fuck would I want to be with you?" she shot back. "What the Hell is wrong with you? Do you not care what you've done to me? Do you not care that you just invade my life whenever you want? How can you not get that I don't want you here?"
"But we sleep in the same bed, and we-"
"Don't remind me," she cut him off. "I don't even want to remember a second of it right now."
He didn't get it, and she knew that. The confusion that came over his features was to be understood, and for once she couldn't blame him for that. She didn't want to have to spell anything out for him. Right now she just wanted him to go.
"Alright," he finally said, before looking off to the side.
It was strange, but she could tell his feelings were hurt. It was stunning to see and she didn't understand why. They didn't get along. They fought all the time, and the only thing that kept him here really was Pan. She didn't even want him near Pan either. Why was he disappointed? He was getting what he really wanted from her anyway. He was getting to fuck her. He didn't want to get to know her, he hardly did the first time they met either. He called her crazy and insulted her as a mother. He dominated her life and possessed everything around him as if he owned it. He had all the power.
For once, she felt powerful herself as she realized she'd denied him something he wanted. He couldn't just have anything he wanted.
"Don't ask me that again," she added a second later. "I want nothing to do with you if I can help it. You're just a brute Gohan. You don't even understand why I'd not want you around."
"I get why you don't want me around. I was just hoping you'd grow out of it," he told her a second later, anger brimming on the edge of his voice. "Maybe you'd figure out that I am be trying to give a shit about you. You've dragged me into your train wreck and I don't want-"
"Whatever," she cut him off, storming past him, opening the door roughly. "I'm going to train, don't bother me."
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Gohan: Two Days Later
Slowly, his eyes opened as they did every morning.
For some reason the bed felt cooler then before.
The last two days had been tolerable at best. They'd had sex last night, but not the evening of the fight. Even last night had been one of the colder nights he'd had in the bed so far. All he could really do was just go along with it. Things would have to sort themselves out. Hell, right now he was trying to concern himself with what school to enrol Pan into. She was learning just fine at home, but apparently humans also went to school to learn social graces and develop bonds. It wasn't all that different from the Planet Trade, except of course the expectation here was that you'd not eventually all kill one another, or die on battlefields a galaxy away.
Still, reaching over with his arm, he found the bed was empty. That was strange, given he always woke up before Videl. Well, maybe this once she'd gotten up before him somehow. Resting his head against the pillow, he just stretched before smirking.
Hey, I can actually use the side bathroom for once.
Getting out of bed almost immediately, the Saiyan approached Videl's bathroom, appraising it for himself for a moment, before finding his way to the toilet. A minute later the sound of it flushing was heard and he stepped out, stretching again tiredly as he did. She was probably training if anything. Whatever, he had other things to get done today then worrying about the woman and her mental health. Even if he was responsible for some of her problems, he could only do so much.
And in truth, he hadn't taken the rejection well. For once he'd tried to be forward with something with her, alternatively from just ordering her around. Of course he had all the social grace of a dead Ziggian, but that was hardly the point. It was odd that no matter how annoying she was, he couldn't really bring himself to hate her. Even if he'd thought about it a thousand times, he couldn't bring himself to take Pan from her either.
His upbeat morning at the excitement of effectively getting to defaecate in the bathroom he never used, quickly vanished as his concerns turned to the woman he'd been sleeping with.
"Mommy," a tiny voice managed to get through the bedroom door. "Mommy are you okay?"
Something immediately felt wrong with hearing those words. Something cold entered his veins as he quickly turned to stare at the bed for a moment at the empty space where Videl would normally have resided at this time.
What's she sick or something? What's Pan doing up?
Everything wasn't adding up, and it only added to his worry. Walking briskly through the door and spying his daughter outside of the bathroom, thumping on the door several times, he felt himself almost stiffen.
"Mommy! Open the door!" she cried out again.
There was no response. Without taking a moment to consider his next action, Gohan took several strides to the door and pushed Pan aside. When he grabbed the door handle, he found it was locked.
"Go to your room," he ordered.
He didn't have to look over to know she had tears in her eyes, which only made him more nervous about what he was going to find.
"Go to your room," he ordered.
"No! Mommy!"
Slamming his shoulder into the door, the wooden construct broke open, leaving the locked element of the door in the wall as the rest of the door broke free.
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Videl: Earlier That Morning
With a groan, Videl felt herself pull herself from the bed. Something was wrong. Her stomach became something unnatural in her own body and forced her stomach to pump up bile and last night's dinner. Charging to the bathroom with what dignity she could, Videl hunched over the toilet and vomited into the bowl twice, before hanging limply over the edge of the seat feeling almost dizzy.
I can't get sick like this.
It was true as well. She'd just started getting back into her training, and getting sick would mean she'd fall back into a far more lax routine again. But she didn't feel sick. She felt like she did...
Slowly, his eyes rose up from the edge of the toilet seat, looking towards the bath tub with a slow realization. She had no fever, and it didn't feel like food poisoning. Gohan was also a good enough cook, that she doubted he'd- That didn't matter, she didn't feel like she'd gotten poisoned. But even if it wasn't what she thought, it could be in the future. She thought she was safe, having taken birth control and other precautions.
No. No I can't do that again.
She felt trapped now with just Pan, she hated to feel how isolated and trapped she'd be if she were pregnant again, especially with Gohan here. Even without that, she knew she'd never be free of him. It was finally enough to make her realize that there really wasn't a lot of ways out of it all. Worse, it wasn't just Pan who Gohan wanted. Maybe it was because of the sex, or maybe it'd been that way since he'd gotten here, but it was clear that Gohan wanted her now as well. Slowly he'd gotten more and more, and he'd continue to get more. He was dragging her towards him, and she pulled and scratched back, but to not avail.
He was dragging her into her worst nightmares.
Well he couldn't take anymore from her. She didn't have to live like this anymore. She didn't have to be worried about having another child, or having him there anymore. Breathing heavily, she pulled herself up from the toilet and stumbled towards the door of he room. She didn't need to be a prisoner in her own home. At the same time she didn't need to worry about Pan, because for all that she hated about Gohan, even she could see that he'd do anything for her.
Turning her head, she looked at him sleeping on her bed, splayed out and looking incredibly peaceful. It was odd to think of Gohan as peaceful, but that's how she perceived him as he slept there. He didn't have any worries with that much power or strength, and any that he did have were completely manufactured by him. The quest for that power was marked all over his body. Scars of battles she'd never seen littered the landscape of his flesh. It was a body which was the embodiment of trauma.
Finally she realized why she'd never be powerful like him. She wasn't willing to go through all that. She wasn't willing to be wounded every day. She wasn't willing to suffer every moment until she escaped concern. It meant she'd always be weak. There was no escape from that because of who she was. Some people were born lions, others were born sheep, and others were sheep that wanted to be lions.
I've got to see Pan.
Walking instead of stumbling, she made it over to her daughter's room before opening the door slowly. Part of her protested, thinking this was a terrible idea, but her heart told her that it was the right thing to do. The last thing she'd want was to leave and have never said goodbye to her daughter. The only one who'd been with her the whole time since everything went to shit, was Pan. In the end, she knew Pan was going to be better off this way.
Kneeling down next to the bed, she pressed her hand against the girl's shoulder, trying to wake her up. After several jars, finally the tiny body groaned and her eyes slowly began to open.
"Nnng?"
"Hey," Videl said to Pan with a forced smile. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up. I just wanted to make sure we got to talk first. Then you can go back to sleep, okay?"
"Okay," Pan said before yawning. "What's wrong?"
Pan could always read her, but it didn't matter. There wasn't a lot of reason to hide things this time.
"Nothing's wrong honey, I'm just going away for a while and I wanted to say goodbye," Videl admitted. "Mister Gohan is going to take care of you, okay?"
There was a long pause from her daughter, who now appeared fully awake. Despite the tension the two of them often had, they'd only ever known one another it felt like. Of course she'd miss Pan more then anything, but her daughter deserved a better life then she was providing for her. Even if she hated Gohan, she knew he was going to give her a lot of what she couldn't. She just wanted everything to be over because there wasn't going to be an opportunity to get better. Just because her life was over, it didn't mean that Pan's should be.
Suddenly her eyes became very warm and blurry, but she ignored it as she looked down at her little girl.
"But mom, where are you going?"
"I don't know," Videl admitted. "But Mister Gohan is going to take care of you now. You can go back to sleep now. I just wanted to let you know-"
"Don't go," Pan said after a minute, reaching out for her. Instinctively Videl pulled back, not wanting to let herself get attached.
No, today she was going to be brave, and she couldn't let herself get dragged back by anything else. She could say goodbye to Pan, but she couldn't let Pan hold her here.
Standing up, she quickly turned around and closed the door behind her, hearing a strained "Mom!" from behind the door.
"Go to sleep!" Videl urged her, hearing her own voice breaking.
Walking briskly into the kitchen while she still had the courage, she opened the cutlery drawer and pulled out a long, sharp blade. It'd be quick. There wasn't going to be any wrist cutting or anything juvenile. One quick stab using her own strength into her heart should be enough. It wasn't something she'd thought of in detail often, but she knew she didn't want to cut her wrists, and she didn't want to cut her own throat. The other problem was she didn't want to do this in the kitchen, or outside. Pan finding her body would be... no, that wasn't going to happen.
It was hard to think straight in the fog of blurred eyes, and a racing heart. Finally, she came to the conclusion of where she needed to go to end all of this.
The bathroom.
Pan's door flew open as she stepped towards the bathroom.
"Mom, don't go!"
Quickly, she stepped inside the bathroom, breathing heavily and shutting the door behind her, locking it. Adrenaline was kicking in, and her chest was tightening. Was it because of fear? Was it because she knew how much this was hurting her daughter? Or was it because she could feel the window closing on her, for how long she could endure the pressure from her daughter.
She could hear Pan's desperate pleas from outside the door, half crying, half screaming. It wasn't enough to dissuade it all.
I don't have to worry about it anymore. I don't have to deal with Gohan anymore. I don't have to be the strongest, or save anyone. I don't have to worry about... about having anymore kids. I don't have to save myself. I can just let it all go. I'm free.
Letting her aura appear, a white field of energy appeared around her skin as she braced herself, pulling the knife forward and pointing it back towards her chest, holding it with both hands. Her hands were trembling with nervousness and anticipation. For a second she contemplated what would happen if she missed. She banished the thought a second later, trying to hold everything together.
Alright.
Tears fell from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she realized she wasn't going to get to see Pan anymore. But it wasn't enough to hold it back anymore. No matter how much she loved her daughter, it didn't stop everything from looming over the life. All her failures, all of her pain, they were still there and still real, and worse, Gohan was at the centre of it all. He couldn't have anymore then he'd taken. This was it.
I'm sorry Pan.
Just as she shoved down, the door exploded next to her.
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Gohan:
A hand caught the blade in the trembling arms of Videl. The blade hovered only a few millimetres from her chest, aimed straight towards her heart. A white aura rippled around her as she pushed the blade down, but it was nothing compared to even a flicker of his energy. The entire bathroom rumbled for a moment, followed by the house as the two auras interacted. For that second, they were frozen in time, her looking at him, and him looking back at her.
It was very obvious to Gohan what this was. He'd seen people kill themselves before, sadly, he'd seen it often. People sold into slavery by the Planet Trade often took the easy way out. That was what this was in that moment as well. Gohan didn't understand why Videl would do this, why she'd want to kill herself. Standing there wasn't the woman he'd been sleeping with, or the woman who trained fanatically for the hopeless effort of being the strongest in the world. Instead, standing there was a slave who had decided to die without a whisper to the world.
Disappointment.
This heaped disappointment upon disappointment. He'd been stripped from his family and sent off to murder billions, and this woman was killing herself because she was what? A shitty mother and a lackluster fighter? Anger swelled instead of pity, or sympathy, as Gohan tore the knife away from her.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he demanded. "Your kid is outside the bathroom as you stab yourself? Are you completely insane?"
The response was more then he'd ever imagined.
What he'd expected was some crying wreck, a desperate shell of a woman, instead what he got was the fire of a dragon.
"What the fuck do I think I'm doing? I'm doing the only thing you've left me with! Who the fuck do you think you are?! I won't be treated like this anymore! With a monster like you here, who cares if she hears me kill myself? You'll expose her to worse once she's older I'm sure. You play up this bullshit act-"
Anger crested in his own chest as he felt his adrenaline spiking as she quickly turned back on him. Now the accusations were shot out like hot spikes. They hurt because she was firing them, and worse they hurt because he knew god damn well she didn't know anything about him. Tension ran through his muscles as he restrained himself from lashing out further, instead crushing the blade he'd pulled from her with his right hand. Crumbled steel dug into his hand without breaking the skin.
"I play some bullshit act? How about you? Don't you even start with me! Every minute I'm here you glare daggers at me-"
"Because I don't want-!"
"Oh fucking grow up and just deal with it!You have no god damn idea what it's like to have real pain! You don't know what real sacrifice is. You've never faced it. You know what you've done Videl? You've fought a lot, lost a lot, trained badly, been a shitty mother, and I constantly have to come in and fucking deal with your bullshit. Now you wanna kill yourself? Do I have to clean up after that too?! Do I get to tell your daughter that her mom decided it was easy to die without her, then live with her? Or is that your big sacrifice? You make me sick."
There was no reason to hide it anymore. She wanted to vent? Fine. He'd let it all out as well. He hated the woman in front of him for not meeting the expectations he wanted. Those expectations weren't even that high. He'd hoped she'd get at least somewhat better, but instead there was this. Trying to kill herself in a bathroom with their daughter only a few metres away. It hurt even more knowing that she was killing herself to get away from him. All he'd done since he'd gotten here was try to help her. He'd tried to fix her training to at least give her the token idea that she could be strong. He'd cared for her daughter. Hell, he'd even taken to her bed on her request.
And now here she was, acting like some... some cowardly slave. Every time she built up courage to confront him, it would always bleed away, and she'd conform. But worst of all, in the moments where she fought him, with the same fire she showed here, he could swear that she was almost the woman of his dreams. The worst part of all this, was even though he hated her, a part of him loved her. He loved the idea of her maybe. He didn't know.
All he knew was he was tired.
"I make you sick?" she spat back, and then proceeded to lash out at him with a slap, slashing angry fingers across his face. His head didn't even move, only to prove the point. "I fucking hate you Gohan. You're the worst monster I've ever met. You've got everyone else on this planet fooled because you killed that brutish monster. But you know what? You're worse then he was. You dominate everything around you and suck the life out of it!... I... I fucking hate you! I hate every piece of you! I hate it all! I-"
The rage contorted across her face, he almost couldn't fathom how angry she was, having not seen anyone so furious in so long. It didn't matter. He clashed horns with her, challenging her words with a cold stare, and one simple response.
"If you hate me so much Videl, why the Hell are you fucking me?"
Her eyes froze as she stared back at him, somehow shocked that he brought it up. All of the anger seemed to fade into a void for a brief moment, leaving behind a terrified woman who was on the edge of her life. It was only then that Gohan felt something change in his heart. All of the pain she was concealing became evident, her body language changed and her eyes betrayed it all. Whatever their encounters had been, they'd meant entirely different things to each other. He still didn't understand what she got out of them, but he understood what he saw at that exact moment.
With his guard down, he barely felt the punch that collided with his face a moment later, imbedding his head in the bathroom wall. If he'd have been paying attention, he'd have noticed the fraction of a second when her body tensed, and she lashed out at him with her body, not her tongue. Her feet stormed out of the bathroom, and he quickly pulled his head from the wall, only to be greeted with the sight of the tiny, trembling figure standing outside the bathroom, standing there with her arms crossed.
Pan had seen and heard it all, and they'd both been too busy yelling to even notice what all this was doing. Already he'd felt overwhelmed, but now he felt like he was being washed away in the tide around him. Composing himself, Gohan cleared his throat before hearing Videl's footsteps in the kitchen.
There was no time to console Pan.
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Videl:
Then why the Hell are you fucking me, Videl?
The words wouldn't stop ringing through her mind. It made her skin crawl and made her stomach churn. She'd become a whore for the man who raped her. She already knew that, but it'd become even worse when he said it. It carried weight because he was right. Why was she fucking him? She already knew the answer, but it made her even sicker to remember it. She wished she could hate him even more then she already did. Her shame was even worse then she imagined. She choked several times as she tried to look through the drawer again.
Grabbing a sharp looking blade, she pulled it back, this time not even caring if she struck true. She just wanted to hurt herself, and hopefully kill herself. Even if it wasn't quick, it didn't matter anymore. Anything to escape the shadow of the monster she left behind in the bathroom. Even if her body was in plain sight, it didn't matter anymore. She wasn't going to just be dominated anymore. Gohan wasn't going to take this from her as well. He wasn't going to just overwhelm her this time.
Shaking hands held the blade in her hand as nervousness crept into her mind. Beyond nervousness, even second thoughts started to run through now as well. But there was one reinforcing piece of it all. She wasn't going to allow Gohan to win. She had to do this. It wasn't just about escaping the misery of her life anymore, or even Gohan. It was following through with her actions, and not letting him take that from her anymore.
Before she could even move to act on her plot though, he'd already grabbed her hand, and the blade. There he was again. He appeared in a blur so quickly that it was impossible to even understand how he could have. The speed was stunning in and of itself, leaving only her fingers tightly wrapped around the blade as she tensed, feeling his hand over hers.
"That's enough," Gohan urged, his voice still stiff.
Maybe he was right.
"Let go of the knife. Right now," he ordered. "Then we can talk about this before you do something even more stupid."
Talk.
They could just talk this over. Just like always he decided what she needed to do. All of her calm and shock disappeared, and was replaced by anger. The same anger she'd felt in the bathroom now was tempered, even more toxic and hostile. A feral scream escaped her lips as she struggled to pull the knife from his grip, letting her power flow to the surface. The two of them stood there locked together, him holding her arms in place as she tried to pull away, or even push into him, trying anything to have some kind of effect. It was impotent as always, but she couldn't stop. Even as her arms tired and her energy waxed and waned, he stood there like the rocks of the shore, letting her struggle crash against him like the waves.
Finally she tired, her arms going lax from the struggle as her throat finally died down.
"Are you done yet?" he asked, sounding irritated. "Do you even realize you're fucking daughter has watched this whole god damn-!"
He pointed his hand furiously away, releasing her hand in one second. The knife was freed from him, as was her arm and hand. Her body was exhausted, but her hatred was far from it. In a moment of blind rage, she didn't hear anything from him as he spoke. White energy burst from her skin once again, and she gripped the blade hand, not directing it at herself, but directing it at the target of all her hate. She slashed the blade up as she tried to strike him, pulling every shred of energy into her one strike. Everything she'd ever tried to do had only ended in him laughing at her. The knife streaked up, catching the edge of his collar bone before catching the left side of his face, starting at his jaw and cutting up towards his forehead in one lightning quick motion.
As soon as the blade cleared his head, she saw his skin opening up in slow motion, the long knife wound appear across his face along the line of the oldest scar on his face. As the skin separated, blood came immediately to the surface, and was pulled upward by the full force of it. Blood shot straight towards the ceiling in a huge sprayed crescent of blood, splattering on her right arm and splashing against the ceiling itself.
Throughout the whole thing, both of their faces mirrored one another. Videl could almost see herself in the reflection of Gohan's eyes, and was astonished that he'd not blocked her. He was astonished that the blade had cut through him. But something even worse plagued Videl as she saw him. As the blood shot from the wound, she could see in the astonishment, was betrayal and a pain beyond the physical. Of all people she couldn't betray a rapist and a monster, but to look at the man she'd been sharing her bed with in that second, she felt as though she had betrayed him as well. Without even realizing it, she'd dropped the knife as she heard a scream to her right, finally breaking apart the entire world she'd built up around herself.
Pan was screaming, watching from the edge of the kitchen as the Saiyan they lived with bled profusely.
Gohan stumbled back, crimson red now soaking the entire left side of his face. It was as if he had two faces, one human, and one hellish and red. He seemed to not say a word as he took several more steps back, before raising his hand to cover the wound for a second, and then pulling it away to see the massive smear of blood now covering his left hand and even forearm. It was like he was living in a different moment, maybe even a different world all together.
Breathing heavily, Videl tried to come to terms with everything around her, from Pan's hysteria, to Gohan's injury. It was wrapping around her like the chaos of the moments earlier, trying to kill herself.
"You. Stupid. Crazy. BITCH!"
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Gohan:
Every second the blood pumped hotly from then wound which traced up the side of his face, Gohan felt his heart racing faster and faster as his breathing caught. It wasn't the pain, that was something he'd dealt with so often in his life he could understand it. It was the fact he'd not seen the attack coming, and that he'd not just blocked it. Worse, it was because he felt the same blow he'd felt when he was a boy. His first scar, his first injury, and his first taste of brutality. One of his hands shakily took to grabbing the side of the kitchen counter to steady himself, trying to keep himself in check.
Part of him was standing in a random Planet Trade Base, his left eye hanging out of his head after his face was split open by a vicious strike from his "uncle", screaming like a wounded animal. The rest of him was standing in a kitchen with this woman. Every instinct in his body screamed at him that he should strike her down. It wouldn't take much, just a quick strike, aimed for the head or throat, would finish it indefinitely in seconds. But that would be giving her what she wanted.
Worse, to his left, even in his blood tainted vision, he could see the horrified, and quietly sobbing little girl he'd come to take care of. The only reason he'd even come to this place was for her, and now she was watching this. Anything was better then her watching this. It was the only thing keeping him sane at that moment, the only thing letting him cope with everything. It stayed his hand, as he just breathed in and out.
Finally turning, Gohan turned on the tap, before putting his face under it, washing the blood in the deep wound across his face.
"Your crying has ruined the honour of the Saiyans."
Roughly spoken words from his uncle echoed through his mind as he felt the water sting the wound. Using a small fraction of his energy, he tried to push back on the wound itself, hoping to restrict the bleeding until he figured out how he was going to deal with the reawakened wound. She'd caught him almost cleanly over the wound. Closing his eyes tightly, he just continued to breath as everything rushed past him.
He was done. No matter how much he wanted to be there for Pan, he couldn't be there for this. The fact also was, even in the midst of all his hatred, he couldn't bring himself to rip Pan from this mad dog. Emerging his still blood soaked face from the tap, he turned to look at Videl for a cold moment, seeing her standing there still holding the bloody knife with a half terrified, trembling hand. Taking two large steps towards her, he sneered down at her openly, leaving her to shrink back from him instinctively.
She was still afraid.
"I am going to tell you this once," Gohan told her quietly, and darkly. "I am not coming back here. If you kill yourself, I will sense it. If I sense that, I will collect Pan from you."
He was soft. Words shouldn't be his only recourse. If anyone had dared to harm him before, he just broke them in two, or blasted them into scorched ash. He couldn't bring himself to kill in front of Pan. He couldn't bring himself to kill her. He couldn't even bring himself to stay. That really meant only one thing, he needed to leave.
It'll have to be enough to know that Pan is still alive out here.
Violent impulses still pulled at his muscles, threatening to break loose in the blink of an eye. They wanted an outlet, but every other piece of his mind demanded it not be Pan or Videl.
There was never a need to come here. It had only been a greedy want. He'd wanted to help the only thing he'd brought into the world that he could say made the world a better place. He never wanted any of this. Living in this cabin full time, trying to help Videl, fucking Videl, teaching Pan her basics before school, that was all things that were attached on. All he'd really ever wanted was to see his daughter a few times and make sure she was alright.
Well, now he knew she wasn't alright, but at least he knew she was alive.
Sometimes it was just about cutting your losses. With every beat of his heart, his wound seemed to amplify in pain, and his heart seemed to ache along with it as he made the decision to just leave. This place was dead to him, and it was best kept that way. When he stared into the terrified woman's eyes, he saw his last victim staring back at him. In truth, she really was his last victim, except for maybe Pan herself. These were the last lives he was going to have a hand in ruining.
Turning about, he saw his daughter crying as she watched him.
"A-are you alright? Y-you're bleeding Mister Gohan," she managed to finally say. "M-M-mom is-but. I.-"
The child just stumbled with words, trying to come to terms with everything in her hysterical state, but all he could do was leave. If he stayed to say his goodbyes, or explain anything, it'd just drag him back into all of this. If Videl killed herself today, he'd come back. If she cowered out of it, that was it for him. It just meant punching his ticket, and finding a new life.
This place was nothing but a bastion of his mistakes and regrets.
When he walked past her, leaving his bag and possessions behind even, he opened the door and stepped outside.
"Wha-what's wrong? Mister Gohan?" Pan asked from behind.
He let his purple aura emerge around him, not bothering to look back despite every instinct to do so. Perhaps the most human parts of his soul now cried out for him to turn around, echoing the pain his gaping wound and heart.
"Don't go, please. Gohan mom didn't meant it. Please stay. I'm sorry," Pan almost babbled.
Even she sensed what was happening. It broke what little was left of his heart knowing that she understood he was leaving. One day, maybe he'd see her again. Despite it all, at least she had it better then he did. Not that it meant much. He didn't know how all of this would influence her, he didn't even know if she'd ever forgive him. The longer he stayed here however, the worse it'd be when he finally did leave. He imagined all the fights and scars she'd observe with him there. How badly had all of this fucked her up? He'd ruined her life much worse then Videl on her own ever had.
He'd failed as a parent, but what chance did he have to be one on a planet like the Earth? He still didn't understand this place, and he didn't fully grasp what it was to even be a parent. He'd just been here to help out a Saiyan kid. This was Pan, he didn't have a daughter, and it was better off that way.
Sorry kid... I did my best, but I can't do this.
The last of the protests in him gave one final desperate plea for him to stay, just as his daughter did, but honestly his mind was made up. It was cemented on his decision. He was finished.He'd paid his dues, he'd tried his best, but this wasn't his job to fix anymore. He hid the tremble in his final breaths as he prepared to lift off, and he faced away from the door, knowing his face couldn't be seen. He finally wore his feelings on his sleeve. He had no tears to shed, but his eyes felt hot themselves. He heard Pan's feet behind him, knowing she was going to reach out to grab him.
There was no time to second guess himself, not after this morning.
He didn't give Pan the opportunity to grasp him, instead launching himself into the air, leaving only a purple field briefly behind him.
The only thing in the world that existed for him was the open sky, and the faint cries he heard disappearing behind him.
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Author's Notes:
Ah isn't that just continuing on a happy note? I was going to write a piece from Pan's perspective, but I felt it'd just continue to tread over the ground that's been covered in this chapter. Needless to say however, some permanent developmental scarring has occurred in that kid's mindset. Sadly, everything in Gohan's personal life has kind of turned to shit at this point, but it's really mostly his own doing.
And even for Videl, it's a disaster as well. She has no clue as to what's happening broadly outside of her little world. But there is more to it then that. Sadly, the wounds Gohan opened some 32 chapters ago, are just too toxic to ever allow them to really mend. Even for herself, she's a complete wreck without Gohan there, or with him there. In a lot of ways, Gohan's oppression at least kept things on the outside in check. But without that it'll all fall apart now as well. It's sort of like the old USSR's oppression over the Eastern Bloc. Eventually oppression falls apart.
I really hope I managed to convey all the events in this chapter well. I added about 2 pages worth of extra content over the past day, rereading and rewriting parts of it.
As I mentioned before, I've been really busy lately, but I did finish this chapter so I wanted to post it. Next chapter focuses on a much different spectrum.
Prince Vegeta and Lord Garlic jr. will be the centre of Chapter 40, which I've yet to name.
But it will be an appropriate name, I assure you. Things are going to ramp up however. The next two chapters will be intense. Chapter 40 may be a much longer chapter, so I'm not sure how long it'll take me.
Reviewers:
Aqua Roxas: This is Videl's rock bottom, the previous chapter was just hitting the edge of the cliff on the way down. Moving forward, she's got huge growth to come as a character, especially after this Saga. She and Gohan aren't ever really going to be a couple, I just don't see how its doable given how much hurt there is there. I think Gohan probably 'loved' Videl, at least as much as he could, given she grew on him. But as of right now, and moving forward, I'd say it's impossible. As to Gohan and Goten? I think Goten is maturing a bit, which is making him realize that Gohan isn't the big bad monster he thought he was. I think he also needed time away from Gohan to develop that a bit.
Goten has been kind of a sleeper character. Expect big things from the little brother in this story.
BigBlueKrew: Well, I hope it was as epic as expected. It took me a big pile of time to write. I always get nervous with these kinds of chapter releases, which makes me doubt myself. lol
Heseltine: In regards to your Videl comments, I don't think she's going to father-up. Lol
superfly: I try to make every chapter have a reason to exist. I hate the idea of just writing filler. Something has to happen. Developments need to occur.
DBZfanthefirst: Thanks :)
Pyromania101: I couldn't find a good pun sadly. And Abaddon is not related to Billus. He's a Kaio born of the tree as any other, however when called to his position, he stepped away. His character will be explored moving forward as well. He's a pretty significant character.
Dbzfan: I think this deserves a bit of a longer response, so I will see what I can do about it. Referring to why Gohan and Vegeta don't develop the same way.
Fundamentally, Vegeta and Gohan took the tragedies of their lives on entirely differently. Vegeta was always quietly resisting the system, even if he was an evil bastard, he wanted to topple the old regime and replace it with his own. He fought against the system itself, and in that, he developed eventually into a better person.
By contrast, Gohan became a part of the system. There was no big revolt. He only broke away after he came to the Earth, and even then betrayed everyone for Turles. If it wasn't for Chi-Chi, he'd have let Turles kill everyone. Sure, he grew since then, but his struggles were significantly different then the nature of Vegeta's, which were also tied to revenge. Gohan doesn't have a sense of revenge towards his old life, instead he has shame. Even then, his nature is very different from Vegeta's nature as well. That's another reason they really don't get along.
Vegeta is far more honourable and prideful. Gohan is a survivor. He's gotten a lot better of course, but there is still that in him.
Cjjansen95: You'll note, Videl had enough power over Gohan to slash his face, and not get killed. It wasn't just Pan holding him back. She has more power over him then she believed, not that it was healthy either way.
4StarBall: Garlic was watching Gohan, so yes.
They had sex multiple times. It was pretty routine by this chapter. Note, Gohan was happy he wasn't couch-crashing anymore.
Videl's approaching it from a very self-hating, masochistic point of view. She hated and enjoyed the humiliation of it, and it let her relieve the worst moment of her life. She's most definitely got mental health problems. Gohan really messed her up, especially considering her outlook on life at the time. She's a person with many contradictions in her life, as many of us do. I think she's finally going to be able to confront all that soon however.
Maesde: Things got more fucked up. But don't worry, I don't think they can get worse. Lol
Brelic: I am super happy to get this chapter up. I managed to write it in my spare time, which I've not had as much of lately. I even rebuilt my computer and still got it done.
MaxPain32: MOAR TRAINWRECKS! Don't worry, this was kind of the last of the personal life trainwrecking fro a while.
Lildynamic: Yes, Videl was.
Daughter Of Vegeta: It's development, not filler, lol. Don't worry however, the build up to the final confrontations aren't over yet. But next chapter will be a huge step in the direction of confrontation.
Vuvuelahero: Hopefully you're looking forward to Chapter 40 as well.
Morisako83: The Kai's hatred of Saiyans will be explained, I promise. :)
Courtney: Goku's fate will be revealed in chapter 40, or 41!
PuppetMaster: Well, Videl may or may not be pregnant. The entire thing's gone to shit. And Gohan has abandoned his little make-shift family. So... yay? :P
tomorrow4eva: I'm also going to explain what Saiyans ARE in TLR. Who knows?... Maybe Abaddon knows their origins...
iHeartGohan: Poor Chi-Chi. She didn't even know she had a grand daughter whose older then her daughter. God that'll be awkward. "This is my aunt. She's uhm. Five years younger." lol
Guest1: This was much less awesome.
Fire Embm Awakning: As for training Pan, that'll be a big point in the story eventually. As to Gohan training her? I'd be surprised if that happened anytime soon.
Guest2: They most definitely were!
H: Thanks?
Dragon6: And I love writing it. :)