CHAPTER FOUR:
Not Now, Not Ever
Hermione and Harry were walking down the corridor hand in hand. They were a bit nervous for their destination was the Hospital Wing. After Ron's little encounter at the Three Broomsticks, he was immediately sent to Madame Pomfrey soon after he had fainted.
They entered the wide, spacey room that was currently almost empty. The wing had dozens of beds lined against the walls. Ron currently lay on the one in the far corner, away from anywhere else. Ron was twisting and turning, a nightmare perhaps he was lost inside.
Harry felt a slight harden in Hermione's grasp. He fingers were still entwined in his, but his were growing purpler by the minute. He knew she was nervous, but if he didn't do something quick then his fingers would loose all feeling. His finger tips started to look like newly formed blueberries, Harry let out a yelp.
"What's wrong?" Hermione whispered, turning her worried look upon him.
"My... fingers." He gasped between each word, it was painful.
"Oh my, I'm sorry Harry." Hermione blushed. She loosened her grip by a lot, and proceeded walking down the wing to where Ron had lain.
"Thank you." Harry said relieved and a bit relaxed. Hermione didn't smile, but she wanted to.
Harry could tell she was worried, not just by how purple his fingers had become. She had the look on her face, as if a child of hers had been snatched. She referred to Ron as her brother, but sometimes they were the worst thing to be in the same room with for a long period of time. Harry had grown close to Hermione, he loved her and that was all he could possibly say.
Love doesn't need a meaning; it's all said and done. Hermione knew that if he said it, he meant it. Somewhere deep inside Hermione she wasn't worried about just Ron, she was worried about what Fred and George had once said. It wasn't that long after they had paid a visit to the "Weasley's Wizarding Weezes" joke shop.
Hermione remembered them telling her they had heard odd things about what Harry had done in his spare time. Hermione, eagerly, refused to believe them. Now though, it was cutting her deep. She knew something was different about him, but did she really trust him as much as she said she did? Or was Harry practically speaking for her?
She walked down the hall to Ron, switching a thought with every step. It was odd, but she ran through everything that was in her mind in the fifteen seconds or so it took for them to walk down the wing. Ron, still tossing and turning, was the reason why they were here. Would this even have happened if Harry and Hermione hadn't gone to Fred and George's shop in the first place?
They came closer to him, right in front of him in fact. Hermione, speechless, still was looking teary eyed, Harry noticed. Her tears remained in her eyes, as if they couldn't be shed or as if they weren't real. They were real, she was holding them back as best she could, but it didn't work. Her tears trailed down her cheeks slowly and gradually with a slight sound as they fell on her robes.
"It's alright Hermione, he'll be alight." Harry said comfortingly as Hermione turned and hugged him close. Her face was buried in his robes, she cried.
"Ahh!" Ron sat up quickly. He was panting and searching around his beddings, it was odd.
"Ron, are you alright?" Harry asked as Hermione whipped around and faced Ron. She still had tears trailing slowly down her whitened cheek.
"Yeah... I think so..." Ron said unsurely, he was still panting but not as hard now. "What are you doing here... what am I doing here?" He asked, astounded as he looked around and noticed his positioning in the modern Hospital bed.
"You fainted, so we brought you here." Hermione said quietly as she wiped away a tear that was trailing down her cheek and dripping onto her neck.
"Hermione, why are you crying?" Ron asked, rather worried but she didn't say. "And why did I faint?" He asked, looking at Harry rather angrily.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
"You fainted because of what we told you about Ginny." Harry said silently, still hugging Hermione close and trying to comfort her. Hermione still wouldn't speak.
"What did you say? I can't remember anything, but I feel like I've been hit by a Bludger." Ron said, massaging his temples.
"We told you about the Varadies." Harry said, still rather quiet so Madame Pomfrey would not over hear.
"I remember now, you can only see them if you have lost your virginity." Ron said, still rubbing his head that was covered in fire red hair.
"Yes, and Ginny could see them." Hermione spoke even more silently, almost as if she was a butterfly.
"WHAT?" Ron choked as he went to grab his glass of water from the bedside table.
"Ron we already informed this to you." Harry said to calm down his reaction. Hermione had made a tiny jump into Harry's arms.
"I can't believe this" Ron ignored Harry, but Ron did lower his voice.
"Please don't be angry with Ginny." Hermione whimpered, she was no longer crying by this point.
"Don't be... Don't be angry? She... SHE... SHE!" Ron couldn't even say it, he was steaming with red hot anger. Hermione's cheeks were reddish from the stinging of her tears. She buried her face in her sleeve.
"Hermione..." Harry interrupted "Maybe we should go... it doesn't look like he'll calm down. He just seems to get madder by your presence." Harry said as he shot Ron a glare.
"Alright." Hermione sniffled, walking out the door as Harry's hand lay firmly on her waist.
They walked down the hall, not saying anything to each other. They did hear occasional "wait!" and "come back!" saying from Ron when they left the Hospital Wing, but they didn't return. Advising themselves to stay clear of the anger that Ron was suddenly projecting towards everyone.
Reminding what happened in the Hospital, they felt it was only fair to warn Ginny. She had most defiantly agreed and promised herself to hide from him until term was over. Ginny was scared, terrified, her brother now knew her most famous secret of her life that not even her best friends knew about.
This was the worst day of Ginny's life, and Hermione couldn't help but send more and more sympathy to her and most of the time, made her feel even worse. Hermione couldn't help it. She had to say things like that to Ginny. It was only a matter of time, before her mother, Molly, would officially find out.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.
It was going on four in the afternoon, nothing to do that day because all the classes Harry had were either over, missed, or cancelled. Hermione had no classes at all that day, which she found herself lucky for. She didn't feel like going anywhere today, she just wanted to sit alone with Harry, and talk.
Harry led her to the Room of Requirement, a room that they used very often, and shut the door when both of them had entered. Harry seemed mostly saddened about how Ron has treated the subject. Harry also didn't have a little brother or sister, so he wouldn't know what it was like.
Ginny was forming into a very matured adult, and Ron treated her as if she was still six years old. He clung to her too tightly, in Harry's opinion, and needed to let her live her own life freely. Nothing more could have upset Harry then being watched day in and day out and never getting the time to rest without having someone watch you. He suddenly felt what it was like to be in Ginny's shoes.
Hermione had sat on the couch next to Harry. His hand was lying still firmly on her waist when she leaned against him. She wrapped her arms around him, not wanting to leave because of the horror out there. In the real world, but their world wasn't real. The muggle's world was real, it was normal.
Hermione was afraid, the things that would happen, the things that were said to her and left alone for quite some time. Varadies were still on her mind. Fred and George had given her a potion to turn her into one, but she trusted Harry. Was she really going to defy him, and his trust for some stupid Weasley eavesdropping? She wasn't going to stand for it, not now... not ever.
She was controlled. She had self confidence in herself. Everything seemed perfect, but something was missing. It felt like a part of her brain was once working then somehow shut itself off. She looked up at Harry, wondering if things will ever be alright again. She kissed him slightly, she knew that somehow, things would eventually get better then it currently was.
She looked up at Harry, dried tears on her cheeks that she was forcibly trying to rub away. She hated Harry seeing her like this. She didn't like it at all, for some reason she was beginning to act a lot like Harry's fourth year girlfriend, Cho Chang. For some reason, Harry thought the same thing.
"I'm sorry Harry." Hermione said with a tight breathe after every word.
"Hermione, there's no need for you to be sorry." Harry said soothingly, "Why are you crying?" He asked sweetly as he raked his fingers through her long, bushy hair.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
"I don't know Harry." She sighed, still rubbing her dried tears off her cheeks. "I really don't know, I suppose I'm scared for Ginny is all." Hermione sighed again, why was she crying?
"Well we could put Ron under a memory-loss spell... that would make him forget everything." Harry pondered, and he thought it actually sounded fun.
"We shouldn't have told him why he fainted, it's gotten everything to be worse then it already was." She sighed, Harry nodded, and they both knew it was true.
There they sat, in the Room of Requirement. Something told Hermione that she needed to be strong, and maybe even consider Harry's offer to put a charm on Ron. Something else though, told her it was Ginny's life and she couldn't be worried because it's not hers... but that would be wrong.
Ginny was one of Hermione's best friends, she was basically steps away to the 'Golden Trio' to become the 'Golden Quads' which Harry was hoping that didn't happen. He'd rather shoot someone then hang around with Ginny twenty – four seven, though he had once before, no offense to Ginny.
What really what was on Hermione's mind is the fact that Harry asked her to spend the summer with her. She remembered she quickly accepted and she really wanted to go, but was it too soon? They had only been dating for only a few days, almost one week. She loved him too much to say no though, but what would her parents think?
She was graduating from Hogwarts in two weeks and she would soon after be moving in with Harry. This was going too fast she thought, but she liked it fast. She wanted her last few weeks at Hogwarts to be remembered, but she wanted it longer then that two weeks. She wanted her relationship to last forever.
Hermione and Harry had fought once, but who in a relationship doesn't fight? They always have their good days and occasionally their bad days, but Hermione promised herself to open up more to Harry. It was her fault they fought the first time, but she wasn't sure if Harry was still beating himself up about him making her cry.
"Harry..." She spoke as he looked at her, his green eyes pressed into hers. She didn't want to tell him, but she had to. "I need to tell you something." She said silently.
"What is it?" Harry asked, shifting to make her a little more comfortable. He just kept his arms around her.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.
"Well, you know that day that we were fighting?" She wondered and Harry nodded. "Well I told you that the day had gotten to me, and that's why I was so upset and..." She stopped, Harry had cut her off.
"That wasn't the real reason." He stated and she nodded quickly. "Are you ready to tell me the real reason?" he asked and she made a hard gulp.
"Well I think I might have blacked out in the shower, all I could see was..." It was hard for her to say this without those pictures returning. "All I could see was our dreams, our blood was everywhere and we were dying." She said sadly "I want these images out of my head!" She demanded.
"Hermione, if I am the one that is bringing these to you, then say it. I just want you to be happy, it breaks me apart when I see you cry." Harry said soothingly. He still hugged her.
"Harry no, I love you. Even if our dreams aren't the most joyous, I won't leave you. I love you." She said, looking to him. He gave her a gentle smile.
"You really mean that?" He asked with astonishment. He couldn't believe it.
"Yes Harry, I do mean it." She smiled. Before she could say anything else, Harry had pulled her into a deep embrace.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.
"I love you Hermione, so much." He said as she felt it again.
She felt the swirling mist of pleasure as she looked into his emerald green eyes so deeply she felt she was melting. She blinked. Her golden eyes were lost in the vortex of the emerald green that shined like light on an ocean.
She smiled, breathlessly as she felt the deepened kiss on her lips again. She knew this feeling so well, but even she wanted so much more. She said nothing, did nothing, and thought nothing. It was as if she was paralyzed and couldn't move away from his lips, she didn't even want to breathe.
"When term is over, I want to leave with you." She said, remembering him asking to spend her days at his beach house. "I want to be with you, for as long as I can." She said, her eyes trembled as they looked at him.
"Forever, I hope." He whispered into her ear. She felt the light kiss upon her neck again as she smiled.
"Forever," She said breathlessly.
She knew that forever would be the rest of her life, but she was one hundred percent sure she wanted to stay with him that long. She loved him, she knew he loved her, and nothing was ever going to change it. How could she let Fred and George's way of creating "Varadies Vanishing Vassels" get to her so easily?
"Harry there is something else I want to tell you." She said as she felt his breath on her neck and soon felt the kissing stop.
"What?" He wondered as he sat up, eye – contacting with Hermione fully.
"Something Fred and George had told me, the other day they didn't ask me about my O.W.L's" She sighed, regretfully.
"What?" He wondered. He put a serious tone on him. "Why did you lie to me?" he wondered, she began to cry again.
"Don't be mad Harry, please don't be mad!" She begged, she was practically pleading her life.
"I'm sorry Hermione, I'm not mad." He said meaningfully as he watched her play with the lace on her skirt. "What did they say to you?" he asked rather sweetly.
Hermione's heart was pounding. She knew he would be mad. He would flip out on her for not trusting him and scream 'You're not worth this' and walk right out the door. Something like that would happen, she could feel it. She bit her bottom lip hardly, took a deep breath, stopped biting her lip, and spoke.
"They gave me potion and said they have heard some things." She closed her eyes and reopened them. Harry was looking confused. "They gave me potion to turn me into a Varadie and then told me to try and see if you could see me." She bit her lip again, a tear dropped off her eyelash.
"What... Why would they do that?" He asked and she spoke again.
"Because they said they were hearing strange things about you, bad things that others were saying." She sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Harry. I told them I trusted you but I took it anyways."
"Shhh, it's alright." He said pulling her close but she yanked away.
"IT'S NOT OKAY HARRY!" She yelled, and her voice was serious. "I took the vial from them. I even considered taking the potion! I just... just..." She stuttered, she couldn't get out what she was trying to say, she talked rather quickly.
"Confused." He finished for her, short and simple. "You were confused, if you are expecting me to be mad I'm not. So please calm down Hermione." He pleaded.
"Harry, I don't know how you can act as if I'm not a bad person. I am. I lied to you, I put you're trust in jeopardy, and I have failed to let my emotions stay in me and not out." She said, wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm starting to be like Cho Chang, aren't I?" she asked, terrified.
"Never, Hermione you will never be like her. You are better then her. I love you Hermione, I don't care if you cry. I want you to show me your feelings; I want you to open up to me. I want you to feel safe around me; I can't let you go day by day without having anyone to run to." He said, hugging her close.
"Harry I..." She tried pulling away for a minute and gave up. "I'm sorry." She whispered. Harry had kissed her again and she took a breath.
"There's nothing to be sorry for. Not now, not ever." He promised and she knew she would remember these words.
You are the wind beneath my wings.
She knew that her life would be better after Hogwarts. She would be with Harry forever or as long as they live. She knew that this was right. She entangled her fingers with Harry's and recited those lines over and over in her head.
Not now, not ever.
Author's Note:
To me, this chapter is pointless but I've gotten a lot of comments saying they thought it was great. To me it's too descriptive and horrid, but I want to know what you think. Please read and review me soon, and sorry that this chapter is a little late. Well bye – 4 – now!
Airalynn
Updated: (SATURDAY)JUNE 25, 2005
Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Midler