Disclaimer – This fanfiction was not written by me; it belongs to the user William Dellinger on alternatehistory, by publishing it here I only intend to bring it to a wider audience and make it available for offline reading. I do not claim any ownership of the content.
Rennifer and Rosamund (Much Ado About Nothing)
Characters
Prince Rennifer Hightower (Benedick) – A Prince and soldier from Oldtown
Lady Rosamund Gardener (Beatrice) – Niece of King Garth V Gardener
King Petyr Redwyne (Don Pedro) – King of the Arbor
Lord Jon Flowers (Don John) - "the Bastard of the Arbor"; half-brother of King Petyr
Lord Axell Florent (Claudio) – Lord of Brightwater Keep, companion of Rennifer and Petyr
King Garth V Gardener (Leonato) – King of the Reach, Olenna's father
Anton (Antonio) – brother of King Garth V
Balthasar (Balthasar) – King Petyr's attendant, a singer
Boros (Borachio) – follower of Lord Jon
Paxter (Conrade) – follower of Lord Jon
Alayne (Innogen) – the ghost of King Garth's wife
Olenna (Hero) – daughter of King Garth
Mina (Margaret) – lady in waiting to Olenna
Janna (Ursula) – lady in waiting to Olenna
Leo (Dogsberry) – Lord Commander of the City Watch of Highgarden
Luthor (Verges) – Leo's lieutenant
Septon Walys (Friar Francis)
A Magistrate (Sexton)
A Serving Boy
The Watch
Attendants and Messengers
Plot
At Highgarden, a messenger brings news that King Petyr, King of the Arbor and ally of King Garth V, will come that night from a successful battle, Lord Axell being among his soldiers. Rosemund, King Garth's niece, asks the messenger about Prince Rennifer and makes sarcastic remarks about his ineptitude as a warrior. King Garth explains that "There is a kind of merry war betwixt Prince Rennifer and her."
Upon the arrival of the warriors, King Garth welcomes King Petyr and invites him to stay for a month, Rennifer and Rosamund resume their "merry war," and Petyr's illegitimate brother Lord Jon is introduced. Lord Axell's feelings for Olenna, Garth's only daughter, are rekindled upon seeing her, and Axell soon announces to Rennifer his intention to court her. Rennifer, who openly despises marriage, tries to dissuade his friend but King Petyr encourages the marriage. Rennifer swears that he will never get married. King Petyr laughs at him and tells him that when he has found the right person he shall get married.
A masked ball is planned in celebration of the end of the war, giving a disguised King Petyr the opportunity to woo Olenna on Lord Axell's behalf. Lord Jon uses this situation to get revenge on his brother King Petyr by telling young Lord Axell that King Petyr is wooing Olenna for himself. A furious Lord Axell confronts King Petyr, but the misunderstanding is quickly resolved and Lord Axell wins Olenna's hand in marriage.
Meanwhile, Rennifer disguises himself and dances with Rosamund. Rosamund proceeds to tell this "mystery man" that Rennifer is "the King's jester, a very dull fool." Rennifer, enraged by her words, swears he will have revenge. King Petyr and his men, bored at the prospect of waiting a week for the wedding, harbour a plan to match-make between Rennifer and Rosamund. They arrange for Rennifer to overhear a conversation in which they declare that Rosamund is madly in love with him but afraid to tell him; that their pride is the main impediment to their courtship. Meanwhile, Olenna and her maid Janna ensure Rosamund overhears them discuss Rennifer's undying love for her. The tricks have the desired effect: both Rennifer and Rosamund are delighted to think they are the object of unrequited love, and both accordingly resolve to mend their faults and reconcile.
Meanwhile, King Petyr's brother Lord Jon, the "bastard prince", plots to prevent the wedding, embarrass his brother and wreak misery on King Garth and Lord Axell. He informs King Petyr and Lord Axell that Olenna is unfaithful, and arranges for them to see Lord Jon's associate Boros enter her bedchamber where he has an amorous liaison (actually with Mina, Olenna's chambermaid). Lord Axell and King Petyr are taken in, and Lord Axell vows to humiliate Olenna publicly.
At the wedding the next day, Lord Axell denounces Olenna before the stunned guests and storms off with King Petyr. Olenna faints. Her humiliated father King Garth expresses the wish that she would die. The presiding septon intervenes, believing Olenna to be innocent. He suggests the family fake Olenna's death in order to extract the truth and Lord Axell's remorse. Prompted by the day's harrowing events, Rennifer and Rosamund confess their love for each other. Rosamund then asks Rennifer to slay Lord Axell as proof of his devotion, since he has slandered her kinswoman. Rennifer is horrified and at first, denies her request. King Garth and his brother Anton blame Lord Axell for Olenna's apparent death and challenge him to a duel. Rennifer then does the same.
Luckily, on the night of Lord Jon's treachery, the local Watch apprehended Boros and his ally Paxter. Despite the comic ineptness of the Watch (headed by Lord Commander Leo, a master of malapropisms), they have overheard the duo discussing their evil plans. The City Watch arrest the villains and eventually obtain a confession, informing King Garth of Olenna's innocence. Though Lord Jon has fled the city, a force is sent to capture him. Lord Axell, stricken with remorse at Olenna's supposed death, agrees to her father's demand that he marry Anton's daughter, "almost the copy of my child that's dead" and carry on the family name.
At the wedding, the bride is revealed to be Olenna, still living. Lord Axell is overjoyed. Rosamund and Rennifer, prompted by their friends' interference, finally and publicly confess their love for each other. As the play draws to a close, a messenger arrives with news of Lord Jon's capture – but Rennifer proposes to postpone his punishment to another day so that the couples can enjoy their new-found happiness. King Petyr is lonely because he hasn't found love. Thus Rennifer gives him the advice "Get thee a wife."