SDHSL Smartass

by AnotherStatsGuy

AU: In which Naegi doesn't get knocked out by Oowada's punch, but is merely dazed. And the character development takes over from there. (Currently Naezono due to story's development) Are you ready to have your emotions ping-pong like your canon experience? Author's Notes contain information. References abound. Sequel will be a crossover. (When I get to it.)

28. Sudoku Rewind

Chapter 28:

So it's been 365 days since I started SDHSL Smartass. To make up for the last chapter being slightly shorter, this one is slightly longer. I had originally planned to post this March 30th. But I figured... why not release it a bit early?

. With another signpost up for the departed Asahina, Monokuma had given the trial room for trial number four an Egyptian theme. Hieroglyphics adorned the wall, giving the room a distinct color palette of yellow.
"I wonder if anybody here can read these." Leon commented.
Monokuma chuckled. "Unless one of you specializes in Ancient Egyptian or are a member of the Novoselic royal family, nobody here should be able to."
"Hey, Monokuma, why don't you go the whole nine yards and put on Sandopolis Act 2?" Chihiro deadpanned. "I mean, we've got the yellow and the Egyptian motifs and the dead. I think Sandopolis Act 2 would be a fitting theme song."
. Togami pushed his glasses up his nose. "This trial is getting interesting. The suspects are narrowing. For each of us, we have a one in seven chance."
"Yo, Togami, there are eight of us." Leon said.
"Ah, yes. But here's the thing, all of us know whether or not we committed the murder." Togami said. "We just have to choose someone else. There are seven other options."
Monokuma chuckled.
"Wait a minute, does that mean he doesn't expect us to solve this one? So does that mean..." Naegi thought.
"This murder is indeed strange." Celeste commented. "For one, Asahina's body was hidden in such a manner that nobody could stumble onto it for the class trial."
"What's strange about that?" Leon said. "It's natural to hide the evidence."
"Actually, it's not." Togami said. "The method to escape in this school life of mutual killing is to murder a classmate while convincing everybody else that it was impossible for you to do it. So you would want to leave the body in such a way that it could be easily discovered. If the body is never discovered, then there's no way we can hold a class trial."
"Yeah, no. This is more 'traditional' murder than anything else." Genocider Shou commented. "And as we all know this life ain't nothing like anything 'traditional'."
"Yes, well, we will find this culprit or else my name isn't Byakuya L. Togami."
"What's with the sudden enthusiasm, Togami?" Fujisaki asked.
"This culprit is much more devious than our prior culprits." Togami said. "Such intellectual challenge excites me."
"Sexually?" Genocider Shou asked with a perverted look on her face.
"Ew, no. What kind of man do you take me for, woman?" Togami scoffed.
"And there's the lowly hanging punch line that Genocider loves so much." Maizono snarked.
"Hey, it's low hanging fruit, get your idioms right, you logathrim!" Genocider argued.
"So you're going to raise her to the power of what?" Fujisaki snarked. "Princess? Queen? Empress?"
"Oh, shut up." Genocider said.
"Wait, your middle initial is 'L'?" Naegi asked.
"If you make a frickin' Death Note reference, I will ask Genocider to kill you. Because of my hobby of reading case files from when I was younger, it now means that I've heard about that show way too much." Togami said.
"Oh, that. Well, that's actually not was I going for." Naegi admitted. "I was actually going to point out something else."
"What is it?"
"Are you aware that your initials spell 'BLT'?"
"Like the sandwich?" Maizono asked.
"Yeah, that's exactly it. Like the sandwich!"
"I'm sorry, what?" Kirigiri asked. "You guys have completely lost me."
"You've never heard about of a BLT?" Naegi asked.
"That settles it. For Master and mine's first date when we get out of here, we're having BLTs!" Genocider hopped up and down excitedly.
"No, we're not." Togami said. "Stop that. Stop that right now."
"Yes, sir."
. Arms folded, Kirigiri sighed. Her gloves rippled slightly over her hands.
"Can we get back on track?" Monokuma asked. "Not that I don't like hearing you guys converse like this, but you have a murder to solve."
"Well, I'm sorry that we need a certain amount of banter to get our minds moving again after finding the corpses of our dead classmates!" Naegi snarked.
. And the air in the trial room suddenly got much heavier. It was trial number four, they should have been used to it by now. But they weren't. It never got easier. Their lives toed the line between almost comical and almost deadly.
"But yeah, I agree." Leon said. "Asahina's body was not in a place to be discovered. Why?"
"Time." Kirigiri said.
"What?" Fujisaki said.
"The more time that passed between the murder and the discovery the more evidence could shift around and be destroyed." Kirigiri said.
"No way, we know when Asahina's died. It was approximately 1 AM." Leon said.
"Well, we've encountered this before, with Ishimaru." Kirigiri said. "Let's be clear, when's the last time any of us actually saw Asahina?"
. Naegi thought back. "Now that I think about it. The last time any of us saw Asahina was before we found Hagakure's corpse. She organized that pickup basketball game that we never actually played."
. Fujisaki spoke up. "I remember searching for Asahina because I hadn't seen her in quite a while."
"Just because she was murdered at 1 AM, doesn't mean she was murdered at 1 AM last night." Kirigiri said.
"So the culprit had this a long time planning?" Celeste said.
"It appears so." Togami said. "But on which day was Asahina murdered? Can we narrow it down to which 1 AM?"
"Yes, I think I can." Naegi said. "I found this note next to the toaster. It was written in Asahina's handwriting."
"Toaster? You say?" Fujisaki said. "Then does that anything to do with the state of her room?"
"Well, that's convenient." Genocider Shou said. "When did you find it?"
"After Hagakure's body announcement." Naegi replied.
"Wait, are you saying that she was killed before the third trial even took place?" Fujisaki said.
"No way. Too much time has passed." Leon said. "We'll never figure this out."
"Actually, wait." Naegi said. "Let's try looking at this from the motive perspective. Monokuma said that those videos were the motive this time."
"That's true."
"So who saw the movies before anyone else?"
"We only know of one person who saw the videos before Monokuma formally presented them." Togami said. "Maizono."
"It's not me."
"But can you prove it?" Togami said. "Naturally, you are suspicious. You're the only one among us who saw the videos before Monokuma presented them to us."
. Maizono thought back. And kept thinking back.
"No response?" Genocider said. "Well, I think that wraps it up."
"Hagakure." Maizono replied. "I remember seeing Hagakure as I hurried out of the A/V Room after seeing the video. I didn't think of it much at the time."
"Well, that's convenient." Togami said. "We can't ask Hagakure for his testimony, so we have no idea whether or you're lying or not.
"Wrong. Togami." Celeste said. "Before the third trial, I found a CD in the microwave with Yaushiro Hagakure's name. It seems his video was viewed before the third trial."
"What?" Leon asked. "Why didn't this come up earlier?"
"Because I thought it would be integral to the third trial, but Yaushiro Hagakure's CD never came up." Celeste replied.
"It appears that we have to unsolve the third trial." Kirigiri noted.
"Unsolve?" Naegi said.
"Yes, unsolve?" Kirigiri said. "It is quickly become apparent that this trial is wrapped up with the third trial."
"We know Yamada killed Hagakure. He died at 1 AM before the night before Fujisaki found the body." Leon said. "Wait a minute, Celeste! It could have been you."
"Whatever do you mean?" Celeste smiled.
"You know exactly, what are you talking about?" Fujisaki asked.
"Come on, Togami. You and I both know she's capable of murder. You hijacked her plan for crying out a loud. Maizono, back me up." Leon said.
. Togami pushed his glasses up.
"Well, that is true. After all, Maizono was there."
"Wait, hold the phone." Kirigiri said flatly. "When was this?"
"Okay, you know how you found me unconscious?" Maizono asked.
"Yeah?" Kirigiri said. "We found you...next to the pool."
"Next to a trail of blood." Maizono added.
"What trail of blood?" Kirigiri said. "Are you sure you're not misremembering?"
"In this environment, I know blood when I see it." Maizono replied calmly and surely.
"Woah, woah. Woah." Fujisaki interjected. "Back the hell up. First of all, what happened with Celeste, Togami, Maizono, and Leon? Then we can figure out why Maizono went to the pool.
"Well, that is what happened, so naturally." Naegi said.
"Upupupupu. This is out of control for you, Naegi." Monokuma chuckled. "Usually, you're the one who calls the shots with trials, and figures it out, but the train appears to be running past you this time."
"Shut up." Naegi said. "Alright, somebody explain, what happened."
"Since it was my murder attempt, I guess I'll start." Celeste said.
"Your murder attempt?" Naegi was not expectingly to hear those words. But Celeste had just put it out there like it was no big deal. Fourth trial, since they had reached that point, it wouldn't have been strange that there was bound to be a failed murder attempt that ended with both participants alive.
"I was heading back to my room, when I saw a shadow go into the school zone. I followed it up to the third floor, from the way the figure headed it went into the Physics Lab. I peeked into the Physics Lab, and since there was no one in there, I assumed there must be someone in the Physics Prep Room."
"I'm not sure I believe your story." Togami interjected.
"Believe what you want to believe." Celeste commented. "Anyway, I stowed away in the Art Storage Room. And that's where I noticed something strange."
"What's that?"
"A wet hammer."
"Huh?" Naegi said.
"You heard me, a wet hammer. I think... I think that was the hammer that killed Asahina." Celeste replied.
"And it was the hammer that killed Hagakure." Kirigiri surmised, reassessing the third trial's murder weapon.
"Hold up!" Leon said. "It was a pool cue that killed Hagakure. Fujisaki and I saw the glue
that was used in an attempt to put the cue back together so there would be no evidence! Yamada knocked it over."
"Yes, he did." Kirigiri said. "But I believe that Yamada was not the one who procured the glue. I believe that was someone else. And that someone else is the actual murderer. Of course, does anyone remembering seeing anybody else with glue?"
Everybody was silent.
"I'll take that as a no. Nobody knows who took the glue from the storage room." Kirigiri said.
"Wait, how do you know that the glue comes from the storage room?" Leon said.
"Well, where else would it have come from?" Kirigiri argued.
"Fair point." Fujisaki conceded.
"So does this mean that our understanding of the third trial was wrong?" Togami asked.
"Actually, no. No one would have thought that the art room had any connection. There was no connection until Celeste mentioned it just now. Especially when the pool cue satisfies all the requirements anyway." Kirigiri said.
"This is insane." Leon said. "After all that, the third trial..."
"Sudoku." Kirigiri muttered.
"Sudoku? That game with 9 3 by 3 boxes." Fujisaki asked.
"Yeah."
"What do you mean, by 'Sudoku'?" Naegi asked.
"I mean, that this trial is sorta of like a Sudoku puzzle. You solve something in one corner, next thing you know, you've got a column filled across on the other side of the puzzle. Like or not, with the way revelations are progressing, it's almost like a Sudoku puzzle."
"Was that the intention?" Fujisaki said. "It seems almost too convenient."
"I doubt it." Kirgiri said. "After all, there's no way, the culprit could have known about all the events that have happened. So why don't we let Celeste finish her story?"
"As I was saying, after waiting a while, I figured that I would go check the Physics Prep Room. Nothing there." Celeste continued. "Eventually, I decided that I would see this through to the end. So I went back, and retrieved some knives, and went back."
"I'm calling Bullshit!" Naegi said.
"What?" Celeste asked.
"You heard me." Naegi said. "And I can prove it."
"How so?" Maizono asked, appalled, but not really surprised. She felt that the evidence was start to pile up on Celeste, and yet something about it seemed off.
"There's no way you could have gotten those knives out of the kitchen." Naegi said. "The kitchen closes at 10 PM! At nighttime!"
"Huh? So does this mean Celeste did it?" Leon asked. "I knew it!"
"No, it means, her story is off." Naegi said. "If you could only see a shadow, it would have been nighttime."
"Naegi, use your head. When did I ever say I got them from the kitchen?" Celeste replied.
"Then that means ... your murder attempt was premeditated even before you saw that shadow." Kirigiri said. "Why?"
"Do you remember the last trial? And the motive? Turns out that money was still on the table." Celeste said.
"You'd kill for money?" Naegi said. "But couldn't you have made enough money from gambling exploits?"
"I made enough to survive, but not enough for what I wanted."
"And that was?" Maizono asked.
"A European Castle." Celeste replied.
"Are you serious?" Fujisaki said. "A European Castle. You wanted money for a European Castle!"
"With butlers. Don't forget the butlers!" Celeste said.
"Okay, ignoring Celeste's insanely impractical motive." Togami said. "Can we get back on topic?"
"No,no,no. I want to hear the logical extension of this." Naegi said. "Say you get the castle and the butlers, then what?"
"Then I live happily." Celeste said, smiling. "And my butlers pamper me."
"How?"
"In any way, I desire." Celeste said.
"And then you get lazy and fat." Naegi said. "Some dream."
"What? No." Celeste said. "Why would I get lazy and fat?"
"Because you don't have to fend for yourself. How do you intend to exercise?"
"I would have plenty of male butlers to attend to my every need. That's all I need to exercise."
"How do you plan on burning calories with only your ey-? YOOOOOOO."
"What?"
"Are you saying what I think you're saying? Because that's not going to work."
"I have countermeasures. And are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Is Celeste saying what Naegi thinks she's saying?" Maizono asked.
"I think she is." Genocider said, snipping her scissors in the air.
"Hey, put those away, you're making me anxious." Leon commented.
"Well... moving on, I also wanted something that we all wanted... to leave." Celeste said. "Extreme environments create extreme people. Are you really all that surprised?"
"I guess not. But it's still hard to hear from a friend." Naegi sighed.
"We are not friends." Togami felt the need to interject. "With the exception of you and Maizono, none of us had ever met before we were all trapped in here. Acquaintances at best. Stalkers at worst." Togami felt the need to glance over at Genocider. "You'd best remember that. For all your snark, you're still an idealist. Not everybody views the world through your eyes."
"I guess you're right." Naegi said. "Okay, ignoring her deep-seated need for attention, Celeste, continue."
"Excuse me?"
"You just admitted you wanted an European castle and a reverse harem. If that doesn't signal a deep-seated need for attention, I don't know what does."
"Naegi?"
"Yes?"
"Fuck you."
"Sorry, Maizono will have that covered... eventually... as soon as it can be done without reprecussions."
"Naegi!" Maizono interjected.
. While Leon started to laugh his ass off, Monokuma continued to eat his popcorn.
"Is Celeste going to become another player in Naegi's harem? That would make every female still alive except Genocider!" Monokuma said as he munched on buttery popcorn.
"I don't have a harem! Monokuma!" Naegi said. "What is this? A Dating Sim game?"
"You know, I might retool this murderous school life into that. I'd call it, Dangan Academy! I like the sound of that!"
"You wouldn't dare." Naegi said, fearfully.
"Nah, not despairing enough for you, personally, Makoto Naegi. Maybe for the rest of the guys in the world. But not for you."
"Oh, piss off. You overgrown excuse for a teddy bear." Celeste said. "Ooo, throwing vulgar insults around is fun. I might do it more often."
"Theodore Roosevelt did not manufacture an icon for you to run it through a woodchipper. And you think it's endearing." Togami said, adding to the insult.
"Why do you think I chose to be a robot teddy Bear?" Monokuma said. "It was off-putting from what you'd normally see."
"Or maybe because it's in your name!" Naegi pointed out. "Kinda non-indicative if you aren't a bear if you have the name 'Monokuma'!"
"Celeste! Continue your story!" Maizono screeched. She had a bad feeling about this conversation.
"Alright, so I'm with the knives. Waiting in the Physics Prep Room." Celeste continued. "When both Leon and Togami show up."
"I see." Kirigiri said. "And then what happened?"
"She held the knives to both of our throats." Togami said.
"You mean to tell me, you almost killed my White Knight?" Genocider shouted.
"Yes, the rules say that you can kill a maximum of two people." Celeste said.
"Leon?" Naegi asked.
"That is true." Leon admitted.
"So that means Celeste didn't kill Asahina." Naegi said.
"How do you figure that?" Genocider asked.
"I get it. Celeste can't kill Leon, Togami, AND Asahina. That makes three people. And that's against Monokuma's rules." Fujisaki said.
. Monokuma spat out his popcorn. Someone's defense for being innocent was they could and were attempting to murder two people after the victim's death. Talk about scenarios that had never crossed his mind.
"So Celeste's defense for why she couldn't have murdered Asahina is that she attempted to murder two people after Asahina's death." Leon said. "That's messed up."
"And yet it's the truth." Kirigiri said. "Not exactly the defense someone usually has. But it does the job."
"Yeah, that sums it up." Naegi said. "We can eliminate Celeste from murdering Asahina."
"And then Togami wrestled the knife from Celeste, and got it to Celeste's throat." Leon added, continued the story. "After Maizono walked in."
"Wait, why were you walking around?" Celeste asked.
"I saw Celeste get one of her knives from the storage room." Maizono said.
"What do you mean?" Naegi said.
"So where did the other knive come from?" Fujisaki asked.
"One came from the kitchen. We did agree that my murder attempt was pre-mediated." Celeste said. "I pre-mediated with one knive from the kitchen. And then when I saw the figure, I decided to grab another knife from the storage room."
"So let me get this straight, after Maizono walks in, and is seeing the scene playing out. We've got Togami holding a knife to Celeste who's holding a knife to Leon." Naegi said.
"That's right." Celeste said.
"And then Togami tells Celeste to murder me." Leon said.
"Ah, come on. Do the gambits never stop piling up here?" Fujisaki asked, exapaserated. "So how did Celeste get out of it?"
"I dropped my knife." Celeste said. "Togami, himself, can't murder three people. But if I murder Leon, that doesn't count against Togami. Isn't that right, Monokuma?"
"That's correct." Monokuma agreed.
"Which means, Togami can't have murdered Asahina either." Naegi said. "The same reasoning for why Celeste can't be the culprit also holds up for Togami."
"Oh, come on." Leon said, scratching his head. "This is ridiculous. Defenses are coming to 'But your honor, I can't have murdered the victim, I was too busy threatening other people at the time."
. Kirigiri was starting to put the pieces together.
"So now we can finally prove why Maizono isn't the culprit."
"Another one of us eliminated from the possibility?" Togami said. "How?"
"Maizono, how did you know to go to the pool? I think it was no coincidence that you ended up so close to Asahina's body."
"Well, I found a note. In the Physics Prep Room." Maizono said. "It said to come to the pool. And when I did, I was told not to interfere and then knocked out."
"She could have knocked herself out." Togami argued. "None of us saw her go to the pool."
"But there's no way she could have knocked herself out. Where the bruises were proves it." Kirigiri said. "Now what do you think might have been used to knock Maizono out?"
"Another hammer."
"Was it the same one that was used for Asahina?" Celeste said.
"No. But I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same one for Hagakure."
"One hammer to kill Asahina. Another to knock out Maizono, and kill Hagakure. But wait, it was Yamada who killed Hagakure. Is it possible that Yamada was also the one who knocked Maizono out?" Naegi asked.
"Yes. But it's inconcievable that he's the one who murdered Asahina." Kirigiri argued.
"Don't tell me, you're going with the 'can't commit three murders' rule." Leon said.
"Yeah." Kirigiri said. "Asahina was already killed at this point. And Yamada also killed Hagakure. It'd be a problem if Yamada killed both, and Maizono died by his hand in the middle. Yamada must not have cared if Maizono lived or died. He'd have a vested interest in seeing her live otherwise."
"So it can't be Yamada."
"There must be a reason he targeted Hagakure."
"His mentioning of 'Yaushiro' before he was executed might have to be explained." Naegi said.
"It's very strange that he didn't say Hagakure. Nobody here has the last name of Yaushiro."
"Everybody show your StudentIDs." Togami said. "I want to be sure."
"Don't waste your time. He was referring to me." Celeste admitted. "My real name is Takeo Yaushiro."
"Yamada was referring to you?" Togami said.
"Yes."
"But why? And how did he know your name?" Naegi asked.
"I'm not sure. I didn't even know he knew it until he mentioned it." Celeste said.
"I supposed he must have seen your StudentID at some point." Kirigiri replied.
"That's probably it. But I don't recall ever being careless with it."
. Fujisaki gasped. He had a sudden feeling for why Yamada knew Celeste's real name. But he couldn't bring it up. Not here, not in front of Monokuma. But that means Yamada had had a chance to read them before he could. He had been so busy searching the school, he hadn't gotten around to checking them. Perhaps that could explain Yamada's actions?
"But what was really his motive?" Togami said.
"Money and a girl." Maizono said. "I've meant plenty of guys who would have done far worse than murder for both of them together. It comes with the career."
"The field is narrowing." Genocider said. "That just leaves Leon, Kirigiri, Fujisaki, and Naegi."
"Hey, what about you?" Leon asked.
"Why would I murder? It would seperate me from Master." Genocider said, dreamily.
"Can't argue with that reasoning." Naegi said. "As much as it pains me to say."
"But how do we know who from those among left?" Celeste said.
"It's not Fujisaki." Kirigiri said. "He doesn't have the upper body strength to move the locker without dragging it across the floor and there would have been some sign. And the same goes for Naegi."
"So that just leaves Kirigiri and Leon." Fujisaki said.
"Well, Leon can't have done it." Maizono said. "Isn't that right, Celeste?"
"Yeah, murdering Asahina would have required Leon to be on his own before my murder attempt, and Togami was with him for too long for him to have executed the murder for Asahina to have died at 1:30 AM."
. Leon sighed a breath of relief. He was no longer a suspect.
"That just leaves you Kirigiri. You're the murderer of Asahina." Togami said.
"Am I?" Kirigiri mused.
"Well, why aren't you bothered?"
"Because I didn't do it."
"What? We've eliminated the possibility of everyone else."
"Have you, now?" Naegi interjected. "There's one other possibility. If we had to eliminate Yamada, and Asahina's death occurred before the third trial then it's safe to say we need to rule out last trial's victim as well, Yaushiro Hagakure!"
"Besides, my gloves and superglue don't go together very well." Kirigiri said. "I don't touch superglue. These are my only pair of gloves, and they're custom-fitted to my hands. Superglue would muck everything I don't have nail polish to remove the glue from my gloves."
"Why wouldn't you have nail polish?" Togami asked. "It's not that inconceivable."
"If you were look at my hands, you'd understand. But tell me, what would be the point, I wear gloves all the time anyway. Nail polish serves no use to me." Kirigiri counter-argued.
"Yaushiro Hagakure!" Genocider Shou said. "What a twist."
"And yet, it makes sense." Naegi said. "He knew about the videos before the rest of us. Maizono said she saw him."
"He was in massive debt so the money would have worked as well."
"The toaster note supports this." Naegi said. "Let me put this straight. Asahina microwaved Hagakure's disk. Probably because her ever-cheerful self told him not to worry about the video."
"And Hagakure then got mad because that was his connection to the outside world." Kirigiri added.
"He saw that Asahina had broken the toaster, so he got into Asahina's room, and when she was incapacitated, he put in the toaster, and the fork, so that the smoke would guarantee she would be knocked out." Naegi explained.
"That's horrible." Maizono said.
"That seems so out-of-character though." Fujisaki said. "I can't believe it."
"I said it before, extreme environments create extreme people." Celeste commented.
It was time for voting.
Ding. Ding. Ding
"You guys were right. The culprit for trial number four was trial number three's very-own victim: Yaushiro Hagakure. Though you were a bit off on his reasoning. He was stupid enough to take his disc out of the A/V Room, and panicked when Asahina got a hold of it. After all, you guys all jumped down Maizono's throat because she knew the motive before the rest of you." Monokuma said, clarifying Hagakure's motive.
"Damn it." Leon said. "At least, our culprit was something who was already dead. So no one gets executed this trial."
"I wouldn't be so sure." Monokuma said. "I still have an execution."
"What?"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So I posted this on the 1 Year Anniversary of the 1st Chapter. It's amazing how much has changed in that year. Still no hits on . But I'd been planning the setup for this murder since even before the first trial. Wasn't sure who the victims and murderers were going to be.