A/N: This chapter is all about Sango and Miroku, so prepare your selves, because there is a Lemon some where in here. This is the clean version, should you want to read the dirty version please go to my profile page and click on the link for chapt 35.For some reason this Lemon was the hardest that I've ever had to write, it actually took me about a week. I don't know why but please if it's not too much trouble, let me know what you think. I think there maybe another 4 or 5 chapters left to this fic, before it's all over and done with, but who knows, maybe I'll get some inspiration and come up with a new twist or power for Jouyoku. Anyway thanks my friends for your wonderful reviews! Also this is a rather long chapter!
Authors that deserve your attention:
Imae is the author of Dead Roses, The substitute (my fav) and many more (there all great). All of her fics are different and in your face. Trust me it's a breath of fresh air. Please my friends if you have a moment to spare check out her profile page, trust me you Sesshomaru lovers…Kikyo haters…Inu/Kags lovers will not be disappointed.
Chiisai Mui is the author of Burn, which I would definitely give 6 thumbs up to if I had them, but I don't so I'll have to settle for begging you guys to check it out. If I'm enjoying reading it, I think it's only fair that I make you guys aware of what's out there and what you should be giving your attention to.
Rmguccione Corner: (will be added at a later date.)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of them, well I do claim to own Jouyoku, and Miebi Kokushi. I don't really care about the rest of them! Ha…ha!
Chapter 35: Moon Light Secrets
The night seemed to drag on at a snails pace. Just when he thought he had gotten through to her, she seemed to have crawled even further behind the wall that she had created around her heart. He couldn't understand it! After everything that they had been through! After all the fighting and the tears, she still didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth!
Rolling over on his mat he decided that it was futile to try to sleep anymore, since he had been trying unsuccessfully for over 4 hours now. 'Why won't she talk to me?' He asked himself as he shoved the lightweight cover off of him and sat up. 'Haven't I always been open and honest with her? Why would she think that I would think less of her for something she had no control over? She must 'really' think very little of me.' He thought sadly as he ran his hand threw his hair releasing the tie that normally kept it bound tightly to the base of his head.
Twisting his head from side to side he tried to release the tension that seemed to have made a home in both sides of his neck and his shoulders. Rolling his shoulders back and forth he heard a slight crack and he smiled, 'that's it, now if I can only make my neck, back and my other shoulder do the same thing.'
He wondered if Sango was asleep or if she was lying there wide awake like he had been doing ever since he got frustrated with her and stormed out.
Thinking back to that moment he felt guilty for the manner in which he spoke to her, but he also felt like she owed him an explanation for her actions. Even if she refused to go into detail about her encounter with Jouyoku, she could at least tell him why she murdered a defenseless woman.
Sighing heavily he decided that he didn't want to think about her anymore. He didn't want to wonder about things that she refused to inform him of. 'Maybe it's best that I don't know.' He thought sullenly as he pushed himself up so that he was standing. Straightening out his sleeping gown he stretched his arms over his head and yawned. "I might as well catch some fresh air since the sleep I seek seems to evade me."He mumbled as he slowly slid the door to his room open and walked outside.
"Beautiful," He whispered as he watched hundreds of fireflies dance across the pasture in front of him. The moon sat high in the sky amongst a million twinkling stars like a bright never faltering beacon, to the thousands of lost souls scattered through out the countryside.
Breathing in deeply he allowed all of the stress that he was feeling to leave his body as he walked to the edge of the porch and sat down so that his legs dangled over the edge.
It was so peaceful, so quiet, and so surreal that he wished that this night would last forever, but he knew better. As soon as the sun rose in the east it would all start over again. The turmoil, the torture, and the tears. Would this ever end? Would things ever get back to normal? Would he and his companions ever recover from this?
Smiling up at the moon he whispered, "you know don't you? You my friend have all the answers that I seek, and it's you that I can not reach." Chuckling quietly to himself he mumbled, "the irony of it all…" as he allowed his head to fall back so that the only thing with in his line of sight was the glorious unreachable, untouchable, and all knowing moon.
Simonkal of Inuy
She lay there on her side with the covers pulled up to her neck as she watched the candle slowly burn in the far corner of her room. She had gotten up several times and attempted to blow it out, but she always thought better of it.
Shadows danced around the room toying with her imagination. She saw Kirara and Shippo, then what she thought was Inuyasha, she saw Kagome's smiling face and she wondered if her friend had recovered.
Burying herself deeper beneath the light blanket she tried to think of anything and everything except Miroku, Jouyoku and Ayame.
Every time the thought of Ayame or that monster, Jouyoku found its was into her head she would shudder and look around the room as if she was expecting one or both of them to jump out of the dark corners and finish what they started.
Closing her eyes tightly she whispered repeatedly, "I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid." Slowly opening her eyes she wasn't sure what she would fine but she prayed that it would be neither one of them.
It would've been an understatement to say that her mind was playing tricks on her.
After Miroku had stormed out on her she had taken a quick bath and crawled into bed refusing to give his request another thought. She could not…she would not risk their relationship or his love for her. What happened that night at the river would be something that she would lock away with in the deepest darkest most venomous part of her heart. No one not even her best friend, and her confidant, Kagome, would hear about that. After repeating that for the hundredth time she actually almost, started to believe that her plan would work.
'Please forgive me Miroku, but I can't.'
Rolling over so that she was laying on her back she stared up at the ceiling and prayed that it would cave in on her and end her misery. 'If only I were that lucky.' Grimacing at her foreboding thoughts she rolled over so that her back was to the door and tried to focus on something else, anything else.
As she closed her eyes a gust of wind blew around the room knocking out the small flame that was helping to keep her sane.
Sitting up abruptly she scanned the room quickly, looking from corner to corner, up and down. Although she didn't see anything she couldn't stop the way her heart rammed repeatedly against her rib cage and the little voice that screamed with in her mind that she should run!
With out giving it a second thought she jumped to her feet and dashed out the door only stopping when she felt the wind blow soft kisses against her barely covered flesh.
Shivering slightly she wrapped her arms around her small waist and proceeded to walk quietly down the porch. 'Sango what's wrong with you? You've never been such a coward!' Sighing she glanced out at the pasture and tried not to belittle herself anymore than she already was. Looking up at the moon she realized that it wasn't anywhere near morning and she definitely didn't have the courage to go back into her room alone. 'Maybe Miroku will let me stay in his room, just for tonight, but I don't even know where his room is.' She thought dejectedly as a flashback of their earlier conversation danced in her head.
Flashback"If you trust me, then why do you hesitate?" He almost yelled.
She could tell that he was loosing his patience with her, but she was too stubborn to do anything about it. "I'm sorry." She whispered quietly as she pulled further away from him.
Staring at her, he wasn't about to let her think that her dry apology would suffice. He was willing to give up everything for her. His life as he knew it, his brother hood to the monastery and this is the thanks that he got? A pathetic 'half' empathetic, 'sorry'! His blood boiled unlike anything he had ever felt before.
His anger was not all directed at her, but the majority of it was because of her overbearing stubbornness.
"You always do this! Every time something happens you shut me out! First it was Naraku, then Kohaku, and then you tried to say it was because I was such a lech. Well look at me, Sango! I'm here with you…for you. I'm the only one here!" Miroku stressed this by pointing his finger hard into the floor in front of him. "So what's your reason for shutting my out this time?" With out waiting for a reply from her he continued, "I'm willing to protect you with my life for what you did, and you sit there as if I don't matter, as if you owe me know explanation for your actions!" The last part was spat with so much venom that it stunned even him.
All she could do was stare at him. He had never spoken to her or anyone that she could remember, in such a manner. His aura was so volatile at that moment that she couldn't look at him; she didn't want to be near him. It reminded her…it reminded her of the way Inuyasha would get when he felt rejected by Kagome. Had she caused this? Had she just turned her calm relaxed understanding Monk into a raving ranting lunatic?
She looked at every, and anything else but him and said nothing.
Standing to his feet Miroku looked down his nose at her, knowing that if he stayed the next thing that came out of his mouth would surely hurt the one woman he loved more than anything else in the world. Stepping around her, he slowly walked towards the door.
"M…Miroku, please try to understand…" She pleaded as she turned and watched him walk away.
He stopped but he didn't turn around.
Sighing heavily, he stated in a crestfallen manner, "Sango, I'm tired. I…I don't really have anything else to say to you right now." He then walked out the room and slid the door closed behind him with out so much as a glance backwards.
End flashbackShaking her head she tried to dismiss the anxiety that rose up with in her at just the thought of how their conversation had ended. 'Maybe it's too late to fix this. He was so angry with me…so angry.' She thought with a frown as she rounded the corner and stopped dead in her tracks.
There he was, bathed in the moonlight. He sat as still as stone his head laid back, balanced between his shoulder blades as he smiled up at nothing. His hair fell loose around his shoulders.
She had never seen him with his hair down before and she couldn't deny that she liked it, she like it a lot.
His sleeping gown was tied tightly around his waist but hung loose around his chest, revealing his tight muscles that were normally hidden beneath his robes.
At this moment she wanted to run back to the same room she had just ran from but she couldn't tear her gaze away from him. He looked so…so peaceful, so inviting. She longed to share in that feeling with him, but would he allow it?
She heard him sigh then whisper something that she didn't quite catch and she took a quiet tiny step forward.
She wanted more than anything at this moment to go to him and beg him to forgive her for things she didn't really understand herself. She wanted…she wanted him to hold her. She wanted him to whisper in her ear words of love and promises of forever. If she were totally truthful with her self she would've admitted that she wanted to feel his hands combing gently through her hair, his lips on her neck and his warm breath against her earlobes.
What she really wanted was for him to erase the memories of Jouyoku's touch, caress, the feel of his body against her own. Yes that what she wanted, that's what she needed…she needed him; just him and then everything would be fine. Before she was able to stop herself she had already descended the stairs and was walking slowly in his direction.
Noticing movement coming from his right side he glanced over, 'Sango…what is she doing out here?' He questioned to himself but tried not to show his surprise as she walked closer. Sighing he looked away from her and back at the moon, not really wanting to fight with her anymore.
"Miroku…" she whispered as she came to a stop in front of him but a few feet away. Her head hung low as she intertwined her fingers and prayed that he would not pick up where he left off earlier.
"Sango," He replied quietly. Up until now he had done a good job at forgetting how angry he was with her. The tension in his neck and shoulders came back with a vengeance. "Is everything all right? Did you need something?" He inquired with out looking at her.
"You're still angry with me." She stated quietly after noticing the sharp clipped manner in which he spoke to her. What did she really expect? Did she want him to pretend that nothing happened? Did she want him to just brush his wants and needs aside and pretend that everything was all right? Maybe she did, but she could tell that this was not her lucky day.
Even though he was nowhere near as angry as he was earlier, he didn't deem it necessary to inform her any differently. "Sango, why are you out here? Did you need something?"
'I need you.' She whispered in her head. "I…" She started to say, but faltered. 'Just say it!' She screamed at herself. "I was…I couldn't sleep." She finally said, which wasn't a total lie.
"I see."
"What are you doing out here?"
Leaning forward so that his elbows rested on his knees he replied with a light sigh, "I guess I was having the same problem."
"Oh," she replied sadly. She knew she was the reason he couldn't sleep and she hated herself for it. Why couldn't she just tell him what he needed to hear? Was keeping it to herself really worth the pain she was putting him through? 'Maybe if I just tell him…maybe he'll…'
He glanced back up as he waited for her to continue, but she didn't. Instead she turned so that her back was facing him.
Staring at her, he noticed her elegant silhouette as the moonlight surrounded her. He noticed the way her back formed a sensual upside down triangle as it dipped gently to meet her womanly hips and round firm buttocks. He tried to memorize every curve of her long toned legs. The strands of her beautiful dark brown almost black hair cascaded down her back as stray strands danced with the wind that lightly blew.
He watched her stare quietly up at the moon and the only thought that came to mind was, 'poetry in motion.' He heard her say some thing but he couldn't make out exactly what it was, "could you repeat that?" He asked quietly as he continued to etch everything about her on the walls of his mind.
She didn't know why, but all of a sudden it seemed that nothing mattered anymore. Maybe it was the moon or the fireflies. Maybe it was the gentle wind that enveloped her, or maybe it was because this beautiful night resembled the night that her life changed.
Looking up at the moon she closed her eyes and she began, "That night was so beautiful. I remember wishing that it was you I was with, but it was her instead."
'She's telling me what happened?' He questioned to himself as he pulled his gaze away from her backside.
"I had been dreaming of us. Of you, and Kagome and Inuyasha, of Shippo and Kirara. I was dreaming of a time when we enjoyed each other's company. I was dreaming about how easy life had become for us, that's when she woke me up." Sighing softly, she continued, "I knew something was wrong, but she pleaded with me and begged me to go with her to the river to take a bath. I told her no and that she should wait until daylight, but then she reminded me of her situation and I felt guilty and ashamed for being so harsh with her, so I agreed to go as long as she made it quick."
'She was out there because of Ayame?' The Monk thought as he leaned forward a little more so that he could hear everything she said.
"When I walked outside, I looked for Kouga, but he wasn't there. I didn't think much about it at the time so I followed her as she led me to the river." A single tear rolled slowly down her cheek as she continued, "she was so happy that she actually skipped down the path to the river, and I was happy for her. She seemed almost normal, Miroku. It was as if nothing had ever happened to her." Reaching up she wiped away the tear and inhaled. "Anyway, when we got to the river, I told her to hurry up and went and sat down."
For some reason he didn't want to hear anymore. He felt like he knew the rest, but he couldn't make himself tell her that she didn't need to say anything else. Raising his hand so that it partially covered his mouth he bit down on his bottom lip as his eyes started to grow misty. 'Shut up! I don't want to hear anymore!' His heart pounded with in his chest, his breathing increased and he could feel the perspiration begin to build up under his arms and across his forehead and still he couldn't find the words to tell her to be quiet, she had said enough.
Perhaps it was true, some things 'are' best left, unsaid.
Her head fell back and her eyes closed as she tried to find the words to tell him what he so desperately needed to hear. She knew she had come to far to stop now so before she continued she repeated a few times to herself, 'he will still love me, and he will still respect me.' This she had to believe. "I don't know where he…he came from, but all of a sudden he was there, right behind me."
"S…Sango…" The whispered.
"I knew who he was, but I couldn't…I didn't run…I feared leaving Ayame."
"Sango, please sto…"
"He told me that Ayame…He told me that she…He said that I was a gift to him from…her. From Ayame."
"Oh, holy Buddha." The monk grimaced as he stood to his feet.
Wrapping her arms around her small waist she stated as she shook her head slightly, "I didn't believe him, not at first. I didn't want to believe him, but then…"
He wanted to throw his hands up and cover his ears, but he was stuck in the place that he stood, immobile.
"…She came…he whispered something to her…" Her mind told her she had said enough. It told her that she was foolish to relive this again, but her soul told her that this was what she needed to do if she was to begin healing herself and her relationship with the Monk. Releasing her waist she let her hands fall to her sides as she balled them into two tight fists. "She touched me in ways that no woman should touch another! She ki…kissed me and licked me and fondled me, Miroku!" Shaking her head feverously she hissed, "she deserved to die, I don't regret what I did. I was nothing to her, just a pawn in their game…a gift!" She spat out the last part as if she had just eaten a rotten piece of fruit.
"No," he whispered in disbelief.
Releasing a sarcastic chuckle Sango continued, "When he had seen enough, he sent her away…" Turning to face the Monk her eyes filled up with tears as she finished, "…then it was his turn."
He wanted to reach out and touch her. He wanted to hold her and tell her, he was sorry for making her relive that, but he couldn't find it in him to move. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that he touched…that she touched you." Tears came to his eyes as his facial expression changed into a tight scowl of pain, "I'm so sorry, Sango. If only I was there, if I find him…if I ever see him, I swear to you…I promise, I 'will' kill him. I promise you that."
She threw herself into his chest as the gates that held her tears back opened. She cried harder than she had ever cried before. Maybe things would be okay in the end; maybe…just maybe things really would be okay. She felt him wrap his arms tightly around her and she melted into him. He was truly her Saviour, he was the one…the only one that could help her erase that terrible night.
Looking up at him through swollen puffy red eyes she whispered, "Miroku, can I ask you something?"
"Anything, Sango." He whispered as he nuzzled deeper into the crook of her neck.
"Will you…will you help me…Can you help me erase those memories."
The Monk pulled away from her slightly his eyes just as puffy and red as hers, "how…just tell me and I'll do it."
She smiled shyly up at him as she leaned in and placed a soft gentle kiss on his lips.
Confusion tore through his mind as he felt her lips against his once more. This time the kiss lingered. It was almost as if they were asking, no begging or was it pleading with him for something.
"Sango," he whispered as he pulled away from her so that he could look into her eyes, hoping to find an answer to what she wanted.
"Please help me. Help me erase the memories of him. Please." She begged.
He replayed her words in his mind over and over before realizing just what she was asking him. 'Oooooooh,' He thought with a surprised look on his face as he took a few steps back. Bumping into the edge of the porch he sat down with a dumb founded look on his face.
Figuring that she had done or said something wrong, Sango approached him quickly. Falling to her knees before him she stared up at him begging him to understand why she would ask him such a thing. Reaching up she started to rest her hand on his thigh but thought better of it. "I understand why you don't want to touch me."
Normally he would've jumped at the chance to touch her, if only for a moment but he had to wonder why all of a sudden she was so ready to be with him in such an intimate way. Or was he being foolish? Hadn't he almost lost her to the monster, Jouyoku? If he took her virginity now, wouldn't that solve the problem called Jouyoku? Would that make her happy? Is that what she was asking him to do?
Hearing her comment he glanced down at her, his brows drawing together at the utter ignorance of her statement. "Are you crazy. Why wouldn't I want to touch you?" He stated angrily as he aggressively grabbed her shoulders and almost shook her.
She didn't flinch or pull away from his touch. Instead she stared up at him and stated rather bluntly, "I don't want to dream about him anymore." Sitting up so that she was kneeling on her knees alone, she reached up and placed her palm against his cheek as she continued, "I want you to be the one in my dreams. I want to only remember your touches, your caresses, and your kisses. Please don't deny me this."
His heart, his soul, everything that was he melted at that moment. She needn't say another word. He would grant her wish…her request. He was hers and she would be his, if only physically for now, but he would make sure that she was not touched by that monster…that beast…that rapist.
Closing the distance between them, he covered her mouth with his own. Nibbling, sucking, and licking he begged her for permission to enter.
At first his sudden movements stunned her, but only for a moment. Realizing that he was more than willing to comply with her request she began to greedily kiss him back with such passion that it surprised even her. Her hands found their way to the front on his open sleeping robe and began tugging almost of their own accord.
Leaving her mouth he placed soft kisses along her jaw line down her neck over the length of her shoulder. Stopping for a moment he pulled her robe off her shoulders as he leaned in again and slowly ran his tongue over her soft heated skin.
She shivered, but didn't pull away.
Leaning back away from her, he stared down at her with out saying anything as he slowly reached down and loosened the sash that held her yukata closed. With his other hand he pulled her up into a standing position.
Part of him expected her to pull away or change her mind, but she didn't. The look in her eyes told him that she was ready. The heat vibrating off of her skin told him that she was ready, but he would…he couldn't rush this. He had to make sure that he erased each and every memory that was left behind by that beast!
From his seated position in front of her he pulled her to him so that she was standing between his legs. Reaching up with both hands he parted her yukata so that her breast, navel and other womanly enticing parts were visible. 'My Kami…' He thought as he let his hand brush gently over her erect nipples, down her flat stomach to her abdomen. "S…Sango…" He whispered as he searched her beautiful brown eyes for any signs of doubt while allowing his hand to come to rest against her naked hip.
She noticed his hesitation and she almost smiled. This was the Monk… the hentai…the lech, why would he hesitate? Perhaps he wasn't as experienced as she thought. Perhaps she had been wrong about him all this time. "It's okay. I'm okay with this. I want you, Miroku. Only you." She stated softly as she placed her hand over his hand that remained hovering over her belly and pressed it flush against her skin.
Stepping closer to him she slowly positioned herself so that she was straddling his waist as she sat down on his lap so that she was facing him. Leaning in she placed a soft kiss on his forehead, then his nose. "Please help me. Help me fix what he tried to break. Help me forget him and remember only you."
The lustful euphoric haze that shrouded her eyes enveloped him as it wrapped around every logical thought that remained with in his mind. He felt almost as if she had cast some kind of spell on him but he didn't care, she could cast as many spells as she wanted and they still would not be enough to make him reject her.
As she situated herself on his lap he immediately found her lips and devoured them while palming her breasts with both hands.
Go to Mediaminer (dot) org by clicking on the link for chapter 35 on my profile page.
She rubbed his back soothingly as he tried to regain his composure. What she had just done with him she realized was totally different from Jouyoku. Miroku, her Monk had touched places with in her that no one else could have. 'Even if we don't marry, I'm glad it was him that I experienced my first time with.' She thought to herself as she felt him push himself up off of her.
Looking up at the night sky he noticed that morning would be there soon. His body was weak, fatigued…she had taken every ounce of energy that he had, not that he regretted giving it to her. Smiling to himself, he turned just in time to see her sit up and pull her yukata closed. Reaching back he sluggishly pulled her into his lap and kissed her forehead. "Sango," He questioned hesitantly.
She didn't feel ashamed for what they had done, but she did feel a little more than embarrassed about how she moaned and reacted to his touch. "Yes, Miroku." She replied shyly without looking at him.
"I think…I think we should…"
Glancing up at him quickly as if she was afraid of what he was going to say she tried to cut him off, "It's okay, Miroku, you don't have to say anything. I wanted this…I…I don't expect anything from you."
Smirking at her the Monk pulled her closer to him and ignored her remark as he continued, "I think we should get married, and soon."
"Wha…"
"I said, I think we should get married."
"Miroku?"
"Sango…" reaching around her the Monk lifted her chin so that she was looking directly at him, "will you marry me?"
"M…Miroku…you don't…you don't have to…"
Shushing her, he kissed the tip of her nose, her forehead, then her lips as he stated, "Please say yes, because what we just did…My Kami, we have to do again…and again…and again. I don't think I can take 'no' for an answer, Sango."
She was shocked, and utterly confused. Here she was thinking that perhaps this would be a one-time thing and he was here proposing to her. After a moment she realized just what he had stated to her. Slapping his bare chest playfully she laughed, "You're such a hentai!"
Chuckling the Monk caught her hand, "Yeah, that maybe true but you know you like what I do to you. Don't you? Don't you?" He inquired playfully as he tickled her.
After a moment her laughter died down and she leaned into him as she let her head rest on his shoulder. She felt happy, content, and at peace with everything that had happened. Smiling to herself, she tightened her hold on his neck and buried her face deeper into his chest. "Miroku?"
"Hmmm?" He replied as if he was in a daze.
"Yes, I'll marry you."
"Did you really think you had a choice?" He stated playfully as he stood with her in his arms and walked back to his room. She had finally given herself to him, what more could he ask for.
Perhaps this was the answer he had been looking for all along.
"Sango?"
"Yes, Miroku?"
"Can we do that again, like, right now?"
There was no reply as the door to his room slowly slid closed behind the two of them and the sun slowly rose in the east.
Until Next Time…(Man, if Inu and Kags makes it this far, their lemon is going to have to be off the chain…lol...lol)
Dedication:
Anniechanlc: This chapter is being dedicated to you for the simple fact that when you say, ' I'm your favorite author I really believe you.' You've actually read and reviewed every chapter of every story that I've ever written, and even though I hadn't heard from you in like 3 weeks, you still came back with a bang! Thank you, my friend! Bows
Acknowledgements: (all others have been sent private emails.)
demonicinuyashasgirl: Thank you for your wonderful review, and I will try to get the chapters up as soon as I humanly can.
neko youkai: Thank you for your wonderful review. I know my characters are OOC but your right, because of the type of fic that this is it can't really be helped. Thanks for understanding.
She-Wolf1991: You'll find out all about Sesshy's decision or at least get a hint about his decision in the next chapter. Thanks for your continued reviews my friend.
Fluffers: Thank you! I hope this chapter was long enough for you, because it sure took along time to write. Oh, yeah. "Poor Kagura…(pouts)…lol
Singer101: Please tell Penpaninu I said, "HI!" and that I'm looking forward to her update! What in the hell is going on? Why does it seem like is deleting everybody's accounts, gods I hope that doesn't happen to me. Thanks my friend for your wonderful review!
Shadow Dragon: Have I told you lately, that you're just amazing! Every time I get a review from you, I'm like, "damn, she's still reading!" Thank you, my friend. I really appreciate you and everything that you do! I have to do something amazing for you, I just don't know what that is, yet.
Shioridemon: Thank you for your continued reviews!