Popeland: Wahey, new chapter!!
Like the others, just different!
Rock!! And I got 4 reviews for the last chapter! Which is double what I got for the first one!
This chapter will no doubt get 8, the next will get 16 and the on after that will get ......er... 16x2 !!
Now some review responses
Tom T Tomson - Well I did tone it down! Because I've ran out of decent ideas! So hah!
Wait.... That's bad!
Damn
Concept of a demon- If 5 is the number of man and 7 is the number of god.... Then 13 must be the number of Godman!
He could fight crime!
Uberlord John IX- Yes! That battle will take place! Possibly the next chapter because Janos and Malek have to recover after their hard fought curling match....... That and I'd better think up some sort of plot for it
But mainly the first one
Omega XSabre- Look, if your going to be stalking me, you have to be quiet when I'm stalking people
And A fight between Authors and Nosgoth would be a massacre! Completely one sided!
In other words, it's going on my to do list
Anyway, onto the fic!
Voice Over: Yes! It's time again for
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!
With your host, Umah
(Umah walks on stage and the audience claps)
Umah: Hello and welcome once more to Nosgothic Grudge Match! Unfortunately Marcus can't be with us today because the ambulance he was travelling crashed into a river. Police suspect that the brakes may have been tampered with, but if anyone asks I was here with you guys all night
(Winks at the audience conspiratorially)
Umah: So tonight we have a special temporary co-presneter! So please give a warm welcome to... Melchiah!
(Melchiah walks on stage dressed in Marcus's black leather coat)
Melchiah: Hey everybody!
Umah: ..... what are you wearing?
Melchiah: Oh! Marcus picked it out for me! do you like it?
Umah: *steely* No
(Melchiah takes a notepad out of his coat pocket)
Melchiah: *Reading form the notepad* Really, from what I've heard you like it at least five times a night. Paid of course
Umah: You what?! How dare you!!
Melchiah: I was just reading the notes Marcus gave me!
(Umah grabs the notepad and rips it apart. She then throws it on the ground and begins to jump up on down on it)
Melchiah: er....... Okay. Well tonight's grudge match is between the Wraith Raziel and Kain
Now lets go over to Anarcrothe who unsurprisingly is not going interviewing Kain.
(The scene shifts to Anarcrothe who's in a cage with a sign "do not feed the Alchemist" written on it)
Anarcrothe: thanks Melchiah. Today for the safety of both me and raziel it has been decided that I will be caged! So Raziel how do you feel about battling Kain
Raziel: Well I'm pretty confident I'll kick his ass. I mean I am the most powerful creature in Nosgoth!
Anarcrothe: yeah, sure. and I'm hiding my true power beneath a veneer of cowardice
Raziel: I warn you... don't mock me
Anarcrothe: oh no! If I don't stop now you may spend the span of three games trying to kill me and then change your mind! Oh I tremble in undeniable and terrible fear!
Raziel:.... Could you be any more annoying?
Anarcrothe: well I could always take off my pants, wrap a towel around my face. wander around Nosgoth asking stupid question, interpreting murals and taking the advice of any creature I met!
Raziel: Shut up!
Anarcrothe: okay, okay.... Personally I'm just glad you never could get the words gormless git off your forehead
Raziel: You wrote that!? I was told it was a birth mark!!
Anarcrothe: yeah I probably should have drawn up a little mural so you could find out
Raziel: Okay! I've been patient enough here!!
Raziel attempts to reach Anarcrothe but he can't
Anarcrothe: *bored* ohhhh scary
Raziel: I'll get you!!
Anarcrothe: and on that hollow threat I think it's time to go back to the studio
(Raziel shifts into the spectral realm and appears inside the cage with Anarcrothe)
Raziel: hollow eh?
Anarcrothe: er...................did I mention you have really nice hair?
(we hear screaming and the scene changes back to Umah and Melchiah)
Melchiah: oh that Anarcrothe! Quite the character!
Umah: now lets move on!
Melchiah: oh! *takes out a sheet of paper* "Move on?! I paid my dollar! I expect the 2 hours you promised!"
Umah: *menacingly* Melchiah, who are you more afraid of? Marcus or me?
Melchiah: Oh! He wrote me a response if you said that too! One minute I'll get it!
(Umah grabs Melchiah hand)
Umah: Move and I'll break you in two
Melchiah: er....... Okay
Umah: Anyway, lets go over to Dumah for our event selection
Melchiah: your...hurting.....me!
Umah: Good
(Scene changes to a subterranean cavern. Dumah is leaning on a sweeping once again standing beside the selection wheel)
Dumah: yes! I'm still alive! In a vampire kind of dead alive way!
Elder god: You may have won this round! But one day your wretched stagnant wheel will be mine!
Dumah: Don't make me beat you up again!
Elder God: You didn't beat me up! You poked me in the eye! That's how losers fight!
Dumah: Anyway, it's time for our random event choice!
(Dumah spins the wheel and in the background the elder god holds up a giant sign with the words "HI MOM!" written on it)
Dumah: Okay it's spinning!
Elder God: oh thanks for telling us! Cause that's something we could never figure out for ourselves!
Dumah: I'm sensing a lot of misdirected rage from you elder god
Elder God: oh it's true!! *breaks down in tears* Why didn't you ever hug me daddy!?
Dumah: ......and on that disturbing mental image it's time to tell you the event will be.....
(the wheel stops on " Rap battle")
Dumah: Yes! A rap battle! This should be....interesting to say the least
Elder God: *still Crying* No daddy! I didn't mean to break that plate! Please don't lock me in the coal shed again!
Dumah: ......and could someone look into getting a straight jacket for a giant squid?
(Scene shifts back to Umah and Melchiah)
Umah: okay lets go live to the battle
Melchiah: *tears in his eyes from the pain* Let go of my arm!!!
Umah: no
(The scene changes to a large stage with a huge audience. Dejoule is on stage)
DeJoule: Yo, yo! Big shout out to all the randomly appearing stage and audience crew! It's me , D-Jewel, bringing you da hippest show in town!
Mortainius: *from the audience* Take it off!!
DeJoule: Mortainius! I'm surprised at you! I hope you feel ashamed for lowering the tone of this event!
(Everyone in the audience stares disapprovingly at Mortainius)
DeJoule: Now learn to control yourself! Anyway, Tonite is de biggest showdown this side of /the Coorhagen ghetto! So lets welcome, a man who busts more heads than rhymes! Kain!
(Kain walks on stage glaring at everyone)
DeJoule: And my main Dawg, Raziel!
(Raziel reluctantly steps on stage)
DeJoule: So lets start this showwwww!!!!! Yopu go first Kain!!
Kain: no
Dejoule: What?
Kain: I refuse to make a fool out of myself by participating in this stupid event
Raziel: as do I!
Kain: Raziel, you couldn't appear more stupid even if you did this battle
Raziel: ........ your this annoying and you wonder why you don't have friends
Crowd: ooohhhhh!!
Kain: that was low.... But not as low as you. I wonder what's it's like having a height that can only be measured in minus figures
Raziel: Oh that should be pretty easy for you to imagine. Just think of your IQ as a height
(Dejoule realising this is the best there probably going to get tells the DJ to start playing)
Kain: Hey not bad there Raziel..... or did you have a dictionary handy to aid you in your spelling of IQ?
Raziel: God, you'd save a fortune on a Halloween costume if you decided to dress up as a Brain Dead moron
Kain: Why? Are Raziel Costumes going cheap?
(Many of the crowd cheer and clap)
Raziel: Oh! Good one! I'm truly devastated by that witty comeback! I surrender! If I don't give up now you may call me "meaney" or a "fool"! and I don't think I could take such emotional battery!
Kain: The insults are coming thick and fast now... well thick at least
Raziel: Do you know If you were to curl up and die right now the average IQ in Nosgoth would increase by several points
(the crowd are now all on their feet)
Kain: Your as annoying as Mortainius is useful at a sick friend house
Mortainius: *from the crowd* Woooooooo!! Mortainius!!
Raziel: Oh I'm annoying? How annoying Kain? On the annoyance scale of 1 to Kain
Kain: Oh what a Wonderful insult! How about you shove that up your ass so it can rejoin the rest of your fabulous ideas
Raziel: Ha! I don't even have an ass!!
(the crowd goes silent and the music stops)
Kain:...........
Raziel: I can't believe I said that!!
Dejoule: Well I think that's decides it! Kain wins! For he is the masta of rhythm!! Any words you'd like to tell your fans
Kain: yes, I am superior to you in every aspect
Raziel: including modesty?
Kain: Especially modesty!!......hey... wait a minute! Don't trick me!
Raziel: you may have won this round but I'll always be the most powerful!
(Anarcrothe runs on stage and smashes Raziel head with a baseball bat)
Anarcrothe: Most powerful that!
Raziel: owwwwww!! But your dead!!
Anarcrothe: "But your dead"!?!?! that's rich coming from you!!!
(Anarcrothe proceeds to beat Raziel with the baseball bat. The screen fades out and we return to studio with Umah and Melchiah)
Umah: Wow! What a match!
Melchiah: Let me go!!!
Umah: I'll let you go if you stop saying all those things about me
Melchiah: Fine! I'll lie!
Umah: good.... Wait!? What do you mean you'll lie!
Melchiah: I'll say you don't do those things!
Umah screams and rips off Melchiah arm
Melchiah: hey! There was at least a week left in that arm!!
Umah: maybe that'll teach you!
Melchiah: What?! that I'm not allowed talk about peoples professions?
Umah: That's it! I'm so sick of this! Every day I come in here I just get insulted! I've had enough! I QUIT!!
(Umah storms off stage)
Melchiah: anyway, Thanks for watching Nosgothic grudge match! And now since Umah has left it probably can be viewed by people under 18 years of age!
(Screen fades to black to the sounds of cheering and champagne corks popping)
Popeland: Ah.... We here at nosgothic grudge match do have a high staff turnover!
And for those few who read the Willendorf Wide Chatroom, yes some of those Raziel and Kain insults were salvaged from it
But perhaps I should say nothing and hope no one notices!
Please Review!!
Like the others, just different!
Rock!! And I got 4 reviews for the last chapter! Which is double what I got for the first one!
This chapter will no doubt get 8, the next will get 16 and the on after that will get ......er... 16x2 !!
Now some review responses
Tom T Tomson - Well I did tone it down! Because I've ran out of decent ideas! So hah!
Wait.... That's bad!
Damn
Concept of a demon- If 5 is the number of man and 7 is the number of god.... Then 13 must be the number of Godman!
He could fight crime!
Uberlord John IX- Yes! That battle will take place! Possibly the next chapter because Janos and Malek have to recover after their hard fought curling match....... That and I'd better think up some sort of plot for it
But mainly the first one
Omega XSabre- Look, if your going to be stalking me, you have to be quiet when I'm stalking people
And A fight between Authors and Nosgoth would be a massacre! Completely one sided!
In other words, it's going on my to do list
Anyway, onto the fic!
Voice Over: Yes! It's time again for
NOSGOTHIC GRUDGE MATCH!!
With your host, Umah
(Umah walks on stage and the audience claps)
Umah: Hello and welcome once more to Nosgothic Grudge Match! Unfortunately Marcus can't be with us today because the ambulance he was travelling crashed into a river. Police suspect that the brakes may have been tampered with, but if anyone asks I was here with you guys all night
(Winks at the audience conspiratorially)
Umah: So tonight we have a special temporary co-presneter! So please give a warm welcome to... Melchiah!
(Melchiah walks on stage dressed in Marcus's black leather coat)
Melchiah: Hey everybody!
Umah: ..... what are you wearing?
Melchiah: Oh! Marcus picked it out for me! do you like it?
Umah: *steely* No
(Melchiah takes a notepad out of his coat pocket)
Melchiah: *Reading form the notepad* Really, from what I've heard you like it at least five times a night. Paid of course
Umah: You what?! How dare you!!
Melchiah: I was just reading the notes Marcus gave me!
(Umah grabs the notepad and rips it apart. She then throws it on the ground and begins to jump up on down on it)
Melchiah: er....... Okay. Well tonight's grudge match is between the Wraith Raziel and Kain
Now lets go over to Anarcrothe who unsurprisingly is not going interviewing Kain.
(The scene shifts to Anarcrothe who's in a cage with a sign "do not feed the Alchemist" written on it)
Anarcrothe: thanks Melchiah. Today for the safety of both me and raziel it has been decided that I will be caged! So Raziel how do you feel about battling Kain
Raziel: Well I'm pretty confident I'll kick his ass. I mean I am the most powerful creature in Nosgoth!
Anarcrothe: yeah, sure. and I'm hiding my true power beneath a veneer of cowardice
Raziel: I warn you... don't mock me
Anarcrothe: oh no! If I don't stop now you may spend the span of three games trying to kill me and then change your mind! Oh I tremble in undeniable and terrible fear!
Raziel:.... Could you be any more annoying?
Anarcrothe: well I could always take off my pants, wrap a towel around my face. wander around Nosgoth asking stupid question, interpreting murals and taking the advice of any creature I met!
Raziel: Shut up!
Anarcrothe: okay, okay.... Personally I'm just glad you never could get the words gormless git off your forehead
Raziel: You wrote that!? I was told it was a birth mark!!
Anarcrothe: yeah I probably should have drawn up a little mural so you could find out
Raziel: Okay! I've been patient enough here!!
Raziel attempts to reach Anarcrothe but he can't
Anarcrothe: *bored* ohhhh scary
Raziel: I'll get you!!
Anarcrothe: and on that hollow threat I think it's time to go back to the studio
(Raziel shifts into the spectral realm and appears inside the cage with Anarcrothe)
Raziel: hollow eh?
Anarcrothe: er...................did I mention you have really nice hair?
(we hear screaming and the scene changes back to Umah and Melchiah)
Melchiah: oh that Anarcrothe! Quite the character!
Umah: now lets move on!
Melchiah: oh! *takes out a sheet of paper* "Move on?! I paid my dollar! I expect the 2 hours you promised!"
Umah: *menacingly* Melchiah, who are you more afraid of? Marcus or me?
Melchiah: Oh! He wrote me a response if you said that too! One minute I'll get it!
(Umah grabs Melchiah hand)
Umah: Move and I'll break you in two
Melchiah: er....... Okay
Umah: Anyway, lets go over to Dumah for our event selection
Melchiah: your...hurting.....me!
Umah: Good
(Scene changes to a subterranean cavern. Dumah is leaning on a sweeping once again standing beside the selection wheel)
Dumah: yes! I'm still alive! In a vampire kind of dead alive way!
Elder god: You may have won this round! But one day your wretched stagnant wheel will be mine!
Dumah: Don't make me beat you up again!
Elder God: You didn't beat me up! You poked me in the eye! That's how losers fight!
Dumah: Anyway, it's time for our random event choice!
(Dumah spins the wheel and in the background the elder god holds up a giant sign with the words "HI MOM!" written on it)
Dumah: Okay it's spinning!
Elder God: oh thanks for telling us! Cause that's something we could never figure out for ourselves!
Dumah: I'm sensing a lot of misdirected rage from you elder god
Elder God: oh it's true!! *breaks down in tears* Why didn't you ever hug me daddy!?
Dumah: ......and on that disturbing mental image it's time to tell you the event will be.....
(the wheel stops on " Rap battle")
Dumah: Yes! A rap battle! This should be....interesting to say the least
Elder God: *still Crying* No daddy! I didn't mean to break that plate! Please don't lock me in the coal shed again!
Dumah: ......and could someone look into getting a straight jacket for a giant squid?
(Scene shifts back to Umah and Melchiah)
Umah: okay lets go live to the battle
Melchiah: *tears in his eyes from the pain* Let go of my arm!!!
Umah: no
(The scene changes to a large stage with a huge audience. Dejoule is on stage)
DeJoule: Yo, yo! Big shout out to all the randomly appearing stage and audience crew! It's me , D-Jewel, bringing you da hippest show in town!
Mortainius: *from the audience* Take it off!!
DeJoule: Mortainius! I'm surprised at you! I hope you feel ashamed for lowering the tone of this event!
(Everyone in the audience stares disapprovingly at Mortainius)
DeJoule: Now learn to control yourself! Anyway, Tonite is de biggest showdown this side of /the Coorhagen ghetto! So lets welcome, a man who busts more heads than rhymes! Kain!
(Kain walks on stage glaring at everyone)
DeJoule: And my main Dawg, Raziel!
(Raziel reluctantly steps on stage)
DeJoule: So lets start this showwwww!!!!! Yopu go first Kain!!
Kain: no
Dejoule: What?
Kain: I refuse to make a fool out of myself by participating in this stupid event
Raziel: as do I!
Kain: Raziel, you couldn't appear more stupid even if you did this battle
Raziel: ........ your this annoying and you wonder why you don't have friends
Crowd: ooohhhhh!!
Kain: that was low.... But not as low as you. I wonder what's it's like having a height that can only be measured in minus figures
Raziel: Oh that should be pretty easy for you to imagine. Just think of your IQ as a height
(Dejoule realising this is the best there probably going to get tells the DJ to start playing)
Kain: Hey not bad there Raziel..... or did you have a dictionary handy to aid you in your spelling of IQ?
Raziel: God, you'd save a fortune on a Halloween costume if you decided to dress up as a Brain Dead moron
Kain: Why? Are Raziel Costumes going cheap?
(Many of the crowd cheer and clap)
Raziel: Oh! Good one! I'm truly devastated by that witty comeback! I surrender! If I don't give up now you may call me "meaney" or a "fool"! and I don't think I could take such emotional battery!
Kain: The insults are coming thick and fast now... well thick at least
Raziel: Do you know If you were to curl up and die right now the average IQ in Nosgoth would increase by several points
(the crowd are now all on their feet)
Kain: Your as annoying as Mortainius is useful at a sick friend house
Mortainius: *from the crowd* Woooooooo!! Mortainius!!
Raziel: Oh I'm annoying? How annoying Kain? On the annoyance scale of 1 to Kain
Kain: Oh what a Wonderful insult! How about you shove that up your ass so it can rejoin the rest of your fabulous ideas
Raziel: Ha! I don't even have an ass!!
(the crowd goes silent and the music stops)
Kain:...........
Raziel: I can't believe I said that!!
Dejoule: Well I think that's decides it! Kain wins! For he is the masta of rhythm!! Any words you'd like to tell your fans
Kain: yes, I am superior to you in every aspect
Raziel: including modesty?
Kain: Especially modesty!!......hey... wait a minute! Don't trick me!
Raziel: you may have won this round but I'll always be the most powerful!
(Anarcrothe runs on stage and smashes Raziel head with a baseball bat)
Anarcrothe: Most powerful that!
Raziel: owwwwww!! But your dead!!
Anarcrothe: "But your dead"!?!?! that's rich coming from you!!!
(Anarcrothe proceeds to beat Raziel with the baseball bat. The screen fades out and we return to studio with Umah and Melchiah)
Umah: Wow! What a match!
Melchiah: Let me go!!!
Umah: I'll let you go if you stop saying all those things about me
Melchiah: Fine! I'll lie!
Umah: good.... Wait!? What do you mean you'll lie!
Melchiah: I'll say you don't do those things!
Umah screams and rips off Melchiah arm
Melchiah: hey! There was at least a week left in that arm!!
Umah: maybe that'll teach you!
Melchiah: What?! that I'm not allowed talk about peoples professions?
Umah: That's it! I'm so sick of this! Every day I come in here I just get insulted! I've had enough! I QUIT!!
(Umah storms off stage)
Melchiah: anyway, Thanks for watching Nosgothic grudge match! And now since Umah has left it probably can be viewed by people under 18 years of age!
(Screen fades to black to the sounds of cheering and champagne corks popping)
Popeland: Ah.... We here at nosgothic grudge match do have a high staff turnover!
And for those few who read the Willendorf Wide Chatroom, yes some of those Raziel and Kain insults were salvaged from it
But perhaps I should say nothing and hope no one notices!
Please Review!!