Stalag 13, Office of the Kommandant
July 24, 1944, 1010 hours
"Colonel Hogan, can you give me an explanation for the news I received from the Berlin Gestapo?" Hochstetter said.
"No," Hogan replied.
"You have no explanation?" Hochstetter asked.
"No," Hogan repeated. "I was in Gestapo Headquarters being interrogated by Major Freitag."
"So you have said," Hochstetter replied. "That does not explain why your truck was reported driving around Berlin."
"It's not my truck," Hogan said. "I would be driving an American model."
"You know what I meant, Hogan," Hochstetter growled.
Hogan shook his head. "I know what you said. I never actually know what you mean," Hogan said.
Hochstetter ignored the insult. "So for all you know, someone could have taken the truck while you were at Gestapo Headquarters, found a Luftwaffe Sergeant to drive them around, and kidnap a known and wanted conspirator?" Hochstetter proposed.
Hogan snapped his fingers. "Hey, that sounds pretty good," he said. "That would make an even better movie than the story the guy from Berlin told you."
"Are you saying that the man from Berlin lied to me?" Hochstetter asked.
Hogan shrugged. "You know how those Gestapo people are," he said. "Can't tell the truth if their life depended on it."
"Hogannnnnn," Klink warned.
"Klink!" Hochstetter shouted.
"Hochstetter!" Hogan added. Both Germans turned to look at the American, who looked back at them with surprise. "What? I thought it was my turn."
"Hogan, I do not believe you," Hochstetter said.
"You never do," Hogan retorted. "Why start now."
Hochstetter let out a low growl. "I will keep investigating, and when I find out that you and your men were the ones seen in Berlin, I will take care of you," he said. Hogan shook his head. "Do not shake your head, Hogan," Hochstetter said. "Once I find out that you are guilty of impersonating an SS officer, your precious Geneva Convention will not protect you."
"You know, your needle is stuck in the same groove," Hogan said. "It's the same thing over and over. What is this man doing here and heads will roll. The same thing, time after time."
"Hogannnnn," Klink said softly.
Hogan waved Klink's warning away. "It gets old," Hogan continued. "You come into camp, swagger around yelling and screaming as if being louder than everyone else meant you were smarter than everyone else."
"Are you quite through, Hogan?" Hochstetter asked.
"Not by a long shot!" Hogan replied. "It seems that whenever something goes wrong in this area, you come to this camp and scream about how it was my doing." Hogan was starting to become agitated. He hadn't planned to lash out at Hochstetter, but once he started, he found he had a hard time stopping. "Face it, Hochstetter, this area of Germany has more acts of sabotage than anywhere else because you are too incompetent to do your job!"
"Bah!" Hochstetter screamed.
"That's another one of your overused catch phrases!" Hogan exclaimed.
"Hogan! That's enough!" Klink warned.
"Kommandant, stay out of this!" Hogan said forcefully.
"You are walking a very dangerous tightrope, Colonel Hogan," Hochstetter said.
"Major, you can't threaten me because you can't touch me," Hogan said. "And the reason you can't touch me is that you have no proof that I am the person you say I am."
"I will find proof," Hochstetter replied.
"How? But stealing my mail again?" Hogan blurted. "You tried that once and obviously didn't find anything."
"He did what?" Klink asked
"Klink, stay out of this!" Hochstetter ordered.
"That's right, Klink didn't know about how you held my mail for months," Hogan said. "Another one of your brilliant ideas to catch me – and yet all the while, it seemed that the sabotage activities continued."
"I will catch you, Hogan," Hochstetter said.
"I've been caught!" Hogan exclaimed. "I'm spending the war in this lousy dump of a prison camp!"
"Lousy?" Klink gasped.
"You concentrate on me and the sabotage continues," Hogan repeated. "I suppose you are going to tell me that is part of my plan? I distract you by pretending to be a helpless prisoner of war, all the while masterminding one of the largest sabotage rings in the country."
"You will slip one day, Hogan," Hochstetter said.
"Don't make me laugh," Hogan retorted.
"I will discover the truth about you, Hogan!" Hochstetter exclaimed. "And then …"
"Heads will roll!" Hogan exclaimed, sounding exactly like Hochstetter.
Hochstetter glared at Hogan. "How dare you mock me," he growled.
Hogan stood. "Hochstetter, maybe someday you will learn the truth," Hogan said. "You'll learn that you are an incompetent fool with the brain the size of a peanut. And you'll also learn that everyone laughs at you behind your back because you are so incompetent. And finally, you'll learn that the only reason people fear you is because you wear that black uniform with the red arm band – and people are afraid of what that can do to them and not what you can do to them." Hogan stopped and glared at the Major. "Face it Hochstetter, you are nothing." He turned and walked towards the door.
"Hogan, you have not been dismissed!" Hochstetter yelled.
Hogan opened the door and turned around. "Bah!" he exclaimed, mocking Hochstetter again before slamming the office door.
- - - - -
"Sergeant Schultz, I have already talked to Hogan about what went on in Berlin," Hochstetter said.
"You have?" Schultz said. "What did he say?"
"Never mind what he said," Hochstetter said. "I want to hear it from you."
"Me? But I am just a Sergeant. He is a Colonel," Schultz said evasively.
"How would you like to be a Private?" Klink asked.
"I think I would like to tell you what happened in Berlin," Schultz said.
"Go ahead, Schultz," Hochstetter prompted. "I want you to tell me everything."
"Everything?" Schultz asked.
Hochstetter nodded. "Everything."
"Well, Colonel Hogan and his men got into the truck which was parked in the compound in front of Kommandant Klink's office," Schultz explained. "Then Colonel Hogan offered to drive, but I told him no. It would not be right to have an American drive a German truck into Berlin in the middle of a war. So I drove." He paused and took a breath. "Then the truck started moving and we went through the main gate. We followed the road into Hammelburg before turning onto the Berlin road." He leaned forward in his chair towards Hochstetter. "The scenery was beautiful that day. The sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the sky."
"Schultz!" Hochstetter bellowed. "I do not want you to give me a weather report!"
"But you said to tell you everything," Schultz said.
"Just tell me what happened in Berlin!" Hochstetter ordered.
"Major Freitag interrogated the prisoners," Schultz said.
"That is all?" Hochstetter asked.
"Was there something else that should have happened?" Schultz wondered.
"What if I told you that Colonel Hogan gave me a different story?" Hochstetter asked.
Schultz laughed. "I would say that Colonel Hogan was telling a lie," Schultz replied. "You should have heard the lie that he told Major Freitag."
"Oh? And what was that?" Hochstetter said, suddenly seeming interested.
Schultz laughed again. "He told the Major that this was like a home away from home," he said.
"Schultz! That was not a lie!" Klink exclaimed.
"What are you running here, Klink, a country club?" Hochstetter asked.
"Oh no, sir," Klink said. "This is a very tough prison camp."
"Sure it is," Schultz muttered.
"Sergeant, are you sure Colonel Hogan and his men did not dress in SS uniforms?" Hochstetter asked.
"Oh, I am sure about that, Herr Major," Schultz replied.
"And are you sure Colonel Hogan's men did not kidnap the known conspirator?" Hochstetter asked.
"Absolutely!" Schultz replied.
And are you sure you were not driving the truck wildly through the streets of Berlin as it sped away from the two Gestapo men who were chasing it?" Hochstetter asked.
"Major Hochstetter, do I look like the kind of a person who could control a speeding truck?" Schultz asked.
Hochstetter stared at Schultz for a moment before shaking his head. "No Schultz, you seem too incompetent for that," he replied.
"Danke, Major Hochstetter!" Schultz exclaimed. "I mean I am glad you believe me." He added in a whisper, "Oh boy am I glad you believed me!"
"All right, Schultz," Hochstetter said. "You can go. I have heard enough from you."
Schultz stood and saluted. "Danke, Major," Schultz said, and left the office.
- - - - -
Hogan was waiting for Schultz in the outer office. They left and walked across the compound together.
"How did it go, Schultz?" Hogan asked.
"He believed me," Schultz replied.
"Thanks for helping us get them out, Schultz," Hogan said.
"Colonel Hogan, when I thought of how I would feel if it were my daughter in that position, I had no choice," Schultz replied.
"And if it were your daughter, I would've done the same to help her," Hogan said.
"I know you would," Schultz said softly.
The men grew silent as the continued walking. Then Schultz chuckled. "When he asked if I was the one driving the truck through the streets of Berlin, I asked him if he thought I could actually control a speeding truck that well," he said. "That was when he believed my story!"
"You surprised me there, Schultz," Hogan said honestly. "I never knew you could drive like that."
"I surprised myself," Schultz admitted. "I never knew I could drive that that either."
Hogan slapped the Sergeant on the back. "Now you tell me!" he exclaimed.