C:\ cd nomad\fanfic\1388651

C:\nomad\fanfic\1388651 chapter7.rtf

Error loading c:\nomad\fanfic\1388651\chapter7.rtf. File may be damaged or too deranged for public display.

(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? R_


What are they? asked one of the small blue aliens, staring at the SeeDs with his small blue alien eyes (which were in fact black, although they were quite small).

They are humans, replied the small blue alien leader. I established that in the previous chapter.

replied the first alien. Do we vaporize them now?

Now, this is just bizarre, Quistis observed.

Irvine said, stepping forward with hands raised in a non-threatening manner. We come in peace?

Have they surrendered yet? asked a second alien. Is coming in peace like a surrender?

What's going on here? demanded Squall. Are you the ones who took Selphie?

I don't think they surrendered, said the first alien.

The leader alien nodded. Prepare to die now, please! The three aliens pointed their ray-guns at the SeeDs.

Quistis exclaimed; then she stalled as she tried to come up with a reason for why the aliens should wait. The aliens waited.

Just then, a Propogator came trundling out of the smoky mist that was still hanging around behind the aliens. Cease and desist! it said, in a low, rumbling voice. The aliens ceased and desisted.

Oh, good, said Seifer. Now we're definitely in for some happy fun time.

Shut up, Seifer, retorted Squall.

I have a warrant for the arrest of all persons on this vessel, continued the Propogator, in violation of Pan-Galactic Trade Law #2. They are to be apprehended by Pan-Galactic Security and held for pan-galactic trial.

Does that mean we can't vaporize them? asked one of the aliens.

Not at the moment, no, replied the Propogator.

said Quistis. I honestly don't know if this is good or bad.


C:\nomad\fanfic\1388651 more_


Oh man, that's bad, said Laguna, scratching the back of his head. Selphie got abducted by aliens, then Squall went after them on the Ragnarok, and then the Ragnarok disappeared behind the [Dark Side of the Moon] and you haven't heard from them since?

Xu frowned at him. ...Yes. I did just say all that to you a few seconds ago. Almost word for word.

I know! replied Laguna. I was just checking! Hey, you need a hand? I could take the Apocalypse after them and...you know, look for them!

You can't! The tinfoil hat man who Laguna had never met before charged into the room, if could be used in reference to the purposeful walk of one using both hands to steady his hat — which had if anything become even larger since his appearance in Chapter 3. The SeeDs' mission is vital to the survival of the human race! They must use stealth and guile to outsmart their aliens and interdict their alien menace!

Isn't the aliens' alien menace' kind of redundant? asked Kiros. It seems kind of redundant. ...Come to think of it, so does saying it seems kind of redundant' immediately after asking if something is redundant.

Everyone stared at him.

Kiros, if that was you trying to be Nida, you're pretty bad at it, Xu observed.

Kiros agreed. I usually stop after the first sentence.

Laguna said. Let's go help Squall!

Laguna, we have to be back in Esthar to preside over the opening of Parliament, Kiros reminded.

And the SeeDs' mission depends on stealth and guile! insisted the tinfoil hat man.

Aw, whatever! Laguna dismissed. Parliament can open itself; what do they need me for? He was especially dismissive of the tinfoil hat man, as evidenced by the way he ignored him completely.

You're the president, Laguna, Kiros reminded. It's what you do. You preside over things.

Well, why's the Parliament need to get opened anyway? questioned Laguna. I mean, what do they even do, besides sit around and talk a lot?

Make laws? Kiros suggested.

Aw, whatever! Laguna dismissed. C'mon, guys, let's go help Squall!

The tinfoil hat man leaped towards the entrance – ignoring the fact that he had been standing between all the room's occupants and the entrance anyway – and removed what looked like a flashlight with a radio antenna attached to it with duct tape. Nobody's going anywhere, or I protonize you all! I don't want to, but it's for the good of humanity! You'll understand someday, when the alien threat has been discovered and my sponsorship of this mission leads to the interdiction of their menace! You'll all see! No one will —

General Torzen had walked up behind him at some point during his tirade. What's all this about? he asked.

The tinfoil hat man spun around so fast that his hat flew clean off his head. he exclaimed, madly thrashing about until he once again had the hat between him and the aliens' alien menace. He then crawled into a corner, where he cowered while whimpering quite a bit.

Torzen knelt down and picked up the man's makeshift protonizer. I see you don't force your visitors to turn over any deadly weapons? he observed.

I'm not entirely sure that counts as a deadly weapon, said Xu. Anyway, are we going to have another discussion about what I'm doing wrong here already? I mean, we did it just last chapter, so don't you think we're laying it on a little strong?

Doesn't that guy look kind of familiar? asked Laguna of Kiros.

I think that the manner in which this Garden is administered could use some serious evaluation, said Torzen, as he took out the drapes he carried with them and began hanging them over the window. I have been here for seven hours, eleven minutes, and... he checked his watch. ...thirty-nine seconds, and already I have observed a multitude of incidents indicative of lax Garden policy. Clearly you have gone far too long without the guidance of a Garden Master, so it is very fortunate I'm here.

I really think I recognize this guy, said Laguna. I mean, there can't be too many one-armed guys on the planet who look familiar to me, right?

Torzen frowned at Laguna and Kiros. Wait, who are these people? Why do they have access here? He didn't pursue the issue, however. But as I was saying regarding the woeful lack of discipline in this Garden...

Xu threw up her hands. That's it. This scene has gone on way too long.


C:\nomad\fanfic\1388651 more_


Come on! exclaimed Zell. Let's blow this scene and get out of here!

Nida groaned. I'm not sure if that qualifies as a pun or just a play on words, but that transition just hurt.

said Squall. He was kneeling down by Rinoa, examining her for signs that she was alive, or might be regaining consciousness soon.

A moment later, Rinoa sat bolt upright, screaming.

Rinoa, what's wrong? asked Quistis, kneeling down beside her. Irvine and Zell also came over.

Rinoa looked at Quistis, and reflexively scooted away. This forced her to collide with Squall, who lost his balance and fell into Zell, who grabbed Irvine for support but found none as Irvine toppled over and landed on Quistis.

It took a few moments for the five of them to become untangled and regain their feet. said Irvine. No one ever tell anyone that happened, okay?

Oh, you can bet your Hynies I'm telling, Seifer said from nearby.

asked Nida. We're rapidly approaching a new low here.

Then the elevator they were standing in reached the end of its rapid descent. Ushered out by grunts from the Propogators who were there to guard them, they walked out into a hallway.

The hallway was full of monsters. This was the first major revelation that struck the SeeDs upon walking out into said hall. The second major revelation also concerned the monsters. The monsters were, they realized, not behaving at all in the way that monsters could normally be expected to. Specifically, they were gathered around resteraunt stands and discussing issues of the day in a civilized and intellectual manner. (The resteraunt stands were also run by monsters.)

Man, what the heck? demanded Zell. This is freaky! It's like that painting with the cat playing solitaire, or something! What's up with this?

Silence, humans! growled one of the Propogators, whose slightly different-colored skin indicated that he/she/it was the leader. Monsters have had a thriving civilization on the moon for centuries, which you do not deserve to be told about! It is based on a federal democratic arrangement with a social tradition emphasizing the doctrine of GRAG-NAR-BLARGH!

No one asked if was the actual name of the doctrine or just some random outburst the Propogator had made. Though everyone wondered.

As they walked through the hall, the various monsters began to stop their other business and take an interest in them. Oh, my, declared one Fastidicalon, absently adjusting its monocle with its fin. I do declare that those are humans making their way down the walkalong!

By the dickens, you're right! exclaimed a nearby Ellnoyle. What I wonder could possibly have gotten into the Propogators' heads to bring them here in such a fashion?

Y'all think they're maybe...the humans? asked an Imp who was also nearby.

Oh, wouldn't that be a dandy thing! excclaimed the Fastidicalon. I'm off to the observation level and see about it right away! Ta ta!

All of the humans had witnessed this exchange.

...I'm not sure what to comment on first here, said Quistis.

said Zell, you guys don't think maybe we're the' humans they were talking about, do you?

drawled Nida. What are the odds of a coincidence like that?

Yeah, I guess you're right, said Zell. ...Wait, were you just bein sarcastic there or something?

Nida sighed. Yes. Yes, I was.


C:\nomad\fanfic\1388651 cd \

C:\ _