Chapter Thirty-Four:

"Alya, go upstairs and take a nap." Wanda told her little sister. "You've been cranky ever since breakfast finished."

"No." Alya whined, kicking her feet from where she lay on the couch, accidentally hitting Wanda in the process. "I wanna watch, too."

"Alya, you're not gonna like this."

"I don't care."

Wanda grumbled something under her breath that Alya didn't quite catch before standing up and attempting to lift her.

But Alya whined even louder and pushed her hands away, squirming so much that it made it nearly impossible to grab her. "No!"

Wanda's face morphed into a glare as she watched her sister petulantly sink down onto the ground to avoid her. "What's wrong with you?"

She honestly thought that the talk Alya had with Natasha had been enough to find out what was wrong, but evidently, that wasn't the case. The eleven year old seemed more ornery than ever and there was nothing Wanda could do to calm her down.

"I wanna stay!"

"Alya, you're being ridiculous and you're disturbing me. Please, go upstairs." And since she couldn't keep her calm no matter how hard she tried, Wanda preferred for Alya to go upstairs so she could watch tv in peace.

"No!"

"What's with all the yelling?" Steve asked the girls, having heard the commotion from all the way upstairs.

"Steve, Alya's been cranky all afternoon and she won't go and take a nap. She's been down here driving me crazy!"

"Alya?" Steve quirked a brow. "Is that true?"

"No!"

"That's her favorite word now." Wanda crossed her arms. "She just wants to be difficult."

"No, I don't!"

"Hey, there's no need to yell." Steve scolded lightly. "Come here, Alya."

Alya sobbed and shook her head. She wanted to stay right where she was. She felt so disgusting on the inside, she didn't want to move for fear of making it worse.

It was just difficult to articulate that.

"Alya?"

"No!"

"Okay." She heard Steve's footsteps grow closer and closer until his hands lifted her up under her arms. "We're going upstairs to give Wanda some time alone."

"No!" She tried to push away from him, but he was so much stronger, that all her attempts were futile. "Put me down!"

"Alya, stop it." Steve had to adjust the way he was holding just so she wouldn't fall as he climbed up the stairs from the basement. "Cut it out."

But Alya had other ideas. Most of the time, she loved being so light that everyone could still hold her close and carry her everywhere. But today, it made her angry. She said she didn't want to go upstairs. Why was Steve not listening?

"Put me down!" She squealed, wiggling like a worm so that he would loosen his grip. "I wanna stay!"

"Alya, that's enough." This kind of behavior was really surprising to Steve because she never acted out this way. Especially not with him.

"No!"

"What's the problem?" Natasha ran a tired hand through her hair at the sight of them, Clint right by her side.

"Apparently, Alya's been in a rotten mood since breakfast. Wanda just had a doozy of a time getting her to take a nap."

By now, Alya was giving Steve her full body weight after going limp in his arms, but it didn't make a difference. "Down!"

"Alyona. Enough." Natasha spoke in such a way that left no room for arguments.

"No!" Alya finally squirmed out of Steve's arms and pushed herself away from him. Her freedom only lasted about two seconds before Natasha took hold of her arm to prevent her from going anywhere.

She was beginning to realize why she felt so icky.

It seemed like everything she had been holding in, all the way from Siberia up until now, was pouring out. It was as if she had tried to lock everything away and keep it hidden. If all the adults around her weren't crying about what happened, then why should she?

Natasha was strong. In fact, she must've been one of the strongest women Alya had ever known. The way she had come out of the Red Room and turned her life around, working through her biggest fears. She was amazing.

And Yelena, she was brainwashed and controlled in a completely different way than Natasha had been. But once she came out of it, she immediately began trying to right the wrongs done to her and to many others. Alya looked at Yelena and she hoped that she could be like her one day, too.

Alya didn't even know what she'd been through. She couldn't remember. There was something that they weren't telling her. Ever since Russia, her memories had been coming back in fragments and nightmares. Terrible nightmares. Nightmares that seemed so real when they were happening and there was nothing she could do about them.

Nightmares about Siberia, the Red Room, and most of all, the horrible things she had to do to save herself.

Despicable things.

Alya didn't know all of what she's done, but just knowing that it was worse than what she already did know, was enough to make her feel sick inside.

The fight she had back in New York and the fight with Wanda just now had been the straws that broke the camel's back.

Before she knew it, a scream left her lips and she dropped like a sack of potatoes, startling all three adults in the room.

"No! No! No!"

"Alya." Natasha didn't even think twice before she dropped down onto her knees beside her. "Alya, look at me. Look at Mama."

Alya sniveled, reaching a hand up to the collar of her pajama top, tugging at it. All of a sudden, she was feeling hot, too hot for this shirt and the collar was bothering her. It felt more like a choker than a collar.

"Here." Natasha pulled her closer and helped her take off the pajama top, leaving the girl in her undershirt. "Tell Mama what's wrong." She rubbed her back softly.

Alya continued crying, her body trembling under the duress.

"Okay. What do you need? What can I do for you? Talk to me, sweet girl."

Alya gagged from crying so hard and fell flat on her back. "M-Mamaaa."

"Alya, I don't like seeing you like this." Natasha tried once again. This time she was going to get through to her. "Tell Mama what's wrong."

"I d-didn't m-mean to!" Came soft sputters.

"You didn't mean to what?" She pressed.

"S-She made m-me!"

Steve and Clint looked at each other with deep confusion, having no clue what Alya could possibly be talking about. But Clint did make his way towards the kitchen to get Alya a cup of tea and a bucket. At the rate she was crying, she might just throw up all her breakfast.

"Who made you?"

Alya's eyes closed in momentary satisfaction as her arms took in the cold wooden floor. "M-Madame B…."

"What did she make you do?" Natasha could feel her own heartbeat quickening as she anticipated her child's answer.

"I d-didn't want t-to!"

"You didn't want to what?"

"I k-killed them!" Alya finally blurted as Natasha pulled her into her arms again. "I k-killed them!"

There it was. The truth was finally out. And now that it was, Natasha felt relieved, but at the same time, she felt this huge wave of guilt wash over her. How did she not think that something like this could've happened to her daughter? How could she have let them be separated? What had she done?

"Ssh. Ssh." Her own tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. "You're okay."

"I didn't w-want to!"

"Can you look at Mama?" She turned the child around to face her. "Look at Mama."

Alya rubbed her eyes, doing as she was told. Her biggest fear was seeing the absolute disgust that was sure to be present in her mother's eyes.

But to her surprise, it wasn't there. No matter how closely she looked, it wasn't there.

All she saw, was love.

"I want to tell you something, and I want you to listen to me." Natasha cupped her chin. "What happened to you in the Red Room was not your fault. You were forced to make an awful choice, but it isn't your fault."

"N-Not a m-murderer?"

"No. Of course not." Natasha gave her a look. "Who told you that?"

"U-Uncle Tony."

"What?" Clint finally found his voice and he was angry. It took a lot for him to truly get angry, and this seemed to be just the thing to do it. "When did he tell you that?"

Back in the Raft, Tony had let it 'slip' that he had a wife and kids. It was a secret he had kept for years, only trusting Natasha and Alya with the information during that time. That is, until one day the Avengers needed a place to lay low. He offered his home to them, revealing his secret in confidence, hoping that that decision wouldn't come back to bite him.

And it did.

He had no idea the man he had come to trust could be so...cruel.

"S-Siberia and New York."

Steve's eyes widened as soon as the words left her lips. He hadn't realized that Alya would be this affected by Tony's words back at that bunker. He felt like this was his fault for constantly reassuring her that Tony hadn't mean what he said. The man would come around eventually, it would just take time.

But this new information about the Red Room was shocking. He knew a little of what Natasha had gone through, at least, what little bit she had told him. He was aware of some of the horrors that went on in there, but to hear it from such a small child? From Alya?

It was bone-chilling.

Clint was absolutely livid. He hated that Alya had been forced to make such difficult choices in her young life. He hated that Natasha could actually empathize with the girl because she had been forced to go through it herself. Any man who used and abused those younger and weaker than themselves weren't, in his strong, unwavering opinion, real men.

His blood boiled at the thought of this kind of thing happening to any of his three children and felt grateful that they hadn't had to experience it. But this was something that Alya was going to carry with her forever.

"What did he say to you in New York?" Natasha rhythmically patted the brunette's back in an attempt to even her breathing.

"H-He said I…..he w-went through M-Mommy's f-file a-and he knows about m-me…."

"How did he get that file?"

"I-I don't k-know." Alya sobbed, sitting up to play with her mother's short hair. "H-He knows w-what Mommy d-did….and he knows a-about the m-mission….He s-showed me."

"Why?"

No-one really needed to answer that.

Clint's nostrils flared at the child's new information. Tony had really found out about an eleven year old's sickeningly traumatic past and threw right back in her face. He didn't care how much stress he was under. It was one thing to take out his frustrations on his team, they could handle it. But taking them out on a child? That was something he didn't take lightly.

Seeing Alya's hurt little face really shook him to the core.

"What happened in Siberia?" Natasha asked, locking eyes with Steve. She could see that he was hiding something from her, but now wasn't the time to get into that. Alya needed her.

"Tony found out what really happened to his parents." Steve told her. She was always one or two steps ahead of him, so he figured she already knew that piece of information. Maybe, he was wrong. "He tried to kill Bucky…..I did my best to stop him, but I had to disable the suit. It was a mess. I'm sorry, Nat…..I didn't know what to do."

Alya wasn't the only one who was disturbed by what happened in Siberia. Steve wished he could go back in time and try to fix things or change what happened, but this was the way it was and he needed to come to terms with it.

Natasha couldn't believe what she was hearing. Alya had been holding onto all of this? No wonder she didn't want to go to New York. It made sense that she had left the Compound the way she did.

She felt like she had failed the child in more ways than one. All she could do now, was pick up the pieces.

What a mess.

"Mama?" After a few hours of sitting in her mother's arms in silence, Alya finally found it in herself to speak again.

After her impromptu meltdown, Natasha had taken her upstairs to her room, turned off all the lights, and sat in a rocking chair. The motion always soothed the girl and the lack of extra light would probably calm her senses.

Natasha sat there rocking for as long as it took for Alya to finally calm down. And while she did, she tried to be understanding about why Tony had said and done what he did.

She failed.

For one thing, he had attacked a child, her daughter. The same child she had spent years with trying to undo the damage that had been done to her. All he managed to do was make it worse. What he had done was malicious and heartbreaking. She knew that when he was afraid he tended to lash out at those closest to him, but he had gone too far this time.

The child she was cradling in her arms was proof of that.

"Do you hate me now?"

"What?" Natasha bristled at the question. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Because of what I did."

"Alya, if I hated you for what you did, then I'd have to hate Clint, Yelena, and myself for what we've done."

"Huh?"

"Sweetheart, I know what you're going through is shocking and it's scary, but you're not the first." Natasha elaborated. "I have a past that I'm not very proud of. Do you hate me?"

"No." Alya shook her head. "You're Mama."

"And you're Alya." The blonde shrugged. "You're my daughter and I love you. Very much. My love doesn't come with terms and conditions. If you can ever be absolutely sure of anything, let it be that."

Alya smiled and nodded, playing with the arrow necklace around her mother's neck. She had always loved it, but she never asked her what the meaning behind it was.

"Look at me." Natasha forced her to sit up so she could look her in the eyes. "That pain you feel? That hurt? It can only make you stronger. Remember that always."

"My pain only make me stronger?" Alya tilted her head, feeling as if she had heard that somewhere before.

"Your pain only makes you stronger." The woman nodded, cupping her chin. "So you keep fighting and when you feel like you can't anymore, you keep going. Don't let anyone take your heart, do you understand me?"

Melina taught her that when she was Alya's age back in Ohio. It meant so much to her, that she carried it with her all these years. Now, she could pass it on to her own daughter.

"Yes, Mama." Alya nodded, feeling a warm sense of comfort. "Tell me a story." She requested.

"A story?" Natasha questioned, the way children could manage to bounce back so quickly had always startled her and amazed her at the very same time. "What about?"

"What's this arrow for? Is it from Uncle Clint?"

"It is. He got it for me after we became friends."

"How'd you become friends?"

"Well, funny you should ask." Natasha pressed Alya's head against her chest so she'd be soothed by the vibrations of her voice before she began her tale. "That was a pretty long time ago…."

"How is she?" Steve asked, leaning up against the doorway. He heard the lack of crying coming from that room and assumed that everything had been handled. He just wanted to make sure that Alya was really all right.

"She's alright now." Natasha answered him. Alya had fallen asleep in between asking her questions about the little story she was telling her about Budapest. The little girl managed to ask two questions before her eyes fluttered shut and she was out like a light. "Why didn't you tell me about what happened in Siberia before today?"

She wasn't angry. She was just curious. There had to have been a good reason as to why Steve never told her something as important as that.

"I don't know." He sighed, entering the room to sit on the bed. "I guess I was worried you'd look at me differently."

Natasha's eyes softened at his words and her hand went up to cradled Alya's head. Steve was so sensitive. He took everything to heart it seemed.

"Between you and Alya….." She shook her head. "This whole situation with the Accords and Ross, then with you and Bucky…..it's complicated. I know that. I get that. I just thought that after all this time, you trusted me. None of this is going to work if you don't trust me."

"I do trust you." Steve's eyes widened. "Of course I trust you. I was just….afraid. I'm sorry."

Natasha looked at him for a moment, to give him time to squirm under her gaze right before she allowed a smile to tug at the corners of her lips, reassuring him of his place as her friend.

"Don't let it happen again."

A/N: Started out rough, but ended on a sweet note. Some Clint and Alya fluff on the way :)