A/N: Okay, this is my second crack at this one. The first crack turned into a fissure that I couldn't fix. So let's try this again! Zack's adventures in Canada! Was he a naughty boy? Find out now!

"So what do you suggest we do now?" asked Zack, who was rather bored. "Sure that movie was fun, but I'm rather bored now that it's over.

"You always get bored easily if you're not constantly entertained," said Ivana. "Didn't you learn anything about discipline while in the police force?"

The whole crew at Misato's apartment, minus Misato at the moment who was probably with Kaji again, and plus Elly because she wanted to come over to see Zack again. They had just finished watching a movie, and now trying to find another way to pass the time. Zack was sitting on the couch with Elly in his lap. Shinji and Asuka occupied the other couch, whilst Rei and Ivana both sat on the floor.

"Well the main things I learned were…" he was now concentrating on all the things he claimed to know. "How to making daring maneuvers in a police chase, how to think like a cop like the time I convinced a cop not to give Misato a ticket, how to determine whether a coffee shop serves good coffee by looking at the place, how to determine if someone is a crack addict simply by looking at them, and how to tell the 'bitches' from the girls."

"Those are not standard police tactics," interjected Rei.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Zack. "Nitpicky. Anyways, anyone got any stories they'd like to share. Anyone got any odd stories from their childhood they'd like to share?"

Judging from the looks on everyone's faces minus Elly's who appeared to be in thought; it appeared they weren't ready to discuss their past.

"What about you Zack?" asked Elly. "Don't you have something nice to share?" she said cuddling into his chest.

"She's right Zack," put in Shinji. "Don't you have a story or two? You look like the guy who has had tons of adventures under the belt."

Zack appeared to be in thought for a moment. But after a minute he gave his answer. "Not really. Nothing impressive happened in my past other than the RCMP academy and EVA training."

Ivana now came into the conversation. "Really Zack? I heard you were expelled at least four times while in elementary school!" She suddenly left the room to probably get something out of her room.

"Four times!" shot Asuka. "And you call me a bitch! What fucked you up so much to get expelled four times?"

"That is so not true," retorted Zack.

"Really Zack?" said Ivana who just came back into the room with a sheet in her hands. "Do any of these incidents look familiar to you?" she finished handing him the sheet of paper.

Zack took the paper and looked at it. The first look on his face was confusion. But then the memories sunk in as his face went from shock, to horror, and then somewhat to anger. "Hey, now those stories are taken way out of proportion. Yes some of them are true, but the others are exaggerated!"

"Ooh, were you a naughty boy Zack?" asked Elly in a somewhat naughty voice herself.

"I wasn't naughty, I was misunderstood," replied Zack.

"Then why don't you tell us the story yourself if you claim to be misunderstood," said Rei.

"Fine I will," declared Zack. He looked at the sheet with his infractions on it again. "Let's see… this one! Where they allege I was punching kids for trying to steal my snacks."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback to 10 years ago – Zack in J.K.

"Hey kid. Give us some of your snacks," one kid of a group of three had approached this one kid who was sitting by himself eating his snacks like he always did.

"These are mine," declared the lone kid. "It not my fault your mommy and daddy didn't make you any snacks."

"Give us some!" the second in the group said.

"NO!" shot back the lone one.

"You gotta share!" now the third one came forward to try and take some.

"NO!" the lone kid yelled. Suddenly, the kid threw a punch to the face of the third member of the group.

The third one felt the pain of the punch and began to cry. The second one said. "My parents told me to stand up for people. You hurt him."

Now the second kid came forward to try and hit the lone kid. In response, he decided to kick the second kid in the stomach. And now the second kid was on the ground crying. "Take that!" said the lone kid. He then went and tackled the first kid in the group, successfully taking them down. "Daddy told me I need to defend myself. Even if it makes others cry. BABIES!" he bellowed.

"Zackary Harper!" shouted a teacher. "Look what you did," she told him, pointing to the crying kids who were being tended to by the teacher's assistants. "I'm taking you to the principal's office!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sounds like you were being a bully," said Ivana. "You refused to share your snacks and then you beat up three kids."

"Well they were going to take his snacks," retorted Elly. "I believe you Zack."

"You're just saying that so you can snuggle with him," shot back Ivana.

"Relax everyone," called out Zack finally. "You asked for my point of view on the matter and I gave it. Teachers are very good at distorting stories just in case they may make themselves look bad. They couldn't give a rat's ass about educating kids. They just want to get paid."

Asuka then snatched the paper. "How about where you pissed on the teacher's car?"

"Well when you gotta go, you gotta go."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback to 8 ½ years ago.

"But Mrs. Crawford, I HAVE TO GO PEE NOW! I CAN'T HOLD IT!" shouted a seven-and-a-half year old Zack Harper who was holding his groin area to keep himself from wetting his pants.

"Don't worry Zack," replied Mrs. Crawford who appeared to be in her early forties. "When Bobby gets back, you can go next."

"I HAVE TO GO NOW!" yelled Zack again. "If I pee my pants, I'm gonna tell my Daddy on you!"

"Too bad," shot back the teacher. "You'll just have to wait like everyone else."

Zack stormed off knowing he wouldn't be able to make it to the bathroom in time. He then wondered what his Daddy would do. He remembered Daddy saying that when he couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, that the next best place to go would be where no one could see you.

Thinking quickly he looked around. He could go on the other side of that wall over there, but sometimes the Grade sixes would use that side of the wall to play wall ball. Or he could try way around the other side, but the Grade eights played whip ball on that wall.

But, then he saw the perfect place. On that fence behind the cars. He could go pee over there, and have the privacy he needed. So without hesitation he quickly went over to the cars. Once there, he went and stood behind the cars facing the fence. He began to pull down his pants to do his business when…

"Zackary Harper! What in God's name are you doing?" asked a male teacher who was wondering what Zack was doing behind the cars.

"YAAAAAHHH!" Zack turned around in total shock. Unfortunately, he in the middle of the process, so unfortunately and accidentally, he marked his territory on Mrs. Crawford's new car.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"They said I was acting out of revenge for not being allowed to go to the bathroom. And my father managed to get that male teacher in a lot of trouble for sexual harassment because he caught me in the middle of taking a number one."

"So that was an accident than?" asked Shinji.

"Damn straight it was," replied Zack.

"What about the one where you allegedly flushed a cherry bomb down the toilet?" inquired Rei. "Such an action does not usually happen accidentally."

Zack took a look at the albino with red eyes and blue hair. "Well, the intent in itself was intentional, but the accident portion occurred where I hit the wrong target."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback 6 years ago

"Is this really a good idea Zack? What if we get caught?" asked a blonde haired boy. "We could get in big trouble."

"Scott," replied Zack. "We have to do this. It'll show Big Bertha not to give us wedgies and think she can get away with it. As boys, and members of the superior sex, we have a reputation to keep. Look, she's coming. Hide!"

Zack and Scott hid around the corridor. Then a large red haired girl made herself known to the hallway. She didn't' notice that Zack and Scott were hiding down the next hallway. In complete ignorance to whatever plans the boys had for her, she went into the girl's washroom.

"Hurry Zack!" said Scott once they snuck into the boy's bathroom.

"I'm trying! This wrapping won't come off!" retorted Zack as he was wrestling with the plastic wrapping which encased the cherry bomb.

Meanwhile outside, were the principal and his wife who were walking through the hallway.

"Oh Howard, it's really amazing what you have done with this school," the woman said. "I'm so proud of you. You've made this school the envy of all the schools across the board."

"I couldn't have done it without everyone's support Helen," replied Howard the principal. "Especially yours."

Just then a large red haired girl came out of the bathroom the two had stopped outside. "Hi Mr. Ashford. Hi Mrs. Ashford," she said.

"Hi there little girl," replied Helen. "Excuse me Howard, gotta use the little girl's room," she finished scooting into the bathroom.

Back in the boy's room…

"Okay got it out," said Zack. He looked to Scott. "Got the matches ready?"

Scott fished out the matches out of his pocket. "Yeah, here they are. I think we took too long. I think Big Bertha's finished in the bathroom by now."

"Yeah right," shot back Zack who struck a match. "Girls take forever in the bathroom." He lit the fuse on the cherry bomb. "It's payback time." And with that he dropped it in the toilet and flushed the explosive down.

"Let's get out of here," said Scott.

And with that the two darted out of the bathroom. But as they thought they were in the clear, they heard a voice that stopped them cold. "Where are you boys off to in such a hurry?" It was the school principal.

"Uh oh," the two boys said simultaneously.

Suddenly a loud explosion was heard from the bathroom followed by a woman's high pitched scream…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I got expelled when I did that though," said Zack.

"So what happened as a result of the cherry bomb?" Elly inquired.

"Flooded every toilet on the 1st floor," answered Zack.

"Serves you right though," was the comment from Ivana. "Was that the first time you were expelled?"

"Yeah it was," replied Zack. "And my father wasn't too sure whether to laugh his ass off or be angry with me for doing that. He told me he'd get me into another school, but he would be angry should I do that ever again."

Elly now wanted to take a look at sheet. So she broke out of the embrace she had with Zack to look at the paper of Zack's major school infractions. "You set off firecrackers in the teacher's lounge?"

"Oh that was part of a protest. I wanted to show that we as students meant business."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grade 5

The threat of a student walkout was had been looming for about two weeks now. The school staff was divided as to how to deal with all the students. They were indeed young, but they had an excellent Grade 8 as Student Council President who was bent on keeping the promises he made to get elected, even if that meant attempting to bring the staff to its knees.

Zack was also rallied by the call to action. He was only in Grade 5 and had only turned ten years old four months ago, but he was dedicated to the cause. The motivating words of the Student Council President had touched him inside and out. Zack knew he was going to do what he did in the name of a powerful leader whom even the staff was wary of.

This was Zack's second act of rebellion since this little uprising began. The first act to show that the Grade 5's meant business was when Zack did the unthinkable by placing a bee hive in the teacher's desk drawer. He was suspended for doing such a thing for four days because the teacher was stung about sixteen times.

He learned the staff was holding a meeting today. Zack, along with a few other kids decided to do something to disrupt the meeting and show that as long as the teachers held the position they did, the school was far from secure.

A/N: Play Mission Impossible Music

With some help on the inside by a custodian, Zack, along with three Grade 8's decided that the best way to infiltrate the meeting was through the air ducts. The chairman for the board was there, and so were some other corporate jerks that probably made too much money. Zack had his equipment ready that was supplied by other rebelling students: a rope with a harness, matches, a black ninja costume that he had worn for Halloween, and firecracker that had 100 firecrackers tied together. So when one firecracker went off, the other 99 would as well.

He continued to crawl through the ducts, being guided by those on the roofs. The ventilation shafts were much more complicated than he thought. To obviously be led in the right direction, one had to have been through here before.

After ten minutes, he had found his destination: The staff lounge. And just as he thought, many corporate jerks were there. Zack knew what he had to do next. Quietly, and so, so quietly, he removed the vent. Acting quickly, because he knew it wouldn't be long before someone noticed the vent was missing; he struck the match and lit the firecracker. He dropped it down and began his retreat. The last things he heard were:

"What the hell?"

Take cover!"

"Ahhhhhh!"

CRACK! BANG! BOOM! KABANG! BLAST! BOMB! FWOOM! KABOOM! HINDEMBURG! TIE FIRE! (x10)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Apparently, some kids ratted me out," sighed Zack, "That was my second time being expelled. But I swear though, when I saw the ones who ratted me out afterwards had bruises and lacerations on their faces. I think somebody beat that information out of them. My guess is that's why nobody was criminally charged in the incident."

Elly was laughing loudly though. "Now that's one way to stick it to them! Did you get expelled when you detonated the giant Santa Claus in Grade 6 as well?"

"Oh yes!" laughed Zack as well, although everyone else except Rei and Elly were frowning. "The best shot I have ever taken at political correctness!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christmas Concert Grade 6

The concert was finally over. The school had almost completed its first ever outside Christmas concert. All eight grades had performed some silly skit that was related to Christmas. And now the principal was giving a brief speech to thank all the students for their excellent performances, and the parents for coming out to watch the performances. However, the main thing on the principal's mind was getting this over with ASAP, as there were rumours going about that somebody had something planned tonight, and that it had to do with explosives. He was very worried about the large Santa Claus snow sculpture that was mounted above and behind the stage.

"And so I wish you all a Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year," the principal finished speaking into the microphone.

"Hold on!" came a voice that also had a microphone.

Everybody looked to where the voice came from. There was a boy standing on top of the outdoor stage way up high. The principal needed only one glance at who it was to be alarmed. Eleven-year-old Zack Harper.

"Principal Pratt," started Zack, "Your attempts to make political correctness out of Christmas is absolutely atrocious and it causes outrage among those who believe in the true meaning of Christmas!" he said captivating the entire audience in shock.

"Zackary Harper!" shouted the principal, "Get down here this instant!"

"You need to lose your Satan-ass-kissing-attitude there buster!" yelled Zack right back, "Myself and a few dedicated others are determined to disrupt your attempt to ruin Christmas! This day belongs to Jesus Christ! Not you or some guy with the nanogram for Satan! Take this!" he finished, raising both his hands outwards, and pressing a button into a remote in his hand.

As a result, the large Santa sculpture exploded, and crumbled into the ground with everyone screaming at the sight. Then a cross, shaped like the one Jesus of Nazareth was crucified on, was erected up behind the stage in its place. "Merry Christmas everyone! We have taken this day back in the name of Jesus Christ! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You are such a moron," said Ivana with much scorn on her face, "If you were one year older, you have gone to juvenile jail you idiot."

"Now I resent that remark," shot back Zack. "If Pope Benedict XVII ever heard that I did that, I would have been canonized as a saint. Imagine, me being Saint Zackary!"

"Dare to dream Casanova," muttered Asuka.

"The principle thought I was declaring jihad or something on the school and said I was a bad influence on everyone around me for my religious ideals. So he expelled me," said Zack.

"What about the Jackass video you were making?" inquired Shinji.

Zack's typical grin came back. "Well people knew I was rich so…"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grade 7 – Last month of the year too

The group of kids at the top of the hill were confused with whatever Zack was planning. One of them came up to Zack. Zack was tall for his age, but this guy was even taller. "Hey Harper, you said if we played your game, you would give the winner a thousand dollars. You better not being playing us for saps."

"Hey relax, said a twelve-year-old Zack, "I have the money right here." He takes out three wads of bills, each worth a thousand dollars. He pointed to the two shopping carts. "The object of this game is to be the first group to get down the hill first and cross that line I made there at the bottom. Two of you will ride in the carts, and the third guy will push the carts. The girl down there at the bottom will raise her hands up, then down. When they go down, that's the signal to go. You guys get me?"

"Yeah we do!"

"Alright! We're gonna win!"

And so they had gotten set. Zack had also gotten out his video camera. What he wasn't telling the guys though, was that he planned to send this video to America's Funniest Home Videos. He could make fools out of them, and with the three thousand dollar investment and the ten thousand dollar prize, there was potential he could make a seven thousand dollar profit from this.

The six boys took their positions. The girl at the bottom raised her hands up, then down. At that moment, the two pusher boys began to push the carts down the hill. Down the two carts went at incredible speed. Zack tried his best not to laugh at their stupidity. However, things went bad pretty fast. One cart suddenly made a sharp turn right, and rolled onto its side, sliding for about five seconds before coming to a stop. The other cart kept going, but crashed into a road sign, ejecting the cart's occupants onto the road. And Zack had caught the whole thing on film. There and then he named the film "Boys Will be Boys". However, the principal happened to be driving by when this race occurred and saw Zack with the camera.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"He only took one look and I was expelled," said Zack, "And we had to make cash settlements with the other families of about $100,000 each for each boy injured."

"Did you enter that video in America's Funniest Home Videos?" asked Rei.

"Yes I did," answered Zack with a big smile," not only did I win the $10,000 award, I then won the $100,000 award and the ultimate prize of $500,000 dollars, thus making a $210,000 profit!"

"How pathetic," retorted Ivana. "Profiting from other people's misery."

"Hey I didn't force them to do it," said Zack raising his hands in defence.

"Yeah Ivana," put in Elly, "Like he said: Boys will be boys. And he took advantage of their stupidity and profited from it," she finished snuggling in Zack's embrace once more.

Just then, the door opened. It was Kaji, bringing in a drunken Misato. Misato unfortunately had thrown up all over her shirt, evidence as to how much she was drinking that night. "Hi guys," said Kaji as he came in. "Just here to drop off Her Drunken Majesty and I'll be on my way."

Everyone just frowned at the thought of Misato once again drinking until she threw up. "How old is she," muttered Ivana.

"Adult on the outside, crazy partying teenager on the inside," answered Zack.

"That sounds about right," said Kaji. "I won't interrupt your fun, so I'll be on my way now," he concluded letting himself out the door with a salute to everyone.

Once Kaji left, the kids were alone in the room again. Zack looked at Elly. "So Elly, why don't you tell us about your little joyride with a tank!"

A/N: OMG! I was laughing like a sugar high child while I was writing this. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing this. Until the next Zany Antic, be cool!